38. Shoua
CHAPTER 38
shoua
I swallowed down my iced water as I watched my mom pace between Lee, Sai, and me. We were all in the kitchen with my parents. Lee and I sat by the breakfast bar on some stools while Anthony stood behind me, looming over me and watching my parents’ careful actions. My parents and Sai were across from us.
The three of them had been in an argument ever since this morning. I received a call before noon from my mom, yelling at me to head over to my parents’ place right that instant. There was a family emergency.
“Are you crazy?” my dad asked Sai as he sat across from him at the dining table.
Sai just shrugged. He came home last night, packed up all his essentials, and told my parents he was going to leave for Minnesota today. In two hours, he and Evelyn were going to start their long road trip from California to Minnesota. Once there, they planned to live together. He intended to look for a part-time job and planned to apply for college there to finish his undergraduate studies.
“I’m not crazy. I’m tired of living my life the way I have been,” he said resolutely.
I was astonished he was even speaking up for himself let alone being truthful about why he was leaving. Perhaps his relationship with Evelyn was pushing him to finally do something for himself, which I was grateful for.
“You’ve known this girl for barely a week and you’re ready to uproot your entire life for her?” my mom yelled. Her angry voice echoed through the entire kitchen.
“Yeah,” he said. “It’s better than living here.”
My mom’s lips shook as she looked at my younger brother, her favorite, with hurt etched into her expression. “Are you telling me you don’t want to live with us anymore?” she asked. She quickly looked at Lee and me with brimming tears. “Both of you tell your brother that what he’s doing is insane! It’s never going to work out! Tell him he can’t just leave!”
Lee essentially reiterated whatever our mom said in a firm voice as I shook my head. He glanced at me with a raised eyebrow, and I sighed at the way he always let our mom be. This was going to go nowhere, and I was sick of it all. I was exhausted to my bones over the hurt my mom had always inflicted on me.
She demanded I be there for her at times like this, yet refused to be there emotionally when I need her. She berated me when I couldn’t meet her expectations or called me ungrateful when I choose to be autonomous.
My mom did this to us our whole lives. She may have not treated Sai or Lee exactly the way she treated me, but she kept them locked up by limiting them like this. Not so much with Lee. But, with Sai, she did. He was the one she was the most protective of. Now he was finally waking up and trying to fight for a life he wanted, and if he didn’t get out now, he may never with how tightly my mom gripped onto him.
I, too, was waking up and finally seeing how toxic my relationship was with my mom. I love my mom deeply, but I was tired . I was tired of being caged up by her vicious words and the way she treated me. In Sai, I saw myself. I saw his sadness and frustration.
He wanted to live life and so do I.
“You know what, Sai? Good for you,” I said. My voice bellowed throughout the kitchen. “Maybe you need this to push you to start doing something for yourself for once.”
Sai didn’t deserve my help for the way he treated me lately. But who was going to stand up for him here? It wasn’t going to be my dad or Lee since they’ve made it clear they thought he was making a stupid mistake. So, I chose to do what my dad and Anthony did for me. Which was stand up for my younger brother and hopefully try to bring some calm to this family’s current chaos. That was my parting gift for him.
My mom’s chest began to heave as she inspected at each of my brothers and then me. Her lips pursed into a thin line when she turned to me and then her lips tipped into a scowl. “Of course you’d choose to go against me,” she spat bitterly.
Anthony, who was also there, placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. I let a moment pass by before I spoke up. Everyone waited rather patiently as I said, “He’s finally doing something for himself, and I think we should support him even if it’s a rash and possibly foolish decision.”
I glanced at Sai as he gave me a nod. “Thanks, Shoua,” he said.
This was probably the first time in several years I had heard him sincerely thank me. It wasn’t much for all that I had just done to help him, but it was a start, I suppose. I glanced at the time as my mom began yelling again about how Sai was ruining his life by doing this, and enough was enough.
Anthony and I were going to leave.
“Mom! I have a plan!” Sai said as I slipped off my barstool.
I glanced at my mom as my legs shook under me. “We’re leaving,” I announced, grabbing my bag.
“Where are you going?” my mom snapped.
“You can’t change Sai’s mind, Mom,” I said. “He’s already decided on what he’s going to do. He’s an adult now. Let him be one.”
“You ungrateful little bitch,” she yelled. Anthony stepped closer to me, reminding everyone of his quiet presence. She faltered for a second and then regained her composure. “Fine, leave, you unappreciative brat.”
I nodded at my brothers and Dad, then left with Anthony at my side as my mom started yelling out curses at me. It wasn’t until I closed my parents’ front door that I could shut her out of my system. I let out a shaky breath, completely drained.
“I’m tired,” I whispered.
Anthony squeezed my hand gently, pulling me towards his Jeep. “I don’t blame you,” he said softly.
“No, I’m tired , Anthony. I’m so fucking exhausted of my family,” I said, coming to a complete stop. I frowned. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
His features softened. “What do you mean?” he asked, tenderly.
