Chapter Eight
Cooper sat back in the conference room they kept in The Hideout. It was meant for things like board meetings, but too often it turned a great night into a work conference. Like tonight.
Not that it had been great. What the fuck had happened? One minute he was absolutely sure she’d been right there with him, moving with him, kissing him as though they’d never been apart, and the next she was pushing him off her and he was proving he needed help for premature ejaculation.
“Dr. Rebecca Walsh-Shaw’s car exploded roughly an hour ago. It was her personal vehicle and was sitting in her driveway,”
Big Tag said.
Kenzie gasped, sitting up, with tears already forming in her eyes. “Rebecca?”
Her mom sat forward. “She’s fine. She started it from inside her house so it would have time to warm up. Lucky for all of us, Huisman’s bomb didn’t take into account the fact that she always starts it before she actually leaves the house.”
“Where are they now?”
Kala asked, her tone entirely professional. She hadn’t even looked his way since she’d walked out of the privacy room.
And he was angry about it. It sat in his gut. He wasn’t sure if he was angry at her or himself. He’d told himself to be patient, that she was working through something. She had been the one Huisman tortured, and his trauma from thinking she was dead didn’t begin to touch what she’d been through. But then if he’d tried to talk to her, had tried to get her to understand they could be more than an itch to scratch, she would have walked anyway.
She put him in an impossible position time and time again.
When would he stop paying for the idiot his fifteen-year-old self had been?
“Packing as fast as they can. Damon sent a couple of his men to escort them to London. Hannah was already in England. She’s at Oxford, but Arran is going to have to be pulled out of school,”
Big Tag replied. “The Swedish police are watching them for now. Once they’re at The Garden, they’ll have twenty-four-seven security. But I have to worry about Jax and Tucker. Robert’s already got his family at The Garden. They’ve been living in London in a townhouse, but it’s better to close ranks at this point.”
He studied Kala as they began to talk about logistics. Which was supposed to be his area of expertise, but his brain wasn’t working on anything but her right now. Tristan was saying something about flying to Colorado to escort Jax Lee and his family back to Texas. Someone talked about Wyoming. He was pretty sure that was where Tucker lived. All of the men from the team so long ago would have to go into hiding.
Kala was perfectly flawless. She’d changed into street clothes, and gone were the pretty pink curls, replaced with a ponytail that accented her high cheekbones and the lips he’d kissed.
He’d kissed her and it had been everything. It had been like coming fucking home, and then it had all gone wrong.
How had it gone wrong? In the beginning she’d responded to him. There hadn’t been any hesitation in her kiss. She hadn’t fought him when he’d picked her up—and he’d done it for exactly the reason she thought he had. So everyone would know. He knew she would want to keep it on the down low, but he had no intention of being her dirty secret. He could be her booty call but not a secret.
Not like he’d made her when they were young.
He shoved aside the gut-gnawing guilt he felt.
She’d had a reaction. Likely to his weight being on her. Had she felt pinned down? Had it been too much dominance for the Dominatrix?
“I’ve called the Swedes, and they’re going to work with us,”
Big Tag said, running a hand over his barely-there hair. He’d seen pictures of Big Tag when he’d had blond hair that brushed his shoulders, but as long as Coop could remember he’d had a high and tight. He’d likely gotten pulled out of a privacy room, too, since he was almost certain Big Tag and Charlotte had come from Sanctum.
“They’re sending us CCTV footage from around the neighborhood,”
Drake said since the gang was all here. It was a whole lot of Agency in his happy place. “I’m surprised Huisman didn’t find a way to turn off the cams.”
The woman at the end of the table cleared her throat, and all eyes turned to her. “Have we considered the fact that this might not be Huisman?”
The profiler/therapist the Agency had sent was here as well. She sat beside Drake, who was as casual as he’d ever seen the man in sweats and a T-shirt, with rumpled hair. Like he’d rolled out of bed to get here, which he probably had. Unlike Ian and Charlotte, he hadn’t been at Sanctum since his wife wasn’t with him.
Lena Gallagher, however, looked like she was ready for work. If the late hour bothered her, it didn’t show. She wore a perfectly tailored business suit, her chin-length bob smooth and straight, and her makeup done.
Big Tag’s brow rose. “Who the hell else would it be? Dr. Walsh is a renowned neuroscientist. She’s a researcher at this point and working on curing Alzheimer’s. Do you think the disease is sending out bombs to kill her?”
