Chapter 5
"Would you like some more, Amelia?" Ruby's mother asks when Amelia spears the last pieces of pasta on her plate.
It's Saturday, and she and Ruby have gone to have lunch with Ruby's mother as they try to do every weekend.
"No, Adele, I'm fine," Amelia says, smiling as she raises her hands. "It was delicious, but I can't eat another bite."
"Are you sure? You're both too skinny," Adele insists.
"You're the only one who's lost weight here, Mom," Ruby says bluntly.
Amelia smacks her on the thigh under the table, and Ruby straightens up as her mother pierces her with those dark, penetrating eyes.
"I'm sorry," she apologizes, softening her tone. "But I'm worried about you."
"I told you I'm fine," her mother insists.
"Yeah, well..." Ruby clears her throat. "I went to see the director of the volunteer center yesterday."
Adele puts her fork down beside her plate and focuses all her attention on her daughter.
"And why did you do that?"
Ruby doesn't let herself be intimidated by her narrowed gaze.
"He told me they miss you and that they could really use your help again.
Next weekend they've organized a collection drive at the soccer field.
People can donate unused clothes and small furniture that they'll sell at a charity market the following Sunday.
He says he'd love to have you there," Ruby explains.
"I'm not going," her mother cuts her off in a bad mood. "And you shouldn't have gone to talk to him behind my back. I don't need anyone taking care of me."
"I have to do something, Mom. You refuse to leave this place. You've been shut in for months."
"Because I'm not ready!" Adele shouts.
"I wasn't ready either, but I made an effort and moved forward," Ruby says.
"You had Amelia. I had no one."
Her mother's words hit Ruby like a rock to the head.
"And what am I, Mom?" she asks, her throat tight.
Adele looks at her, aware she's gone too far.
"Let's all calm down," Amelia interjects, taking her girlfriend's hand. "Ruby's just worried, Adele. You wouldn't want to see her the way she sees you right now."
"I know, and I'm sorry," says Adele. "I didn't mean it like that."
The woman stands up and positions herself behind her daughter's chair, hugging her tightly from behind to kiss the top of her head.
"I'm sorry, honey. I know you worry, and I'll try harder, but I don't want to go to that collection drive," she says tenderly.
"That's okay," Ruby accepts, reaching up to squeeze her mother's arm.
Adele returns to her seat and decides to change the subject while refilling their half-empty water glasses.
"How's Ellie?"
Adele's question is the most natural thing in the world considering she's known Ellie all her life and loves her like a daughter. Ruby told her that Ellie is divorcing Marcel; the problem is that she hasn't told Amelia. Ruby feels her stomach twist.
"She's fine," her daughter responds, tensing in her chair.
Her mind works quickly to find something to change the subject, but she's blocked and doesn't have time to say anything when her mother continues with the topic because she isn't satisfied with her answer.
"Fine? That's impossible. Nobody can be fine when they're in the middle of a divorce. I don't know what happened between them, but the poor girl must be devastated," Adele comments.
Amelia's eyebrows rise as her abdomen tightens after emptying her lungs.
Ruby notices how her expression changes and appreciates that Amelia is such a polite and discreet woman, because she knows this will cost them an argument, and Amelia won't open her mouth until they leave her mother-in-law's house.
"Yeah, well, she's not at her best, but she'll get through it, you know," Ruby says, nervously clearing her throat while avoiding Amelia's gaze.
"Poor thing. None of this girl's relationships ever last," she comments sadly.
"But she has Ruby," Amelia says, staring directly at her girlfriend. "Right, love?"
Fortunately, Adele can't detect the sarcasm in Amelia's voice, but Ruby can.
The car ride from Ruby's mother's house to theirs takes barely eight minutes, but it feels endless to Ruby because Amelia doesn't say a single word the entire way, though that changes as soon as they cross the threshold of their house.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me Ellie was getting divorced?" she asks, dropping her purse on the sofa and turning toward Ruby with a furious expression.
Ruby really dislikes the tone Amelia uses with her, and besides, she feels like Ellie does when Marcel says her name—she doesn't want Amelia to say it despite knowing it's perfectly logical.
"As far as I know, I'm not obligated to tell you what happens in my best friend's life," Ruby fires back defensively.
"Your best friend, of course," Amelia repeats ironically. "You're right, you're not obligated, but you told your mother just fine. I don't understand why you hide it from me."
"Don't start, Amelia. It just slipped my mind."
Amelia puts her hands on her hips and lowers her head, biting her lips.
She wants to cry but doesn't want to and won't. She has always been very aware of what her girlfriend feels for her best friend, and even so, she made the decision to stay with her, partly because Ellie was married to Marcel, and that gave her security, but she hadn't counted on this.
"Amelia..." Ruby says, approaching her, calmer now.
"What?" she asks without looking up.
"I'm sorry I spoke to you like that. I really was going to tell you. It's just that I couldn't find the right moment," Ruby swallows, aware that her excuse is garbage.
"Why not, Ruby? Why is it so complicated for you to talk to me about her?" Now she does look her in the eyes, and Ruby feels like she's drowning.
"I don't know," she whispers, shifting her gaze toward the window.
"I think you do know. We both know," Amelia insists.
"Please don't start this," Ruby begs.
She might have been in love with her best friend her whole life, but she's so resigned to the impossibility of it that she's been able to set it aside and love other people. She loves Amelia, and the last thing she wants is to hurt her.
"Can I trust that nothing will happen between you and her?" Amelia asks.
The question irritates Ruby, but her heart also tightens hearing it. Seeing the fear and insecurity in Amelia's eyes destroys her.
"Yes," she responds, moving closer to hug her while wondering if Amelia deserves to be with someone who causes her such unease.