Chapter 26
What seemed like an excellent idea to Ellie Trahan yesterday is a massive mistake today.
While the day before she felt lost and even desolate with a mind unable to stay still for even five minutes, she decided to force what she calls a reality check.
So, without thinking twice, she grabbed paper and pencil to make a list of things she could do to confirm what she already knows, but she's stubborn and needs double confirmation.
She's in love with Ruby, that's undeniable; what she wants is to verify just how deep those feelings run.
Getting involved with her best friend romantically could be painted as a fairy tale, though it's also a risky decision, like a double-edged sword, because if something goes wrong between them, they'd lose each other and the bar could become a potential battleground.
Just imagining it made her feel suffocated and, as if by magic, her plan came to life.
"I go to the gym six days a week and run three. I love rock climbing and could play tennis anytime."
The athletic boasting comes from the muscle-head Ellie has sitting across from her.
Yes, her grand idea was to have a date with a random guy from the famous app.
Why did she do it? Right now, it's not as clear as it was yesterday.
In her head, it sounded fantastic because Ellie has been comparing all her partners to her best friend her entire life.
How Ruby gives the most relaxing massages or makes the best cocktails in the world.
How she has more patience than any of them and gives advice that changes everything.
In all those cases, Ellie didn't do it consciously; for her it was something natural, so she forced herself to meet someone and make these comparisons while acknowledging that's why she's there.
Ellie is sure she's been wasting her time with her companions her whole life; the wedding with Marcel was complete nonsense, as was every mouth she's kissed—except Ruby's, of course—since she was a teenager.
In the twenty-five minutes she's been in this tasteless restaurant, she's reached very revealing conclusions that confirm each of her thoughts.
Ruby would never take her to a place full of screens showing sporting events.
Ruby wouldn't spend twenty minutes delivering a monologue about herself.
Ruby would have made her laugh at least five times by now.
Ruby would engage in an interesting conversation where both would participate.
Ruby would wear that oversized pink shirt, open at the chest, that looks so good on her for this date.
Ruby doesn't have that beard.
Ruby has gummy-bear lips.
Ruby is Ruby.
And Ellie doesn't want anyone else.
"This isn't going to work," she interrupts the muscle-head who at that moment is talking about how firm his butt is thanks to Bulgarian squats.
"Excuse me?" the man's face shows total bewilderment. He knows all women drool over him.
Jerk.
Ellie finishes rummaging through her purse until she finds her wallet. She opens it and pulls out two twenty-dollar bills. She places them on the table and stands up.
"This," she gestures between them, "doesn't work. I'm not interested, so I won't waste our time."
The guy raises both eyebrows and crosses his arms over his chest, flexing his biceps in an arrogant pose.
Ellie looks at him and realizes that not only had she made a mistake by not choosing Ruby, but she's dated men as idiotic as the one in front of her.
Her situation is serious, and she makes a mental note to address it.
"Are you sure?"
Ellie doesn't even make a gesture to respond.
She leaves him sitting there and exits the place with a calmness she doesn't feel.
Her brain, that organ that should maintain her vital functions and not make her mind reproduce images of Ruby Hebert, sends her different signals about what she should do right now.
She gets into her car and, before starting it, dials a number she knows by heart, although she could easily look it up in her contacts.
Ellie does it this way to remind herself that her best friend means so much to her that hers is the only phone number she stores in her head.
"Are you home?" she asks when she gets an answer on the other end.
"Yes, I'm here. Everything okay?" Though Ellie can't see her, she knows Ruby has furrowed her brow and is biting her lip. Damn, she knows her so well.
"Could we move our day to today?" Ellie asks.
It's not unusual; sometimes that Wednesday has moved to a Thursday, for example, although this change, right at this moment, is quite strange. Ruby bites her lips more while Ellie waits with her heart deafening her.
"Sure," Ruby answers after three seconds.
"I'm heading to your place."
Ellie hangs up and Ruby stares at her mobile phone like it's a device from another era, one she doesn't recognize and doesn't know what kind of sounds it just made.
Ellie stands in front of Ruby Hebert's door.
