Chapter 33
33
Lucy
The music’s loud and the chatter even louder at Butter, an upscale bar and lounge in the West Village. Dexter and I didn’t mind the distance across the bridge or the extra hour we spent getting ready, mainly because we spent that time together. By the time we walk into the bar, hand in hand, most of my coworkers are already there.
I poke a finger in the direction to where Elaine is sitting at a table, talking to a few other interns, and nudge my head in the direction while looking at Dexter, letting him know my friends are here.
“You want a drink?” he calls over the noise, leaning closer to me. I get a good whiff of his woodsy, spicy cologne and take a moment to appreciate how he looks tonight. His hair is still short, making him look boyish with the adorable dip in his widow’s peak. He’s wearing a dark T-shirt, neatly pressed without a single thread of lint hanging off of him, and he’s paired it with jeans and sneakers. I love that his arms are exposed, the muscles on his forearms and the slight bulge in his biceps out in the open for me to ogle. I dressed just as casually, opting for jeans and low heels with a strapless bustier top and large hoop earrings, and it makes me melt into a tiny puddle every time he trails his fingers over my bare shoulder or when his eyes linger over the curve of my cleavage rounding the top of my bustier.
I nod. “Just whatever you’re having.”
“I’ll catch up with you,” he says.
I turn just as Elaine spots me, and she waves her hand in the air to get my attention.
“You made it!” she exclaims, pulling me into a tight hug. “You need to catch up!” She lifts her hand and catches the attention of a waitress walking by. Elaine makes some gesture at the empty round of shot glasses in front of her, and the waitress nods at their already acquainted signal. “We’re doing tequila,” she informs me. “And Ajay is making a bet with Min Jun on how many girls’ Instagrams he can get by the end of the night,” she adds.
I grimace. “I forget that they’re literal children.”
“We were once twenty-two, Lucy. Best to let them make their own mistakes.”
We both cackle a loud laugh just as Dexter returns to my side, two pink-tinted cocktails in his hand. “I got you a paloma,” he says close to my ear.
“Thanks,” I shout over the noise. I turn to Elaine, whose eyes ping-pong from me to Dexter and then back to me. “This is Dexter,” I say over the table. “He’s my roommate.”
“Nice to meet you,” she says, extending a hand toward him. Elaine smiles at him and then at me, her brows raised, and I smile back, resisting a small eye roll. “I guess you don’t really need to catch up,” she comments, eyeing the matching drinks in our hands.
Just then, Ivy shows up, greeting us with hugs and eager waves. “Sorry I’m late,” she says with a deep sigh. “It was hell catching a cab. ”
“You got here just in time,” Elaine says, taking the shot glasses from the waitress’s tray as she lowers them to the table. “We’re doing another round.”
“Seven!” Ajay announces as he returns to our table.
“Six,” Min Jun corrects. “That last girl gave you a fake handle.”
“I’ve heard of fake numbers, but fake Instagram accounts?” Elaine says, feigning sympathy as she pats Ajay’s shoulder. “Rough night?”
“I probably just typed it in wrong,” he defends while reaching for a shot glass. “It’s six more than you,” he adds, handing the drink to Min Jun.
“The night’s still young, my friend. I am taking it nice and slow,” Min Jun argues, taking Ajay’s offering. “Looking too eager is highly unattractive.” Dexter coughs a laugh, and Min Jun raises his glass to him. “I’m right, right?”
“It’s worth testing out the approach.”
“I’m Min Jun,” he says to Dexter. “And this little eager bunny is Ajay.”
“Dexter,” Dexter responds, shaking Min Jun’s extended hand. “Nice to meet you guys.”
It’s getting more and more crowded by the minute, and Dexter squeezes himself between another rowdy table behind us and me. He places his hand on my back and leaves it there as we all take a glass.
A quick toss and a painful grimace later, and we’re all sipping on our drinks while we chat up about our work life these past few months. Dexter’s been lured away from the table by Min Jun and Ajay, whatever brotherhood or camaraderie they’ve developed in the short time since we’ve arrived turning into a fun night of more tequila shots and loud games of darts and pool.
“So what are your plans after this? Is anyone staying in New York City?” Ivy asks .
“I’m heading back to San Diego in a few days,” Elaine answers. “I’ve been looking into some work in my area but if something opens up elsewhere, I might look into it. I’m not really tied down to anything right now.”
“You should look into our LA offices. Elevate’s headquarters is there, and they’re expanding soon. More positions are going to open, and they might even expand to different cities.”
“Yeah, Ryan mentioned that,” Elaine answers. “It’s on the top of my job hunt list. It would be nice to stay near home instead of relocating.”
Ivy turns to me. “What about you, Lucy?”
My lips twist to one side. “I haven’t really decided. I’ll probably start looking into some entry-level work in Seattle. I’ve also been considering freelance until I get something more stable.”
“If you guys ever need a reference or anything, let me know. I might even know some agencies in Seattle that have some entry-level positions open.”
I perk up. “Really?”
“Of course,” she answers. “I know you want to go toward the more commercial part of photography, and I have a lot of connections all over. I’ve been doing this a long time, over twenty years, and I’ve met a lot of people along the way.”
“That would be amazing. Thank you.”
Ivy smiles at me and winks, clinking her glass to mine.
Hours later, after the drinks have dwindled down to the occasional slowly sipped cocktails and the shot glasses stopped coming in round after round, Dexter and I are heading home.
