Chapter 4
Chapter Four
MORGAN
I ’m woken up by rhythmic banging.
What the fuck is that?
That question is quickly answered when the moan comes next. Sounds like Rhys picked up… or maybe my brother. Either way, gross on both fronts.
“Oh god, Rhys.”
Good to know he hasn’t changed. Slut in high school, slut now.
I turn over and pull the pillow over my head. It does little to mute the moans and name chanting. He cannot be that good.
Although, working out here has done wonders to his body.
Eww, no, what?
Go back to sleep Morgan. Do not think about Rhys or his dick. It’s Rhys!
I do my best to push thoughts of him out of my mind. Soon enough the house is quiet, and I try to go back to sleep.
I managed to stop thinking about Rhys and his apparently amazing cock, according to the random girl, but unfortunately, I am haunted by Ethan. After tossing and turning, I look at the clock to see it's 4am and decide fuck it , now is a good enough time to get up.
Tip toeing out of my room, I can see Shane has a girl draped over him. I can’t help but roll my eyes. All he has to do is bat his eyelashes and girls fall at his feet; he has the silent mystery guy act down pat.
Once I find the light switch, I flick it on, followed by the kettle. While that is boiling, I grab my sketchpad and pencils.
Soon enough, I’m sitting at the table drinking my coffee and staring at a blank page. I pick up the pencil and let it twirl in my fingers, then I put the lead to the page and hope for the best.
It isn’t until I hear Rhys’s alarm going off that I realise how much time has passed. Snapping out of my hyperfocus I take in what is on my page. It’s an actual drawing. No hateful words, I really drew something.
In the centre of the page is a Magnolia with dripping leaves and a snake weaved in between the leaves and petals.
I hear one of the floorboards squeak with added pressure. My gaze flicks from the page to the girl currently sneaking into the kitchen. She looks at me stunned. She opens her mouth but closes it when I ask if she wants coffee.
“Um, no. No thank you.”
I shrug and go back to shading one of the leaves. The door opens and closes. Not long after she leaves, girl number two makes her departure as well. She keeps her head down, not making eye contact. I bite back a laugh, is this what living here is going to be like?
Soon enough, Rhys and Shane walk in talking in hushed tones .
“Oh shit, hey Mo.”
I have an amused grin on my face as I ask, “Have fun boys?”
“I know I did.” Rhys elbows my brother as he walks past him headed straight for the kettle.
I roll my eyes. “Why didn’t I see one of those women wearing your hat?”
“What?” Rhys turns from making his coffee, eyebrows furrowed.
“Ride the cowboy, wear his hat?”
Shane snorts as he takes a seat next to me. My eyes are trained on Rhys. “A bed warmer does not get my hat.”
“Oh my god.”
“What?” Rhys approaches the table with his coffee in hand. “That’s all she was.”
He sits down on the other side of me. The table isn’t small. And neither is the kitchen. But with a combination of their large frames and where I am sitting, with my back towards a corner, it was so I could see both doors which now feel like my downfall, I start to feel closed in.
“When I give my hat to a woman, she’ll be mine, it’ll be…” His voice starts to fade as I close my eyes and drop my head so they can’t see me.
I try to breathe; I can’t keep having these panic attacks. Rhys is still talking, I think I catch love and something about the future, but it all sounds muffled. Like my head is underwater. I focus on breathing. Taking a deep breath in and trying to think of anything.
Exhale, think of something. Inhale, what makes me happy? Exhale, coffee. In, drawing. Out, his voice pierces my bubble, “You can’t draw, you’re pathetic, only good for a root. ”
Ethan’s voice is menacing. Mean. And that throws me further into a panic.
“Mo, it’s fine, it’s just us.” I nod, but when Shane places his hand on my forearm I flinch.
“Good to see you’re drawing again.” That’s Rhys. “This is pretty. A magnolia. Your favourite flower.” I didn’t know he knew that. “Did you know a snake can represent shedding of your old skin?”
This time I look up at him.
“I know right? How did I, of all people, know that?” Then he pulls his collar to the side to show off a snake slithering along his collar bone.
It’s so lifelike. I don’t think, my hand moves on its own, tracing along the curves and scales.
“We are not determined by how others see or treat us. We are determined by what we are here.” he points at my chest.
I look from where his finger is touching me up into his eyes. They’re soft as they hold my gaze. And then as quick as the panic attack started the realisation that I’m sharing this moment with Rhys comes rushing back.
I drop my hand, he follows the move, and I stand up, “I, ah, yeah.” I don’t know how to process what just happened. He talked me down from a panic attack.
Since when has he cared enough about me to help me down from a panic attack?
I don’t know how long I’ve been laying on my bed, trying to sort out my head, when a knock comes at my door. Lifting my head I see Shane holding up my sketchpad, “You left this out there.”
Placing it on the desk, he enters my room. Sitting next to me, he tells me he is leaving today, going to catch a ride with the bus back into Burra Point to save someone driving him in.
“Do you have to go?”
“Yeah, shit’s going sideways back home.” I’m not sure what part. Family, the town, or the weak excuse we call a police department. “Rhys and the others are checking the cattle and other shit around the station, readying for this storm that’s hitting in the next couple days.”
“Okay, I’ll go find Dani.” She’s fun to talk to. And Molly will be around. She’s a sweet kid; her smile is so contagious. Tears fill my eyes without permission and I’m grateful Shane thinks it’s for him. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and squeezes me into him.
“Hey, come on, you’ll be home as soon as I find the fucker.”
Swiping at my eyes, “Yeah, yeah no I know. Just yeah…” I trail off.
