Chapter 8
Two weeks have passed since Ellie Trahan officially began her divorce proceedings, and Ruby thinks she might lose her mind any moment.
Since her best friend gave her the news and she—with her heart pounding against her ribs—realized it was time to take a chance, her brain hasn't stopped creating scenarios ranging from the most implausible to the beginning of a story Ruby has always designed in her mind.
Jerome pushes her toward it; he's known them since they were little girls and has noticed the times Ruby pathetically drooled over her inseparable Ellie.
She feels miserable; she sits at the kitchen table with a cup of now-cold coffee between her hands, thinking about her eternal crush while wiping off the lipstick mark Amelia just left on her lips.
She squeezes her eyes shut; it's not fair to her partner that another woman occupies her thoughts.
Amelia is affectionate, cheerful, and fun.
She has the most beautiful smile in the universe, the one she just flashed before crossing the front door, the one that, years ago, finally convinced Ruby to ask her out.
"Damn it," Ruby suddenly mutters with a howl of pain.
She just got up from her chair and smashed her pinky toe against the table leg.
She looks at it and sees a little blood.
It seems fitting; all that is small punishment for what she's doing to her girlfriend.
Since she and Amelia started dating, Ruby has tried to be her best version; she has always treated her well and respected her in every way, but she has never stopped thinking about Ellie and the possibility that something might happen between them, and that.
.. that's worse than a one-night infidelity leaving some seedy bar.
But Ellie is Ellie, that girl who looks at her with eyes of infinite affection, who hugs her so tightly that Ruby's heart fills up, and who touches her with a gentle caress that transports her to Saturn.
She breathes like she saw in that video a few days ago: deep inhalations through the nose and slow exhalations through the mouth.
According to the expert, repeating this for a few minutes helps calm stress and brings the body into a state of tranquility.
"Yeah, right," whispers Ruby, who's been doing it for five minutes and feels more nervous.
Her phone rings and, to her annoyance, she has to lift pillows, search under the bed and inside the nightstand before finally finding it on a shelf in the bathroom.
"Ruby, I thought you wouldn't pick up," Jerome's voice sounds distorted amid blaring music.
"Where are you?" Ruby asks, confused.
"Just finished a spinning class," the guy sighs. "I'm dying, it was an hour of torture, but as the saying goes: you have to suffer to be beautiful."
Ruby laughs heartily, and that relaxes her more than the deep breathing the quack guru advised. She needs to stop watching those videos.
"Hey, when we meet this week, bring two bags of coffee, please," Jerome asks her in a childish tone prepared for perfect manipulation.
Ruby rolls her eyes; she's tired of asking her friend to place the order through email because later one of the two business partners forgets to enter the order into the system, and at the end of the month, the inventory at Early Bayou doesn't balance.
Besides being a café in the heart of New Orleans' French Quarter, they also sell specialty coffee bags to individuals that attract many coffee lovers. Among them, Jerome, who has an absolute weakness for it and always keeps a freshly made pot in the salon for his clients' delight.
"I promise to email you next time, Ruby, but then I forget and run out of supplies," the stylist continues, who now seems to be outside the gym with only the noise of cars in the background.
"You always say the same thing; this is the last time I'm doing you this favor."
Ruby always answers with the same words too, and they've been doing this for at least two years.
"You're the best friend in the whole world," Jerome butters her up, but frowns on the other end of the phone when Ruby doesn't answer with her usual gruff tone. "Is something wrong?"
Ruby blinks several times and runs her hand over her face. Of course something's wrong, it's Ellie, as always. She feels a mixture of excitement and annoyance because she's spent her whole life feeling this uncontrollable thing for her best friend, and sometimes she thinks she'll explode.
"No," she lies, not wanting to get into a topic that's driving her crazy right now. "I'm running late to the bar and can't find my car keys."
Jerome knows she's not telling the truth.
Ruby Hebert has always been bad at lying.
