Chapter 43
Throughout dinner, I replay our kiss on a loop, including every whimper and shiver. It fires straight through my bloodstream. I’m desperate to hear more of those sweet moans.
If the guys hadn’t turned up, I know if I would have slipped my hand between her legs, her panties would have been ruined.
“Blankets or no blankets?” I say, turning around to face her when the bathroom door opens.
My mouth goes dry. My T-shirt clings to her like it belongs there. The cotton stops mid-thigh, showing off her bare legs. My thoughts scatter.
She always sleeps in a T-shirt and bottoms.
This is new, and I really fucking like it.
I prowl over to her.
“Do you know how many times I’ve thought about you in nothing but my shirt?” I ask, my tone deepening as I walk her backward until she bumps into the wall.
She closes her eyes when my palm lands on her exposed thigh. Her breath stutters, catching on every inhale.
“And do you know what I’ve done when I’ve closed my eyes and seen you in it?” I whisper into the shell of her ear before I kiss the column of her neck.
“Chase,” she murmurs.
“Do you know how you look right now, Erin? You look like mine.” I kiss her again, and she moans. “Tell me, baby, have you touched yourself thinking about me?”
The second my lips touch that spot behind her ear, her whole body goes rigid and her breath cuts off. The shift is instant and unmistakable.
I pull back.
Panic and fear swarm her beautiful eyes as they move wildly back and forth.
I pull her toward the bed, and we sit there together. She tucks her legs underneath her and plays with the loose threads on the bottom of my shirt.
“Talk to me.”
“Most people my age lose their virginity when they’re in high school or college, but I never had those experiences because I didn’t date.
I also didn’t want it to happen, so I didn’t think I was missing out on anything.
I mean, I know people say that it’s the best thing in the world, but I just… I never wanted to think about it.”
“Because of your mom,” I conclude, and for the first time, I’m thankful to her mother because no one has had Erin in the ways that I’ve dreamed of.
“You’re the only one that I’ve felt that way about. The only one I’ve thought about. When I’m with you, my body is constantly on fire. There have been so many moments where I’ve been so turned on by you it aches.”
Her cheeks flush when she sees I understand.
“I tried once after I told you I’d never kissed anyone.
I tried to relieve the pressure to find that release but when I closed my eyes, I-I heard them,” she says, turning away from me.
“My mom and that guy in the hotel, and I just felt dirty.” She sniffles.
“I know I stopped hearing her voice a long time ago but hearing it in that setting was different—wrong. I’ve been too scared to try since. ”
I hook my finger under her chin, guiding her eyes to mine.
“So you’ve never…?”
She shakes her head, and a single tear falls.
Her voice thins. “I don’t want to disappoint you, but what if I can’t do it? What if I’m b-broken? I don’t want to make you think I don’t want you, because I do, Eighty-Seven—so much. I’m just scared that you won’t want me if I can’t…”
A crushing pain breaks past my ribs.
“Breathe, baby. Just breathe,” I say with my hand on her cheek, cutting her off.
For a second, time stills.
She looks so defeated and exhausted, I wish I could wrap her up in my arms and silence every bit of doubt she has.
“Do you remember our first date and the drive we took to the food truck?”
“Yes.”
“I want you to think back to what we talked about.”
I take her wrist in my hand and kiss her knuckles before placing her hand flat over my chest. With my hand over hers, I ask, “Is this okay?” I’m giving her proof of how desperately my heart beats for her.
“Yes,” she whispers.
“You feel that?” I ask, and she nods, staring at our hands. “It’s all yours,” I say, lowering her hand. “And this—is this okay?”
“Yeah,” she says again, looking at me.
My heart continues to beat rapidly as her hand dips south down my stomach.
“Keep talking to me, baby.”
“It’s still okay,” she says, and then she touches me for the first time, and every muscle in my body tightens. Not from lust, but from how much trust it took for us to get here.
Her eyes widen, her cheeks flaming when I press her hand against my raging dick for just a moment. Then, I lift her hand from me and press a kiss to her palm.
“That’s what you do to me. What you have done to me so many times just by showing me that smile that I know is just for me.
I love all your expressions, but it’s the smile that lights up your eyes and makes an indent right here that really gets me,” I say as I tap the lowest part of her cheek.
“So trust me when I say that you could never disappoint me.”
“I want to…” She stops and tries again, but her words cut off, and she closes her eyes, slipping into her head again.
“You wanna read?” I ask out of the blue, gently tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. I want her to know I’m here for her. That I don’t want to pressure her.
She shakes her head.
“You wanna watch The Mighty Ducks?”
She shakes her head again.
I cup the back of her neck and tilt it slightly. “Tell me what you want, sweetheart.”
“Show me what it means to be yours.”
My vision blurs for a second—with more than just desire.
No one has ever asked me that.
“I’m gonna kiss you now, Erin. Is that okay?” She nods again. “Tell me I can kiss you, baby. Let me hear you. I always want to hear you.”
“You can kiss me.”
My lips are on her immediately. I taste her, pulling and sucking her lips into my mouth until she opens for me. When I slip my tongue inside and run it against hers, she moans. It’s the sweetest sound I think I’ve ever heard. Honey melts on my tongue with every swipe.