Big Tag was spicy when he was tired. Kala’s gaze slid his way, her eyes flaring slightly as if to say here we go. He let his lips curl. She was endlessly amused by her father, and they loved to watch when he got started up. Cooper loved sharing it with her.
And then she shut down as though she remembered what had happened.
Was that all she was remembering?
“Well, Mr. Taggart, it feels petty for Dr. Huisman,”
Lena began, ignoring the sarcasm from Big Tag. “I’ve made a study of the man, and he tends to be a big-picture sort of guy. Don’t get me wrong. I’m certainly not saying the doctor isn’t capable of murder. He obviously is, but I believe he would do it in a more spectacular fashion.”
“He likes bombs,”
Kenzie pointed out. “He’s blown up shit across the globe. Sounds like Huisman to me.”
Kenzie was glaring at the psychologist, which was odd because Kenz was almost always friendly. But then she kind of glared at him right now, too. He would bet Kala hadn’t said a word about what had happened.
If he hadn’t made a big deal, hadn’t let his ego get in the way, she wouldn’t have had to. She might have been able to quietly disentangle herself.
Thank the fucking universe for his ego because he wanted to be entangled.
“Huisman isn’t the only one who is heavily connected to bombs,”
Lena pointed out, also ignoring Kenzie’s pointed jabs. “What I mean by the big picture is everything Huisman has done to this point has benefitted his plans for the Disrupt organization. The shadow one, of course.”
“Uhm, pretty sure Kala would disagree,”
Lou said. She’d been watching him, too, obviously trying to figure out what had happened.
“I don’t know about that,”
Kala replied. “In this I might agree with the doc.”
“How so?”
Charlotte’s head tilted slightly, taking in her daughter. “I think what was done to you was pointedly about the grudge he has against your father.”
“But that wasn’t his plan.”
Kala turned in her seat, facing her mother. “Taking me was a mistake. He even told me he hadn’t planned to move so quickly, but he wouldn’t waste the chance. He wanted information from Tristan, and more importantly, Zach.”
“Exactly,”
Lena said, nodding Kala’s way with an approving smile. “Huisman’s plans were about discovering the identity of the bombmaker, which brings us to Zach.”
“Yes, he obviously knows more about the bombmaker than we understood.”
Big Tag sighed as though tired of the whole thing. “But if you are trying to convince me Zach planted that bomb, you’re barking up the wrong tree. Zach barely knows Dr. Walsh. He met her briefly once. He has no reason to hurt her.”
“Unless he’s in league with Huisman, and he lied about wanting information from Zach.”
Lena sat back. “We’ve already established that Huisman’s true goal is chaos. What better chaos than to be working with a member of your team? Especially if there’s a possibility of Zach returning in some way to the fold. He would be able to give you a lot of misinformation. It’s obvious you don’t believe Zach is capable of this kind of crime, but we have already established he’s murdered one man in cold blood.”
“The Jester,”
Charlotte said. “Who is an arms dealer who fed multiple wars and criminal organizations. I get what you’re saying, but you don’t know Zach. There’s something bigger here we don’t understand.”
“All right.”
Lena studied Charlotte for a moment. “You care for Zach and I understand, but I would like for the group to at least consider what I’m saying. I wasn’t placed in this position for my good looks. I know what I’m talking about, and in this case I believe I can think more clearly about the situation.”
She held up a hand as if to ward off the inevitable arguments. “If I’m wrong, all you’ve done is be more careful. I suspect you’ll hear from Zach at some point, and he’ll come with explanations and apologies. He’ll play on the sympathy he knows he’ll get from you. Be careful, Mrs. Taggart. Your operatives need to be careful as well.”
She stood and collected her designer bag, settling it on her shoulder. “Now, I’m going to get back to my hotel and get some sleep since it’s easy to see I’m causing problems here.”
Drake looked up at her. “Lena, you don’t have to go.”
She shook her head. “They’re emotional, and I’m making it worse. I’ll be back at the Ferguson Clinic tomorrow. Mr. Taggart offered me an office in his building, but the clinic is quite nice, and I won’t be a focal point there. Please keep me up to date on anything I need to know. Kala, I’ll see you soon.”
Cooper winced at the thought but Kala merely nodded, and Lena exited stage left. He wondered what she thought about being dragged into a meeting at a lifestyle club. Drake was in the lifestyle, and he and his wife attended a club in DC, but somehow he couldn’t see the perfectly controlled therapist being interested in D/s. He could be wrong.
Drake looked Ian and Charlotte’s way, his eyes narrowing. “You know who she is and what she’s here to do.”