Her friend considers her the most transparent person he knows and sometimes believes the world is blind when it doesn't realize she's hiding something: love for her best friend.
He lets it go; he's always given her space, letting her seek him out when she needs to talk.
"Okay, I won't take up any more of your time, see you in a few days," Jerome says goodbye, and Ruby stands for a few seconds with the phone pressed to her ear.
She hasn't realized it, but while talking to her friend, she's been standing in front of a photograph in her living room.
It shows a very happy Ruby, hugging Amelia outside a bar.
They had been together for two years and took a trip to Memphis to visit some of her girlfriend's friends.
Courtney, one of the girls, captured the exact moment when Amelia gave Ruby her best smile and she looked at her with love.
A beautiful photograph that she has always loved and that now breaks her heart.
She makes a decision, this time thinking of Amelia first; she doesn't deserve this, she deserves a woman who has eyes only for her, so Ruby won't let more time pass; they'll talk tonight.
"Is it as good as you say?" Ruby asks a middle-aged man with a disheveled appearance.
"It's been the most requested product this month," the man answers.
"Give me two cases, we'll try it and let you know something."
Ruby says goodbye and leaves the warehouse in the Bywater neighborhood.
One of her beverage distributors is there, and today it's her turn to place a special order for a themed party.
Rob, the manager, has offered her a new craft beer that he claims is the best on the market right now.
Ruby has ordered a sample because Rob could sell his own mother to earn more commission, so they'll first try a couple of cases and then see.
She drives in silence, without the radio on, just listening to the sound of her rapid breathing. Amelia is already home, and she feels like there's a noose around her neck. She's afraid because she knows the moment will be sad and painful, but she's convinced it's the right thing.
"Hi, honey," Amelia greets from the couch. She's watching one of those investigation shows she loves so much.
Ruby's breath catches, and her hands start to shake. She doesn't move, and Amelia, realizing she isn't answering or hearing her footsteps, turns her head and sees her there, white as a wall.
"What's wrong, Ruby?" Amelia worries and stands up. "Are you feeling okay?"
Ruby swallows hard and all she does is shake her head no. She gathers all the courage she can and opens her mouth.
"We need to talk, Amelia."
Amelia's eyes suddenly turn dull, and a sad half-smile forms on her face.
"Sure," the girl answers. "Let's sit down."
Ruby walks feeling like her body isn't hers, that everything in the room isn't real, as if she were in a macabre nightmare.
Amelia waits patiently for the woman who is still her girlfriend to speak.
Ruby takes a minute that seems like an hour and moves her lips several times without her voice coming out.
She clears her throat and remembers the damn breathing guru, so she inhales as much as she can and releases it slowly.
"I think..." Ruby presses the bridge of her nose hard. "I think it's not right for us to stay together."
Amelia just nods, not intending to interrupt anything Ruby needs to tell her. When she's done, it will be her turn.
"I love you, Amelia, and I've been very happy by your side, don't doubt that," Ruby dares to take her hands, "but I feel like what we have isn't going to progress.
At some point, we've stayed in the same place, stagnant, and I know you want more.
I know you want to get married, I know you've even thought about becoming a mother," Ruby looks at her with teary eyes, "and I also know you're sure I'm not the person you want to fulfill all that with.
You've given me incredible years, and I can never thank you enough for every moment of happiness I've enjoyed by your side. "
Ruby breaks down; that anguish she had in her chest and throat gives way to voracious tears that soak her face. Amelia moves closer and hugs her. Both stay very close, comforting each other for a few minutes until Ruby finds her voice again.
"I don't want us to stay in a relationship that we both know has an expiration date.
We don't deserve that, Amelia. You don't deserve it," Ruby emphasizes because the girl in front of her has the right to be with someone who would give their life for her.
"I don't understand why we haven't had this conversation before. "
"Because we didn't want to go through this moment," Amelia finally speaks.
"And because we get along very well. We hardly argue, we still have long talks, we do well in bed, and we care deeply for each other.
