Chapter Eleven
Cooper checked out the van, but it looked like Zach’s aunt lived lean. There weren’t a bunch of mementoes stocked there. There wasn’t much of anything beyond some blankets and pillows and a couple of books and dry goods. It looked like she’d taken a lot with her when she’d walked into the woods.
“And you’re sure Joyce isn’t in trouble?”
the man who owned the store asked. He’d been introduced as Buddy. Buddy owned this general store and was friendly with their target.
He shouldn’t think of her as a target. She was Zach’s aunt, and maybe she could explain why one of his best friends had lost his damn mind.
More importantly, she might be able to tell them how to get Zach back in the fold.
“I’m sure. I promise you, she’s not in trouble.”
The man who’d picked them up at the airport was acting as something of a go-between with the suspicious small-town citizens. Henry Flanders knew pretty much everyone in Southern Colorado. He and his wife were very important to the communities. They weren’t in Bliss, but Henry still had pull. “Do you want to talk to the sheriff? I assure you he wouldn’t be cooperating if he didn’t trust these people.”
“They look like Feds,”
Buddy said with a frown.
Kala snorted. “Do not. I mean, I know he does. He’s Navy, by the way. I’m way cooler. I’m with the CIA.”
What? “Uh, hello, undercover?”
Kala waved him off. “I’m not lying to the people here.”
She turned to the man. “Look, I spent a lot of time in these woods, a lot of time in Henry’s town. I understand you deserve your privacy, but I have to weigh that against Joyce’s nephew’s safety. I need to find Zach, and she’s my best bet. Now he might be in trouble since his ass apparently tried to explode a friend of ours.”
“He did?”
the man asked, eyes wide.
He had zero idea what she was doing. Was she planning on handing over the mission briefing to the dude who ran a small general store?
“He didn’t do a great job,”
Kala admitted. “Which is why I wonder about the whys. See, I don’t like to admit this but he’s actually competent. He doesn’t make mistakes. He wouldn’t simply guess and hope he hits his target.”
They’d spent the last night prepping for the op and then falling into bed together. And on the kitchen table. And on the couch. Brianna had protested that she used the couch, too, and Kala had given her permission to go to town on it. Bri had not been amused.
Having her sit next to him in the copilot’s seat had been… Well, it was his two favorite things together. Chocolate and peanut butter. Flying and Kala.
Now he wondered what she’d been thinking about the whole time. What had she worked out in that magnificent brain of hers? She wouldn’t talk about what his mother had said, waving him off with promises of not getting her butt hurt. She’d been more willing to talk about a contract. He now had the right to hold her hand when she didn’t need it to stab someone with—she’d insisted on the wording—and the right to sleep next to her when they were in the same place at the same time. Because it was easier than making two beds.
His girl was so fucking romantic.
“You thinking he could be in trouble?”
The store owner was coming around. It was clear Kala’s openness was winning him over.
Kala nodded. “I do. I think he’s in serious trouble, and he’s my friend. I understand if you want to contact her and tell her we’re coming, but she could help us help him.”
“Oh, I can’t contact Joyce. When she goes off the grid, she’s really off the grid,”
the man said. “But if I hear anything, I’ll let Henry here know and he can contact you.”
Henry had their sat number. “We’ll be monitoring the situation from Bliss. If anyone needs help, we’ll be able to come in via chopper if we need to.”
“We aren’t going to need a chopper.”
Kala stepped away from the van and picked up her kit. They’d carefully packed the night before, Kala checking his twice. Not because she didn’t trust him, but because it was kind of her love language. Making sure he had the things he would need so she didn’t worry. Because she would worry. Now he wondered how worried she was about Zach. About the whole team.
Despite all the sex of the last few days, there was something brewing inside his baby. Some storm she wouldn’t talk about until it turned into a hurricane. He intended to calm that storm before it blew them both away. “We’ll be fine.”