Charlotte tucked a strand of strawberry blonde hair behind her ear. “I know she’s trying to sway my team to believe Zach is the bad guy here.”
“She’s not wrong,”
Ian said tightly. “I’m not saying Zach is evil, just that we should be careful and keep an open mind. We don’t know what forces are pushing on him right now, what kind of trouble he’s in. We don’t know who or what he’s protecting.”
“Well, I would think it’s the bombmaker,”
Tristan said with a frown. “At least it seemed that’s what Huisman believed. But I can’t see Zach trying to kill Dr. Walsh. He wouldn’t have any reason to.”
“Unless he was working with Huisman,”
TJ replied. “I know. I don’t believe it either, but Huisman plays games. What if this is all part of his game?”
“I need to see the bomb,”
Lou said resolutely. “Can I get on a plane? I suspect the Swedish police aren’t going to turn it over any time soon, and getting my hands on it would help enormously. I’ve studied the bombmaker’s work. I can tell you if it’s his.”
Drake nodded and sighed as though happy to have something active to do. “Yes. I’ll inform the Swedish police you’re coming. You and TJ can fly out tomorrow.”
“Tris can go with them,”
Big Tag said.
Kala’s hand came up. “I think I should be the one to go.”
Ian’s eyes lit with what Cooper always thought of as his karma’s-about-to-bite-your-ass expression. “Nope. You’ll be hiding because your sister is going to Toronto to update the Canadians.”
Kenzie jumped in her seat, hands clapping. “Really?”
Ian groaned. “Well, now I’m thinking I should send someone else. Tasha could go with Dare.”
“I’ll be good. You know I will,”
Kenzie promised. “And I’ll get way more out of Ben Parker than anyone else will. He’s the subject matter expert on Huisman. I’d like to know what he thinks of the attack on Dr. Walsh.”
She managed to sound halfway professional.
“I think it should be me,”
Kala argued. “Kenz is way too interested in Parker’s abs.”
Kenzie’s jaw dropped. “Seriously?”
Big Tag shook his head. “We are not fighting about this. Kala, you aren’t going. You have an appointment with Dr. Gallagher and physical therapy you shouldn’t miss. You are not clear to be out in the field yet, and honestly, the last fucking place I would send you to is Toronto. So stand down. I can’t send you to Sweden because there’s only one Ms. Magenta out in the world at a time, and it’s not you.”
A faint flush stained her cheeks, but she let out a deep breath and stared straight ahead. “Understood.”
“All right, then let’s get out of here.”
Big Tag stood. “Drake, why don’t you come by our place tomorrow for breakfast and we’ll discuss this situation. I know exactly what Dr. Gallagher is here to do, which is probably why my wife wants to murder her.”
Drake groaned and stood. “All right. Let’s get some sleep.”
The rest of the team made for the door, Kala pushing her chair back and starting to exit. Kenzie followed her, obviously wanting a word. Cooper meant to have one, too. He stood, ready to corner Kala and get to the bottom of whatever had happened in the privacy room.
“Not you.”
Big Tag blocked his way.
There weren’t many men who were as tall as Cooper, but Big Tag looked him straight in the eyes. “I need to talk to Kala.”
Big Tag glanced around, making sure they were alone and the door was shut. “You need to tell me what the fuck happened tonight.”
Well, there was a reason the man worked for the Agency. “I should point out that it’s none of your business, but I’m curious as to which of our so-called friends saw you walking in and immediately informed you Kala and I are taking our relationship to another level. Again, not anyone’s business but ours.”
One side of Tag’s mouth curved up. “Impressive. I almost want to honor that because it truly should be your business. If all I’d heard was that you finally got your hands on my daughter after all these years and she seems happy, I wouldn’t be having what is likely going to be a very awkward conversation. But she does not look happy, Cooper.”
“It didn’t go the way we thought it would.”
He wanted to walk away, but no one knew Kala like her father did. Not even her twin. Lou might have all the information, but she couldn’t know what it felt like to be Kala. The closest he had was Big Tag. “I wanted to go slow. She wanted fast and then… I think she was reliving something. She went somewhere else for a moment. And I’m a guy so…”
Big Tag slumped back in his chair, a weary sigh coming from his chest. “So your dick didn’t care that she was having a post-traumatic episode and the inevitable happened. Tell me you wore a condom.”
