Noah: in your eyes

15 — Catarina Rowedder

"What is your secret?

What are you afraid of?

I’m not a toy that can break.”

Hate Me — Chain Reaction

I couldn't be happier, but very happy with this achievement. Yes, from my point of view it is an achievement, because I will be working in a sector that I am passionate about, project development. I feel elated inside, in a way I've never been in my life, because I'll finally be able to put all my ability on paper, in addition to all the studying I've done over the last few years.

The atmosphere among people is pleasant and silent, my supervisor gave me a report on a new project that will begin in a few months, without a definitive date, as according to him, there are some issues to be defined. Thank you for this, so I can analyze each item calmly and carefully, so that I can collaborate with the execution, gaining opportunities in the area that I love so much.

People seem to enjoy working here and being recommended by Mr. Thomaz, I believe they are safe, despite not being able to forget the meeting, or rather, bumping into each other before the meeting.

The man is simply beautiful, in that movie crush kind of way, in addition to being polite, but what surprised me most was the fact that he didn't take his eyes off me during the meeting, and for the first time, I realized that this didn't happen. It bothered me. There was no pity or desire there, just curiosity in his expression, it was as if I were a secret to be revealed. Although, I can consider myself exactly that: a secret. My name remains the same, but my physical characteristics have been changed to a “temporary lie”.

His touch was different from anything I've ever felt, even though I wasn't experienced in this, I didn't feel repulsed, but rather as if an electric current had run through my entire body, the way it happens to a young girl when the protagonist touches her. Why do we need to take into account the fact that I have a lot of experience and knowledge on the subject, when it is fully represented, in fictional people in the pages of novels.

It's that thing, everyone has their own point of view based on what they've experienced, or what they've seen in other “people”, reading has opened up horizons for me and I will always thank each author I've read, for giving me incredible moments.

I even blame myself for being a little harsh in my way of acting, but it was in automatic mode, a form of defense, however, when my eyes focused on him, it was as if nothing else existed there, just us.

And there I go, traveling through the fairy tale of books again.

In a little while I'll say that I have butterflies in my stomach. I roll my eyes, pushing this nonsense away, real life is very different.

“— No need to apologize, are you okay?”

The question caught me off guard and I simply let go of him, hardly anyone asked if I was okay, in fact, in my old life, I was an insignificant being, except for my mother who really loves me, besides, I just existed and for So, it's been an absurd novelty to meet and live with people who care about each other, without wanting anything in return. An attitude that was completely forgotten while I was growing up and that, unfortunately, we are not often lucky enough to meet people like that, with empathy and affection for others.

Anyway, going back to what happened, I'm sure I gave him a scared impression, but in fact, something much more intense was happening inside me and I couldn't understand what it was, I also didn't think about finding out, not at that moment, because that It would make me forget all the goals I have for now, for my new life.

I come out of the memory when I hear my extension ringing, realizing that I spent a long time thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

— Catarina — I answer calmly.

— Miss, this is Norah, assistant to the president, Mr. Foster requested your presence to analyze a project.

— Yeah… Ok, do I need to bring anything? Sorry for my inexperience, but as it's my first day, I don't want to disappoint — I say, nervously.

— Don't apologize, you'll love the boy, just come and I'll wait for you here. If you want, you can bring a notepad.

— Okay. And, again, thank you! — I hang up, grab a pen, the pad like she said and build up the courage.

Apparently I'm going to meet that mountain of muscles again.

I sigh, giving an internal laugh, there's no way I could have actually thought that.

Catarina, this is not your focus!

Never was!

And it won't be anytime soon! Or will it be?

I shake my head, getting up and heading towards the elevators. Whatever it is, I'll do well, I didn't graduate with honors and merit for nothing.

I analyze my reflection in the mirror in the large metal box, my appearance is so different from who I am, in fact from who I always saw myself as, the brown hair, which clashes with the tint of the lenses in the slightest, if I were adept at making changes like a protagonist I read, she changed her hair color every week, I think I would risk changing my blonde permanently, but I like them “original”.

I already feel more confident, but I still have a long way to go to literally free myself from the past. I'm sure that Dr. Lynn will be able to help me with that. I'm looking forward to our first appointment tomorrow.

As soon as the elevator stops at the floor and the doors open, I visualize the beautiful woman that Norah is, waiting for me.

