8. Renouncing Men
Chapter eight
Renouncing Men
Charlie
Applying my final layer of nude lipstick, I take one last look in the mirror. My backless dress looks so good and I know it’s going to drive Owen crazy when he sees it.
I feel like a schoolgirl getting ready for prom. The anticipation, waiting for my date to arrive. Although I did make it clear, this was not a date. He’s just taking me. An escort. I chuckle at my own joke. An escort indeed. If he put those skills out in the world, he’ll be booked solid for years to come. An uncomfortable feeling settles in my chest at the thought of him with someone else. Rubbing it away with my freshly painted nails, I move into the living room to wait. He should be here in a few minutes. Just as I’m about to place my phone in my tiny gold bag, it buzzes with a message from the man himself.
The OG: Charlie, I won’t make it tonight – O
I’m confused. There’s nothing more, no explanation. I’m way more disappointed that he won’t get to see me in this amazing dress. Maybe I’ll send him a photo and show him what he’ll be missing out on.
Me: Has something happened at work?
When I don’t get a response, I let out a sigh, as disappointment rears its ugly head. I put my phone in my bag. It must be work-related, I understand if he has to leave unexpectedly. I’m not an idiot. I’d never stop him from doing something that needs to be done. I’d expect the same in return if I needed to do something urgently.
Grabbing my keys from the side, I get in my car and drive the short distance to The Manor Hotel, where I plan to leave it for the night.
I can’t wait to see Millie all dressed up. I love that she invited me as soon as she knew I was here to stay. Millie wanted us to have some fun, the three of us together. I don’t know Em that well yet, but I’m sure after yesterday when I offered to step in and help with her wedding flowers after her florist cancelled on her, we’ll become good friends. Even with the disappointment sitting in my chest from Owen backing out, I’m really looking forward to tonight.
Walking up the lantern-lit steps, the place looks absolutely breathtaking. There’s a theme for the event, and this one is most definitely jungle. Fitting for some of the music-themed nights they put on at Jack's club in Ibiza. And Millie’s gone all out with helping Jack and Dan plan the event. This is amazing . There are plants everywhere. It’s delicately lit, allowing a seductive yet vibrant atmosphere. The music’s playing already, and as I step inside, I spot Jack and Dan at the entrance to the ballroom, giving out goody bags to anyone who enters.
I’m not going in yet. I told Millie I’d wait at the bar for her. Jack nods when he spots me making my way over to the main bar area, while Dan gives me an excited wave.
Walking through the huge archway, my heart stutters, then drops.
He lied.
Blinking rapidly, because I really don’t understand what I’m seeing. Owen’s sitting in an armchair in the bar’s lounge area, suited up, drink in hand, talking with Leon like he belongs there.
He fucking lied.
His phone’s sitting on the table in front of him. He ignored me and my message. And came anyway.
I’m so fucking angry. That’s one thing I will never take from any man again: lies.
My stomach sinks as my anger rises. Balling my fists at my sides, I stand at the entrance, watching in disbelief.
Then it hits me, smack bang in the face, realising what this is, what he did. Was it all just a plot to get me into bed? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it, but… why tell me different? Why behave like you wanted more? He kept saying he wanted more. I can’t take my eyes off him, unsure of everything.
He stands and turns, his eyes catch mine, a slight frown creasing his brow. Did he think I wouldn’t come on my own? Shaking my head and holding my hand out to stop him as he starts walking towards me. I don’t want to hear it. He stops. He knows he’s fucked up. Regret written all over his face.
I don’t want to admit how na?ve I’ve been. I should never have let things happen with Owen, or at least see past what should have remained just sex. That’s what I told myself. But when I said yes to him bringing me here, I don’t know. Maybe it’s some fairytale shit that deep down has me wondering if I could at least have a relationship again. To trust again. I should have known better.
Foolish hope.
And once again I crash and burn…
I don’t care, well I do, but after tonight I won’t. I’m going to allow myself one night to feel sorry for myself, then tomorrow is a new day. One without Owen. Fucking. Archie. Stone.
I make my way to the bar and order the first of many drinks. I still want an explanation. I just want a few minutes to get myself together. I deserve that, right?
Leon must have stopped him from coming after me, or I think he did because he’s not next to me trying to explain what happened tonight.
Drunk, that's what I want to be right now. I want to forget; I want to sink into oblivion. It’s the only thing I think of, so I don’t lose my shit in front of the whole goddamn ball. Foolish . That’s how I feel.