Sometimes it was best to be upfront with the man. He sank back into his seat, too. “Nope. I know my last tests came back healthy, and quite frankly, if she wants to baby trap me, I’ll walk right into it. I’ll happily provide logistics for her ops with one of those baby carriers strapped to my chest.”
“Damn it. I want to hate you,”
Ian admitted.
“Because of that night.”
They hadn’t talked about it in years. Years where he was completely uncertain how this man, who was such an important part of his life, felt about him. Maybe it was time they all talked about it, stopped pretending it wasn’t a wall between them.
Icy blue eyes pinned Cooper. “You made her feel small.”
“I know.”
There was nothing to do but take whatever Ian was going to give him. He’d been wrong, and they were still paying for it. “And I continued to do it because I was too scared to talk to her about what happened. Not just when she was kidnapped, but what my words to her that night did to her. Now she doesn’t want to.”
“Oh, I assure you somewhere deep down she wants to, but you might not like what she has to say,”
Ian countered.
Her father didn’t understand how far he would go for her. “I would take it. You need to know if I didn’t think I’m the best man for her, I would walk away in a heartbeat.”
“I’m worried you’re the only man for her, and if she can’t have you, she’ll be alone forever.”
Ian’s expression softened slightly.
Cooper touched his chest, placing his hand over his heart. “I’m right here. I’ve been very clear about wanting to try. I haven’t looked at another woman since I joined this team. I’ve supported her work both with the Agency and in the lifestyle. Then she comes to me tonight and wants what she calls ‘stress relief,’ and I was willing to be that, too, because I know it’s bullshit. She needs another name for it. She can’t love me because I hurt her and it’s scary, so I let her hide a little while longer.”
“See, this is why I can’t hate you,”
Ian admitted. “You really do know her.”
Tonight made him question what he thought he knew. “Not everything. I don’t know what was going through her head tonight. But then she didn’t want to talk to me about what happened in Toronto. I had to read the reports to know the basics, and I’m sure she hid the worst of it.”
“Her heart stopped.”
Those words felt like a land mine he’d stepped on. Cooper felt sick. He’d known it was bad. Sometimes he thought he was still stuck in that moment when Ben Parker carried her out of a burning house. “That wasn’t in the report.”
“It wasn’t in the one the team got, but I assure you, it was in the one the Agency has,”
Ian explained. “Why do you think I’m benching her when she wants so fucking badly to get back into the field and prove to herself nothing changed? She didn’t even want to see a cardiologist to make sure her heart’s okay. I had to force her. She’s pissed at me, and when she’s mad at me, it’s one less person she’s willing to talk to. I tried to get her to see Kai when we got back, but she insisted she was fine. I don’t know whether to be relieved or worried that she’s agreed to see Dr. Gallagher.”
Cooper knew that particular truth. “She thinks if she convinces the doctor she’s solid, she’ll back off. We all know she’s here to evaluate us. Probably to finish the job Zach didn’t manage to do.”
If they shut down the team, it wasn’t like Kala would come home and start a job at MT. They would move her to another team, another handler, and he would be right back in the Navy flying helos.
Or he would cash out and start his life back here. Either way, he wouldn’t be with her.
“I only want her to talk to someone,”
Big Tag admitted.
“I wish she would talk to me. She does about some things.”
She talked to him about how afraid she was to lose Lou when she and TJ got together. How it felt like everyone was going to leave her behind as they started their lives. She’d been halfway through a bottle of Cab that night, and they’d sat on the roof of The Hideout, looking out over the Dallas skyline. She’d let him hold her hand, and for once he felt like he was giving her something. “Should I walk away? Would she be more open to a relationship with the men she sees if I wasn’t in the picture?”
“The men she sees?”
Big Tag’s expression went blank. “Have you met these men?”
“No. She’s very private about her sex life.”
Ian nodded. “Yes, she is. And isn’t that odd since no one else is. Her sisters can’t fucking stop talking about their sex lives. Lou and TJ just do it wherever they happen to be standing. I do not know how she works when he’s on top of her all the time. Kala is surrounded by people who are perfectly comfortable talking about sex, and do you know how many boyfriends she’s brought home?”
He was sure it was at least one or two. “She had a couple in college, from what I understand.”
“Did she?”
Ian asked. “Or did she tell us that? I don’t know because I never met the fuckers, and when I followed them around for a couple of days, I realized they were just men in her classes. She had no interaction with them outside of class, so unless they were fucking in the closet…”
A chill went through him. “Ian, tell me she’s not a virgin. She can’t possibly be a virgin.”