— Come on, girl, he’s already waiting for you. — I follow her towards the living room. — Don't worry, he has a wonderful heart and, if anything, call me and I'll give him a hard time. — Give me a knowing wink.

I already liked her, the nervousness that was beginning to appear in me gave way to a wonderful confidence. We stop in front of the entrance and she taps the wood, then the door opens.

— Hi sweetie. — He winks at his assistant. — Thank you for coming, Catarina. You can come in — he says in a firm but gentle tone, giving me passage.

I enter and observe the large room lit by extensive glass, the view is breathtaking, the rest is something very minimalist, in tones of black, gray and white, giving it charm and grandeur. The designer who designed the room did a great job. I turn when I hear footsteps and see that he is standing close, very close, and my stomach begins to bubble with a mixture of strange sensations.

What is this shit now? — I question myself.

— Did you like the view? I think she's wonderful, but lately I haven't had much time to appreciate her — he says, politely. — Please sit down. — Indicates the chair in front of your desk. — I would like to explain why I called you.

I confirm with a mechanical and polite smile, then sitting down. The nervousness continues, but I have no reason to be afraid. Even though I was alone with him, I realized that the assistant left the door ajar, either this woman is very smart or I let my insecurity show. In any case, I thank you internally for this..

At the same time that I am in this whirlwind of feelings, I also feel joyful in an inexplicable way.

— I called you because there is a project that is on hold, we intend to start it in a few months, however, I would like your opinion. In my opinion, it is still not what we would like, I feel that we have not reached the level I want and as I can see, you are very observant, a useful quality for this project in question. — Get up and then arrange the plans on the table.

For a few moments, I forget your presence and admire the drawings displayed in front of me, the place will be a paradise. I observe every detail and start thinking about some ideas. I am totally absorbed in my thoughts, when suddenly, I hear your breathing, close to my ear. Almost instantly, I feel a shiver run up my spine and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

Suddenly, that “cold” settles in my stomach, to complicate my mind, everything happens in an instant and I find myself a little dizzy with the confusion of these sensations. They had never been awakened in me before, to the point where my heart felt a slight palpitation and my breathing accelerated.

It can't be for him! This only happens to the girls in books! — I think and try to control myself.

Breathe. Breathe.

— Like what you see? — he asks. — I noticed it caught your attention.

I turn to answer and that's when I see him, standing in such a seductive way, in my clear view, with one hand in his pocket and the other resting on the table and when I look into his eyes, I immediately notice an expectation in his expression, but his crooked smile is too fascinating, making me imagine many theories, just because of that.

As much as I've lived years of my life locked away, I know some things about attraction and stuff like that, but I'm not an expert on the subject, obviously. And that scares me, because it could just be a stupid illusion in my head. An illusion like those who say: “I feel like a teenager on a first date”, maybe that's it, however, I haven't had dates, that is, another deduction based on my fictitious self—knowledge.

Focus, Catarina. He's your boss!

— Yes, I was absorbed for a moment, after all, it's the first real project I've seen, in this case, other than at the university, but I found your proposal impressive, if you could tell me what exactly you would like to change...

— Great — he replies, leaning against the table and crossing his arms. —That's the point, Catarina. I can't directly express what I miss, but for me, it needs a more familiar feel at some points, I honestly don't know... — I can feel a certain regret in this statement. — I believe in your potential and if you show me ideas that I like, I will make a point of having you on the main team.

— Mr. Foster, I believe you know that I do not have the same experience as the other professionals involved in this project, but you will not regret it, I will do my best in this. I promise that I will study every detail at a minimum, to make improvements and suggestions — I say, convinced of my potential.

— I knew my instinct was right, I like people who seek to improve their knowledge and Catarina, you can just call me Noah. No formalities. Including. — Analyze me. — I have the slight impression that I already know you, forgive me if I'm being invasive, but since our little bump, I've had that feeling.

— I don't think so, sir. I'm a very reserved person with no friends, it's impossible for us to have met before. — I'm not sure about that, because he has something that attracts attention, like a magnet.

— All is well then. — He gives a restrained smile. — That's all for now. If you have any questions, you can contact Norah and ask her to forward them to me. If I'm at the company, you can also come here. — After finishing, he stretches out his hand, waiting for me to respond to the gesture.

I get up, however, and I am hypnotized again, just analyzing his hand, and then his face, more calmly.

My goodness, the guy is beautiful!

