Chapter 40
I open the door to a grinning Rudy wearing the ugliest fucking sweater I think I’ve ever seen. It’s an assault of clashing reds and greens. Of course he’s proud of it. I shake my head, stepping aside as he enters.
“Wow, just wow,” I mutter, but his grin only widens.
Laughter echoes from the living room as Rudy greets everyone, complimenting the other monstrous sweaters.
“Rudy!” Roman yells, barreling straight for him. Rudy catches him with ease.
“Hello, my little sous chef. Ready to make the best dang Ho Ho Hockeymas meal yet?”
“Yep, but can we FaceTime Uncle Brodie and Bella when we make the potatoes? Bella wanted to do it with me.”
“I thought they decided against being in California for the holidays?” Rudy asks, looking between Roman and me. Roman shrugs, barely disappointed.
“Bella said her meanie client was having a bitch feast,” Roman says, like it’s not that big of a deal.
I chuckle at his mispronunciation of the phrase just as Oliver snags a gingerbread cookie from the island and yells, “Ten dollars!”
“We’ll call them,” Rudy promises, fishing into his wallet on behalf of Bella. “Santa will make sure her meanie client gets a big lump of coal.”
Roman cackles in delight.
The front door opens again and Erin steps in, shrugging off her coat. I can’t help but notice her light blue jumper covered in ridiculous gingerbread men—courtesy of her brother. Her hair swings down her back, black jeans hugging every curve.
Gorgeous.
I go to help with the bags, but she places them on the floor and melts into my arms. We pull apart and stand there a moment, taking each other in.
“I’m sorry Bella couldn’t make it home. We could fly out in a couple days if you want,” I whisper, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.
She shakes her head. “I just want to be with you. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, baby. More than okay.”
I kiss her forehead and take her hand, leading her to the living room. She hugs the guys, lingering with Hayes in a long, protective Papa Bear hug. One each of us has had over the years. I’m glad Erin gets them now, too.
She settles into my lap, cradled against me, as the card game unfolds.
Fifteen minutes later, Oliver throws his cards down with a dramatic flair.
Rudy and Roman butcher a country version of “Santa Baby” in the kitchen, Roman’s accent so bad it’s hysterical.
Erin snorts, and I let that freeing sound wash over me.
Another ten minutes go by before Roman finally summons us to the table. The spread of food is magnificent. The aroma of roasted meat and spices mingles with the faint scent of pine from the little tree that Roman decorated in the corner.
It’s perfect.
We take our seats at the long rectangular table, and everyone digs in.
“Okay, we know the rules but Goose doesn’t. Roman, you wanna do the honors?” Rudy asks.
“During dinner, we say one thing that we’re glad happened to us,” Roman explains, finishing off his cheesy mash with a big grin. “I’m glad that my mom and Dex are getting married because he makes her really happy.”
Brax ruffles his son’s hair, pride present in his eyes.
“I’ll go next,” Rudy says. “I’m glad Goose is back in my life.” He chokes up instantly, and I reach underneath the table and cover Erin’s hand with mine.
“Hayes was the only one who knew about you,” Rudy begins, taking shallow breaths, as if the truth is too heavy to carry.
“He told me I should try to find you, but I was scared. Scared that if I found you, and you were no better off, it would destroy me. And then suddenly you were here.” Rudy sniffles.
“Goose, you’ve always been the light in my life, even when you weren’t around, and I’m so glad you’re back. ”
Erin’s head bobs, communicating with her brother through silence. A mixture of relief and protectiveness washes over me. I silently vow to shield her from more trauma, even though I know I can’t control everything.
Oliver goes next. His words are raw and vulnerable, a side of him we don’t always see.
“For a long time, everything I did was for Au—” He stops, and I sigh because for as long as I’ve known him—apart from one drunken night a few years ago when he thought he saw his first and only love in a crowded bar—he’s never been able to say her name.
I remember the pictures he showed us that night and how in love they looked.
Hayes is the only one who knows what went wrong.
With a quick shake of his head, the mask locks back into place. “I’m glad to be part of this team. This family shows me I’m enough. I choose to call you my brothers, but I wouldn’t mind a sister-in-law,” he says with a playful wink to Erin.
Oliver nudges me. “Take it away, Pretty Boy.”
I glance at Erin. Her eyelids bat slowly as she waits.
“After the accident, I never thought I’d be okay again. Then you happened.” I reach for her hand, holding it tight. Her fingers tremble, and it sends a jolt through me. “You are everything I never knew I needed. I’m glad for you every day.”
She keeps hold of my hand, her faith in my truths clear.
“These past few months have been rough,” I continue. “But we’ve survived. We’ll keep pushing forward—together. You’re my family, Erin.” I swipe the water that sneakily falls down her cheeks. “I love you, baby, so much.”
“Can I go next?” Her question is almost swallowed by the quiet, but then her confessions fill the space between us.
“I’ve kept secrets my whole life because I was afraid to talk and come forward.
I’ve witnessed everything that’s come from staying silent, and some days, it makes me want to disappear.
” She turns to face me, and I stare back at her, holding my breath.
“I don’t think that guilt will ever go away,” she says, not looking away.
“I promised you I wouldn’t run, and although I’m still here, I don’t think I’ve been living up to that promise. ”
I take her hand and kiss her knuckles.
She lets out a shaky breath and continues.
“I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I’m glad I ran into you at the bar.
I’d really like to keep you—all of you,” she says, looking around the table to make her point known.