He picked up his pack and looked out over the trail. It began behind the store and would take them into the Rockies. Henry had given them a map with the known trails, but both he and Kala knew they would be going off the beaten path. Henry and some of the citizens of Bliss had marked up possible places where she could be camping. And there was a place they shouldn’t go into because of alien mating practices. He hadn’t completely understood what that old dude had been saying, but Kala had listened to him carefully and promised she would allow no aliens to breach Cooper’s… Well, he was pretty sure she’d been talking about his asshole when they’d discussed probing.
It was a weird place. He’d only been to this part of the world a couple of times, when his parents had visited the Taggarts during the summers they spent here. The family owned a cabin in Bliss, and Kala had gone with her dad even after her sisters had stopped.
He’d missed her those summers.
And sometimes he’d been relieved because he didn’t have to be “him”
when she was around. His youthful self had enjoyed playing the popular kid who didn’t ask the hard questions, who didn’t have to feel the way she always made him feel. Kala challenged him. She poked and prodded and forced him to be better. When he was younger it sometimes rankled. Now he understood how good she was for him. How she made him a better man. Like his parents had done for each other.
Now all he had to do was convince the most stubborn woman in the world that he was good for her, too.
“We’re hiking the main trail to Big Meadows, and we’ll camp there tonight,”
Kala explained. “I’ve talked to the park rangers and they’ve agreed to help, but no one’s seen her since three days ago when she was camped out near Alberta Falls. We can get there in the morning and that’s where we’ll start. Thanks for the ride, Henry, and please tell your daughter I said hello.”
Henry snorted. “Really? We’re pretending I only have the one?”
Kala settled her big pack on her shoulders. “You have a lovely daughter named Poppy, who is the best, and you somehow ended up with Lucifer.”
Henry’s sigh spoke of long suffering as he turned to Cooper. “Lucy. Her name is Lucy. Lucy Brooke Flanders. She’s… Well, she’s actually a lot like Kala, so they don’t necessarily get along. I’ll send her your well wishes.”
“For her hair to fall out,”
Kala quipped.
“Well, that’s progress. The last time she hoped for Lucy to get stabbed. And offered to be the one to do it.”
Henry slapped his shoulder in a manly fashion. “I’m going to have to go with Kala’s dad on this one. Wear a condom, man. Kids will kill you.”
“Lucifer certainly will,”
Kala grumbled. Cooper wanted that story out of her, but it would have to wait because he planned on spending this time they had together talking about the future. And the past.
They began down the trail.
Day One
Hours and hours later, Cooper settled in by the fire Kala had made with a practiced hand. He’d passed all sorts of survival courses, gone camping with his family, and learned how to survive, but Kala thrived out here. She seemed beautifully settled as she stared into the warm glow of the fire. He studied her profile, loving the strong line of her jaw.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked.
They’d had a shockingly good meal of rehydrated beef stew, and he’d learned Kala made it herself. She owned a dehydrator and apparently tested out new recipes from time to time. It was a hell of a lot better than the prepackaged MREs he bought. He’d eaten the food she’d cooked and felt…taken care of. So often the people around her didn’t realize she was taking care of them in little ways. They only saw the warrior.
She settled back against the log they’d dragged over to form a sitting area. “I was thinking about trying this meatball recipe, but I’m not sure how well it’ll dry out. I was also wondering if it might not be fun to try a couple of recipes and have a dehydrated dinner party, but then Lucas would get all chef douche on me and stuff.”
“We could have a sub dinner,”
Cooper offered. “You know they would love to see you in a more relaxed setting.”
Her nose wrinkled. “I want to hate that idea.”
But she didn’t, and it gave him an excellent way to bring some domesticity to their new paradigm. “We can have it at my place since it appears I’m living alone again. Nate was supposed to take over Aidan’s room. I thought Zach might move in for a while.”
“It must be nice to be alone,” she said.
“I hate it. I never wanted to live by myself, though I am considering talking to Tris’s parents about buying the place.”
When they’d all gotten out of college, Tristan’s parents had bought the four-bedroom ranch house he and Tris and Aidan had lived in for years while they’d built their careers. It had been a way station for him and Tris as they’d been in the military and then the Agency, but he was giving up his commission. He only wanted to work with his team, and honestly, only until she wanted out.
