Chapter Four
In the end it had been strangely uneventful.
“You okay, kiddo?”
her dad asked for the five hundredth time.
“I would be better if Kyle stopped making me want to vomit,”
she replied, yawning.
Her cousin sighed and stopped making out with MaeBe. “You really are a menace.”
She got that a lot.
After a long talk with Julia and some halfway decent pizza, her family had shown up and taken out all the bad guys. Not that she’d been allowed to watch. No. She’d been hustled out via secret tunnel by her mom and Tennessee Smith and coddled like a baby.
They didn’t know she wasn’t innocent anymore. Maybe never had been.
In the end it had been her dad, uncles, Aunt Erin, and MaeBe who’d taken out Julia Ennis.
She’d been free for hours now, but there was a weight on her she wasn’t sure would ever come off again.
“Sweetie, your dad only wants you to talk to us.”
Her mom sat across from her, looking elegant even after what they’d been through. After they’d done what they had to do, they had her on the MT jet in mere hours. She was on her way home.
Would it feel like home?
They were an hour into their flight, and she couldn’t bring herself to talk about it. Uncle Sean had tried. Aunt Erin had offered her a soda and told her it was okay if she wanted to punch something. Uncle Theo had asked if she wanted his phone and AirPods to listen to some music.
Knowing her uncle it was probably some whiny girl rock.
She didn’t feel like she belonged here anymore.
“I did. I told you what happened. Cooper’s an asshole, and I’ve learned my lesson. Boys aren’t worth it. Consider me asexual from here on out. Ground me all you like. I won’t be going anywhere anyway. I’ve seen my share of dead bodies now. I think I’ll ditch the whole spy thing and become like a librarian or something.”
She bet Julia fucking Ennis never thought about becoming a librarian.
Her dad pointed her way, his eyes narrowing. “And that is why we worry.”
She needed to deflect the parental units or she would find herself at the Ferguson Clinic for Tender Feelings. She wasn’t going to have feelings anymore. “I’m fine. It was scary and I had to see Kyle in a towel and that was gross, but I’m fine. I spent my time in a cell in the basement watching the guard sneak YouTube walk-throughs of the video game he’s playing. Well, played. I assume someone killed him. Should have done a walk-through of this life level, buddy.”
She couldn’t quite dump the sarcasm. It was a part of her.
“Kala, you need to talk,”
her mom said.
Was this what her mom and dad had been discussing earlier? They’d huddled together like they often did when trying to figure out what to do with her.
“About what? Do you want me to say I was scared? I was.”
She had to give them enough so they thought she was normal but not so much they ever figured out the truth. Because they would be…not ashamed, exactly. They would blame themselves when this was fully on her. She’d had a long talk with Julia Ennis while Kyle had been showering. She’d convinced her jailer that she was going to die of hunger, gotten him to take her to the kitchen where she’d managed to steal a knife, and then gotten caught by the wicked witch of the world.
You are a smart girl, Kala Taggart. You could be great. You could be one of the real people of the world.
The worst part about talking to Julia Ennis? The fact that she made some sense. Julia had pointed out that her father had trained MaeBe Vaughn but not her. He’d left her training to a martial arts asshole who’d told her she was too intense. She had to find another one. He’d liked Kenzie, though. Kenzie had been teacher’s pet. Naturally she screwed that up for her sister.
I was a lot like you as a kid.
Kala had snorted and told her she doubted it.
No, I was. Tell me if I’m wrong. Your sisters are far more popular than you are. Your mother’s always worried. At least she calls it worry, but it feels more like she’s embarrassed. They have much easier relationships with the others. Sometimes you wish you didn’t exist at all. It would be easier on everyone else if you didn’t.
So much easier.
“Of course you were scared.”
Her mom had gone all sympathetic.
But her dad watched her like he knew she was holding back. Like he knew she’d thought about it when Julia Ennis had offered to not send her home at all.
Once you let yourself be who you were born to be, you won’t sit around and worry why you’re not like your sister.
Could her father see through her? How disappointed would he be?
