Chapter 41
41
Lucy
One of the perks of having a small wedding is that it’s intimate. It’s less crowded, easing the pressure of the bride and groom having to greet every single guest so they can enjoy the food, cake, and live band. But the downfall of having such a small wedding, for me, at least, is that I can’t get away from it. Not without anyone noticing. I can’t just go back up to my room and climb under the covers, so I don’t have to keep seeing Dexter in his perfect khaki blazer and dress pants with no socks that actually look really, really freaking good on him.
With the lure of my cushy bed upstairs dilly-dallying in my mind, I try to enjoy the wedding. It’s beautiful. The wedding planner, Nat, and Rita did an amazing job transforming the outdoor garden into a small haven with lit up twinkling lights and the fragrant scent of plumerias wafting around us. And Hayden and Nat look so happy dancing on the dance floor, cutting cake, even casually sipping on a flute of champagne. I’m so happy for them.
“Does my little chicken nugget want to dance?” My dad leans across the clothed table we’re sitting at, where we’re watching Hayden dance with my mom and Nat dance with Ashton on the smallest dance floor I’ve ever seen. He extends his hand out to me, and I smile softly before taking it.
“Sure, Daddy.”
We both stand, my hand still in his, and we walk to the dance floor. My mom smiles at us as my dad circles his arm around my waist and I sink into his wide chest.
“My babies are growing up.”
I look up at him and laugh. “We’ve been grown up, Daddy.”
“Not in my mind,” he says with a wistful smile. “I thought you were always going to be that same little girl who couldn’t wait to be dropped off at the mall on the weekends.”
“You didn’t give us the ‘don’t spend all your money at Forever 21’ lecture Mom always gave,” I tease. “And you actually dropped us off a block away instead of right at the entrance.”
He chuckles. “But…I guess that was just wishful thinking on my end,” he says hoarsely. “My girls being my little babies forever.” I look up at him and see his eyes mist over. And that sad, nostalgic smile he has turns into a frown.
“Dad.”
“Ignore me,” he says, shaking his head and forcing a smile. “I think I’ve had one too many glasses of champagne.”
We catch a glimpse of my mom swaying in a small, intimate circle with Nat and Carmen, and the three of them wave in our direction. My dad twirls me playfully, which draws a laugh from behind the smile I was forcing. When he pulls me back into the slow rhythm of the music, he lifts his head toward the tables, where a few guests are sitting instead of enjoying the dance floor and flowy wedding music.
“That Dexter boy’s a good kid.” He jerks his chin toward the table where Dexter’s sitting. He has a fork in his hand, and he’s poking at the uneaten slice of cake in front of him. His face has transitioned from a deep scowl to wounded since we sat down for the reception. A part of me wants to go to him, sit down next to him, and fill him in on the acrobatics entailed in helping Nat to the bathroom in the small break we had before the reception. But, of course, I’ve been keeping my distance.
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“You know, it’s never easy letting go of you girls,” he says, peering down at me to get my attention. “But it eases my mind to know there are men out there willing to take on the responsibility of taking a part of my heart with them.”
I start to choke on my tears. And I want to break down right into my dad’s burly arms. I want to tell him how sorry I am. For being such a failure and becoming this black sheep of the family who can’t even stand on her own two feet. I want to tell him that he and my mom don’t need to worry about me anymore because I’m starting to realize my worth. I’m starting to realize that if I take the plunge, if I jump headfirst into what I’m scared of, I can have the time of my life. I can learn to live .
My heart feels so heavy right now. It feels like a weighted sack I’m dragging behind me rather than something beating inside of me. I don’t need to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to feel light and carefree. I want my heart to lift me, not drag me down. And I’m realizing now, in those fleeting moments when my heart felt like it was soaring, it was when Dexter was by my side. He’s the only person who’s ever made me feel like I could fly. I could have the time of my life with him.
Dexter lifts his head, and our eyes meet. At first, we just stare at each other. Blank looks of expectancy, waiting for the other to react first. Unsure if this exchange is a good one, something hopeful and meaningful, or if this is just another reminder of where we stand.
“Talk to him.” My dad’s voice is low and discreet. And when I look at him, he smiles warmly at me. My body stops swaying with his, and I sort of gape at him. The ache in my chest that caused my throat to constrict returns front and center. My instinct is to deny everything, look confused and even a little offended, but I don’t have it in me to lie about this. How I feel about Dexter isn’t something I want to hide from him.
So I don’t. Instead, I tell him the truth. “I’m scared,” I whisper. “I think he’s mad at me…and I’m scared he won’t want to talk to me.”
“Impossible. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and he would never turn you away.”
“How does he look at me?” I ask, a little curious and still scared.
“Like he would do anything to see you smile.”
My eyes start to water, and I try so hard to hide the way those impending tears cause an involuntary frown to form on my lips.
“Love is a scary thing,” he says warmly, tucking a finger under my chin. “But sometimes, diving headfirst into what you’re afraid of can be the most thrilling thing you do in your life.”
“What if…” I pause when my chin quivers. “What if I get my heart broken?”
“Oh, mi Lucia,” he coaxes. “You won’t know until you try.”