24. Noah
24
NOAH
W e got all the way to Billings before I saw her again for any length of time. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how she’d done it. We’d been through Seattle, Bellingham, and Idaho Falls, plus the bus ride to Bozeman, and then another bus ride to Billings, and two weeks had passed since I saved her from the press.
And yet she’d been absent. A ghost who melted away the moment I was in the same room with her. Nothing but the flash of a camera lens moving through the audience at the shows. I knew she was still on the tour because I saw glimpses of her every so often, and Anna and Sadie constantly talked about her. I heard she was rooming with Sadie, for the most part, and photographing everyone constantly, trying to stay on her magazine’s good side.
Everyone but me, evidently.
And that pissed me the fuck off. That girl was my best friend in the world. I was the one who’d saved her from those kids at the orphanage. I was the one that pulled her out of St. Louis and brought her to Nashville! I’d insisted that she come on our first tour with us so everyone else could see what a great job she’d do, for fuck’s sake. And now she was just ignoring me?
Why?
That last question was the one that really bothered me, honestly, because I was afraid I knew why. The last time we spoke, the press had been on her about being out in the hallway in her pajamas, and I’d been terrified that they knew where she’d been before that.
In my arms, naked and hot and wet for me.
Underneath me, staring into my eyes as I moved over her, taking her again and again until she cried out.
Huddled up against me on a rooftop, her voice soft and dreamy in the sunset.
And that was where my fear started. Because the last time we were together, I’d been fucking her like my life depended on it–because I’d felt like it did–and she’d been meeting me thrust for thrust. I’d been staring at a whole new version of the world, and for the first time I’d felt like I might know what I was here for. It had all started with her.
And then ended with her when she left me in that closet and disappeared.
I was afraid she’d decided she made a mistake sleeping with me, and had disappeared because she didn’t want to make the mistake again.
Not that I was telling anyone so. For all they knew, everything was right as rain with me–or at least as right as it ever was. I’d spent my days practicing and my nights performing, and then I’d gone to my room and gone to bed just so I didn’t have to think about Molly avoiding me. As far as the guys knew, of course, I was taking a new girl to bed every night, just like I always had, and I didn’t disabuse them of the notion.
They would have killed me if they knew I slept with Molly. The were nearly as protective of her as I was, and that included protecting her from a no-good, tattooed, somewhat rebellious rock star. I might be their friend, but I didn’t think that would matter. They’d take her side over mine.
I didn’t blame them for that. I would have been angry at them if they didn’t.
Still, there was no side to take right now. At least I didn’t think there was. Unless Molly had told someone else about what we’d done. God, maybe they all knew and no one had the guts to say anything to me about it.
Suddenly the looks I’d been getting from the guys were less about a shared joke and more about knowing something I didn’t. Knowing what I’d done.
At that moment, Molly came around the corner like I’d called her into being. And she was alone.
This was exactly the opportunity I’d been waiting for, and I didn’t waste it. I moved toward her quickly, pinning her against the wall, and then, instead of saying anything, grabbed her wrist and made for the closest exit. We were going to have a conversation, her and me, and I wanted to be outside, where no one could overhear us. I could see through the window that it was pouring down rain out there, but I didn’t care. I wanted the privacy. The open air around us.
We’d just have to find shelter somewhere.
We got through the door and into the parking lot, and it was raining a lot harder than I’d thought. The rain hadn’t seemed like a problem before, when we were in the hotel, but now...
“Shit,” I murmured.
“What, you didn’t realize it was raining out here?” she asked sharply. “That failed to catch your attention when you kidnapped me?”
I snorted at that, because I hadn’t done anything of the sort, but I had bigger problems right now. Rain problems. We were in a tiny hotel near the venue and the roof didn’t extend beyond the outer wall of the building, so we couldn’t stay here.
I mean we could, but we were going to get soaked.
On the other side of the parking lot, though, I saw a wide, spreading pepper tree. One of those trees whose branches drape all the way to the ground.
“See that tree?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I could hear the frown in her voice as she wondered what the hell I was talking about. But I could also hear the start of curiosity. She’d never turned down an adventure, and some of our best days had started with a question just like that.
“Race you,” I said, grinning.
I started running before she answered, counting on her to take the bait. Sure, she’d been ignoring me for two weeks and had every right to be angry at me. But she was also incapable of saying no to a challenge.
I raced through the parking lot, doing my best to avoid the puddles and go around any hazards. Molly, on the other hand, blew right through the puddles and hurdled anything that got in her way. She was a small, brown-haired streak through the rain, and her speed surprised me enough that I almost paused to watch her.
Then I realized she was going to win the race, and sped up.
She had too much of a lead on me, though, and no matter how hard I ran, she was faster. What had she been doing, training on her speed? She was way faster than she was when we were little. And my legs were about twice as long!
Molly went skidding through the draping branches of the willow tree and disappeared, and moments later I went in after her, breathless and exhilarated by the run. I stared into the gloom, looking for her, but couldn’t see much. The tree’s branches provided plenty of shelter from the rain, but also cut the light, and I felt like I was standing in some sort of green-tinted cave.
Without a Molly.
Had she run right through to the other side? Left me the moment I lost sight of her? That wasn’t part of the rules.
Then again, sleeping together hadn’t been in the rules, either.
“Losers lose,” a voice suddenly said from behind me. “And also, they buy lunch.”
I turned, laughing, to find her somehow behind me, soaking wet and pink-cheeked. Incredibly beautiful. “Buying lunch was never part of the deal,” I noted.
She shrugged. “Things change.”
That made me remember why I’d dragged her out here in the first place. “Like you? What’s with you ignoring me, Bug? Where the fuck have you been?”
She narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean, where have I been? I’ve been on tour, same as you. Doing my job. Same as you.”
“And avoiding me like the plague,” I snapped. “I haven’t seen you in two week!”
“Funny,” she said, her voice cold. “Because I’ve seen you all over the place.”
Right, that was it. I grabbed her shoulders and backed her up until she hit the trunk of the tree with a soft thud. “You’ve seen me, but didn’t bother to come say hi? What’s the problem? What are you doing?”
She threw my arms off her and stepped around me. “I would have thought that’d be obvious, Noah. I’m staying away from you. Just like you want. Because God knows it always has to be about you.”
“Like I want?” I asked, so surprised I almost forgot how to breathe for a second. “How the fuck do you get there? You think I don’t want to be seen with you?”
She whirled on me, her expression furious. “No, I don’t think you want to be seen with me!” she shouted. “That’s exactly what I think! And before you ask some stupid question like ‘Why,’ I’ll tell you why! Every time we’re together lately you’re either hiding yourself or hiding me! Up on the roof where no one can see. Shoving me into a closet. Pulling me out from in front of the press! you don’t want anyone to see us together because you’re worried about what it will do to your reputation!”
“Because you can’t be seen with me !” I shouted, furious myself. How was she pretending this was my fault? “You’re the one with the rules! Your magazine told you not to fool around with anyone you’re covering, didn’t they? And you’ll lose your job if you break their rules, right? I’m just trying to protect you!”
“Protect me?” she gasped. “Since when do you care about anyone other than yourself? Protect me ?”
Oh my God, this was too much.
“I’ve been protecting you since the first day I saw you,” I said quietly. “And I’ve never, ever tried to hide you.”
She had the grace to look slightly ashamed at that. “Then why all the time in the closets? If that’s not hiding me, what is it?”
I almost laughed. “I’m not hiding you, you stupid girl. I’m hiding me . I’m the trouble here. I would never put you in the closet. I’m nothing but proud to be seen with you. You’re the better part of me, and everyone would tell you the same. But that doesn’t work the other way around. I’m no good for you.”
I’d never thought about it that way, but the moment I said it, I knew it was true. Molly was the best of the five of us, and she was head and shoulders better than me. She always had been. People had always wondered why she was friends with me, though I’d hoped she didn’t hear them when they said so.
I’d been terrified she’d agree with them, and leave me.
Oh my God.
She was right.
All this time, I thought I’d been doing it to protect her. But when it came down to it, I’d been worried that she might hear what people were saying and leave me. She might get fired and kicked off the tour... in which case I would be left alone.
The world and my view of it shifted so violently that I almost fell over.
And in typical Molly fashion, she just charged on ahead, not even realizing that my world was changing as we spoke.
“You don’t get to decide what’s good for me and what’s not,” she said quietly.
I shot right back into frustration. Massive realizations about myself would have to wait. “Of course I don’t, because you won’t let me. You’re so freaking convinced you don’t need a hero that you can’t see straight. Sort of like you’re convinced you don’t need to meet your dad, even though that’s what we’ve all been dreaming about since we were kids. You have someone wanting to be your parent, and you’re too stubborn to admit you might actually like it!”
Her face went blank for a moment, but then shot back into anger. “Me? That’s rich, coming from the guy who never keeps anyone around for more than three seconds because he’s so afraid of committing to anyone or getting hurt again. What the fuck is your problem? Why don’t you settle down and let someone actually love you? You’re so busy being defensive that you won’t let anyone close!”
Holy God, that one hit me so hard I almost stumbled. Evidently this was the day we told each other all our truths. In which case...
“I would have let you close, Molly. I’ve always wanted you right next to me. But you’re so busy thinking you have to take care of yourself that you’re not willing to let anyone else do it.”
“I don’t trust anyone else to do it,” she said simply. “Because everyone else has let me down.”
I opened my mouth to tell her I never had, knowing she’d argue with me, when I heard a sound coming from my right. I tipped my head and looked in that direction, and heard it again. A sort of snuffling, whining sound that a tree definitely shouldn’t have been making.
I glanced at Molly, who met my eyes, and we moved as one toward the sound. It was coming from a bush growing right up the trunk of the tree, and we both dropped to our knees and started searching through it. I shifted the branches of the bush to the left and right, opening up space for Molly to move into it with her head and shoulders to look.
“What is it?” I whispered.
“No clue. Do you have your phone I don’t have mine.”
“What are you going to do, take a picture of whatever it is for posterity?” I took my phone out of my pocket and handed it to her.
She grabbed it and looked at me like I was some sort of idiot. “I need the light, dummy.”
She clicked the light on and turned back to the bush, searching through the undergrowth for something like forever. Then she gasped and dove further in.
When she came back out, she had a wriggling, furry bundle of brown and white in her arms. She looked up at me, her eyes big and wet with moisture, and held the bundle out.
“How in the hell did that get out here?” I asked, shocked.
It was the tiniest puppy I’d ever seen. Definitely too young to be away from its mom. And it was cold and soaking wet. I could see it shivering from here.
“No idea, but we can’t leave it out here,” she murmured.
She was right. I took the puppy carefully in my hands, tucked it against my body, and pulled my leather jacket over it. Then I grabbed her hand, turned, and ran for the hotel. We needed to get this puppy to where it was safe and dry. And then we needed to figure out what we were going to do with it.
Yes, I heard myself saying ‘we’ like Molly and I were a couple. I heard myself jumping right past the argument we’d just had.
And I was very specifically not looking at that right now.
Sort of like I wasn’t thinking about how good it felt to be back on the same team.