It was funny. She didn’t want Cooper now. Somewhere in all the hours of staring at the ceiling of her cell, she’d realized there would be no open arms for her. Oh, she was absolutely certain if she walked up to him, he would hug her and say all the right things and even take back everything he said that night. But it would be his guilt talking. It would be the Captain America part of Coop that couldn’t even be really mean to a villain. She got it. She was bad for his reputation. She would only ever be a dirty secret for him to enjoy, and she wouldn’t fucking be that for any man.
She didn’t need him.
She didn’t need anyone.
“What did she say to you?”
Her father spoke in that deep voice he used when he was pissed.
Was he pissed at her? “Not much. Just some bullshit about how Kyle was her true love. She went on about that a lot. It was kind of pathetic.”
“Are you telling me you were never alone with her?”
her father asked, those icy eyes pinning her.
She glanced over and Kyle was already back to kissing MaeBe. MaeBe, who her father trained and treated like she was worthy. MaeBe, who Julia Ennis would never in a million years tell the things she’d said to Kala.
When reality is flexible, we can all be heroes. We can all get what we need. When you no longer care what other people think, you’re free. When other people don’t matter at all, you’re completely free to remake the world the way you want it. Some people would call that evil, but evil is a word used by the weak. You and I don’t have to use that word. All that matters in the world we make is that we get what we want. Think about it, kid.
Like there was something deep and dark inside her Julia had seen. Like recognizing like.
Would Cooper find some sweet girl he wanted to date and then Kala would raze the earth beneath them? Would she be the evil queen? The evil queen did not get to run away with Prince Charming.
“I wasn’t the one she was interested in,”
Kala said quietly, hoping Kyle didn’t hear her.
Kyle knew she was lying. Kyle knew exactly how interested Julia had been in her. She prayed Kyle liked her enough that he wouldn’t ever tell her parents how the most evil woman he’d ever met had seen so much of herself in his cousin.
“I doubt that.”
Her father didn’t seem to want to give up. “Julia Ennis was a woman who liked to play games. Especially mind games. You say no one hurt you.”
Her calm threatened to rattle. She didn’t know. She didn’t fucking know. She only knew that everything hurt when she woke up and she’d wanted her mom and dad, but she couldn’t now. She couldn’t. Because she didn’t know. “Beyond the dude I fought with? He kicked me a couple of times before he managed to shove a needle in my shoulder, but in his defense, I did break his nose.”
Her mom had gone pale.
But her father merely leaned in. “Did she leave you alone with them?”
“With the guards?”
She was sick of the interrogation. She wanted to put on headphones and shut out the world. Maybe if she got the music loud enough, she wouldn’t hear Julia’s voice in her fucking head.
“With anyone,”
her father clarified, every word clipped and seemingly cold.
Why was he pushing her? Her mom had hugged her and held her hand and pulled her way too close—something she might have objected to but she had just been kidnapped. Her mom had told her she didn’t have to talk if she didn’t want to. Her mom had cried a lot once her dad and the rest of the family had shown up.
Charlotte Taggart had been a rock. Right up until she didn’t have to be. When her dad walked out of that house and wrapped his arms around them both, her mom dissolved into a ball of emotion.
Kala cried a bit initially. Pure relief had caused it. Then the hours passed as they waited to be able to fly home and a nice numbness settled in. She’d talked to her sisters and brothers and felt absolutely nothing.
It was good, so good to feel nothing, and her father was threatening it.
“I was with Kyle. Kyle made sure I wasn’t alone with her,”
Kala replied, feeling her jaw tense, her calm starting to shake.
“Kyle wasn’t with you when you were taken,”
her father pointed out. “He wasn’t there when the fuckers killed a woman in front of you.”
“She was the one who turned me in, so who cares?”
Kala asked. But she’d thought about it. Thought about the woman and wondered what made her take that job, what her hopes and dreams had been. Thought about how casually they’d taken her life. Like it was easier to kill her than it was to pay her invoice. “I would have thought they would clean up after themselves.”
“We think they didn’t have time,”
her mother explained. “We didn’t connect it until Chelsea managed to find you on doorbell cams in the neighborhood. There weren’t any in the park, but we tracked you there.”