Breaking something like this is very difficult; many people would give anything to have a relationship like ours. "
Ruby cries again and tries to wipe away the tears with trembling fingers. Amelia remains more composed, though she suffers no less.
"I know there will be a time of great sadness now, but we'll get through it," Amelia hugs her again and leaves a kiss on her forehead before standing up. "I'm going to gather my things."
Ruby also stands and takes one of her hands to prevent her from moving.
"There's no rush, Amelia, you can stay here as long as you need."
"You know that will make it worse," the girl answers, shaking her head. "We love each other, Ruby, maybe not as we should, but we do love each other, and if I extend the time by staying here, it will be as if we hadn't really broken up."
Ruby knows she's right, but her heart is so broken that she doesn't know what to do.
She releases her hand, and Amelia enters the bedroom.
She stays there for about twenty minutes, and all that can be heard is the bustling of closets and drawers.
She comes out with a small suitcase and a backpack, dressed in dark jeans and an Early Bayou sweatshirt.
"I'm taking just what I need today; I'll call you as soon as I can to come back for the rest, is that okay?"
Ruby hugs her again, and the sob makes Amelia cry too as she squeezes her tightly.
"I hope you make it this time, Ruby. That this time you have the opportunity you've always wanted with Ellie," Ruby tenses when she hears this, and Amelia hugs her tighter. "I know you loved me, just as I always knew that someday I would lose you to her. Be happy, love."
And with those words, Amelia lets her go, takes the suitcase, and walks out the door without saying anything else.
The girl went crazy when the beautiful Ruby Hebert took her to dinner for the first time, when she sank her teeth into her lower lip after giving her the wettest kiss she had ever experienced, and her mind vibrated when, weeks later, she asked her to start a relationship.
All that went down the drain of a dirty bathroom when she met her best friend.
Ellie Trahan arrived one night at the bar where the three of them had arranged to meet, with that calm but captivating air that swirled around her.
Her gaze was warm and serene until her eyes met Ruby's.
Her dilated pupils and that soft blush on her neck let Amelia know that Ellie was head over heels for her recent girlfriend.
The worst part was when Ruby stood up to greet her, and Amelia knew that what was there was mutual.
Ellie was sweet and fun, and the night ended well.
Ruby took her home, and Amelia couldn't help but ask.
"Have you two been a couple?"
Ruby laughed with that sound so uniquely hers.
"No, Ellie has been my best friend since we were kids, plus she's straight and with Marcel."
Then Amelia deceived herself, thinking that what she had seen was her imagination.
Later on, she lied to herself again, saying that what was between them, Ruby and Ellie, was something different, but at the end of the day, a friendship.
The self-deception didn't last long because Amelia realized that her girlfriend felt something very strong for Ellie and that their relationship would end because of it.
But Ruby was loving, attentive, and cared for her very much, so Amelia stopped worrying until Ellie decided to get divorced and she saw a glimmer of hope in her girlfriend's eyes.
For some time, Amelia had felt that their relationship wasn't progressing and that, as much as she adored Ruby, something wasn't quite fulfilling her.
She didn't have enough courage to leave the tranquility she was in until Ruby took the step. She can't judge her.
Adele Hebert gets up from the armchair when she hears the doorbell ring.
She realizes the key is in the lock, but doubts it could be Ruby.
Her daughter is usually at home at this hour watching some series with Amelia.
When she opens the door, she's stunned; Ruby has swollen eyes, somewhat disheveled hair, and an expression of sadness that breaks her soul.
"Honey..."
Ruby throws herself at her like when she was a child and something had hurt her. She cries inconsolably, and her body convulses with each sob. Adele holds her as she always has and lets her daughter vent.
"Amelia and I broke up."
Adele can do nothing but support her and rubs her hand across her back to give her strength. She's very sure that this breakup comes hand in hand with Ellie's divorce. Ellie Trahan, her daughter's great love.