His plan was to follow her. If that meant he became a commercial pilot because they could use the money, he was up for it. If he only ever flew for the Agency…or hopefully for McKay-Taggart someday, he was okay with that, too.
“Really? You don’t think it’s too big? Or are you planning to get some more roommates?”
The thought made him shudder. The only one he would have considered was Zach. He loved his friends, but he was over the whole woman-a-night thing, party-all-the-time phase of his life. Not that he’d actually had the woman-a-night thing. He’d been more of a serial monogamist, and even then there hadn’t been many girlfriends. But he’d liked a party. Now he wanted to sit down at night with her and watch TV and pet the dog and have her fall asleep on his lap. “No. I just think it’s time, and I have some money to invest. A house is almost always a good investment. Besides, maybe someday someone will want to move in with me.”
“That’s what I’m saying,”
she replied with a nod. “You can charge rent if you own the house. I do think there are a couple of guys looking for a new place. James doesn’t want to stay with his parents anymore now that he’s done with grad school. I’m pretty sure I heard one of the line chefs at Top is looking for a new place. His apartment got flooded, and it’ll take weeks to get it back in shape.”
She could be very literal at times. “Baby, I wasn’t talking about one of the guys. Don’t get me wrong. I was planning on letting Zach stay with me but only because I thought he was settling down with Devi. I don’t want a roommate who brings home women every night.”
“Well, he was probably going to bring home Devi,”
she pointed out.
“No, he was probably going to drop his stuff off and then spend every moment he could at Devi’s.”
At least that had been the plan when they’d talked about it. It was hard to believe Zach hadn’t meant every word, but then there was a lot he didn’t know about the guy. “I was talking about you. I was hoping maybe you would move in.”
“Why would I… Is this because I make the bed and you don’t like to make the bed?”
Kala asked, her eyes narrowing.
It’s because I fucking love you and want to spend every moment with you and want us to build something beautiful together. It’s what he wanted to say, but he had to be patient. “Yes. I hate making the bed.”
She sobered and sighed. “No, you don’t. I know it seems ridiculous…”
“It’s not.”
She had boundaries she thought she had to defend, but she was allowing him to gradually remove some bricks. Soon he would have a whole door, and he would be on the other side of all her walls. “We move as fast or slow as you want.”
She chuckled. “Sure, babe. This is all on my time.”
She wasn’t wrong, and it felt like an opening since she wasn’t shutting him down. “How honest can I be?”
“And not scare me off?”
She seemed to think about the question for a moment. “Hit me. I can handle it.”
He wasn’t sure, but this was a good opening. “If you would have talked to me, I would have been your boyfriend after that night. I knew I had screwed up so royally and it made me ache inside, but I would have done anything to have changed that night.”
She was silent for a moment, her head turned up to the stars. “If it helps, I think you were right.”
“About the sex, yes, I was.”
He was only going to agree with her so far. “But not the rest. I know I sometimes made you feel like I was hiding you, but when you started school again, you were the one who ignored me. I can’t help but think it’s because you blamed me for what happened to you. I’ll take it. I’ll take that blame because I never should have allowed you to leave.”
“Like you could have stopped me,”
Kala argued.
“I could have tried.”
He remembered back to the night and the awful time when he’d had no idea where she was. “I was sick. So sick. After your parents went to find you, I sat there praying I would see you again. And when I did, you looked through me. I know it’s not fair. I know I’m the one who screwed up, but I hated the fact that you couldn’t look at me because you were the only one who really saw me.”
“I think everyone saw you, Coop. You were like the king of high school.”
“They saw the me I wanted them to see. They didn’t see me. They saw the scared kid who thought he had to be perfect or his parents might regret adopting him.”
“You know that wasn’t true.”
She’d told him a million times. Naturally she was the only one he’d told, and when she’d stopped talking to him, he’d stopped talking about it. Years and wisdom had solved the problem, but he’d missed her. “It felt like it at the time. And it wasn’t anything my parents did. It was me. I wondered if there was something I should know, some, I don’t know, weird DNA trick waiting to make me someone else. Like badness or laziness can be inherited. I know nothing about my birth mother. I’m okay with that now, but at the time I questioned everything. Including why she gave me away.”