She's so nervous that she can't remember if the wood has always been that dark color or if her friend has changed it recently.
She tries to concentrate on what she came to do because, although she hasn't thought about it too much either, she feels the impulse to finally act.
The door opens with excruciating slowness, and Ruby's face is the first thing Ellie sees. She wants to bang her head against the wall because she's really been so blind. How has she endured a whole lifetime without kissing those full lips?
"Hi," Ruby greets her, seeing that Ellie neither speaks nor moves.
Her voice comes out somewhat strangled because Ellie isn't exactly dressed for their usual girls' Wednesday.
She wears a gray skirt that leaves her white, smooth thighs bare.
Her shirt is a similar color, but with red details and just a hint of cleavage.
And the heels, red ones that make Ruby's mind race.
"I'm coming from a date."
Okay, alright, not the best way to start when you show up at the house of the girl you're in love with. Ruby's expression changes and she immediately presses her lips into a line.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Ruby asks coldly.
Ellie tosses her hair back. She feels very hot and knows she's sweating. She looks like an inexperienced girl about to declare her feelings to her first love, though if she thinks about it, Ruby is her first love, her only love.
"Sorry, I'm just really nervous," she says and clears her throat. "I had a really stupid idea to go eat with some guy because I needed to verify some things. Don't get me wrong," she says quickly, "I wasn't planning to hook up with him in any way."
"Then why did you meet him?" Ruby interrupts.
Ellie loses herself in those eyes as dark as a well. She feels calm; there she feels her life has meaning.
"To confirm once more that you're the girl who's taken my breath away since before I even knew what love was," Ellie takes a step forward.
"I've always loved you; it's you I've been looking for in every man I've met.
It's your hands," Ellie interlaces her fingers with Ruby's, "that I've needed, and it wasn't until I tasted your lips that I understood destiny was just preparing me for this moment.
So that when I realized how much I love you, I wouldn't be an immature, inexperienced girl who didn't know how to handle this feeling.
Today it took me just minutes to understand there's no one like you, Ruby, and I'm willing to do anything for us to give ourselves a chance. "
Silence envelops them and all Ruby Hebert can hear is the drum in her chest. A percussion like marching bands that threatens to leave her breathless.
She's no longer thinking. Who could, after hearing a declaration she's been waiting for years?
She pulls Ellie the rest of the way in; still with their hands intertwined and with her free hand she caresses Ellie's neck to drink from her lips again.
They stumble in, stuck together like two magnets.
Their mouths are where they've always belonged, and their tongues meet again.
Neither identifies who moans, but the sounds are driving Ellie crazy and somehow, she finds herself with her back against a wall.
Ruby isn't entirely sure what to do with her hands; if she does what she wants, it might be too much for a girl who until yesterday thought she was one hundred percent heterosexual, so she fits her body between her best friend's thighs to feel her a little more.
Ellie does dare, and after caressing Ruby's hips, moves her hands down to her partner's butt and fondles it diligently.
Ellie believes she'll lose her mind when she feels wetness soaking through her underwear; she doesn't remember being this turned on before, except that time at the reunion dinner.
This confirms again that she's wasted time sleeping with men who haven't made her feel even a quarter of what she's experiencing with Ruby.
"Are you okay?" Ellie opens her eyes wide when Ruby breaks the kiss to make sure they're not going too fast.
Ellie's response isn't with words; her lips launch to Ruby's neck to kiss that fine skin that was calling to her. She lifts Ruby's shirt a bit and notices how her skin prickles as she passes her fingers across Ruby's back. If she doesn't lie down somewhere, her legs will give out.
"Let's go to bed," Ellie asks in a husky voice, "please."
Ruby can barely breathe, so she takes her hand and they walk to her bedroom.
She's still lost; if it were any other girl, she'd know exactly what to do.
But this isn't just anyone, it's Ellie, the love of her life, and she fears doing something that might scare her.
But it seems Ellie doesn't have that same view of the situation because, as soon as they're in front of the bed, she removes the skirt she's wearing and yanks off her shirt.
"Can I take it off?" she asks Ruby, referring to her shirt.