When I realize that I'm like a teenager in front of her idol, staring at him, I shake my head, responding to his handshake, then letting go, because again, I feel that shock, that electricity going through my body. body, lodging itself in my lower abdomen and causing a contraction, I give in to the need to contract my thighs and I notice moisture dampening my panties.

Damn it! I can't believe I stayed in my days!

PMS is the worst thing a woman can have, honestly, it's synonymous with a dick stuck up her ass. Not that I know what that's like, but I assume it's horrible.

Getting your period on the first day of work and in front of a man like that can only be punishment!

— Ok, now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start my research — I say hurriedly.

He just nods and goes to the door, opening it, like a gentleman and letting me in, I just give him a smile in thanks and get out of there as quickly as I can, going to Norah's table.

— Can you tell me where the bathroom is? — At the end of the hall, girl. Leave your things here until you get back.

— Thanks. I proceed to the indicated location.

I must be in a complete hormonal mess, it could only be the stress of the last few days, this has definitely changed my body. It's only been ten days since my cycle stopped, but it's the only explanation for what has just happened.

After all, nothing with me can be normal. — I laugh as soon as I arrive in front of the door.

I enter the place and lock it, which seems to me to be an exclusive bathroom for the assistant, after all, I'm on a floor where there is only her and the company's CEO. I take off my pants and then my panties.

I don't believe it!

Oh no!

Holy shit!

No no and no!

Fucking shit!

I am in shock to realize that the viscous liquid is nothing more than my own arousal.

E.X.C.I.T.E.D.

I got like this because of my boss!

M.Y. B.O.S.S.

How cliché can this be?! — I put my hand on my forehead, realizing that things in books can actually happen in real life, especially with someone who is not at all “normal”, like me.

I may be a virgin, but I'm curious and I've researched the subject in the rare moments I had access to the internet. And without forgetting that my literary taste is not just “they loved each other all night”, there are very descriptive scenes of sexual relations and even about the girl's own body, which I think is great, because getting to know each other is essential.

Now, I just didn't know it felt like this, for a moment I actually thought I might be entering those hellish days again.

What beautiful news, Catarina!

Noah Foster, you came to mess with my head and that can't happen!

Imagine what a kiss from him does? No way!

I've been like this with a smile, kisses are out of the question!

Does it have a feel like the ones I've already read?

Like throw me against the wall and call me a lizard?

Catarina, stop! Only for!

Lizard?! Is this serious?

Noah Foster should have a neon sign on his forehead that says:

DANGER. — I'm going to destroy your panties.

I spent the rest of my day focused on analyzing all the material given to me, but I notice that my mind is no longer so focused and I am grateful when I see my colleagues getting ready to leave.

Luckily for me, I always carry daily—use pads in my bag. When I returned to my desk, I picked one up and discreetly went to the bathroom on my floor, replacing the toilet paper I had placed with it.

I turn off my computer, take my notes, put them in my bag and head to reception. Certainly, at home, after taking a shower and eating, I will be lighter. At the same moment, I remember that Miss Sarah won't be staying with me tonight, so I decided to go to House Beer, get something to take. I loved that place. Beni was right that John's food was wonderful.

As soon as I arrive at the company's lobby, I see that Sarah hasn't arrived yet for us to go home, so I send her a message with the location.

____________________________

Catarina: Hi, I'm going to House Beer

get a snack, can you

find it up front?

D.Sarah: Of course dear.

It won't take me long to arrive, I was late.

Kisses.

_____________________________

As I walk through the busy movement to House Beer, I remember being worried about finding a place close to my new work where I could have lunch, so, in a conversation with Urs?o, he informed me that the pub, in addition to being close, It also had lunch menus, good quality food, just a few steps away from the company. But he omitted a small detail: that the man behind the counter, besides being handsome, is also very friendly, by the way, which made my lunch peaceful.

The weather is completely pleasant, which gives me a feeling of freedom. I can feel part of all this movement in Manhattan and it's something incredible that I can now enjoy. An agitation that I didn't remember, which for some may be stressful, for me, is invigorating.

As soon as I arrive in front of the restaurant/pub, I see that it is already very busy, I enter and head towards the counter, where I see John preparing a drink.

Our! He has an incredible figure and the samurai bun he wears in his hair gives him extra charm.

— Hello, John — I say, catching his attention.

— Hello, pretty lady! Apparently, he enjoyed his lunch.