Everyone looks at her with pride, and then her eyes search mine.
“I’m terrified of what’s coming, but I’m here with you. I’m not going anywhere.”
A protective fire surges through me as I lean in close to her, the distance too much.
Roman groans dramatically, severing the moment. “If you’re gonna kiss, can you, like, not do it in the kitchen?”
Erin laughs, tugging me into a different room for a moment of privacy. Once we’re alone, I press my lips to hers. It’s a kiss that tastes like sweet relief.
“That was a really nice speech,” I say, grinning.
“I meant it. I’m really trying, and on the days where it looks as though I’m not, I’ll try harder.”
“You don’t need to do anything, sweetheart. I know how hard this is for you. You just have to keep talking to me. Okay?”
“Griff said he and the guys staged an intervention.” Her eyes bounce between mine. “Did you tell them about the investigation?”
“Yeah. Brax and I told them a couple days ago. They were worried about you. You’re one of us, Erin. You’re family to them as much as you are to me. They see you’re hurting, and they want to be there for you. For us.”
“I’m afraid this is going to get a lot worse. I know you’ll stay through it all, but I’m scared you might not want to. That your promise to be here will only make you resent me and not—”
“Listen to me,” I say, placing my hands on her face to stop her because I know where she’s about to go next and there is no fucking way I’d ever let her think I don’t want her—not in this lifetime or the next.
“I will always want you. That will never change. This thing with Elliot? Yes, it’s messier than we realized, and there’s still so much we don’t know.
And you’re right, it probably will get worse.
But as long as we’re together, we’ll be alright.
And if we’re ever not, we don’t have to pretend to be. Not with each other.”
“You are one of a kind,” she murmurs.
“And I’m all yours.”
Erin hugs Roman after she helps him with his coat. He’s full of energy and sugar, even though it’s late. I have no doubt he’ll conk out in the car, despite him insisting he’ll stay up all night on Santa patrol.
“We’re here for you, Erin,” Hayes says, wrapping his arms around her.
“In whatever capacity you need,” Austin adds, placing a hand on her back.
“Your mom and this tentacle man don’t scare us,” Oliver jokes as he wraps his arms around Hayes and Erin. She snorts, shaking her head.
Rudy says nothing but gets in on the group hug action, and I just stare at my girl being cradled by my teammates like she’s the most precious thing to all of them.
When they leave, Erin steps into me, and I hold her for a while, relishing in the comfort she provides.
“What’s your policy on opening gifts before Christmas?” I ask.
“One or two won’t hurt,” she says when she looks up at me.
“It’ll take me about twenty minutes to set up.”
We head upstairs to the bedroom, and she hops in the shower while I get to work.
Twenty minutes later, I’m done.
Erin’s voice sounds from behind the bathroom door. “Is it safe to come out?”
I walk over to the door and open it. Steam plumes out in waves, and shampoo fills my nostrils. Her hair is pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head, her rogue fringe slightly sticking to either side of her face. She’s wearing her green satin pajamas decorated with reindeer.
“Gonna need you to close your eyes for a quick minute,” I say as I hold out my hand. She puts her dainty palm in mine and follows my directions. I pull her forward and position her right in front of me and her gift. “Open your eyes, Bookworm.”
Her eyes flutter open, and a gasp rips through her as her hands go straight to her mouth. I watch, my stomach doing a little flip as pride swells. The noticeable scent of the books mingles with the faint cinnamon from the candle in the window.
“I know people don’t usually wait until Christmas Eve to put trees up, but I figured you wouldn’t mind so much.”
She walks closer to it and picks up one of the books from the top layer of the book tree I crafted. She steps back and takes it all in—the tree-themed paper and multicolored circles on top that I asked Roman to help me paint to make it look like baubles.
“I Googled some images and made a rough estimate as to how many books it would take to make the tree and got the books that had the most interesting titles. The fairy lights aren’t perfect, but the idea is you read layer by layer,” I say with my hand on the back of my neck.
“There must be over a hundred books here,” she whispers.
“One hundred and seventy, to be exact.”
“You wrapped and painted one hundred and seventy books from my Tbr list to make me a book tree?” she asks, eyes wide and voice trembling. Seeing her this way brings a new kind of happiness in my life. I almost want to beat my chest with my fist because of how she lights up.
“Yeah.” I grin. “Before you have a breakdown about the cost of the books, just remember I make millions, and technically, these books are part of the allowance you have from the fifty thousand dollars I donate to Happily Ever Booked.”
Her lips twitch. “This is…” She sighs. “Magical. I love it so much.”
I love you.
“Thank you, Eighty-Seven.”
“You’re welcome, baby.”
She glances at the book in her hand and then looks back up at me. I give her the go-ahead and she tears the paper open, her eyes wild with excitement at the mystery of what’s underneath.
“Do I have to wait until tomorrow to give you your Christmas wish?” she asks.
I smirk as my mind drifts back to our date.
My Christmas wish is to have you in my arms, with your head in a book, while wearing a ridiculous oversized sweater that Rudy picked out.
“Make my wish come true, Bookworm,” I sing, holding out my hand. I may not be able to carry a tune the way Mariah does, but no one can hold my girl as well as me.
She reads one hundred and fifty pages before her eyes close and her head falls, her breath tingling my skin. I soak in the rise and fall of her body against mine, every worry from the day melting into this one perfect moment.
Somewhere in the haze of falling asleep, her whisper drifts to my ears. “You’re my everything, Chase Riley Harper.”