“So we know at the very least you were alone with them for a couple of hours before Kyle got to the airplane.”
Her father was relentless. “What happened during that time, Kala?”
Yep. She was starting to feel things again. Starting with anger. “General Taggart, I’m not one of your soldiers, so you don’t need to debrief me.”
A brow rose over icy eyes. “Excuse me.”
It was said quietly, a sure sign her dad was on edge. Everyone well acquainted with her dad knew not to take him seriously when he shouted, but when he got quiet, they all took cover.
Kala didn’t care. “I said I’m not one of your operatives. Or hell, maybe I can be. In that case, you’ll have a report on your desk come Monday. Until then I want some space.”
“Maybe we should talk this out in a session. Eve is waiting at home,”
her mom said.
Eve. Who already thought she wasn’t good enough for her son. Eve, who was smart and could see through the whole she’s-just-young thing. Eve knew about dangerous people and wanted her son to stay away from Kala Taggart.
“I’m not talking to Eve.”
The words came out far harsher than she’d planned to say them. “I don’t need to. I’m fine.”
“You are not fucking fine,”
her father said in that way he sometimes did. It was like the words floated out of his body. He didn’t need to move his mouth. He was preternaturally still. It was intimidating. “So I ask again.”
“Ian,”
her mom said, her shoulders squaring. “This is neither the time nor the place. We’re not alone.”
“No, she’s not alone, but can’t you see she’s trying to be? Do you think I want to have this out here and now? I want five minutes when I can simply be happy I have my daughter back, but I don’t know that we do. I don’t know what that fucker planted in her skull. I don’t know what they did to her. Charlotte, she was alone for hours with five mercenaries. Kyle wasn’t there.”
“Pushing her isn’t going to help,”
her mom argued.
“If I don’t, she won’t talk about it.”
Her dad turned Mom’s way, his expression tightening like he didn’t dare give a moment’s softness. “If this was Kenz, I would let you handle this entirely. You understand Kenz, but I know Kala. We get to her now or she loses this piece of herself. I know what she’s thinking. She’s thinking time will change whatever happened. Distance will make it go away, and she never has to admit to anyone what she really went through. She can shove it down and it won’t be there lurking.”
He turned back to Kala. “It will. It will always be there waiting to poison any relationship you have. You are stubborn, my child. But so am I. I will not leave you in this alone.”
Her every wall shook and those stupid tears threatened. If she ignored him, he might… He would only get more obnoxious. So she could turn it on him. “You did leave me alone. You chose not to train me. You chose to tell me I’m not strong enough. Guess what, I was. I did. I’m sorry you would need to cry on someone’s shoulder, but I don’t have to. I can do it alone. I don’t need you.”
Her mom gasped and stood, walking away with her hand over her mouth. Aunt Erin caught her, holding her hand and giving her strength.
“I didn’t train you because you are fucking fifteen years old and I want you to have fun. I want you to complain about school and have the kind of life your mother and I didn’t have, but trust me, that changes now. You want me to train you, I’m here. You won’t have anything else to do since you’re grounded for at least six months.”
Three days ago she would have been thrilled. Now she wanted him to leave her alone. She was pathetic. Always begging some guy to pick her. Her father. Cooper. The asshole martial arts instructor. “I think I’ll pass.”
“Not your choice anymore,”
her father said. “Nor do you get out of this debrief. I ask again. Did they try anything? Did they succeed? I need to know what they did to you not because I want revenge. I already had that and it’s meaningless. I need to know because I have to fix you. I have to take the parts they broke and put them back together because I will shatter into a thousand pieces if I don’t try.”
She felt the world tilt because her father was crying.
Her father. The strongest man in the world. Her father, who joked about shoving everything deep. Her father, who she tried so hard to be like because she knew she could never be her mom.
What was she doing? She was letting that woman in her head, letting her burrow into her soul and making her question the strong ground her world was built on.
“I don’t know.”
She said the words quietly, her head down, unable to look at him when she said it.
“What?”
her father asked. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.”