“I need to go to therapy,” I explained. “I’m tired of living my life this way with my family. I’m tired of my mom treating me like this. I’m tired of having anxiety attacks because of her.”
Anthony’s eyes became watery as he nodded. “Yeah, okay. Anything you want to feel better. I’ll be here through it all on the easy and hard days.”
My vision became blurry, and I let a tear escaped the corner of my eyes without trying to hide it like I usually do without permission. “I know you will.”
I let out a long sigh of relief, finally enjoying my Sunday peacefully. Anthony and I were finally back home after spending half of the day out. First, we went to my parents and then we headed over to his parents’ place.
As we enjoyed our downtime together, I sucked on a cherry-pineapple popsicle as the memories of today’s events replayed in my mind. When Anthony and I showed up to say farewell to Aunt Sue and her crew, she was also berating and humiliating Evelyn for refusing to leave for the airport.
Sai wasn’t the only one who had to deal with a screaming, angry parent this afternoon. But the moment he pulled up, Evelyn hopped into his car with her four luggage. They zoomed off before Aunt Sue could even yell out any profanities at them. She glanced at me in frustration as if I had been the one to cause all of this.
She walked past me as I tried to reassure her Evelyn would be fine with my brother. He may be a lost soul, but I knew he wouldn’t hurt her. He was willing to change and start living life again because of her. She got into the car and that was the last I saw of her until she visited again for another summer.
I wasn’t upset to see Aunt Sue, Evelyn, and Kelvin go, but I wished Julie and Andy could stay longer. I always loved it when the two of them visited, but they were only ever here for a few days at most. This was the first time in several years that they visited for an entire week.
“This month was crazy,” I said, lazily watching Scream playing on my TV.
“Tell me about it,” Anthony said with a laugh, throwing his arm over my shoulder. We sat thigh to thigh on the sofa. “But this was probably the best summer I’ve ever had in years.”
My brows knitted as I turned to glance at him. “Really?”
He let out an adorable hyena laugh that made my heart flutter. “Yup.”
“What made this summer so special?” I asked with a coy smile.
“Let’s see. For one, I asked you to be my fake girlfriend. Then, two, I asked you to be my real girlfriend. And three, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he hummed. “I honestly wouldn’t have wanted it any differently this summer.”
My cheeks grew hot as I held onto those honey eyes slowly blinking back at me. “Me too,” I whispered.
Anthony leaned over, just centimeters away from my face. I was ready for a quick kiss when he suddenly snatched the popsicle I was about to finish out of my hand. There was hardly anything left to fight over, but it was still mine.
“Hey! That’s mine!” I yelled.
He wore a smirk and then stuck out his orange-tinted tongue like a kid. Then he proceeded to gobble it all up as if he didn’t just get dibs on our last creamsicle. He quickly tossed the popsicle stick into a bowl on the coffee table. I rolled my eyes at him as he gave me a cute, closed mouth smile.
His ice-cold hands were immediately on my face as he pressed his thumb into my mouth. I sucked on it as his cool lips came crashing down on mine just a second later. Remnants of my popsicle—now melted into a sweet, syrupy ambrosia—were still in his mouth as he passed it from his tongue to mine. The concoction dripped down the corner of my lips in this nasty, almost vulgar way.
I moaned, drinking it up as the taste of juice and his mouth mingled on my tongue. We sighed together as he pulled me into his lap so I was straddling him. I rocked my hips into him as he groaned lowly. He slipped his hands under my shirt and began rolling my nipples between his fingers. They immediately stiffened with desire under his cool touch. I whimpered as he sucked on my bottom lip, making me breathless.
“You’re so fucking cute when you moan like that.” His breath was hot against the corner of my lips, making my body heat up despite having my AC on at full blast.
“Yeah?” I gasped, rolling my hips into his.
He groaned as his hands pulled away from my hard nipples. He grabbed a hold of my hips, guiding the intensity of my hip movement, as his bucked up to meet mine. I gasped loudly.
“Yeah, baby. Keep moaning like that.” His deep voice tickled my lips teasingly and I pulled his mouth back to mine to tangle my tongue with his.
Our breaths hitched loudly as our bodies rolled heavy waves of friction into each other. I put my hands under his shirt and drew my fingers down his chest, when a knock was suddenly at the door. We pulled away from our kiss, breathless and surprised.
“Just ignore them. They’ll go away,” Anthony whispered as he cupped my face. He quickly lapped the melted popsicle juice that dripped out of the corner of my mouth and down my jaw as another knock rattled the door.
“Anthony, go check who’s at the door,” I hissed. He pulled his tongue away from me with an irritated groan.
Another insistent knock shook the doorframe. I climbed off Anthony and he sighed. The heat between us had already been interrupted by our persistent visitor, so there was no point in trying to continue until they left. But before Anthony could get up, the deadbolt unlocked, and the door practically flew open. Jonathan stood on the other side of the door. The moment his dark brown eyes landed on us, he let out a long, exasperated sigh. He looked and sounded tired.