One big shoulder shrugged. “Well, probably not now unless you didn’t actually make it inside her.”
He felt his whole world shift because all this time he’d thought she was trying to find happiness the way everyone did. He’d thought she was dating and hadn’t found the right one, thought she was enjoying sex the way she should when she was young. He’d heard stories she would tell about seducing targets. “Why? Why would she lie about it?”
“Because it’s easier than admitting why she’s afraid of sex. Look, Cooper, I know why she’s been skittish. It’s a combination of something that happened to her when she was young and you. I’m not going to tell you about the event. That has to come from her. But I will talk about you. She is now and has always been sick in love with you. Kenzie fell in and out of love a million times. It’s why I’m not worried about the Canadian. She’ll move on eventually. But Kala is a different story. She’s me, and if I hadn’t found my Charlie, I would have been alone. Don’t get me wrong, I had girlfriends and I had subs, but I wouldn’t have opened myself up to anyone but Charlie. I had one shot, and for a long time I thought it was over. When I thought Charlie was dead, I shut myself off. Only thing that saved my relationship with my brother was his wife. Hell, there were times I didn’t want a relationship with anyone. It would be easier to go lone wolf and let the job be my life. I worry she’s in that stage right now, and whatever the hell happened tonight is going to push her to do it.”
“I love your daughter,”
Cooper said quietly, emotion welling through him. “I’ve always loved her. I was a child and I wanted to fit in. I thought if I did everything right, made everyone like me, showed everyone I was good at sports and popular, then I would be worthy of them.”
Ian looked at him with something akin to sympathy. He didn’t pretend to not understand. “Your parents loved you from the moment they saw you. It never mattered Eve didn’t carry you. They didn’t give a crap you don’t share DNA. I assure you I love my Tasha every bit as much as my biological children, but I do understand that it can feel like you don’t belong. Have you thought about finding your biological mother?”
He shook his head. “I don’t need to meet her. I have a mother, and I don’t need anyone else. I got over it, but how I felt when I was fifteen hurt the girl I loved then. She scared me back then.”
“Because everything that makes her a strong, resourceful woman made her a difficult child. That’s the sharp edge of parenting they don’t tell you about. It’s hard when you can see so clearly what a teacher calls stubbornness will one day be determination,”
Ian admitted. “You have to figure out how to balance fitting in with not losing what makes your child special. It was easy as breathing for Kenzie. Tash had to learn. My boys are knuckleheads, and oddly that made everyone love them, but Kala was different.”
“And I made it worse because I wanted her but I didn’t want anyone to know I wanted her. Like she was something I should hide.”
The old guilt settled on him, and now it held a new edge since there was something he didn’t know. And something he did. He’d wrecked her first time. “I should leave.”
Ian’s face fell. “And I’m back to hating you.”
“She didn’t trust me enough to tell me she was a virgin,”
Cooper argued. “I don’t know how to deal with that. I joined the team because I wanted another chance with her, but I worry I’m hurting her. Seeing her… She almost died. I wanted to fucking lie down and die with her.”
Ian slapped the table, the sound reverberating through the conference room. “Then live for her. Don’t give up. If you genuinely believe you’re the best man for her, you don’t give up. Not until she tells you she can’t love you and asks you to leave. Has she done that?”
“No. But I can’t do what I want to do.”
“And what’s that?”
Ian asked.
This was the crux of his problem when it came to sex with the woman he loved. “Top her. I know she identifies as a Domme, but she needs a top, Ian.”
“I would say she’s actually more of a switch,”
Ian said, proving he didn’t have a problem talking about sex. “But there’s a wall she can’t break down on her own. So you might have to be sneaky. You already are. You think I don’t see you manipulate her?”
“It’s not manipulation.”
Cooper didn’t like the word. “It’s about figuring out how to get her what she needs when she doesn’t think she needs it. Things like affection and taking care of her. So if I stop by a bakery on my way to work, I pick up a chocolate croissant because she’ll tell herself she doesn’t need the carbs. But if I paid for it, she doesn’t want to waste the money.”
Ian shrugged. “All right. I’ll give you that, but it’s still a way to top her. A sneaky top. Now you have to figure out what will make her comfortable in bed. And you need to do it fast, son. If you give her a couple of days, she’ll talk herself out of it. But if it was right there and presented in a way she understands, then maybe…”
Oh, he had his thinking cap on. Big Tag could come up with a plan. “What are you planning?”
A smile hit the big guy’s face.
An evil smile. Cooper sighed because this was absolutely going to be embarrassing.