“She probably wanted what was best for you and she couldn’t give it. Or she didn’t want a kid,”
Kala said with her usual logic. She frowned. “But it was probably like the first one. Like she loved you and stuff but didn’t have any money.”
He grinned her way. She wasn’t trying to be mean. She often said what she was thinking around him. Kala would be utterly closed lipped around anyone she didn’t know, but she let all her thoughts flow with him. Even if she didn’t admit it, she felt safe with him. “Baby, what else went through your head? Please? I want to hear it.”
She frowned and looked adorable with all that pink hair piled high on her head. “Fine. I was thinking she also might have been on the run from a drug cartel and she had to give birth in a bathroom and she knew a kid would weigh her down while she plotted her bloody revenge and one day when she’s killed everyone she needs to, she’ll come back and be like ‘hey, I’m your mom.’”
He reached out and brushed a hand across her hair. “You should have been a novelist.”
“Too many words. But I do like a good story.”
She moved closer to him, dragging her blanket along. “You don’t still think that way, do you?”
“No. Not at all.”
He stroked her hair again and she sighed and laid down, her head on his lap, eyes facing toward the fire. “I know my parents love me. I know they want what’s best for me.”
She snorted. “They definitely want that.”
“And what’s best for me is you,”
he said quietly.
Her hand came out to cover his knee in what felt like a deeply possessive gesture. “Your mother would disagree, and you’re a bastard because I didn’t want to talk about this.”
He wanted her possessive. She was a Taggart lion, and they didn’t share the things they loved. He wanted to be something she didn’t share.
“We don’t have to, but I don’t think you understand what she means, baby.”
He kept up the slow stroking of her hair since he could feel her relaxing. “Even if we don’t talk about it, I need you to hear me on this. I love my mother. She would never ask me to choose. Never. But if on some separate plane of existence there lives an Eve McKay who would, I would choose you. Always.”
Her jaw went tight. “You just told me how much you care about their opinion.”
“Yes, I do, and you don’t understand her opinion. You always hear the words, but you often don’t get the intent behind them, especially when deep emotion is involved.”
She sat up suddenly, turning to him. “Because I don’t have emotions.”
He groaned but forged ahead because this was a conversation they needed to have. “Because you feel so fucking deeply you sometimes struggle to understand what other people feel. Especially if they aren’t perfectly clear in their wording.”
“You make me sound like a weirdo,”
she complained but with a huff that told him she wasn’t mad about it.
“I make you sound like someone who thinks differently, someone who sees the world in a way I can’t comprehend but I’m always in awe of. I am fairly certain my mother worries I won’t be good enough for you.”
She snorted.
“I broke your heart once and you didn’t let me back in for twelve years, Kala. Twelve years where I felt untethered,”
he explained. “Twelve years where I felt like I didn’t know who I was. Where I questioned if I ruined both our lives with a couple of foolish words and teenaged insecurities. I worried I wrecked us because I wasn’t as mature as you were. I have definitely spent the last twelve years worried that I don’t even know what I did to you because you won’t talk about it.”
She sighed and moved back to sit against the log. At least she was still close, their hips touching. “There’s not a lot to talk about.”
“You were gone for days.”
She was quiet for a moment and then her head tilted slightly. “I wasn’t tortured, if that’s what you’re worried about. I just had to listen to that Julia chick go on and on about Kyle. That was gross.”
So she wasn’t going to talk. Damn it. He wasn’t sure they could move forward until he truly understood what had happened the other night. “Okay. Was it something else? Something that happened in college, maybe? Or on an op?”
He worried about her on ops. Worried about the men she targeted deciding to take advantage of her. She was the strongest woman he knew, but there was only so much strength could save her from.
“This is one of those times when I wish I was Kenz and I could give you a cute girl smile and pretend to not understand you. I can do it, you know,”
she said quietly. “I can be Kenzie when we’re in the field. I can lie and be charming. But I can’t with you.”
