Chapter 15
“T ell me we have something ?” Steve was on a secure video call with the Farm. His head was still trying to digest what Diane had said. They hadn't finished that conversation, but right now he needed to focus.
“Yeah,” Sam said. “We think we found Myers.”
“Think?”
“Cameras picked him up at a gas station on I-15 South, thirty minutes ago,” Kelly explained. “He’s driving a blue pickup. We got the plates. He rejoined the highway headed south.”
“Raven are enroute now,” Sam said. “As soon as they have eyes, we will isolate a section of the highway and intercept. Hopefully the sarin is on board.”
“And Volkov? Anything?” Steve asked hopefully.
“No. Nothing yet,” Sam said.
Steve hissed in frustration.
“How’s Diane? Feeling better?” Sam asked.
“A little.” He was not about to share just how bad things were between them. “What about the lawyer, Natasha and Anya? Did Dale get the warrant?”
“Yes. House was empty. No sign of a struggle, but Natasha’s car is in the garage, no phone. No hits on credit cards or ATMs.”
“It looks like he took all three of them.”
“It does,” Sam agreed. “We’re looking at traffic cameras to see if we can pick them up anywhere. But at this point, it’s a needle in a haystack.”
“He could have killed the lawyer and mother,” Steve said.
“Possibly, yes. Maybe he draws a line at killing the mother of his child, or he knows Natasha turning up dead would raise suspicion when there are already lawyers involved, suspected assault, and he’s moving back to Russia.”
“He might be forcing Natasha to go with him,” Steve said.
“That’s possible, too,” Sam said.
“The man appears to know how to stay hidden. He’s smart.”
“Everyone slips up. You know that. Dex or I will let you know what happens with Myers. I got another call. We’ll be in touch.”
Steve heard the hairdryer going in the bathroom, so he went downstairs to make some dinner. Diane needed to eat. He placed a pot of water on the stove to boil. He found pasta sauce in the fridge, veggies, and sausages. Even he could make a simple pasta dish.
He had no idea Diane had felt so isolated. Was this what had been causing the distance between them even before the shit hit the fan with Volkov? Kelly and Mira being intel meant they could discuss everything with Dex and Tyler. While Sophie wasn't Onyx, her position at Westside meant she dealt with sailors and SEALs every day, so had a fairly good idea of what they did. He wondered how much Ryan shared with her and thought about calling him to ask, then he decided against it. That would put his brother in an awkward position. If Ryan was sharing with Sophie, it was because he trusted her enough not to tell anyone. What did that say about him? He trusted Diane.
He put the pasta in the pot and tossed the other ingredients into a shallow pan with the sauce to simmer. The hairdryer stopped and a few minutes later, Diane appeared in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, hair dried and piled on top of her head with a clip.
“Something smells good,” she said quietly as if testing the waters.
“Thought you might be hungry. It’s nothing special.” He smiled.
“Any woman will tell you that a meal she doesn't have to cook is always special.” She gave him a tired smile. At least they were still talking.
“Maybe you should have told me that sooner. I might have made more of an effort in the kitchen.” He winked.
“I guess there are a lot of things we should have said sooner.” She walked to the stove and stirred the pasta. “Is there anything I can do?”
“It’s almost done. You can grab the bowls. Do you want wine?”
“No, thanks. My head’s not there yet.”
He dished up the food and they sat at the island to eat. He had a beer while Diane had water. While they ate, they talked about Megan, a safe topic. He wanted to continue the earlier conversation about secrets, but it was nice to just talk about their daughter and not think about all the other shit going on. He would tackle that conversation a little later.
With dinner done and the dishes cleared away, they settled on the couch. An uncomfortable silence and distance between them.
“Want to watch something?” He clicked on the television.
“Sure.”
He flicked through and stopped on a home reno show he knew she liked. After about ten minutes, he was about to get back to their conversation when his phone rang. Dex.
Though he stifled a sigh, Steve moved to the kitchen to answer it.
“What happened?” He got straight to the point, assuming Dex had an update.
“Good news is we got Myers.”
“And the bad news?”
“He doesn't know where the case is.”
Fuck. Steve fought the urge to thump the refrigerator. “Did you get anything out of him?”
“He was spewing the New Dawning of Allah shit for a while until we made him see just how much trouble he is in. Then his loyalty to Allah quickly waned because he wants to save his own ass. Long story short, Myers smuggles it out of the airport and takes it to a prearranged drop point and handed it off to someone else. He claims he does not know who the man was. He received cash. The man checked the case, made a call, and then took off.”