After some time, we get up and I help him pack his bag. He was only here for two days. Almost feels like a waste. But he got to see his best friend, so I guess that’s something.
We walk to the front shop where we watch as the bus pulls up.
Shane gives me a quick hug and then steps in, the doors closing behind him.
I watch him find a seat and then continue to watch as the bus pulls away, and just like that, he’s gone.
Leaving me in the middle of nowhere with his best friend. What could possibly go wrong?
“Morgan.” I turn around to see Molly with her missing front tooth and blonde hair twisted around her face .
“Hi, Molly.” I wave as I walk to her. Together we enter the shop, and I sit her on the counter.
Dani is on the phone, so I put my finger to my lips to signal to be quiet and go about finding the hairbrush and hair ties I know Dani keeps at the desk.
I’ve barely been here, but they have taken me in with open arms.
“Molls, guess who that was.” Dani says as she gets off the phone.
“Um,” she places a finger on her chin to add emphasis to her thinking. “Nanna and Poppa F?”
“Sure was. They will be here next week.”
I pause brushing her hair and look at Dani in question.
“Val and Barry, two of the grey nomads that we get up here.”
I nod in understanding, “No, wait, what?”
“Grey nomads? They’re retired people who come up here to escape the Perth winter.”
That makes sense, I guess.
I plait Molly’s hair and tie it off. She squeals her approval and darts off outside. She has so much energy. I should held Dani, but I think I get underfoot more than I help, so I chase after Molly.
We spend the day drawing and playing. I read her a story about princesses, and we turn on a princess movie to watch while we eat our lunch.
My heart aches; spending time with her is both filling the hole that has been there for almost two years and causing it to bleed more.
I watch her from the door. She’s colouring in a drawing of a princess I drew for her, while Rapunzel dances around the town square on the tv .
“It’s so quiet. How did you do that?” Brent asks as he approaches.
I swear I almost leap out of my skin. Brent chuckles his apologies.
“Nah all good, she’s just colouring.” I point to where she is sitting.
“Thank you for watching her. Trying to parent and run this place can be exhausting.”
“Why not get a nanny or something?” My eyes widen and I cover my mouth with my hand, “Shit I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I.. I shouldn’t have said anything.” My hands raise by themselves as I back away.
“Hey, Morgan, no you’re ok. I’ve been thinking about it myself for a while now, I just can’t seem to pull that trigger.”
This is the time Rhys decides to enter the house. “Everything on this side of the freeway is ready for the thunderstorm.” The little hairs on the back of my neck rise as I feel him approach, he immediately reads the room, “What happened?”
“I said something I shouldn’t have. Again, I’m sorry Brent.”
And with that, I leave. I barely make it five steps out of the homestead before bumping into Beau.
“Seen bossman?”
“Inside.”
“Not going to ask which one?”
“They’re both in there.” I keep on walking but turn to ask, “Aren’t you and Davis normally joined at the hip?”
“For someone who came from a shit situation, you sure have some balls.”
He’s right, this is the second time in the space of no more than five minutes I have overstepped. I stand there, my heart going into overdrive, and wait for the slap.
Beau seems to read the situation, and he takes a couple steps back. “Oh no, no, I just meant… I actually don’t know what I meant. I’ve heard stories about women who have been in that situation. And you’re not broken, you’re strong. And smart-mouthed. I like it. That’s what I’m trying to say.”
He smiles at me as though being called a smart-mouth is a compliment. “How did you know?”
Rhys, with his immaculate timing, comes out of the homestead. “You fucking asshole,” I march up to him, “You told them?! You had no right!” I shove at his chest. He lets me hit him until the tears spill.
Catching my hands he holds them to his chest. “I didn’t tell them anything.
But it doesn’t take a genius to know someone hurt you.
What were you going to say? You fell down some stairs?
” He releases my hands and points to my neck, “You know the bruises around your neck have his fucking fingerprints embedded on your skin, right?”
I mindlessly move one of my hands to where the fading bruises taint my skin. “I tried not looking at them. I tried to cover them. I tried—” I don’t finish the sentence. I let out a gut-wrenching sob.
Rhys catches me around the waist. “I know you did, Morgan, I know.”
He walks us back to his house and into my room. Laying me down on the bed, he lets me cry. He exits, only to return with a glass of water. Sitting it on the bedside table he brushes a piece of my hair behind my ear before sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Morgan, I read what you wrote on that page. I want to apologise. Not for reading it, because it’s helped me understand more, but for saying you were predictable. I know you had to be. To survive him, you had to be predictable. But you don’t have to be anymore.”
I nod into my pillow as more tears fall. God, I’ve been here two and half days and I’ve just been having panic attacks; I hate to wonder what they think of me. Poor broken Morgan. Weak, pathetic Morgan.
I feel the bed shift as Rhys stands up, but as he gets to the door, I murmur his name.
Leaning on the door frame, tucking one foot behind the other, “Yeah?”
“Thank you. I’m sor?—“
“Don’t apologise, you have nothing to be sorry for. You have had to become a survivor, and that meant sacrificing who you were to do so.”
“I don’t like this version of myself.”
“You’re stronger than you think Morgan, you just can’t see that yet. Good news is I’m going to make you find that version of yourself.”
“Not sure if I like the sound of that.”
“You’ll be right,” He pauses before finishing his statement, “Morgana.”
I throw one of the pillows, “Fuck you.”
“There she is.” He yells out as he ducks behind the wall, leaving my room.
Fuck, I hate him. But maybe not as much as I want to.