I rest both my hands on the sides of her face and rise onto my knees, tilting her face up so I can deepen the kiss.
She stays exactly where she is, her tiny hand holding onto the bottom part of my T-shirt.
I break our kiss and stare into her eyes. She’s breathless and beautiful.
Moving back to the headboard and sticking my legs out in front of me, I pat my lap. Erin watches, her gaze bouncing up to mine.
“Come here.”
“You want me to sit there?” she says, pointing.
“Yeah, sweetheart. I do.”
She lets out a breath and then shuffles forward before plopping herself onto my shins. She crosses her arms as if pretending she’s not at all nervous.
I reach out for her hips, dragging her up to where I want her to be.
Her breath catches when I slide her into place. My body recognizes her like it’s been waiting a lifetime for this moment.
“Much better.”
“I feel you,” she whispers as if it’s a secret.
“Yeah? How does it feel?” I ask as I walk my fingers up and down her thigh. It’s not the first time she’s felt me, but it’s the first time we’ve been in this position.
“Hard,” she says, and then smacks her face and groans.
I try not to laugh, so I bite the inside of my cheek to hold it back. I pull her hands free from her face and set my hands on her hips.
I peel away from the headboard and press my lips to hers. She melts into me, and I kiss her over and over again as I gently rock her hips in small movements over my length.
The top she’s wearing brushes her thighs, and her minty breath dances on my lips. Her hips are hesitant at first, but then they search, they find.
I swallow her moans and gasps every chance I can. She shifts her hands to the back of my neck, her fingers toying with my hair.
That’s it, baby. Explore me. Find your way.
“Still okay there?” I murmur against her lips when I break our kiss. She nods with her eyes closed as her head rests against mine, her breathing rapidly increasing.
“There will never be a day where I take anything you aren’t willing or ready to give to me. You’re in control, Erin. You tell me to stop and we do, understand?”
I nip her bottom lip, and her eyes open in a flash.
“Words, please.”
“I don’t want you to stop. Chase, you feel…”
“How do I feel, baby?”
“You feel like mine.”
Fuck.
My lips are on her again immediately, and her hands move farther up into my hair. She tugs at the strands a little, and I smirk.
“Move your hips with me,” I say. She grinds against me perfectly as I continue to kiss her.
“Chase,” she whispers, and I know she’s close. Her desire seeps through my sweatpants.
“I know, baby, I know,” I say, pressing a kiss to her jaw. Her head tips back, and I kiss her neck, sucking on it gently as her hips continue to roll.
A soft cry escapes her—surprise more than anything—and she grips me like she’s afraid of floating away. “I… I don’t…”
Her thighs tremble against mine and I notice she’s holding her breath against a sensation she doesn’t understand. I just know she’s unsure of the pressure that’s building inside of her, but she doesn’t ask me to stop. She continues to drag her body over mine.
“It’s okay, baby. What you’re feeling means you’re close. Don’t fight it, chase after it. I promise it’ll feel so good. Trust your body, let it take over, and give in to the feeling. Give in to me.”
She bites her lip so hard, I think it might burst as her eyes squeeze tightly shut. I can’t help but stare as she climbs higher and higher.
I pull us closer together. “Open your eyes, sweetheart. Open them so you know exactly who’s making you feel what you are right now. Open your eyes and see me. See only me. Feel and hear only me.”
She blinks them open, terrified but trusting.
I close that final bit of distance. She gasps—it’s more like a breathy moan—and her hands dig into me as mine tighten around her waist.
I rock her faster.
She bites down on her lip again, and I know she wants to close her eyes, but she keeps them open and trained on me.
Every inch of her perfect body is pressed against mine. Her little mewls make it hard for me to think straight.
“Chase,” she whispers, and I know I’m done for as my spine tingles.
“Let go now, baby. Let go just for me.”
And she does just that.
She ignites as my name leaves her lips in a shout. My muscles grow rigid then relax in a way I’ve never experienced. She sends me over the edge, forcing me to spill into my pants.
My body jerks beneath hers, and a subtle groan breaks past my lips.
She falls into me, and I help her ride it out as I breathe her in deeply and come down from my own high.
Holy hell.
I stroke her back in slow lines until her breathing evens out.
“Was that… Did I… Was it... Am I okay?”
Her voice is small but so hopeful.
“You’re perfect, Bookworm. So damn perfect and all mine,” I say, pressing a kiss to her lips.
“I’m tired now.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “That’s normal. Will you let me help you again some other time?”
“I think I’d like that.” She blushes. “And I want to be good for you, too,” she says, her gaze misty and a little shy.
“I think you’re gonna ruin me, baby.” I give her a quick kiss, shifting her off my lap. “I’ll clean up and then we’ll go to sleep, yeah?”
“What do you mean?” she asks, sitting up to look at the spot I just vacated.
“You were rubbing yourself all over me, Bookworm. What do you think it means?”
She covers her mouth as she looks down at my crotch and then up at me, her lips slightly tilted up.
“You…?”
“Yep.”
“In your pants?”
“Uh huh.”
Her reaction is instant. Her eyes light up, and laughter spills from her, wild and unrestrained as her body flops back on to the bed. She hides her face with a hand.
I grin, taking in every inch of her. I’ve never loved a sound more.
Yep. She’s going to ruin me.