Chapter 15
"I went shopping yesterday, I've got everything ready for the student hangout," Jerome says after taking a long swig of his beer. "Have you girls decided what you're going to wear?" he asks, looking at his friends.
Ruby and Ellie look at him and smile. Jerome rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically.
"Okay, let's talk about something else because it's obvious that here, the only one who cares about style is me. How's the situation with the place? Do you know what you're going to do? Do you have any plan?" he questions, concerned.
Ruby sighs without saying anything, letting Ellie speak for both of them.
"The truth is we haven't resolved anything.
The other day we went to the bank to see if they'd give us a solution, but as Ruby anticipated," Ellie glances sideways at her, resentful because her friend continues showing that negative attitude that seems to stick to her lately, "they won't grant us more credit and, even if they did, I'm not sure we could handle that amount.
We need to find another solution before the contract expires or we'll be screwed. "
"What a mess," Jerome says, frustrated because he can't help them.
"Yeah, well. I have to go," Ellie says. "My mom has a routine check-up at the doctor and if I don't go with her, she'll hold it against me for the rest of my existence."
Ruby smiles.
"Mothers," Jerome mutters, waving his hand in horror. "Hope it goes well, give her my regards."
"Yeah, see you."
Ruby startles when she feels Ellie's kiss on her cheek. As accustomed as she is to them, these last few days they feel like electric shocks that put her on edge. Does she no longer want them? Yes, of course she wants them, but they're not good for her.
"I adore Ellie, but I'm glad she left," Jerome says.
Ruby opens her eyes wide, surprised by the comment.
"Why do you say that?"
"So you can tell me what's going on with you," her friend responds.
She snorts, wondering why it's so easy for Jerome to interpret her moods. Sometimes she feels like, standing in front of him, she has a bright sign hanging from her neck.
"It's simple," Ruby says, unwilling to play hard to get. "I've discovered I have nothing to do with Ellie, that I got excited over nothing, as always."
"Why do you say that?" Jerome asks, distressed to see Ruby's watery eyes.
"Because she never had any intention of stopping being with men. She installed one of those dating apps and met up with a jerk she's probably already slept with, and who knows how many more. I have to accept it, for Ellie I'm just Ruby, her childhood friend, that's it."
"Ruby..."
"It sucks, Jerome," Ruby continues. "It's hard for me and I feel very lost. Every time she hugs me or kisses me I get in a bad mood, now I don't know how to act with her because I need to do something to push her away from me and at the same time I don't want to lose her friendship."
"I'm sorry you're going through this," Jerome says, taking her hand.
"Yeah..." she sighs, looking at her friend's huge hand.
"Before it was different. She was with Marcel and I was with Amelia, I accepted that things were that way, that I'd never have her, but now.
.. Damn, now I can't stand thinking that she's going out with other people, that she's sleeping with those guys who only see a pretty body in her," Ruby looks away, knowing she's rambling.
"This is my fault," Jerome says with remorse.
"I shouldn't have encouraged you to go for her.
I should have seen it coming too. Ellie is a wild spirit, unable to see what's right in front of her.
Just as I encouraged you to try something with her, now I'm asking you to do the opposite, try to meet other people, Ruby. "
"I'm doing that," Ruby smiles bitterly. "The other day I downloaded a dating app.
Not with the intention of having anything serious with anyone because I don't want to act badly again like I did with Amelia.
While I'm still in love with Ellie, I won't date anyone again, but I plan to fuck like crazy. "
"That's the spirit," Jerome cheers with a little shout. "Operation wet panties is underway."
Ruby bursts out laughing and after a bit more chat, they say goodbye. He returns to the hair salon, she to her mother's house to have lunch with her.
"How are you today, honey?" Adele asks, squeezing her in a hug when Ruby arrives.
She shrugs, the Ellie situation isn't going to pass for a long time, she's sure of that.
"What kind of answer is that?" Adele protests.
Ruby sits on the sofa, crossing her legs while hugging a cushion. Adele sits beside her.
"I feel stuck, mom," Ruby suddenly admits.
Two huge drops leap from her eyes and begin to roll down her cheeks. Ruby runs her fingers to clean them, but it makes no sense to continue because after those, many more come.
"Why, sweetheart?" Adele asks, pulling a handkerchief from the pocket of the apron she's wearing.
"Because I don't know how to move forward.
Everyone else does except me," she confesses while tears continue to wet her flushed cheeks.
"Amelia has moved on with her life, she's going on a trip and seems happy.
And Ellie, well, she's already dating men again, as if she's in a hurry to find a replacement for Marcel, and here I am, in love with her like a fool, waiting for a chance that will never come and not knowing what to do to forget about her. "
Adele pulls her against her body and hugs her, letting her vent.
"You need to create distance, Ruby," her mother murmurs softly.
Now that Ruby has opened up to her, she feels entitled to give her opinion and tell her what she thinks is best for her daughter.
"Being with Ellie every day makes it almost impossible for you to stop feeling what you feel for her. You should get away for a while, take a break in your life to regroup. Sometimes, it's necessary to take a step back to move forward."
Ruby stops crying, listening attentively.
"You always said you wanted to do Route 66," Adele continues.
"I never encouraged you because I'm terrified of you making that trip alone.
I know you postponed it because Ellie said she wanted to go with you and that, with the bar situation, you've never found the right time.
Maybe the time is now, honey, but just for you. "
Suddenly, Ruby sees a flash of light amid so much darkness and sits up to look at her mother.
"You're right, the business works really well and Ellie could run it by herself for a few months without a problem. I could make the trip," she says enthusiastically at the idea of having time for herself, time in which she can stop feeling what she feels for Ellie, at least try to.
"Exactly, Ellie can manage perfectly well," her mother agrees.
"Yes, but I can't leave until we solve the issue with the place," Ruby mutters, twisting her expression.
"What problem?" her mother frowns.
Ruby looks at her and realizes she hasn't told her yet. She curls up again in her lap, where she feels safe, and explains what Chris Fox told them the other day.
Adele holds her tighter against her arms without saying a word, because she doesn't want to express how much it worries her that her daughter might lose the bar and add another reason for sadness to her life.