“You get a description?”
“Yeah, but it’s pretty vague. We got the make and model of the car. Intel team are working on locating it.”
“How the fuck did he get it out of the airport?” Surely, it couldn’t be that easy for employees to walk out with a steel case in hand.
“I asked the same question. Myers confirmed this is not the first package he has smuggled out. He loads and unloads trucks and is told to look for a package with a specified tag. How that package gets there he does not know. It seems Volkov may have someone on the inside, too, and the handover of these packages happens right there at the airport.”
“Fuck. Are you telling me there could be more of this shit floating around?”
“Myers said he is not told what’s in the packages, but this is the first time he’s seen a steel locked case.”
“You get the feeling this is an ongoing arrangement between Reborn and Volkov?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“What about a target?” Steve glanced back at Diane. The home reno show had finished and she had switched channels to the news. He studied the photo on screen as Dex talked, recognizing the Admiral’s picture.
“Myers is a radicalized kid. Unlikely the Aziz brothers will share that with him. Trust me, if he knew he would have told us. However, he did tell us the timeline had changed. He was not supposed to hand it off until next week. His instructions got changed suddenly. Could indicate an attack is imminent.”
“If the trade is done, Volkov might already have his money, and will be looking to get out of the country before the attack.”
“That’s our assumption.”
“So, it looks like he’s just going to take his daughter, maybe Natasha, too? Diane is probably no longer needed.” That would be a relief.
“Maybe,” Dex said, but his tone told Steve he wasn't convinced.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, with apprehension. His team leader’s gut instincts were rarely wrong.
“As you said before: why go to all that trouble for a hearing if this was his plan? And why take the lawyer? Does he plan on taking her to Russia, too?”
“Diane also said his case was weak. If he’s worried, he’ll lose, this might be some kind of plan B. But, if the attack is due before the hearing, he would have to change his plans if he wants to be sure he’s out of the country. Could be either.”
“I agree. We just don't know yet. And if the attack is going to be before Monday that leaves us with very little time to stop it.”
Steve glanced between the television and Diane who had shifted forward on the couch to focus on the news. She was oblivious to the threat out there. He wanted to keep her protected. Wanted to shield her from the horrors of what went on in this world they lived in every Goddamn day. Except, after their earlier conversation, was that what she wanted? He hated there were things he didn't know about his wife after all these years together.
“Steve?”
“Sorry, what?” He refocused on the call.
“Diane doing better?”
“Yeah, she is. Thanks. You need me to help run potential targets? Financials? I can do some from here.”
“No, we got this.”
“Hey, I just saw the news about Admiral Andrews.”
“Yeah, I heard. Heart attack a few days ago.”
“Fuck. I had no idea. Kind of been out of the loop with the news.” Admiral Andrews was retired, but well known on Coronado. The team had the honor of meeting him a couple of times.
“You and me both. I only saw it earlier today. Kelly’s signaling, I got to go. Focus on your wife, Steve. Depending on what his plan is, Volkov might still make contact, and she needs you right now. I’ll keep you posted.”
***
D IANE GAVE STEVE A small smile as she took the cup of tea he’d made for her. He sat down and surprised her when he placed an arm around her shoulders. She sighed and relaxed into him, letting his familiar masculine scent fill her nostrils.
“I know him,” Steve said when the Admiral’s picture came back on screen.
Diane turned her head to face him. “I had no idea. I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t know him well. The team met him a couple of times when we were SEALs. He retired a few years back.”
“Work all those years, then have your retirement cut short. It's horrible.” She focused back on the screen. “I guess they’re planning a memorial. He was a big deal.”
“I’m sure he’ll get a full naval burial.”
“Was that Dex on the phone? Did he have news?”
Steve’s body tensed.
“I guess you can’t tell me,” she mumbled, trying to hide her annoyance.
Several long seconds of silence passed before Steve spoke.
“Volkov was staying at the Fairmont under an alias. He already checked out. We don't know where he is right now. Natasha, her daughter, and their lawyer are all missing.”
Diane sat up straight, facing him. “Oh, my God. Missing? Do you think they are dead?” He placed a finger over her lips and shook his head.
“We don’t know. We suspect he’s taken them. Natasha and Anya, we understand, but the lawyer? Makes no sense. Arnold Janssen is also missing. Hasn’t been seen in weeks.”
Diane stared at him, shocked at what he was telling her. The fact he was actually telling her anything.