She forced her face up. Those tears rolled down his cheeks, proof that he wasn’t some larger-than-life hero. He was her dad, and she couldn’t scare him away or manipulate him out of this. She couldn’t keep secrets from him, not ones he worried would wreck her.
She kind of wanted them to wreck her. If she split from everyone, she didn’t ever have to be here again. Didn’t ever have to feel again.
Isn’t that what Julia had told her? If she didn’t care, she could be free.
Did she want to be free? Maybe Julia Ennis wouldn’t have been such a psychotic murderous asswipe if her father had loved her. If she’d taken all that nasty energy and turned it toward protecting the people she loved.
“Kala, I can’t leave this. I can’t leave you. I know where you are.”
His voice had gone low, and she heard the emotion behind it. “Your mother might think I’m a monster, but you have to break now or you’ll hold those walls up forever, and I can’t leave you there. Tell me what happened.”
It all rushed in. A wave that truly threatened to drown her. Or maybe she only now noticed she’d been in the water all along. Her father was offering her a way out of the river of misery she found herself in. It wasn’t the same shore she’d known before, but it was something. It was a place.
She could love her friends and family and use her darkness only to protect them. She could be the dragon only a few would ever know wanted to be something else. Something softer.
“I don’t know, Daddy.”
She could let the river take her someplace infinitely cold. Or she could let her father teach her. She could shut her heart away completely and become what everyone thought she would. Or she could guard it and only open it to those she was closest to. She could keep her parents. She could keep her sisters. She could keep Lou. “I don’t know.”
Tears began, fat and filled with toxin, rolling down her cheeks. She let them because it suddenly felt so damn good. “I don’t know what happened because they drugged me and now I don’t know…I don’t know…”
A deep sob heaved from her body, the feeling so overwhelming she couldn’t hold herself up. It didn’t matter because her father was there, wrapping himself around her. Holding her so tight that for a moment she couldn’t breathe.
Then her mom was there, too, wrapping around the other side and completely encircling her, and she found herself telling them everything.
She found herself utterly broken, but now with hope that she could put herself back together.
She wasn’t Julia Ennis and she never would be.
Kala held on to her parents as she tried to ride out the storm.
* * * *
“Have you seen her?”
Cooper hustled to catch up with TJ. Kala had been home a full week, and he’d heard nothing more than she was fine and she would be back at school today.
It had to be really bad if she hadn’t seen anyone. Were her parents so mad at her they were keeping her from her friends? She needed them right now.
He’d been in hell, not knowing what had happened. He always knew what happened to Kala. She would text him when she stubbed her freaking toe.
He’d sent her text after text, begging her to unblock him. Well, he’d sent them to Tasha since she was the only one of the Taggart sisters who was talking to him right now.
TJ stopped, looping his thumbs through the straps of his backpack. “By her, I take it you mean Kala. Yes. She was at Uncle Sean’s Friday night. We had a barbecue.”
So the Taggarts were circling around her. Good. He wished his family had been invited. “How is she?”
TJ seemed to think about it for a moment. “She’s Kala. For a chick who got kidnapped and apparently saw a bunch of shit, she’s surprisingly cool with it. And she claims her love of anchovies saved Kyle’s life, so she’s never giving them up no matter how stinky they are. Then she went to Chloe Lodge’s party and proceeded to prove it by eating a whole large with like fifty of those fish on them. I lost a bet on that one.”
Somehow in his head he’d thought she was traumatized. She was holing up because terrible things had happened, and if he could get to her, he could make it all right. He’d had this weird Romeo and Juliet thing in his head. He’d literally been making plans to sneak out and break into her house.
All he knew was he was done with everyone keeping him away from her. He should have been there when she got off the plane, but no one had even told him when she was going to land. They’d informed him she was home and she’d been looked over by a doctor. She was fine.
She couldn’t be fine.
“She went to a party?”
He hadn’t even known there was a party.
“You’re grounded, dude,”
TJ said by way of explanation. “I mean she is too, but apparently she’s on some kind of weird training schedule, and she can earn time in the real world. I think it helped that her dad was there, too. They let us hang out in the game room while they were in… It’s a room with a lot of booze, but it doesn’t look like a bar. Chloe’s dad is weird and intimidating. Well, one of them. The other one grilled hot dogs and didn’t make fun of me when I two fisted. Uncle Ian did, though. He said I was going to get fluffy if I didn’t watch it. I think he body shamed me.”