He let his arm drift over the back of the log so it was almost around her shoulders. “I’m glad. I want to be your safe place.”
“I think you’re my weak spot.”
He turned slightly. “I’m not. I’m exactly what I said. I’m your safe place and you’re mine. I feel so bad I made you think I wasn’t for a long time. I know in that head of yours what’s happening between us is some kind of meaningless sex thing, but it’s not that way for me.”
Her eyes closed, and she seemed to come to some decision. “It’s not meaningless.”
“Again, I’m glad to hear it.”
She opened them, those clear blue eyes boring into his soul. “But I also don’t think it’s forever. I’m not going to make that mistake again.”
“Not a mistake. I was wrong.”
He could see the way her hands fisted and knew she was getting emotional. He wanted her that way—if the right emotion was involved. He was pretty sure she was feeling anxious and for her it came out as anger, and he didn’t want that between them. “Forget I said anything, baby. Come here. The solar’s got plenty of charge, and I know you’re listening to an audiobook. Let’s eat some cookies and listen.”
Her brow cocked. “You want to listen to fairies fucking?”
“Sure, why not.”
He didn’t care as long as she relaxed. “You had to listen to my music the whole flight. Come here. We won’t talk about anything but books and the op if you like.”
He held open the blanket he’d placed over his lap.
She didn’t move.
Had he lost her?
“I don’t know.”
She said the words solemnly and pulled her knees into her chest, wrapping her arms around them.
“You don’t know if you want cookies? Your mom made them. They’re delicious.”
She swallowed and seemed to find some courage. “I don’t know if they raped me or not. The asshole who put a needle in my neck promised me he would pass me around to all the guys while I was sleeping, and I don’t know what he did. I know I was sore, but I didn’t know how it would feel so I can’t be sure if it was because of a sexual assault or because I nearly took them all down. They were shitty fighters, by the way. I saw a doctor, but it was days later, and she couldn’t be certain. I’ve thought a lot about it lately, and I don’t think so. I think I would remember being sore the way I was a couple of days ago. But maybe your dick is bigger.”
His heart threatened to seize, and the world blurred as he stared at her. “Kyle said…”
“Yeah, I know what my cousin said. He wasn’t there the whole time. And now that I… Well, I think maybe he was right and there wasn’t enough time nor inclination for a group of mercenaries to gangbang an unconscious fifteen-year-old. The one who led them shot the Russian dude who threatened me. He wanted to sell me to a syndicate. Obviously not the one my mom used to belong to. He said people would pay money to be able to brag they hurt Dusan Denisovitch’s cousin. I don’t know if he did it because he didn’t want to have to protect me from his own men or because he didn’t want to share the money. You’re right. I struggle with emotional reasoning sometimes. Especially when I was younger. He said he didn’t have to share the money, and I believed him.”
Well, he’d wondered and now he knew. “You were a virgin.”
“Maybe. Maybe not,”
she replied. “I won’t ever truly know because all the people who could have told me are dead, and I’m also okay with that. I just…sometimes I wish I knew. I wish it wasn’t always there under the surface, this thing I can’t quite see. I don’t know if what’s dancing around underneath me is a shadow meaning nothing or a shark that’s going to eat me from the inside out. I know I lied.”
“About having sex?”
She’d alluded to previous boyfriends, but she’d never gone into details. Certainly not with him. “Not really, now that I think about it. You allowed people to think you had.”
“I wanted to be normal.”
“You are so much more than normal.”
He reached out and cupped her cheek. “If there is one thing it seems I learned since high school that you didn’t, it’s that normal isn’t something we should aspire to. You’re you, and I that-word-you-can’t-hear-me-say-yet you for it. I was a stupid kid who didn’t understand the magnificent woman in front of me. I do now. You think I’m going to revert back to form, like I’m going to wake up and want some sweet thing who doesn’t growl at me, who doesn’t fight the whole world.”
“Who could be a good wife and mom.”
Her words were so hollow it hit him in the gut.