“That’s why Volkov didn’t want me looking for Janssen. He warned me off him. He probably is dead, isn't he?” she asked quietly.
“Probably. Yes.”
“I didn’t know him, but he was just a lawyer doing his job. Does he have a family?”
“No one close. He wasn’t married, no children. Just him and his cats from what we understand.”
“Oh, God, that’s terrible. He didn’t deserve to die just because he lost at arbitration.” She swallowed and met Steve’s gaze. “If I lost the hearing, he might have....” When she bit her lip, Steve pulled her back into him.
“We don’t know that, and it won't happen now. We are not even sure he needs you anymore. If he’s taken Anya and Natasha, he may just leave with them.”
“But why did he go to such extreme lengths with me? Following us? The photos? If he was always going to snatch them?”
Steve sighed and kissed her forehead.
“We’re not sure yet. As Dex mentioned, Volkov is involved in something pretty deadly.”
“I guessed it was bad if Onyx is involved.”
“It’s sarin. It’s a—”
“Chemical weapon,” she said and sat back up. Looking into his eyes, she said, “I’ve read about sarin. Hell, you see it in movies. It can kill thousands.” Despite her best effort to stay calm she could hear the slight panic in her voice.
“Yes. It’s one of the deadliest substances in the world, and he transported it here.”
“Why? Does he hate America that much?”
“We think he is the middleman. Delivering to a buyer who plans to set it off.”
“So why are they are not evacuating the area?”
“Because it would cause panic. Imagine all those people getting in their cars and jamming the highways. The person who has it may also panic and release it and kill even more people. Whoever bought it likely has a specific target. We find that, we can stop the attack, or at the very least contain it.”
“You, the team... could be there when it’s released?” Now she was even more worried.
“It’s a possibility. But we will be protected. If you don't touch it, ingest it, or breathe it, it's fine. We will stop this, Angel. It’s not the first time we’ve dealt with a situation like this.”
Diane knew he dealt with dangerous situations but hearing him explain details definitely made it all the more real. She understood a little now why he was reluctant to share information with her. It was scary as hell to think of Steve or any of Onyx being so close to this.
“So how does this connect to him kidnapping them?”
“Our team has been tasked with securing the sarin, but we have been unable to locate it yet. However, we do know the target is going to be close by. Maybe he knows where and when. He will want to get out of the country with Anya before that shit gets released. It’s possible either he thinks he doesn't have time to wait for the hearing or can't risk it not going his way. Especially, as you said yourself, the case isn't strong.”
She stared at Steve, unsure what to say. This was like a Mission: Impossible movie, not real life. If only she had told Steve sooner, they could have had more time and been able to arrest Volkov.
“I’m sorry, Steve. I should have come to you sooner.”
He placed a hand on her cheek. “This isn't your fault. None of it is. You did not know what he was up to.”
“No, but he was following Megan. She was in so much danger.” She bit her lip to stop the tears that threatened.
“Shh. Come here.” He pulled her onto his lap and cradled her. “Megan is safe, and we will find Volkov and the sarin.”
He sounded so confident.
“How?”
“No one can hide forever. We have the best people looking for him.”
“Do you need to go be with your team?” She didn't want him to go, but with what was going on, they must need as much help as possible.
His grip tightened. “I’m not going anywhere. We can’t be sure that Volkov won't contact you. Until we have him, I’m not taking any chances with you or Megan.”
She sighed, snuggling closer into his chest.
“I bet you wish I hadn't told you anything now.” Steve nuzzled her hair.
“No. I’m glad you did. Of course it scares me, but I would still rather know. Thank you for telling me. Were you cleared to do so?”
Steve chuckled. “No.”
“So why did you?” she asked softly.
He pushed her away slightly, so they were facing each other.
“Because you are a part of this team. My team. I’m not meant to share details, but I trust you, Diane. I thought I was protecting you all this time by not sharing anything. Instead, I was hurting you, and I’m sorry for that.”
She held his gaze. “I do understand why you can’t tell me everything. I was being selfish asking you to. I don’t want you getting in trouble.”
“I’ll risk it.” Steve smiled. “Look, this op is different because you are involved. You know the names, locations, and other details already. I can’t share as much about other ops, but if you want to know something, ask me. If I can tell you, I will, just not specific details.” He paused. “That’s if you still want to know?”
She nodded. “Yes. I don't need to know details. I have a good idea of what you guys do, but sometimes I feel so in the dark, and I do have questions, but am too afraid to ask.”