Cooper ignored his best friend. “She hasn’t called me. I don’t suppose she earned her phone privileges back.”
TJ seemed to understand there was an undercurrent to this conversation he hadn’t counted on. “Uhm, I mean she’s been calling Lou a lot. Lou’s tutoring me and usually she’s very focused, but she claims she has to answer Kala now because she’s worried she’ll feel abandoned if she doesn’t. She had her phone on Friday. She was showing me the weapons her dad’s training her on.”
An armed Kala was a fearsome thing. “Why hasn’t she called me? I got my phone back but she blocked me and didn’t remember to fix it.”
TJ’s lips pursed like they always did when he was thinking something through.
When he was trying to figure out how to not hurt someone.
“Just tell me.”
He had to know. It was killing him.
“I think you should give her some space.”
“She doesn’t need space. She needs me to apologize,”
he said, but his eyes were on the parking lot because he was almost certain he saw Tasha parking the Subaru she drove. It must be nice to have an older sibling so they didn’t have to get dropped off by their mom.
Kala offered to have Tash pick him up, too, but he’d declined. He had a weird schedule.
And if anyone saw him getting out of Tasha’s car with her, they would have drawn conclusions.
He was an asshole, but he was done with all of that now. He wasn’t letting anyone keep him from her. She was his best friend. He just hadn’t been much of one to her. That changed. Now.
“I think she’s maybe a little angry at you,”
TJ said with a wince. “Like she doesn’t want to hear your name and stuff.”
He should have known Kala would take all her hurt and put it into anger. “I can handle it.”
Anything would be better than this silence.
His heart threatened to stop because she was walking up the steps with her sisters and Lou. Kenzie was bouncing as she spoke, and Kala looked at her twin with an almost indulgent smile.
That faded from her face when she saw him.
Her clique stopped, all of those feminine eyes judging him. Even Tasha seemed to have chosen her side. Which he got.
“Dude, I’m scared for you right now,”
TJ said quietly. “I’m going to like take a step back. Maybe you should run.”
Coward. He wasn’t about to run. He’d been waiting for this for over a week.
For a moment he thought she’d turn and walk away, but she murmured something to her sisters and then started walking toward him, her chin up and face in a stubborn expression. Her sisters followed, watching her warily.
Lou had her tote bag open as she approached. “Hey, TJ. Mom made blueberry today. Want one?”
TJ was a walking gut. He had that big blueberry muffin in his hands very quickly, moving in closer to Lou. “You’re the best, Lou. Mom told me to eat yogurt this morning. I hate yogurt. Dad’s on a job so no French toast for me.”
“Hello, Cooper.”
Kala stopped in front of him and then looked back. “I’m fine, guys.”
Tasha sighed. “All right. I have a student council meeting after school, so I need you guys to hang in the library for a while.”
Kala’s strawberry blonde ponytail swayed when she shook her head. “Dad’s picking me up. I’ve got a session.”
“Which I’m going to,”
Kenzie insisted even as they started to make their way toward the main building. “I know I didn’t get kidnapped, but I’m not falling behind, and Dad can deal with it.”
“Come on,”
TJ said around a mouthful of muffin. “Walk me to class. On the way, can you explain the whole War of 1812 thing? I have a quiz.”
Lou followed him.
And Cooper was left alone with Kala.
She looked so damn pretty in the early morning light.
“Hey.”
A stupid thing to say, but it was all he could think of. He’d planned out this whole speech. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
Her lips turned up faintly. “Me, too.”
“Kala, I…” he began.
She held up a hand. “No. I don’t need to hear apologies. It’s fine. You need to understand that I don’t hold you responsible for me getting my ass kidnapped.”
Her eyes rolled. “I’m supposed to say a bunch of stuff about how it wasn’t my fault either. Dad’s making me talk to Kai. How am I supposed to take a dude with a man bun seriously? Anyway, it wasn’t your fault, and we would have had that fight eventually one way or another. It’s cool. What I’m trying to say is you and I are fine.”
