14. Anything but Clothes
When my mom drops me off at school, I say nothing but “Bye” and slam the door. Then I march to my room where I find Brandy actually sitting at her desk doing homework. I let the door shut, and she turns to me.
Sensing my mood, she pries. “What’s wrong?”
“Not in the mood.”
“What happened between us texting and now? I am here for you. Did you fall down the stairs?”
Random. “No.”
“Get caught staring at some hot guy?”
“No.”
“Someone comment on your appearance?”
“What are these guesses, Brandy? No.”
Brandy wheels her chair around to face me. “I wouldn’t have to guess if you just told me.”
I go to my bed, grab my pillow, and smack it against the wall. Then I swing it at the mattress a few times. All accompanied by a frustrated shout. “Moms! Suck!”
Brandy is soon beside me and takes the pillow out of my hands. “Yeah,” she agrees. “What did yours do to make you want to abuse this innocent pillow?”
Tears threaten to spill onto my cheeks, and I sniffle before I respond. It’s not her business, and I should just tell her to drop it, but I’ve learned that repressed anger tends to never lead to anything good. Maybe what I need is to verbalize it. “My mother wants to dump my dad.”
Brandy’s brows raise, but she says nothing.
“Apparently they’re not screwing enough for her liking. He works a lot and brings in most of our income. I don’t know what she expects.”
“I’m sorry, that’s upsetting, and I get it,” Brandy says sympathetically. “Though I doubt that’s the only reason.”
“I can’t come up with another!” I don’t mean to shout, but I do, which startles her a bit.
“Lainey, sometimes parents do what they think is best. Maybe this is what she thinks will make her a better parent. If she gets time away?—”
“No! Time away is what the problem is! God, Brandy, what would you understand about this?”
Brandy frowns.
“Are your parents divorced?” I ask. The more I say, the angrier I’m getting.
Brandy’s face twitches the slightest bit, and she says nothing. She looks sad. Sympathy? Remorse?
“I can only imagine what my dad would feel if he heard any of this. Work all day, come home, just wants to flop in bed. Little did he know that sleeping and some me-time would be cause for divorce.”
“Okay,” Brandy says. “You should try to consider this from her perspective.”
Anger fills me more. I back away from her and my bed. My hands fly to my face, and I dig my nails into my temples. “Oh my God. Just stop. You cannot possibly understand what I am going through.”
Brandy scoffs. “Of course not. My life is perfect. I forgot you’re the only one who has family problems.”
I never said she had it perfect, but I am done talking. Everyone has issues with their parents at some point, but it seems that hers have let her have fun, have boyfriends, and party. Honestly, I’d take that trade right now.
Tension in the room rises until there’s a knock at the door. I open it, then let it close when I see it’s Cameron. He pokes his foot inside to catch it.
“Hey,” he says. “Are you aware you nearly smashed the door in my face?” He enters the room.
“That was her intention,” Brandy says.
“You’re mad at me?” His tone is light, but I start to feel bad as I reminisce about our last interaction. I shake my head to let him know he’s innocent. “Good. I was curious if you gals wanted to come to a party.”
“Gals?” I say. Gals.
“It’s an ‘anything-but-clothes’ party.”
“No,” I say as Brandy shouts, “Yes!”
“I’m not in the mood,” I tell him.
“It’s not tonight.”
“When I tell you I am so pissed?—”
“It would make me happy if you came. Maybe it will make you happy too.”
He has such a sweet smile on his face, and even though I could punch the wall, I couldn’t turn down his smile. “What does ‘anything-but-clothes’ even mean?”
“It means you wear anything but clothes. Trash bags, sheets, literally anything. Hence the name.”
“Sounds stupid.”
Cameron chuckles, “It is. But it’s fun.”
“Does ‘anything-but-clothes’ mean I can show up naked?” Brandy cuts in enthusiastically.
He presses his lips together. “I wouldn’t suggest it. It’s next weekend. What do you say?” The way he’s looking at me says he really wants me there. I have no clue why, since I’m no fun anyway.
“I’ll think about it.”
“You better. You’re always the life of the party,” he jokes.
“We’ll be there,” Brandy says, making the decision for both of us.
Tonight, I find it extra challenging to fall asleep. How could I? My family is about to break up. I’ve already cried most of my tears in our bathroom behind a locked door. It’s not crying that I am doing now. I’m staring at the dark ceiling. The only way I can describe it is depression. Tears have dried, but there’s an emptiness inside me. When they separate, what will that mean? What will my dad do? Will I see him even less now? Why would my mom do this?
I pick up my phone and scroll through old pictures of my parents, David, and myself. Nostalgia hits me like a bus. When we would take family trips to the movies, restaurants, when my dad would read to David and me in our shared bedroom. I think on some level he’s the reason I wanted to major in creative writing.
The one thing I loved most when he read to us was that he didn’t read us children’s books about farm animals or about saying goodnight to the moon. He picked things like Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings (per David’s request.) Books we could enjoy and later understand when we read them as teenagers.
A loud snore from Brandy breaks me from my reverie and startles me. My phone falls to the ground with a clatter.
Brandy groans and turns under her sheets. “Lainey,” she rasps. “You’re thinking too loud. Go to sleep.”
Brandy takes in my outfit and shakes her head disapprovingly. “You cannot wear actual clothes to an ‘anything-but-clothes’ party.”
I look in the full-length mirror we’ve placed in the bathroom. A nice pair of black leggings and a red-and-white striped top. I like it just fine.
Beside me, Brandy smoothes out her grocery bag top and black garbage bag skirt. She looks ridiculous. She then sighs. “We’re crossing an item off tonight though, right?”
I shrug.
Brandy goes to my desk where the list rests ready for tonight. “Kiss, check. You gonna have sex? Get drunk?” The way she says those things like they’re no big deal to me makes my eye twitch. “Or we can just see what happens naturally.”