“Did you have fun?”
Dexter drapes his arm over my shoulders. “I did.”
I laugh, remembering how Min Jun challenged Dexter to a round of Quarters and he wiped the floor with the boys, leaving Min Jun and Ajay equally dumbfounded and impressed.
“You? ”
I nod. “I’m going to miss them. Especially Elaine.” I pause to tuck my hand into Dexter’s back pocket. “You know, Ivy was telling me she might have some connections to other agencies in Seattle if I ever want to look into entry-level work somewhere.”
“Really?” He squeezes me a little harder.
“Yeah,” I say softly. “Actually, on one of the shoots last week, she had me take over, and I did the majority of the shoot. And it went really well. She liked my work.”
“Of course she did,” he answers, his smile brightening and his brows shooting up with excitement. “I’m not surprised one bit.”
“I know I walked into this with a lot of doubt, but I really think I did some pretty good work.” I pause, shrugging as Dexter’s thumb runs over the curve of my shoulder. “And I’ve been thinking. I want to look into freelance work in Seattle. I’ll reach out to Ivy too, and maybe I can finally find something stable.”
His prideful smile doesn’t waver while he looks at me with fondness. Our steps slow and become leisurely as we approach his building, and I become even more aware of his gaze.
“What?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing.” I laugh a little awkwardly, and he plants a small kiss at the corner of my mouth. “You just amaze me.”
I roll my eyes and shove a hand into his stomach.
“Lucy, I mean it.” His arm pulls away from my shoulders, and he gently grips my nape, grabbing my attention to him. “You did all of this. You made things happen, and you need to give yourself some credit.”
I stay quiet, and a ball starts to form in my throat. He’s right. I did do this. I made things happen for me . I start to grin, turning the bashful smile into something much more assured and gratified. “You should start giving motivational speeches. ”
He chuckles and kisses me, his hands cupping my cheeks. I lean into him, my own hands gripping his waist, and we fall into the kiss. We let it linger and deepen and turn into a passionate type of kiss full of heat and fire. The kind that only has one end.
Dexter starts to stumble up the steps of his apartment, and I follow. He fumbles with his keys, not breaking our kiss once, and we ascend up the elevator, where I push him against the closed doors while thanking the elevator gods for giving us an empty elevator car. When we reach his floor, we’re still a tangled mess of hands in hair and backs and necks. We burst through the door and finally stop when we reach the nearest wall. Dexter lifts me, pressing me against the cold surface, and takes possession of my lips. That’s exactly what it feels like. Like he’s claiming what’s his. Almost like if he didn’t and someone else did, he wouldn’t be able to stand the thought of it.
“You’re killing me with this thing you’re wearing,” he rasps into my skin.
“You mean my bustier.”
“Whatever it is. You’re making me want to give up an internal organ just to see you in it again.”
I laugh as he trails kisses down my neck. His hands claw at my waist, and I feel his hot fingers tug at my exposed skin at my midsection. The back of my head hits the wall when his tongue dips in the hollow between my breasts, and I swear my legs turn into soft, not yet fully set Jell-O. “Dexter,” I moan softly.
He starts to gently suck at my skin, and I lose all sense of control. Why aren’t we having sex again? Why are we trying to be responsible adults here? My mind has a moment where I forget what a consequence is. Fallouts? Repercussions? To hell with those. They might as well be foreign words to me, something in Swahili or Mandarin. What’s the other word? YOLO? That sounds more my language right now .
But then Dexter stops, and he presses his forehead into my chest. “We should stop, right?” he says breathlessly. I feel his chest heave up and down and his hand squeeze my ass a little tighter. I swallow hard and nuzzle my nose into the top of his head.
“Right?” he repeats, lifting his face to look at me. His eyes search mine like he’s waiting. Waiting for me to say no. No, we shouldn’t stop. No, we shouldn’t be responsible anymore and we should just fuck each other senseless. No, we shouldn’t think about the future, where we’ll stand in just a week when we wouldn’t be able to revisit this moment.
“You’re right. We should stop.” Because he’s right. This wouldn’t be like last time, where we pushed the boundaries of our “no sex” rule and orgasmed through the fine print of our clause. If we started something, there would be no end. Not tonight. I don’t have the will power in me to stop, and I don’t think he does either.
His face deflates, and he pulls away. “Okay,” he whispers, gently placing me back on the floor.
We should talk about this. I know we already did and things felt resolute between us then, but now, that firm, straight line we drew is starting to blur. It’s starting to wiggle and sway, making me question whether or not things were ever really resolved between us. Maybe when we decided things would just go back to how they were before we ran into each other at that wine and cheese shop, when he thought I was thousands of miles away and I was too focused on my internship to realize the proximity of him and my temporary rental, we decided it too prematurely. Maybe we should have taken into consideration how our feelings would deepen and grow.
He laughs awkwardly and rubs his hand over his head. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “I guess things got a little out of hand.” A pained look passes across his face, and he looks over his shoulder. At first, I think he’s checking the door to make sure it’s locked or looking at the time or something else superfluous to avoid the awkward moment settling between us, but then I realize he’s avoiding me. I notice his jaw tick from the side of his face, and the pained look that passed by too quickly returns.
“Dexter.”
“I’m going to bed,” he announces softly, looking back at me with a sad smile. He gives me one last kiss, too fleeting and painful, and he turns to walk into his room.