Chapter 19 #2
It’s strange how people deal with grief, how life keeps moving forward.
For months after the accident, I found it hard to function, never mind imagining what life looked like for parents who lost their son.
I wondered if their insides were frozen in place—just like mine—as they navigated the horrors of losing a child.
The lingering ache of the day is still present as we walk through the café doors and head for the back. The moment I sink into the cushioned chair, the familiar scent of freshly brewed coffee and nostalgia hits me.
Before every season, this had been our tradition. Jack and I would meet the Hendersons here for a caffeinated pick-me-up. Sitting here in the exact same spot, as three instead of four, makes me miss my best friend even more.
Mrs. Henderson reaches across the table and takes my hands in hers. “It’s wonderful to see you, honey.”
Her smile reaches her eyes, and I take in the creases forming at the outer corners. Aside from the few streaks of silver woven through her hair. She looks exactly the same.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “For turning you both away every time you came to visit me at the hospital.”
“It’s alright, son,” Mr. Henderson says, offering a sense of peace. “You were hurting. You went through a lot.”
“So were you,” I tell him. “I just… I couldn’t face you. Not after what Elliot did. He was my brother, and he took your son from you—for reasons I still don’t understand. I didn’t know what to say.”
Mrs. Henderson’s eyes shine. “We have never blamed you for what happened to Jack, Chase. We only wanted to be there for you. To help you through your grief and rehab. To make sure you knew we didn’t hold you accountable for Elliot’s choices.
But you never gave us the chance.” Her voice shakes, laced with pain, and the gravity of her words settle deep, releasing the air from my lungs.
Hearing her say those words, I know she means them.
“Maybe we should have tried harder.” She sighs.
“I’m sorry, honey. I can’t help but think that if we had, you wouldn’t have carried the weight of the accident all this time. ”
I take her hands in mine and shake my head.
“Don’t apologize. You reached out plenty.
I just wasn’t ready to be on the receiving end of your kindness.
Or to accept that what happened to Jack wasn’t my fault.
I’m the one who’s sorry. I’ve been trying to figure out what happened that night, but so far, it’s still a mystery. ”
“Chase.” Mr. Henderson’s voice is firm.
I look up at him and meet his clear blue eyes—the same ones Jack had.
“When we found out Elliot was involved with what happened to Jack, it didn’t make sense,” he explains.
“Elliot had been gone for years, and then suddenly, he attacked Jack out of nowhere. It didn’t add up.
” He takes a deep breath. “After we heard about your father and Elliot passing, we knew digging into the truth could hurt you even more. You were already broken. So, we chose not to. We had already lost one son. We didn’t want to lose you, too. ”
Every nerve in me lights up. The strength and compassion of these two people sitting across me is unlike anything I’ve seen. Their choice to not pursue answers in order to protect me undoes me. I close my eyes, shaking my head, not knowing how to reply.
Or how to process that kind of love.
“Finding out why Elliot attacked Jack has never been a route we’ve wanted to explore,” Mrs. Henderson says. “Maybe to the parenting board that makes us bad parents, and we should be cancelled,” she jokes, her chuckle light. “I think that’s what my high school students are saying these days.”
Mr. Henderson snorts quietly. For a moment, there’s a flicker of the joy that used to fill his eyes.
“If you need to find out what happened,” she says, “we’ll support you. If that’s what you need to do to put this behind you, we’re with you. But do it for you. We’ve made our peace. We just want to be here to support you, if you’ll have us.”
“Thank you,” I say, and I mean it.
“I know your family is still grieving too, but if I ever see those brothers of yours who abandoned you in your time of need, I’m gonna kick their asses,” she says, even though I know she wouldn’t hurt a fly.
“Language, honey,” Mr. Henderson scolds, taking her words from her, and I chuckle.
“I never should have pushed you both away.”
“No,” Mr. Henderson says gently. “You shouldn’t have. But we forgive you. And we really hope you’ve forgiven yourself, too.” He wraps his hand around mine. It’s an unbreakable promise to be there.
“Oh, and by the way,” Mrs. Hendersons says, almost teasing. “Your friend Erin? Hold on to her. She’s a keeper.”
“She called you?” I ask, wiping my face.
“Coach Avery,” she says. “But we were told this was her idea. She cares about you, Chase. Don’t let her get away.”
“I won’t,” I promise. “I really like her.”
“You deserve to be happy, son. You don’t have to let the past keep you from living your life. Jack wouldn’t want that for you,” Mr. Henderson says as if Jack told him so himself. “And neither do we.”
When we stand to leave, I glance at the empty mugs on the table, and for a moment, it’s like Jack is still here—his laughter, his humor, the way we’d bicker over who got the last pie.
His energy fills the room and my grief levels out, lightening to a degree it hasn’t gotten to in months.
It’s as if the rock pressing down on my windpipe has finally shifted, and I can breathe.
I walk the Hendersons to their car, the quiet of the night wrapping around us. Mrs. Henderson pulls me into her arms, and I let myself linger there for a moment longer than I expect. Her embrace is a reminder that I’m not alone.
“Take care of yourself, honey,” she whispers against my ear. “No more disappearing. Check in with us, okay?” Her words settle in a loving way.
Mr. Henderson grips me into a tight bear hug that holds the weight of a promise. “We love you, son. Don’t forget that.”
Their car disappears into the night, the headlights fading until it’s just me and my past. I know I still have work to do, but it doesn’t seem so daunting anymore.
As I walk back down the quiet street, the world around me stills, and my thoughts drift to Erin, and the way she’s been there for me through all of this.
I drag my feet up the steps to my door. My body is tired, but the walk home was refreshing. I unlock the knob and step inside to find Brodie in my kitchen, a mug in his hand.
