33 — Catarina Rowedder
"All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I will give you my everything
You are my end and my beginning”
All of me — John Legend
Admiring Central Park through the large windows of my mother's apartment, I smile to myself, thinking about how the last few months have been full of great changes, both for me and for her.
It's been two months since she moved here and I can see that finally, her life is returning to the joyful way it was. We created a wonderful routine, where once a week, I come to sleep with her and the next day, we have our girls' day.
Like today, for example, when we will meet Iolanda, Norah, Lynn and Sarah.
Lynn and I have become much closer in recent times, so a month ago, for ethical and moral reasons, my therapy started to be carried out by a colleague of hers, who is just as good, because as she has become part of my daily life You wouldn't be able to treat me as a professional and not give your personal opinion as well. When we had this conversation I was sad, but after she clearly explained to me that I still had a long way to go, we agreed together that this was the best option and I can still call my friend when I need to.
By the way, my dear friend and love advisor is in love with her, I believe his single days are numbered. Noah and I, on the other hand, are increasingly in love, if that can be possible.
Ever since our night in Vegas, I've been feeling like I can't be around him without lashing out at that nasty hunk. Okay, not that I'm a shy person, but my sexual appetite has increased considerably in the last month and so has my sleep.
Which must just be a consequence of spending nights awake having sex, instead of resting.
But I'm seriously considering talking about this with my mom or Lynn if my routine continues like this in the next few days.
— Daughter, are you ready? — Mom takes me out of my thoughts.
— Yes mom. — I smile, seeing her elegant as always. — You look stunning, do you have a date with your neighbor later?
— Nina! Maxwell just brought me a cake last night, no big deal and it was probably because he knew you would be here.
— Mom, I just know that every day he finds an excuse to see you, but to be honest he is very kind. Who knows, maybe you'll at least give a little kiss in gratitude.
— Catarina! — he scolds. — It was just what I needed. He's just kind and polite, poor guy. There is no family, we can just be friends.
— We'll talk about this in a few weeks. — I smile, thinking of a way to become my mother's cupid, because, really, the neighbor is a handsome and charismatic man in his fifties, he just needs to lie down for my mother to go over him. Only she doesn't understand.
— Come on, they're already at the mall waiting for us — she says, taking her bag.
— And your trip with Noah to Greece, when will it be?
— Oh, mom, I don't know. I believe in a couple of weeks. We've already rescheduled her four times, you know. Next week, he will have to go to Canada to resolve a company matter. It'll be gone for two days, so we'll probably be able to get on board the next week.
— Okay, young lady. Let's enjoy ourselves and go shopping. We will surprise my son—in—law! We took advantage and went to a store with special items, which I know, but haven't been to for many years.
— All I have to do is say that it's a sex shop, because then I'll know that a copy of yours came out, mom. — She looks at me, smiling. — Mother! — I exclaim, surprised. — You're not serious!
Nice crap, I was really messing with her.
— Why not? Your father and I loved it and I'm sure that nowadays, there are more new things than when I decided to buy something to spice up our nights — she responds calmly, as if it were the same as buying tampons once a month.
What a snot!
— Mom, no details, please!
—Are you going to say you've never bought anything like that? Daughter, daughter…
— Yes, mother. Oh! How embarrassing. Lynn took me to one — I told her about the first time I went and, yes, believe me, I became a customer there.
— Ready. Another place to add to girls' day!
Dona Victória is becoming a beautiful box of surprises.
After leaving Adam and his team with lots of bags, the girls and I sat down at a restaurant for lunch and I believe it was the perfect time to tell them about my newest project.
— Girls, I need a minute of your attention. — They look at me suspiciously, knowing that I can't make ends meet. — Well, you know that I have all my company projects advanced, so I had an idea and ended up designing a place where I would like to work. But first, I need to know if you're on board with me — I say excitedly.
— I'm even afraid to know what came out of that head of yours, but come on. That's what friends are for — Lynn responds and the others agree, laughing.
— Okay. Mom, can I use the money Dad left me for this project?
— Daughter, use it however you want. He is yours.
— Now, Norah, I know that Jack has two pieces of land in Harlem, which he probably doesn't even remember. Sorry, but Gael told me when I asked if he would help me with the documentation.
— You're right, darling. He really doesn't remember, as it was his father who bought it weeks before they both passed away. Now, I'm curious, what are you planning?
— I wanted to know if he would be willing to donate the land for the project.
— Explain what it would be about and I'll solve it right now.
— Well, I already told you what Noah's mother went through and how he still blames himself, sometimes for not helping, but he was just a child. So, I thought about creating a foundation, not only because of what she went through, but because of what all of us here have faced. It would be the Katherine Foundation, named after her. — I take a deep breath, because it affects my emotions. — She would have the intention of helping children, women, and, in short, anyone who needs it. In fact, I think that, in the long term, we can offer more than that, in relation to the many children who today live on the streets, thus giving them the opportunity for a dignified life.
When I finish my report, they are excited, agreeing with everything, coming up with ideas and I can only be grateful for having them by my side.
— I'll call him now. — Norah walks away, with her cell phone in hand.
— I'll call Thomaz, if I'm not mistaken, his father also acquired land next to the ones Jack's father got. We will transform lives, thank goodness, because this life as an idle housewife is killing me — Sarah says.
After making their calls, we finished our lunch in ecstasy, as now there are three pieces of land that the foundation has gained to take shape.