“I seriously thought something bad happened to you two since neither of you were answering my calls or the damn door, but never mind,” he announced as if he wasn’t the one who just let himself in into my home. “I’m just going to leave.”
Anthony and I both gave him a spare key to our homes in case we lost it or there was an emergency. Not for him to come in unannounced like this.
“Is something wrong?” I worryingly asked at the same time Anthony rudely replied, “Good. You should.”
Jonathan raised a brow at us as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you want me to stay or leave? I was just here to check if you two were still alive. So you can . . . get back to whatever the hell you two were—” His hands waved dramatically in the air in our general direction. That wasn’t without a look of disgust on his face, of course.
“Will you just get your ass in the house and close the damn door? You’re letting all the cool air out,” Anthony grumbled.
Jonathan rolled his eyes as he did so and locked the door behind him. He slipped his shoes off in the foyer and came into the living room where we were. He took a seat on the ground on the other side of the coffee table rather dramatically.
“You can sit on the couch with us, Jonathan,” I said.
“To be honest, I’d rather not,” he said.
“Why are you here?” Anthony asked, sounding a little irritated. “We aren’t supposed to meet at the gym for another three hours or so.”
Jonathan’s eyes flicked between Anthony and me as he held up his phone so we could see the screen. The time said five thirty p.m. They were supposed to meet up thirty minutes ago, which was probably why Jonathan swung by my place to see if we were fine. It was unusual for Anthony to miss a gym session.
“Well, shit,” Anthony mumbled. “I didn’t realize how late it was.”
“Sure,” Jonathan said. Instead of his usual sassy demeanor, he seemed to be solemn.
My brows knitted together as my eyes narrowed curiously. “Are you all right?”
He hesitated. “Did you know that Sai was jealous of me?” he asked.
“What?” Anthony and I said in unison.
“I guess not,” Jonathan said. “Anyways, he told me last night he was jealous of me.”
“Sai’s not one to talk much to me about anything. He’s always been closer to Lee or you. But I doubt Lee even knew about it since he hasn’t brought it up to me,” I answered. Jonathan frowned. “Did he say something to you before he left?”
“He did,” he said as he nodded and stared at the coffee table. “Sai admitted he cared for me like a brother but also hated me out of jealousy as if I was his nemesis. My seemingly perfect life made him feel insecure and resentful.”
Jonathan had always cared immensely about Sai. I was certain that if he could, he’d share his life’s achievements and successes with my brother. He loved him that much, which was why he always tried to help Sai anyway he could.
“That’s what he said?” I asked breathlessly. I knew Sai was being honest and upfront with my parents about how he wanted change in his life, but I didn’t expect this.
Jonathan frowned. It was strange to see a look of such deep sorrow on his face when he was usually bright, witty, and equipped with a snarky retort. Sai’s words must have hurt him deeply. Anthony and I glanced at each other, both looking worried.
“I just feel like shit that what I do or how I live my life affected Sai so much,” Jonathan mumbled. “I never meant to compete with him or make him feel like I’m better than him. I’m living my life the way I am because I can. Not because I want to show off. I didn’t choose to become a pharmacist to rub it in his face. It was what I wanted.”
“Exactly,” Anthony said. “And I’m sure Sai knew that, which is why he was being honest with you.”
“I know. I just thought we were brothers. I mean, I care about him as one.” He sighed, hanging his head. His words were heavy in the air. “Hate is such a strong word too. I can’t imagine using that to explain how I feel about someone.”
Anthony immediately perked up. “Even Lina Lee? I could’ve sworn the only person you’ve ever said you hated was her?—”
Lina Lee and Jonathan had friendly academic competitions when they were in high school together, but that was all in the past now. He scoffed and crossed his arms in front of him.
“I was a stupid fourteen-year-old. Of course I’m going to say those types of stupid things.” He shook his head at Anthony’s mention of his old academic rival.
My boyfriend chuckled. “Since you came all the way here to check whether we’re alive or not, why don’t we head to the gym?” he suggested. “You sound like you need to clear your head.”
“You sure?” Jonathan asked. He quickly glanced between us and then at the couch.
My cheeks immediately burned. “It’s not what you’re thinking! That wasn’t what we were doing!” I said, trying not to show my embarrassment. Meanwhile, Anthony let out his hyena cackle and earned a smack to the arm from me.
“And you’re expecting me to believe you with that kind of response?” Jonathan said with a grimace. “I’m never going to sit on that couch ever again.”
“Then you shouldn’t use my shower either,” Anthony added with a laugh.
Jonathan glared at us. “I didn’t need to know that!”
“Blame your sister and my brother,” Anthony said. “They were so drunk and loud last night that they kept Shoua and me up all night.”
Jonathan groaned and said, “That’s even worse!”