— Yes, and I would like a light meal to take home. I'm not in the mood to cook today.

The phrase sounds so natural that I don't even recognize myself. I think that the many conversations with my friend Beni and his mother are making me be more affable with strangers, in fact giving me the confidence to act normally.

— Can I choose the menu? — he asks, leaning on the counter and getting very close, which makes my cheeks blush. I nod my head in agreement and he looks at me, then his hand slips through mine and I take it away abruptly.

I'm not ready for this contact, especially after so much that happened today.

— Sorry, pretty lady. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, that's just the way I am. — He blinks, smiling. — Don't worry, I'm harmless, even more so after receiving a call from Benício, informing me how special his little sister is and what could happen to me if I crossed a line. — He blinks once more and disappears through the door that I believe leads to the kitchen.

Right. Calm down, Catarina! I didn't expect this approach, however, it wasn't bad at all. I focus on what he said about Beni and the smile takes over me, my protective bear.

I felt sincerity in every word from John, I think I need to apologize and, who knows, he might be a new friend? One of the lessons that Ms. Sarah has been insisting on me these last few days is that not everyone is the same and that I can give myself the opportunity, little by little, to meet new people. All in my time, I believe that after the consultations with Dr. Lynn, I will feel more and more confident.

It's about taking one step at a time.

Some time later, I see John approaching with a package, stopping in front of me:

— Here you go, Catarina. — He looks at me uncomfortable. — I chose a fresh salad with some fruits and grilled fish, and I also added a little jar of a special sauce. Try it and tell me what you think. It's a new recipe.

— John, I'm sorry for my reaction before, I'm trying to adapt to a new life... Anyway, it's just complicated. — I sigh, taking a breath to continue. — Can we start over? Hello, I'm Catarina, a friend of Benício, and apparently, I'm addicted to your food. — I extend my hand to him, and he takes it gently and really, it doesn't cause me anything bad and doesn't even bring back memories that I want to forget.

— Hello, I'm John, owner of this bar. I'm a chef in my spare time and I hope to see you here often, pretty girl. — Give me a smile. — And I'm harmless, like I said, don't worry — he reaffirms. — I'm also a great listener. When you want to talk, I'll be here.

— Thanks. — I thank you, smiling. — Well, I need to go, how much is left?

— This is in the house, I'll wait for you tomorrow at lunch, to be my guinea pig with a new recipe. What do you think?

— Okay. I won't refuse food — I joke.

— Combined. And take care of yourself at home, here is my card, it has my cell phone number. I know that Benício sometimes takes a while to come back, if you need something or just want to talk, you can call me. I hope we can be friends. — He smiles so sincerely, it makes him even more beautiful.

— All good. See you tomorrow, John. — I say goodbye, with a feeling of relief. As I approach the exit, I see Mrs. Sarah waiting for me in front of the bar.

— Hi, darling — he says, hugging me. — How was your day?

— Hey! I thought you would get in! — I answer, as we walk.

— I gave you space to try to adapt. But tell me about today.

— Let's just say it was surprising, in a good way.

— I want to know everything, but now we need to go. I'll accompany you there and as you know, I can't stay with you today, I need to pack some things at home for when Thomaz arrives from his trip, but tomorrow, we'll talk — there's concern in his speech.

— If you want, I can help you. — I offer. — And if you want to talk, I'm here to listen.

— Oh, my girl. — Hug me, with tears clouding your eyes. — It's just my mother's heart, thinking about how Beni is.

—Did something happen to him? — My heart sinks when I imagine it.

— Everything will be fine. — I notice that you don't want to go into details, and even though I'm curious, I decide not to insist. — We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay? I promise I'll tell you everything.

The journey home is easy, I'm loving the experience of riding the subway and I believe that in a few days I'll be able to make the journey alone. My life is improving in an incredible way, I don't want anything to ruin this moment, even though I miss hearing more from my mother. All they tell me is that she is under constant surveillance and everything is normal, but I really wanted to have her with me.

I open the door to the apartment that I have come to call home, because this is exactly where I feel free. I place the bag of food on the counter and go to the bedroom to take a relaxing shower, before feeding my stomach, which growls with hunger.

I leave my clothes spread out on the bedroom floor, my priority is to feel the water falling and relax my body from the unusual day I've had. I close my eyes and calmly enjoy the drops that fall, relaxing my muscles and the image that comes to my mind is that damn Foster smile, which destroyed my panties.