“Hey, how’d it go with the Hendersons?”
“Part of me wishes I would have had the conversation sooner, but I know their words wouldn’t have landed as well as they did today.”
“Yeah, I get that,” Brodie answers.
The silence hangs between us as we take in what Erin did for us tonight. For all of us.
“Thanks for coming back for this. I know you’ve been busy with the club. Means a lot that you showed up,” I say, my words rough.
Brodie walks over to me and looks at his feet. “I miss him, too. Sometimes I catch myself looking at the door, as if he’s gonna walk through it,” his voice drops an octave, “but he never does.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say.
“All we can do is be here for each other through the sad days and the bad,” Brodie says, his eyes welling. “I gotta get to the airport. My dad’s flying out tomorrow. I’m introducing him to Bella,” he says.
I grimace, the last time Brodie introduced a girl to his father he grilled her so hard she left in tears, but I think Bella can handle the frostiness of Sebastian Emerson.
Brodie pulls me into a hug and slaps my back. “Your girl’s out back.”
He leaves, and I trail through the house, taking in how quiet it is. After everything that was said tonight, the noise in my head has been silenced, too.
When I slide open the patio doors, I find Erin curled up on a sofa bed, a blanket wrapped around her, a book in her hand, and a content expression on her face. Immediately, the silence shifts into a quiet serenity—peace.
I stand there, watching her and wondering how I got so lucky to be on the receiving end of her kindness, affection, and compassion.
“Hey,” I greet.
Erin looks up, her eyes locking on mine. She closes her book and sits up.
“Hi,” she says. “Is Brodie still here?”
“Just left. You’ve been waiting for me?”
“I wasn’t sure what you’d want after tonight,” she says, her eyes flickering with a touch of uncertainty.
“I figured if you needed space, you’d tell me to leave.
But if you ended up at Hendrick’s Bar...
I knew you’d probably need someone to help you get home.
Your place is closer, so I thought being here would be easier, just in case. ”
Just in case I needed her.
Doubt swims in her eyes. She’s trying to be there for me, but it’s hard not to miss the uncertainty in her every word, wondering if she’s crossing a line.
My limbs are heavy as I try to put my thoughts into words. How the hell does she manage to be so… everything? She’s always there, always seeing me, and knows what I need.
I didn’t know how much I needed her until now.
“How did you do it?” I ask, referring to my birthday present.
“I’ve known Robert since I was thirteen.”
The name helps me connect the dots. She almost mentioned Robert on my birthday.
“He used to play golf with Mr. Silver. I’ve babysat his grandson over the years,” she explains.
“I ran into him at Bakes by the Lakes while I was getting lunch with Valerie, and the idea just sort of popped into my head,” she continues, using her hands as she talks.
“Valerie and I pitched the idea to her dad, and he called the Hendersons. I wasn’t sure if it was possible.
I thought there would be rules and regulations but it was actually pretty easy, especially with the new season. The GM took care of it all.”
This. Fucking. Girl.
“Are you mad?” Her voice is barely above a whisper as her brown eyes search mine for reassurance. She has no idea that I’m so gone for her, no idea what she just did for me.
For all of us.
“No, sweetheart. I’m not mad. I’m frustrated because you keep doing things that make me want to kiss you senseless, things that make me ache to have you closer, to make you understand how much you mean to me.
But you’re not ready for that yet, and I respect that.
I do. But, dammit, Bookworm, it’s tearing me apart.
Every second I’m near you, my self-control slips away more, and I don’t want to ruin this—ruin us—so I need you to stop before I can’t hold back anymore and I have you pressed against that wall, kissing you the way I’ve been dying to for months. ”
Her breath hitches, and her eyes widen.
Fuck.
She all but turns to stone, apart from her eyes that dart back and forth, trying to read me like one of those books of hers.
I pushed her too far.
Her chest rises and falls. Her lip quivers, and her eyes shine as she looks down at her hands.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
“Erin,” I whisper.
I wait, my breath caught in my lungs. The space between us is charged with a tension I’ve never experienced before.
She lets out a breath, and then she’s moving.
My entire body goes still.
Is she going to kiss me?
My pulse races in anticipation as her body leans in, unable to deny this pull anymore.
Maybe she doesn’t want to.
And then she turns her head, her lips pressing into my cheek. It’s a light, lingering kiss that has my dick standing to attention.
She pulls away, her eyes locking with mine.
“I don’t want to tear you apart, Chase,” she says, her voice a little shaky. “I’m trying. I really am. I’m… I’m here. I hope you see that.”
I see you, baby. I see you.
I take her hand and press a kiss to the inside of her palm, letting my lips linger the same way hers did.
She’s never kissed me on the cheek before.
I know what it must have taken for her to do that.
I love that she did, but I wish, for just a second, she could let go of whatever’s holding her back and let me in fully.
She seems to sense my frustration, and her hand lands on my cheek. I lift my head and find her brown eyes searching mine, as if to tell me that it won’t be like this forever.
And I believe her.
“I want to be ready for you—for us—I just... I need a little more time. It’s not you. Please don’t be angry.” Her voice waivers, almost dissolved by the air around us.
“I’m not angry, baby.”
Her words settle the storm inside of me.
“I like it when you tell me you want me. That you need me. I like knowing that it’s not one-sided.”
“It’s not, I promise.”
“I’ll be patient, Erin. I’ll never take anything from you that you aren’t ready to give. You have my word, sweetheart.”
Her head falls against my torso, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight to me.
“You’re everything that is pure in this world, Chase Harper.” She sighs, nestling into me like I’m the cozy blanket she needs on a cold winter night.
And I’m all yours, Bookworm.
With the girl of my dreams tucked in my arms, I can’t wait to keep moving forward.
Together.