I’m not much of a drinker. In my old job there was never time. Even over client with clients, it was only one glass. Then after Andy did what he did and fucked up life as I knew it, I’ve drunk a little more, but never to excess.
Okay, there have been a few times in between, where I’ve drunk so I can numb, so I don’t tear shit to pieces or ruin something I shouldn’t.
Three drinks in, I’m still alone in a room full of people when I hear a familiar voice. “Something wrong, Charlie?” Millie appears next to me, looking like a million dollars in the sexiest emerald green gown I have ever seen. Em is by her side looking equally as stunning in a pale yellow dress that looks like it was made just for her. Brushing her hair behind her ear, she looks away, like she wants to leave us to it. I can’t blame her really. The mood I’m in, I’m not going to be good company.
Even after all these years, Millie knows me well. She’s been through so much and I wasn’t there to help her. My heart sinks every time I think about it. I should have been there for her. In my inability to see what was really going on, I stepped away when Glen said she wanted nothing more to do with me. I should have fought harder to keep her in my life. I regret so much when it comes to Millie. And it’s all my own fault. She looks so beautiful tonight, stunning, and happy, even after everything she’s been through with that fucking ex of hers.
“Nope, nothing, just need to renounce men for a while,” I tell her, putting my glass back down on the perfectly polished dark wooden bar. “They’re all dickheads.” I pick up another full glass of gin. It burns my throat when I swallow. They both stare at me before Em excuses herself. Millie stays while I order another double gin with a few shots of tequila to chase it down.
“What’s happened? I didn’t think you’d seen or heard from Andy in ages. What did he do?” She leans back against the bar, looking around her, but I can’t look around. If I do, I’ll start throwing things in his direction, hoping to hit him where it hurts.
“It’s not Andy,” I mutter, noticing the slight slur in my voice. “Although he’s been showing off the baby on Instagram like we were nothing, and that just adds to my stupidity.” I lift the shot glass to my lips and down it. So good. The buzz hums under my skin.
“If it’s not Andy, then who has you renouncing men?” She’s facing the crowd, in the opposite direction to me, her back leaning on the bar. Glancing at Millie, I watch as her eyes fall to Owen. I know they do. She shifts, looking back over her shoulder at me with unanswered questions in her eyes.
“It doesn't matter. I'm going to have a few drinks and enjoy myself.” I don’t really want to spoil her fun. She’s worked so hard on this ball. Even with her shitty ex trying to sabotage her life, she does things to her best. I love that about her.
“Charlie, I think there’s more to this. Please tell me,” Millie pleads. I let out a sigh and knock back another shot. I can feel it numbing me from the inside, which is just what I need.
“If it has anything to do with the tall, dark-haired beauty of a man who seems to have eyes on you constantly?”
“Nope. It’s my own stupidity, Millie. I need to get a life.” I shrug.
“You and me both.” She laughs, and side hugs me as she orders a glass of fizz for herself.
“You have started the best life here for yourself, Millie, all on your terms. And Jack, you have him hooked. He’s one of the best. I can tell just by the way he looks at you. It’s beautiful to see the two of you together. What you two have, it’s what we’re all looking and hoping for.” The blush that runs across her cheeks says it all. “I’m proud of you, Millie.” She nudges me, smiling like she knows what I'm saying is the truth.
I’m not sure I have that hope anymore. I’m tired of trying.
“Right, don't let my sorry ass drag you down. Go and see if you can find that dream man of yours. I’ll be around, doing what I do best.” Although I don’t know what that is anymore. It used to be my old job, but since those photographs were dropped on my desk, I couldn’t just sit there anymore, knowing that the people I worked with, the people I spent most of my time with, knew all about what happened. I couldn’t do it.
“We will talk about this, Charlie,” she warns. “You’re not getting out of this conversation. We're getting together next week. I want updates on everything.” She points her finger at me, before raising her eyebrows towards Owen.
“You can’t hide from me, Charlie. I know you,” she says.
“I know you do,” I laugh.
Watching her walk away, I know I’ll have to talk to her eventually. I just need to get shitfaced first. Forget this evening, the last few days with Owen, and start again. Maybe it’s third time lucky. Hope? It’s a flicker, which I stub out before I let myself think any further.
“Two more shots please,” I ask the hot barman. His eyes drift over me, staying focused on my boobs for a flicker of a second before he smiles and grabs the bottle, pouring me liquid gold. Well, tequila.