“Are you fucking kidding? Baby, I’m going to have to ask what drugs you’re on now. You don’t think your mother was a good mom?”
“She was the best.”
“And she was weird as hell. She talked openly about her days as an assassin and regularly got caught having sex with your dad. She spent every Saturday night at a lifestyle club, and I’m pretty sure she helped bury a bunch of bodies because one of my core childhood memories is of our parents having a big fight about the hole they’d just dug and your mom complaining about the Agency needing to pay for dry cleaning. I won’t even go into your dad.”
Maybe he was asking the wrong questions. “Did you want something more normal? Did you want a white picket fence and perfect childhood?”
“It was perfect.”
There she was. “Yes, it was. And whatever life we can have together will be perfectly ours. I don’t want anything else. Anything less than the weird, magical world we can create together.”
She was silent for a long moment before turning her eyes his way, tears shining there. She never, ever cried. “I don’t know what I want, Coop. I don’t know that I want a family I might let down. I love my parents. I love my sisters and brothers, but sometimes I think about how much easier it would be if I didn’t.”
It made him ache because he knew he’d been the first real crack in her life. Sure, she’d gotten bullied for being weird and she’d known from a very young age that she didn’t fit like the rest of her family, but she’d persevered. She’d been strong even as a teen. It had been his betrayal that sent her here. Made her question. “It won’t be because no matter what your inner voices are telling you, you won’t be able to turn it off. That love you feel isn’t some switch you can flip. If it was, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now. You are a warrior goddess but what you don’t understand is what makes you truly strong is the delicate place inside that holds all your love. Even when it hurt, there was a part of you defending that place in your soul. If you could turn it off, you wouldn’t be the one everyone goes to when they need something.”
“That’s not true. Everyone goes to Kenz unless they need someone fucked up.”
She thought she was nothing more than an enforcer? “They go to Kenzie when they want a shoulder to cry on and someone who will agree with them. When they need real help and advice, they come to you. They come because you’ll tell them the truth and won’t judge them.”
“Oh, I judge plenty,”
she began.
She was not going to turn this into a rundown of all the dumb shit her cousins did. “All I’m saying is when they need a stereotypical mom they run to Kenz. When they need a dad…”
She groaned. “I know. I know they call me She-ian.”
“Yeah, like they call your Aunt Erin, who you think is the coolest woman on the planet. Also not a typical stand by your man, have dinner on the table and spurt out twelve kids trad wife. This is where you think my mom is saying one thing when it’s another. She’s using a bunch of therapy speak. She was worried we were getting in too deep as kids, and she’s worried I’ll hurt you now because I pretended to be something I’m not.”
“Something you’re not?”
“Yes. Baby, I’m good at one thing on this planet, and it’s not flying. Though I’m excellent at that. My parents are super smart. They’re problem solvers. They can save the world. I can fly anything with wings, but that’s not the job I’m truly excellent at. I’m good at doing that word we’re not saying yet when it comes to you. I might have been shitty at it in the past, but…”
She moved suddenly into his space, and her lips were on his. “Shut up, Coop. I can’t. I can’t fix things tonight, but I can promise you I’ll think about it. I can promise you that I won’t make decisions without talking to you.”
Shit. She was serious. Kala was the ultimate independent woman. If she was offering to discuss the future, then he had a real shot.
He wrapped his arms around her and sank into the now.
* * * *
Kala felt his tongue slide against hers and wondered how the hell she’d ever lived without this. How had she gotten through life without his hands on her, without the comfort of knowing he was hers?
How would she ever go back to not having it?
She kissed him, moving her body so she straddled him and got his cock against the juncture of her thighs. She didn’t make a move yet, simply wanted the feel of him. The warmth of him.
Every word he’d said slid into her soul, finding all the cracks in her walls. But instead of breaking her down, she somehow felt stronger. Like instead of splitting her walls, he’d simply found a way to the other side and then him being there strengthened her.
She’d meant what she’d told him. This wouldn’t be fixed in a night. It wouldn’t be decided by sex and talking. Time was what she needed.