Steve frowned. “Don’t ever be afraid to ask me anything. Ever. If I can’t tell you, I’ll be honest and say so.”
She leaned in and tenderly kissed him on the lips. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He returned the kiss. In seconds, the heat flared, and he had her on her back on the sofa.
“How’s your head?”
“Much better now I’ve eaten.”
“We have more we need to talk about. We both said some things,” he said softly.
“I know.”
“But right now I really want to make up for before and make love to you.”
She looked at him puzzled.
“I was rough...I—”.
She kissed him, cutting him off before she spoke.
“I kind of liked it.” A small smile played on her lips.
He raised his eyebrows. “You did? I know I can be a little dominant sometimes, but I went over the line. I hurt you.”
“You didn’t hurt me. You were pissed for sure, but it was kind of hot. You just taking what you wanted.”
He shook his head. “You still surprise me. But I didn't like what happened. I was angry, worried, frustrated, and I should have walked away. I don't mind a little role-playing and being rough, but that was me being an ass, and I’m sorry. It’s not how you deserve to be treated. Ever.”
When he brushed a strand of hair off her face, so careful, so tender, she smiled. “If it makes you feel better, apology accepted. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
“No. Don’t do that. Whatever is going on between us... This distance and tension recently. We will talk about it, and we will work it out. But you need to know that I love you. I am so damn proud of you. You are so strong. To get to where you are today as a lawyer, as well as being a loving wife and mother? And having to deal with that asshole Volkov? You amaze me.”
She turned her head to the side, avoiding his eyes. Amaze him? She was more of a disappointment. Her job, the long hours, missing so much time with Megan. She had not been an amazing wife or mother, and it was unlikely now she would even make partner.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” Steve’s voice was full of concern. When she didn’t answer him, his fingers cupped her chin. Gently he turned her head back, but she couldn’t look at him.
“Angel? Talk to me.”
Should she tell him how unhappy she was with her life despite her love for him? How she often felt overwhelmed trying to deal with everything? How she was a complete failure, she hated her job, and she was tired of sacrificing time with her family for a greedy firm and clients like Volkov? How she sometimes felt everything was always about Steve and his job? How she felt unseen, unworthy, and so damn sad and tired all the time?
“Angel?” He pushed. She raised her gaze to his and the raw love she saw there pushed her over the edge. Tears spilled down her cheeks. Steve sat up, pulling her with him until she was cradled against his chest.
“I’m sorry.” She whimpered. “It’s just everything. I—”
Steve’s phone rang, interrupting them.
“Shit.” He leaned forward, grabbing it off the table. “It’s Sam.”
“You should answer it.” She went to get off his lap, but he held her firm.
“Stay where you are,” he said softly. Then he answered the call.
She snuggled into Steve’s chest as he stroked a hand up and down her back. He wasn’t saying much, so she had no idea what Sam was telling him, but it was nice he hadn’t disappeared to take the call. It also gave her a chance to pull herself together. This was not the time to tell her husband how unhappy she was. It would be selfish, and he had enough to deal with. She loved that he had shared the details of the sarin and Volkov with her. It was scary as hell that Onyx were the ones tasked with making sure an attack didn’t happen. That was far more important than anything that was going on with her.
Steve put the phone down.
“Sam was letting me know they traced the owner of the car the sarin was handed off to. Dex and the boys are on their way to question him.”
“That’s good news, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. It may have changed hands again already. Anyway, that’s enough of that. You were telling me why you were upset.”
She forced a smile, determined not to burden her husband any further.
“I’m fine. I’m just a little worried about everything. It sneaks up on me. Volkov, Megan not being here. Now this threat.” She cupped Steve’s face. “I’m OK.”
“Don’t be worried. I will never let harm come to you or Megan.”
“I know.”
“Are you sure that’s it?”
She paused before answering. “Yes, now, you promised to make love to me, so no more talking until you make good on your promise.”
She trailed a finger down his chest to the top of his jeans, determined to steer him away from this conversation and let him take her to a place where she didn't have to think about anything except Steve’s touch.
***
S TEVE WANTED NOTHING more than to make good on his promise and make love to his wife, but the look on Diane’s face told him it was time to stop running away from this conversation. It needed to happen now. She was trying her best to hide her pain, but he could see how upset she was. He’d ignored the signs and put off talking before. He wasn’t doing it again.
With Diane’s hand gently stroking his cock through his jeans, it took every ounce of willpower to place his hand over hers, stopping her.
“Angel,” he said quietly. “I promise I will spend the whole night making love to you, but first we need to talk.”