“On the house,” he declares before winking at me. I smile back because who doesn't like a bit of attention after a shitty evening?
“Haven’t you had enough?” I shiver, his voice affecting me in ways that should be illegal. It’s Owen and my brain turns to mush for a split second, remembering how he did all the things so well. Then my anger flares. He does not get to tell me what to do. I’ve known him for four days.
Just four days? Is that all? I feel like I’ve known him forever.
“What did you just say?” I don't even turn around, knocking back both shots before the urge to throw them in his face overwhelms me.
“You heard what I said. No more, Charlie. It’s no good for you.” I can feel him behind me. He’s not touching me, but I feel him. Warm, addictive. My body wants to betray me. It wants to be in his hands, wrapped around him, letting him do it all. Kinky fuckery, not kinky fuckery, anything in between. My body would happily accept it. I would happily accept it. But today my anger wins. Right at this moment, I’m glad my dress is sexy as fuck. I want to shove what he could have had in his face. I know it’s not the mature thing to think, but where has being mature got me so far? Cheated on, repeatedly, divorced, moving across the country, starting again. And then this… fuck being mature.
Taking a deep breath, I nod to the barman and he pours me another, his eyes shifting warily between me and Owen.
“What I do tonight is none of your business. You made your choice, Owen.” He has some nerve, trying to tell me what to do. The second I spin around, I know he’s right and I’ve had too much, in too short a space of time. My brain takes a second to catch up with the move and I sway a little and his hands are on me. They burn… so hot. I can’t take it.
“Don’t,” I whisper, sucking in a shallow breath.
“Charlie, please let me explain,” he spits out, but I shove his hand from my waist and step to the side. I need space from him.
“I don’t like liars, Owen.”
“Charlie, I didn't lie. I just—” He tries to reach for me again, but I hold my hand up to stop him mid-sentence. I thought I was ready for an explanation. Turns out I’m not. I can’t be around him.
“Too late, I’m done.” I walk away as fast as I can. It’s a good job there are two bars in this place.
I find a hideaway; a small lounge just off to the side of the main event, sinking right into a huge sofa.
I’m drunk, drunker than I've been in a long time. I can’t feel my lips. Stupid feelings. Stupid me. No. Stupid men. Stupid heart. Stupid hope … I’ll just sleep here. I'm not sure I can stand anyway, or use my thumbs to use my phone and get an Uber. I have no coordination, that’s why I sat down in the first place. Now I can’t stand up.
I lean my dizzy head against the arm of the sofa and let my eyes drift closed, ready to let sleep take over. There’s a lot of noise going on right now, music, people laughing and talking. I let it take over, washing over me like a warm blanket of noise.
“Shit.” It’s a faint sound. I like it. I don’t open my eyes, I can’t open them. Whoever that is can just leave me alone. I must be drunker than I thought because I feel like I'm floating. Warm and safe, that’s what I feel now. I know I’m dreaming because I hear that voice again. This time it’s closer, almost like a whisper in my ear.
“Charlie, I’m putting you in my room for the night. Sleep it off. We’ll talk in the morning.”
“Umm.” Sleep, fresh start, third time lucky…
My phone won’t stop ringing, the sound of a million messages coming through at the same time. I don’t want to move. I’m not hungover, maybe still a little drunk. I don't want to move because it means facing things. I just want to ignore it all, the mess, the lies, the flicker of hope I had, my own stupidity… Owen. I want to go back to starting again, again.
I’m not even sure where I am. I know I'm in a bed, still in my dress, albeit a little less put together than I was at the start of the evening. It's also not my bed. I also have no idea what time it is. It's not quite dark out, but that means nothing in the middle of the summer.
Eyeing the nightstand next to me, I recognise the style of the room, the neutral tone with pale greens and hints of black. I'm at The Manor. I have no idea how I got here or whose room it is. Lifting my phone from the nightstand, I unplug it, rolling over onto my side, a small note crunches, sticking to my cheek. Extracting it from my face, in its now wrinkled state, I read it.
I would never lie to you, Angel.
Sleep it off, we’ll talk tomorrow.
O xx
I suppose that solves the mystery of whose room this is, who brought me here, and whose bed I’m in. He’s still looking out for me.
Looking at my phone, I have fifteen missed calls from Owen, as well as messages from Em, Dan, and more messages from Owen. They all say the same thing.
Millie’s been shot.
And I slept through it all.