4. What a Wonderful, Awful Idea
Two weeks into classes is when it starts to feel like school. I am a creative writing major, and I already have a short story due.
I am attempting to work, but all I hear is the clicking of a pen every four seconds. It’s Brandy. Monday through Thursday are her complaining days in which she grumbles about her boredom. Friday through Sunday, she doesn’t shut up about parties on campus.
Just my luck, it’s our second Friday. Brandy pops up behind me while I’m at my desk and grabs my shoulders. “Take a break, Lainey. Come out with me.”
I remind her of our adventures at Cameron’s room, and she groans in my ear and stomps back to her bed.
All her classes must be fluff because I never see this girl do a lick of homework. That is one of my issues. I can tell that Brandy’s priorities are completely off. In college, the thing to focus on is your work, right? Don’t get me wrong, I understand having fun is an important part of life, but going out and drinking is not fun for me.
After dinner, Brandy sits down at her desk and pulls out a notebook.
“Finally being productive?”
“Ha! No. I’m writing a list.”
I watch as she scribbles things down.
“Lainey, have you had the average high school experience? Kiss anyone? Get drunk and make terrible decisions? Anything like that?”
“Uh, no,” I respond lazily.
She continues. “Have you done any of the following: sex, oral sex, karaoke, strip on a table?”
If I had a mouthful of water, it would have spewed from my mouth and created a puddle on the floor. “Excuse me?”
“Yes or no?”
Never in my life has anyone pried so far into my private business at such a random time. Who asks questions like that?
“Lainey,” she says in a sing-song tone.
I take a breath in and don”t attempt to remove the annoyance from my voice when I say, “No, Brandy.”
“To which question?”
“All of them.”
Her eyes bulge out of her head. “Do you even know about the birds and the bees then?”
“I don’t live under a rock! I just have different priorities.”
She looks directly into my soul for a moment, tilting her head. “You are a flower. You are an underdeveloped flower, and I think we are roommates because I was meant to provide you with the nutrients you need to grow.”
None of this shit is making any sense. “Why can’t I just be me and you be you?”
“Have you ever taken body shots or gotten drunk?”
Great, we are still having this conversation. “Do I look like a person who would be doing that?”
She writes more nonsense down. For minutes, all I hear is her pencil sliding across the paper. I whip my phone out and give it my full attention.
“Lainey Coleson, turn your beautiful face to me. I have a proposition for you.”
What now?
I let her go on though.
“I always thought college was gonna be where I did it all. I’ve been to parties at high school, but those were child’s play. My one goal is to have fun this year. But I cannot do it alone. I am making a list of things we need to accomplish this year. I need you to make one too so I can merge it with mine.”
I take a deep breath and give her the most impassive look I can muster up. “What do you plan to do with the list?”
The smile on Brandy’s face grows like the Grinch’s when he comes up with his wonderful, awful idea.
Please, God, no.