“We agreed we can talk when this is all over, Steve. I want you now.” When she went to kiss him, he let her, but he pulled away before it could go any further.
“I love you,” he said honestly. “Not talking, not listening to each other, not communicating is how things became so bad between us. This conversation is long overdue and I’m not sure I can wait.”
Diane went to move off his lap, but he held her firm.
“Talk to me, Angel. I’m right here. I know this thing with Volkov is upsetting, scary even. But things weren’t good before this happened.”
Her head was lowered, her shoulders slumped. Steve stroked her cheek.
“I really am sorry about how I handled this situation and for the things I said to you. I know without a doubt you would never put Megan in danger.” He inhaled, fighting his own emotions. “I also didn't really appreciate, until recently, just how much you’ve had to deal with over the years. In the beginning, when I was gone so long on deployments, you were raising Megan, studying, managing the finances. When I think about it now, I feel like a complete asshole for not stepping up more. You dealt with everything.”
He pulled her into him, cradling her against his chest. “I’m sorry. I haven't been there for you enough. I haven't supported you enough. You and Megan are the most important people in my life. My job means I’ve sacrificed time with you both, and I understand why you feel you’ve come second to it.” His voice cracked. “I’m sorry you ever felt that you came second.”
When Diane straightened and faced him, he frowned at the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I know my job is the problem. I swear, Diane. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. Whatever will make you happy. I want us to be happy again. I want you to feel like you are number one. You and Megan. Because you are. It’s time for me to make different sacrifices to support you in your career. To be here more for both of you. I know what I do is dangerous. I don’t want you worrying about me. I’ll take a step back from operating. I’ll talk to Sam. I'm sure there’s other opportunities I can use my skills for. I love you, Diane, and I want to be the husband you deserve.”
His own eyes were moist as he stared at his wife. Diane had stopped crying and was looking at him like... Hell, he wasn’t sure what her expression said. He waited patiently for her to speak.
“You’ve got this all wrong, Steve,” she whispered.
“I have?” He frowned. “Then tell me what I’m not seeing,” he said softly.
When she got up abruptly, he didn’t try to stop her. Fuck, he was more confused now than ever. He watched her walk over to the window and stare into their backyard. He was about to get up and go to her when she turned to face him.
“I already told you I didn't mean what I said that day, about coming second. I was upset, lashing out.” She folded her arms in a gesture that made Steve feel like she’d put a wall back up. He wasn’t about to let her do that again.
“Sometimes, when we lash out, we say what we really mean.” He kept his eyes on hers.
She shook her head. “I didn't mean it. Not the way it sounded, anyway.”
“Then tell me what you did mean,” he coaxed. “Whatever it is, I want to know.” He wanted, no, needed her to open up.
She sighed and paced. Again, he wanted to go to her, but his gut told him to sit tight, to let her do this her own way in her own time.
“I know what your job entails, Steve. Knew what I was getting into when you first asked me out. I might not have known how hard things might be as a Navy wife, but we are fortunate to have wonderful parents, and we managed.” She fell silent, looking at him.
“It was still a lot for you to deal with.”
“Yes, it was,” Diane said. “But I was good with it because I am so damn proud of you. Proud to be your wife. Proud that you risk your life—as much as it scares me to hell sometimes—to protect our freedom and help others. It’s who you are.” Turning her head away, she paced again.
Steve watched her. She had told him she was proud of him before, but it still made his heart swell to hear her say it.
“You’re right,” she said. “You had to make sacrifices for your job, and I had to make sacrifices to accommodate it. It’s always been about making things work around you, but I accepted it. Like I said, I understood. But I am more than just a special operator’s wife. Even now, when things haven't been right between us, you think it’s about you — your job. How you will change. What you will do.”
When she stopped pacing and faced him again, she placed her hands on her hips.
“It’s not always about you, Steve. The world, our marriage, our family doesn’t always have to be about you, revolve around you and your job. This time it’s all about me. What I need. When I said we came second, it wasn't about you putting us second. It was about me not feeling like anything I do, any problem I have, can ever compare to what you face. It’s about me feeling like a failure. It’s about me not wanting to burden you with anything because I don't want you worrying about me when you're on a mission. It’s about after all these years, no matter how much I love you and I know you love me, I feel alone. Whatever is going on with me, what does it matter?” She threw her hands in the air. “I can’t compete with you. I can’t do this anymore. You deserve better than me.”
And just like that, Steve’s heart shattered.