She knew one thing. She was going to tell Lena that. Time. She needed time to decide if she would take the woman up on her offer because so many things Cooper said made sense.
Her mother wasn’t normal. Her father was so far from it he defied the very word.
And yet they were happy. They loved their family, loved her so much they’d supported her when they didn’t agree with her decisions.
Was that all that was required? Love.
What if she was being a coward by not asking the real questions—the ones she was afraid to ask. The ones that might mean she needed some help, and help seemed like weakness.
But she would never say that to a friend. Ever. Why did she deserve less?
Stop. She was going to spiral if she kept down this path. “Cooper, I need something.”
“Anything,”
he replied.
She knew exactly what could take her mind off all the questions roiling around in her brain. There was something they hadn’t done yet, and she wanted to know what it felt like. He’d spent an enormous amount of time pleasuring her with his mouth and tongue, and she wanted the same. She tossed the blanket aside and slid down his body, putting herself between his knees. He’d changed into sweatpants after they’d gotten the tent set up. Just one. They hadn’t even brought two, and she hadn’t pretended when she’d laid out their sleeping bags. One on bottom and another as a blanket, zipping them together to form a double bed.
For as long as they were together, she would be with him. And she would think about everything he’d said, about whether she could put aside the scared little girl and be the woman he needed.
She stared at him as she allowed her fingers to find the waistband of his sweats, dragging them down so his cock bounced free.
“Fuck,”
he hissed between clenched teeth. “You’re going to make me beg, aren’t you?”
She’d been thinking a lot about where they could go with this. “I don’t know if I’ll ever want you to spank me, Coop.”
“I don’t need to.”
“But I do kind of like the violet wand.”
She’d been introduced to it in her training classes at The Club. Every top was expected to experience what their subs went through, and she’d found the violet wand rather stimulating. What would it be like if she truly trusted the person on the other side?
His lips kicked up in the most devilish grin. “Oh, I can handle that, baby. And while I don’t think I ever want to lay over your knee, either, we can talk about other forms of play. You’ll find I’m quite open for the right woman. For a very specific woman. Touch me.”
So bossy. But it didn’t feel wrong with him. She wrapped her hand around that gorgeous dick of his and gave him a firm squeeze, loving the groan that went through her man.
Her man. For now.
Forever.
She would fuck up anyone who hurt him. Even if she had to leave, even if it couldn’t work, she would watch over him.
Which was exactly what the fucker meant when he’d said she couldn’t shut it off. She would never get the quiet she thought she wanted. Her heart wasn’t something she could cut out and throw away. Her love for him would always be there, the delicate part she protected because it made her who she was.
Was she lying to herself? Trying to take some easy way out because heartache was too much for her fragile fucking soul to handle?
“Baby, ask the important questions later. Focus on the task at hand. Please,”
he said with a low growl.
The man did know her. When she thought about it, he knew her better than anyone. She lowered her body down until she was right where she needed to be. Her skin felt electric. She didn’t have to decide. She could have this night and many more. They could explore. They could have fun.
She could give herself the time she needed to trust again. Not in him but in herself.
She licked the head of his cock. “I’m not sweet.”
His hand came out, running along her hair like she was something precious. “You can be.”
Delusional man. “I’m difficult.”
His eyes closed as she sucked his head inside her mouth. “I like difficult. I like a challenge. I don’t want a sheep, Kala.”
She gently dragged her teeth over the delicate skin, making him hiss. “I’m possessive.”
“So I have seen, baby,”
he replied.
“I might be a little on the vengeful side.”
She used her free hand to cup his balls. She liked the way they felt. The way he smelled. Masculine and clean and extremely aroused. For her.
“As Jimmy Roads probably still understands,”
he said between clenched teeth.
“Am I doing this right?”
She wasn’t sure. She’d seen some porn and listened to her sisters talk about the act since they had never once been taught shame, and that had been a mistake her parents made. But she hadn’t done it herself. “Also, it might have been more than Jimmy.”