Why is she so excited? All I feel is anxiety.
Brandy and I meet Cameron in the building”s common room, and he cocks his head and raises a singular eyebrow. He too is unimpressed by my reluctance to cooperate.
“Problem?” I ask.
“Nope.”
He is ridiculous wearing his pillowcase shirt. He cut holes for his arms and head, and it makes him look shapeless underneath. Unfortunate. But other than that, he’s wearing regular clothes, a pair of pants and sneakers. “As long as you half-participate, it’s socially acceptable.”
Yes, let us all wear pillowcases and garbage bags, maybe then there will be peace among people at last.
“Great fit, Brandy.”
She poses for him and blows him a goofy kiss. “Thank you, love.”
Another figure joins us, one who looks suspiciously like my brother. He greets Cameron with a bro handshake that ends with a fist bump. Please.
“Unfortunate seeing you here,” he aims to me.
“Mutual,” I drone.
He shifts his gaze to Brandy, and his expression grows lustful. “Hey, sexy.” How tacky.
Brandy hasn’t mentioned David. Not once since Tamara’s party. For one moment, I hadn”t considered she felt anything real for my brother. Apparently, he’s not privy to our particular agenda.
Brandy smiles flirtatiously. “I like your pants,” she says.
I beg to differ. I’d actually like to take my eyeballs out of my head and stomp on them. He’s created some kind of newspaper-and-duct-tape pants and suspenders. No shirt. I probably wouldn’t hate it so much on Cameron’s perfect body—Whoa.
David leans in to kiss Brandy, and she lets him. Officially confused.
Whoever’s party this is, they’re mega rich. As we pull up, I see the giant double doors. It doesn’t look like the average house. It’s rectangular and full of window walls. I can see through them already all the chaos going on in that house. I get a tickle in my stomach and not a very good one. “Whose house is this?”
“Some kid named Julian Pietro,” Cameron replies. “He’s the kinda guy who has the craziest parties but never shows his face at them. I honestly have no idea if he’s even real.”
As we approach the house, more and more people seem to be arriving. I feel their judgmental eyes on me. Maybe because I’m a lame freshman who can’t even try to fit in. Whatever. I’m the one who looks normal, but seeing everyone in bags, rags, boxes, and other creative materials makes me feel suddenly self-conscious and out of place. I latch onto Cameron’s arm and squeeze it. He doesn’t just let me do it—he grabs onto my arm with his free hand. A silent reassurance.
Brandy comes up beside me. “You okay?”
I nod, but anxiety rises at the amount of people in the house when we step in. The inside is way worse from…inside. It’s way crowded, and as the four of us push through said people, my breathing becomes faster and hollower. I tighten my grip on Cameron’s arm, and Brandy holds onto my other hand. Stick together!
Unwanted and unwarranted tears fill my eyes. Cameron’s party feels like child’s play compared to this. Alcohol, weed, and sweat overload my nose, and I breathe through my mouth until we get past the worst of it.
Julian’s house is huge and has high ceilings. The amount of white furniture makes me wonder why the hell his parents would allow him to have this many people over. I follow Cameron into the mega living room. A nice ivory couch faces a flatscreen television on the right wall. Behind the perfect couch is a staircase where some people have deemed a great conversation spot. Right ahead of me is a mostly glass wall. I can see the entirety of the outside from where I am. The hanging yellow string lights also help to illuminate the area.
Cameron leads us to the backyard, which still has a lot of people, but no one is invading our personal space. The lawn is dark green, and the pool is sky blue and filled with laughing college students. We let go of each other.
“Lainey,” Brandy says over the pounding music. “David got lost somewhere, I’m gonna find him. I’ll catch up with you guys later.”
It’s not until Cameron settles us at a couple of chairs by the pool that he realizes my state. “Are you okay? Do you want to go?”
“I-I-I-I don’t know.” I want to leave.
“I love that you’re here, but I can take you back if it’s overwhelming.” He moves his chair closer to mine, and his comforting scent envelopes me in an invisible hug. If one thing can overpower my desire to go, it’s my hunger to stay near him.
I suck in a shaky breath. “I can stay.”
He smiles. “I’ll get us some food and drinks.”
“Make sure they’re sealed,” I say.
“Duh.” He gives me a wink and leaves me briefly and then returns with a hot dog and a can of ice-cold beer for me.
I get a quick chill as a light breeze passes. I grab the paper plate and drink he offers, but I set it on a small table in between our chairs.
Cameron clears his throat and places his own food and beverage down. “You seemed agitated earlier. Something happen?”
“Yeah…”
“Wanna share?”
“Maybe later.”
He shrugs. “Okay. People say I’m a really good listener, so whenever you’re ready.”
Before I can show my appreciation, Brandy hops up behind me. “A word.” She pulls me away to the other side of the backyard. “David wants to have sex.”
I nearly choke. “What? How do you know?”
“He suggested we do it in one of Julian’s bedrooms upstairs.”
“Tell him to screw off.”
She shakes her head. “No, no. We’re going to. Which means tonight is your night.”
My heart sinks. No.
“And it’s perfect because you got a beautiful guy out by that pool.”
“I cannot have sex with Cameron.”
“You like him though.”
“That’s the reason why I can’t.”
Just by the look on her face, I can see that she is confused by my logic, but I can’t explain it now. I’d rather be with him when I’ve had some practice. In other words, I’d rather not humiliate myself. Also, I like him too much to ruin whatever we have.
“Maybe Mikey will help you out. I saw him come in a second ago.”
I wish she would stop being so casual about losing my virginity.
Brandy pinches my cheek and pats my shoulder. “Have some fun with Cameron first to loosen up. I’ll see you later.”