I feel my body heat up at the memory of that man and the next thing I know, I'm caressing my breasts, imagining being touched by him, sliding a hand up to my vagina, making my newest experience of adulthood fascinating.

As I touch myself, discovering myself, the image of him passing his mouth down my neck and touching my breasts takes shape and I speed up my movements, my breathing begins to become labored, I feel my internal muscles contract in spasms and in a Instantly, I slide my back down the wall, until I'm sitting inside the stall, realizing, only now that I've had my first orgasm.

If it wasn't that, I know I'm going weak in the knees, just imagining the panty destroyer, Noah Foster!

I'm screwed! I'm so screwed, because this is completely insane.

As soon as I recover, I get up and wash, as I should have done before, and to be sure this time, without closing my eyes. It was a new and pleasant experience, I think I can start to discover myself little by little. After all, the feeling was wonderful, but I need to focus on someone else.

Who knows, in John's smile?

No! No smiles, Catarina!

I get out of the shower, analyzing my reflection in the mirror, I can still see my flushed cheeks. I smile, satisfied with that. Another step taken in my life. I finish drying off and grab a loose sweatshirt to wear, ready to serve myself and eat on the couch, a habit I acquired with Beni.

The food that John prepared is divine, I will definitely become a loyal customer. The man knows how to win a person over by their stomach, if that is his intention, of course!

Anyway, satisfied with the bath and a little confused by the episode, I decided to read a book and rest my mind. There are good copies here, but I got one from Beni, which I love, and makes me believe that there is always someone Wishing you could erase your memories forever and never feel that way again [7] .

In other words, there are people who go through bad times and manage to find the rainbow after the storm, and this gives me the courage I need to continue seeking self—knowledge and increasingly having self—love.

Events can mark us in many ways, however, only we can decide to evolve to be better or regress into the shadows.

Suddenly, lost in my reading, I hear the door being opened and I grab the first object I see in front of me: the book itself will have to do, as I'm not waiting for anyone.

When the door finally opens, I, in desperation, throw the book in that direction and when I see my target, I freeze.

I'm sure today is, to say the least, strange and hilarious!

Holy shit!

— Damn, Catarina! Is this how I am received?

I don't know whether to cry at the scene in front of me or whether to laugh with joy at having my brother back.

I ran towards him, I missed him so much, but I stopped, seeing that he can't hold me in his arms and spin me around in a tight hug, which only he knows how to give.

— Bear! — Ecstatic, I blurted out the nickname I gave him. — I wasn't expecting anyone anyway... — I look at the book on the floor. — It was the weapon I had in my hands at the time — I explain, bending down to pick up the poor guy on the floor.

— Young lady, we need to review your self—defense classes — Thomaz says, laughing. — Can we go in? This stubborn Bear needs rest and refuses to stay in our house — he says, in a mocking tone.

— Bear, Catarina? What the hell is that?! — Beni asks, indignant.

— Ah, just the affectionate nickname I gave you. I liked calling you that, Big Bear. — I stifle my laughter while Thomaz writhes with laughter. — He comes! — I put Benício’s arm around my shoulders and helped him get to the sofa. —Sit here and try to tell me everything. — I turn to your father. — You can let me take care of this stubborn guy here, we have several video games to catch up on.

While my friend adjusts himself in a comfortable position, I am informed of everything that happened and the precautions we will need to take, in addition to medication schedules. With everything clear, I follow Thomaz to the door, knowing that tomorrow I will definitely find Mrs. Sarah when she gets home from work, spoiling her son.

— Come here, little sister. I think you have a lot of things to tell me, don't you? For a long time, I will be all yours! — He opens that brotherly smile that only he has.

— Let's say I have a lot of things, but I don't know if I'll count them. — Sigh. — Today alone was unusual beyond normal!

— In a good way, at least? — Raise your eyebrows.

Damn it! I must have red cheeks! And he must already imagine it.

— Okay, I'll tell you, but don't laugh at me! — I throw a pillow in his direction.

He understands me and doesn't judge me, it shouldn't be so bad to tell him everything that's happened since he left, but one thing I can't say at all... The fact that I imagined the company's panty—destroying CEO, doing “little things” Nothing holy with me, just on my first day!

No way!

Fuck!

I got fucked and it wasn't in a good way!

My goodness!