Oh, this did not feel fine. “The fight was absolutely my fault.”
“Not really.”
She seemed way calmer than he would have expected. He wasn’t sure he understood this Kala. His Kala would punch him and tell him to be better, and then they would catch up to Lou and TJ and hang out before class. “I’m the one who should apologize, Cooper. I was too aggressive, and I didn’t want to see the signs that I was pushing you. I was trying to take a perceived friendship and turn it into something else. I won’t do it again.”
He was starting to panic. What was Kai putting in her brain? Kai Ferguson was the head of the Ferguson Clinic, a group of therapists who specialized in PTSD. He thought they would send her to a family center for a couple of checkup sessions. If they sent her to Kai… “What happened?”
A brow rose over her eyes. “I got kidnapped. I had to sit in a cell with Kyle, and he’s a chatty motherfucker. Then I had to walk through a dusty tunnel with Mom and Uncle Ten, and I’m kind of half grounded, but Dad freaked enough that he lets me out if I’m serious about school and his lessons. He’s training me, and Kenzie is along for the ride. She didn’t even have to get kidnapped.”
“Come on, Kala,”
he urged, “this is me. You can tell me. You have no idea how worried I’ve been. You have to unblock me. We need to work this out.”
She shook her head again and took a step back. “No. I’m not saying I’ll never talk to you again. We were friendly once. We’ll be okay one day, but you have to give me space.”
“What do you mean friendly? We’re friends. You’ve been my best friend. That’s what I figured out.”
“That’s the guilt talking, and that’s why it’s best we don’t spend time together for a while.”
She held a hand up as though to tell him to stay where he was. “Not forever, of course. I’ll see you at parties. Well, the family ones. You can let your friends know I won’t be crashing again. I can see where that would be annoying, and I’m sorry about it.”
He didn’t know how to process what she was saying. “They aren’t my friends. They’re people I hang out with. You were right about that. Come on, Kala. Let’s go and sit and talk.”
If he could get close to her, get his hands on her, he could convince her. He would ease her into a kiss. She always wrapped herself around him and made him breathless. She made him feel strong and sure and true.
He was a bit lost without her.
For a half a second he thought he had her. Then the bell rang and she seemed to shake off whatever she’d been thinking. “Nope. Like I said, we can be friendly, but I need space and you’ll be happier in the long run, too. Ask your mom about trauma responses. She’ll explain.”
“Caring about you is not a trauma response,”
he shot back, frustration welling. “Is this punishment?”
Her eyes narrowed, and he saw a spark of the fire that had always drawn him in. “Did you do it, Coop? Did you find a way to make me the bad guy here? I wasn’t trying to get out of the role, you know. It’s been pointed out to me that it’s my place in the world. The good news? You’re going to escape my clutches.”
Now this he could work with. Sort of. “I never said I wanted out of your clutches.”
“Then we were at two different meetings the other night.”
She took a long breath. “I promised I wouldn’t do this. I’m done talking. Be nice. Don’t be nice. It’s not my problem. Have a good day.”
He reached out for her, grabbing her elbow.
And then suddenly he couldn’t breathe because he was flat on his back, staring up at the sun and trying to cup his balls. Fuck, that had hurt. She’d kicked back and then pulled his arm and somehow flipped him.
She stared down at him, her head blocking the sun. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m…I’m twitchy since the incident. Are you okay?”
No. Not in any way. “Unblock me and let me in when I come to your place tonight and then I’ll be okay.”
Her expression shuttered, and he could see the hurt on her face. But then it was replaced with the blank look she got when she dealt with people she didn’t like. People who were unkind to her. She put her wall up.
He’d never been on the other side of that wall. He didn’t like it.
“Good-bye, Cooper.”
She turned and walked away.
He stared at the brilliant blue sky. Shouldn’t it be raining or something? Shouldn’t the weather know how dark he felt in that moment?
When the bell rang again, he forced himself up, brushed off his clothes, and started toward class. They had one together. He would start working on her there.
She couldn’t shut him out forever.
Part Two
This Night