“Fuck,”
he cursed as she licked him again. “You’re doing it perfectly, and I’m going to die soon if you don’t take me inside. Your mouth is going to feel so good, baby. Not as good as that sweet pussy of yours but almost. Put that tongue on me. Use your teeth, you gorgeous predator. I’ll love all of it.”
She settled in and let all those voices flow out of her head because he was more important. He needed her. Wanted her. So it was easier to shut off the negative flow that seemed to always fill her brain and concentrate on what mattered.
Her body never faltered. Her body always wanted him. Her body didn’t ask why, simply knew its mate and craved him.
It was enough for now.
She lowered her mouth down, sucking him deep and tasting his salty essence on her tongue. She rolled his balls in her hand and fucked him with her mouth until his fingers tightened on her hair.
“I’m going to come, baby,”
he warned. “I’d rather you were riding me when I do it.”
She gave him one last lick and sat up.
She wanted something else tonight. Now that she’d said it out loud, gone through all the logical twists of the situation she’d been in that night, she wanted more.
By the light of the fire, she pulled her T-shirt over her head, exposing her breasts. She stood and eased out of her pajama bottoms, taking her undies with her and kicking off her shoes.
He shoved his pants down further and got ready for her to straddle him.
Instead, she held out a hand.
“Kala?”
“Come with me. I made a bed for us,”
she offered.
He scrambled to his feet, shucking his clothes before taking her hand and letting her lead him to the tent. They would put out the fire later, but for now it gave the tent a gauzy, fantastical lighting.
Like they were in a faery forest and he was the man of her dreams, the one who didn’t want the princess. The dumb one who fell for the assassin.
Her reading was one of the only girly things about her. Or maybe it was time to throw out all those gender norms because they meant nothing. Her reading was part of her, like her writing had been. It was part of who she was, pieces that made a whole.
He was the biggest piece. The one that had been missing for so long.
“Let me lie down, baby,”
he offered. It was a tight space, and she was sure he was trying to make things easy on her.
She went first and laid her body on the bed she’d created, her head on the pillow, looking up at the most gorgeous man in the world as he stared down at her. Vulnerable. She was so vulnerable, and it was okay this time.
“Are you sure?”
he asked, his voice low and soothing, offering her everything. He wouldn’t mind if she wanted something different. Wouldn’t argue or fuss. He would give her what she needed.
But what she wanted was to be able to do everything with him. To have their intimacy wash away her doubts and fears so she was at peace with her past because either way, she was okay.
She held a hand out, and he fell to his knees.
He lowered himself on her, his mouth meeting hers. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him close. All of her possessive tendencies flared when she was with him. She wanted him beside her so she could watch over him, make sure he was okay.
She gasped when his cock rubbed over her clit, pressing the piercing there down. So wet. She could feel her arousal coating his dick, making them ready for what came next.
“I’ll never get used to this,”
he whispered before he thrust up inside her.
She held on as he began to move, allowing her body to follow the rhythm he set. There was no panic this time, no shadows worrying at the edge of her consciousness. This time there was only her and him. Kala and Cooper.
He kissed her over and over as his cock worked inside her, finding the place that made her moan, that sent her over the edge, her whole body tightening with pure pleasure. She held on so tight, not wanting the moment to end, but still, a deep sense of satisfaction flooded her veins as he stiffened above her. The heat of him filling her up was a drug she was fairly sure she was addicted to now.
But nothing was better than the way he felt when he dropped down on top of her, completely spent. His face found the crook of her neck and he held her.
“Baby, I…”
“I feel the same, Coop.”
She couldn’t hold the words back. Didn’t even want to. She’d always known she loved him.
“But you’re not ready to hear it,”
he whispered. “You’re not ready to say it fully.”
“Not yet. But someday. Soon. I promise.”
She held on to him and wished they never had to leave these woods.
Cooper chuckled. “I think if we ever have a wedding day, we should invite Jimmy. Like don’t we owe it to the dude to feed him chicken or beef? Give him a couple of drinks? He was probably the worst thing you did to a dude when you were younger.”
“Uhm….”
Maybe she was ready to leave.