Furthermore, they decided to join me in this cause and promised secrecy. I hope I can bring more joy to the eyes and soul of the man who holds my heart in his hands.
We got up to continue our day of shopping. Yes, mom is dragging us to every possible store, however, when I stand up, a slight dizziness comes over me.
— Nina, are you okay? — Lynn whispers, next to me. — Come on, let's go to the bathroom, they didn't notice anything, but you're getting pale.
She asks them to wait for us, telling us that we shouldn't delay and pulls me in, pretending to hug.
I feel my stomach drop, something that has been happening quite often this week. It must be the rush and anxiety of having the project finished.
However, when we enter, I run to the first free toilet, dumping all my lunch into the toilet.
I feel weak, but I am supported by my friend.
Oh God! What a shame!
— Better? — Help me get up. — Slowly, come here, wet your face and the back of your neck. Will help.
I do as she suggests and I actually start to feel a little better, until her question leaves me static!
— Friend, what is the probability that you are pregnant?
Holy shit!
My throat closes, my head spins in an eternal loop, my legs feel like jelly, about to collapse.
Damn!
What beautiful rubbish, Catarina!
Breathe.
Breathe.
Inspire.
Don't freak out.
Until a click lights up in my freaked out head.
— Lynn, I need to go to the hospital, urgently! To answer your question, yes, I could be pregnant, from the beginning neither Noah nor I remember the damn condom, I've been taking contraceptives for a while, but I know it's not one hundred percent reliable and, damn it! — I start to shake. — Come on, I need to take tests, have you thought about STIs? [9] ? He, of course, had a super active sex life before me and maybe he picked up some booze out there, he doesn't know and passed it on to me?! — My neurons start to boil with this possibility. — Ahh!!! Damn it!
— Nina. Ninaaa! — She holds my arms. — Calm down, you freak! First, knowing him, I doubt he has any illness, but you're right to worry about it, in addition to the pregnancy. Many only focus on the possible baby, but forget that many diseases are caused by a lack of protection. Anyway, — hugs me — we are going to take the exams, including to find out if I will be godmother. Now, calm down. Let's not let those women get suspicious or we'll end up in every children's store there is. Ok? There's no point in freaking out now.
— OK I know. But, damn! Being a virgin until a few months ago was fine, except I'm not and never have been a fool! And then, I forget the damn condom!
— Friend. Noah should have remembered too, so don't blame yourself alone. — He pulls me closer to his body in a sisterly hug, calming me down. — I'll make an appointment on Monday, during your lunch break, and then we'll go together, ok?
— Thank you, Lynn! I don't know what my life would be like without you!
— It would be boring, without news, without glamor. After all, my presence is incredible and indispensable! — Making me laugh with your mocking manner. — Let's go, before they find it strange that it took so long.
After that Saturday and a lot of conversation with my friend, I managed to calm my heart. Being pregnant is not a problem, but rather a gift created with lots of affection and love.
My concern revolves around problems with my health, that's what I was worried about and even if I had contracted something that would harm my baby, who didn't even know if it was already in my womb or not.
That day, at night, I took courage and talked to Noah about not using a condom. I remember his words exactly:
“Love, forgive me, I should have been more responsible, taken care of this. And if it reassures you, you were the only one I didn't use protection with.
To be honest, now that I know what it's like, without that plastic crap between us, I don't know if I'll get used to it, in fact, a few days before we got involved I had my check up, I'll show you, I'm totally clean.
But I understand, if you want, we will use a condom. About a possible pregnancy, my love, I will be the happiest guy in the world the day it happens.”
I didn't talk to him about my discomfort, nor the changes I had been noticing in my body, I didn't want to give false hope.
On Monday, as agreed, I carried out a series of tests, after the consultation with the gynecologist that Lynn took me to, however, only today, Thursday, would I have all the results when I would return to the doctor's office.
If I had taken the exams before, I'm sure I wouldn't have opened them and created a thousand possibilities in my head. I confess that it was not easy to hide my suspicions from everyone at home.
In fact, I believe that Iolanda has her suspicions about a possible pregnancy, as she has taken extra care with my diet. I wanted to complain, but if I'm really pregnant, I know how important this is for the baby's formation.
However, today when I woke up, a feeling of nausea took over my stomach, making me just drink a juice for breakfast, promising that later, I would eat something at the company, which I didn't do since, since I entered my room, A bad feeling came over me, in addition to the anxiety of knowing that today is the day that I will find out what the results of the tests I took were.
This only increased with the receipt of yet another message from that unknown number. This had become frequent in the last few days, however, with everyone dealing with numerous situations, I left it to tell them tomorrow.
I pick up my cell phone and read the message, this time, there is something beyond the “tick—tock” of the previous ones.
___________________
Unknown:
tic—tac..tic—tac!
I'm coming to get you...
___________________
A cold runs down my spine, I can't leave it until tomorrow, I need to find out who this person is, since the only one that comes to my mind is in prison and awaiting trial.
I see that it's close to the closing time of my shift, I gather my things and go up to my boyfriend's office to say goodbye, as I know that today, he has a late meeting, something related to a client from Canada, who is practically taking your sleep away.
Tomorrow, we will embark on our journey. Let's enjoy Greece and finally with this I will be able to get to know in the smallest details the resort for which I have acquired immense affection and be able to see up close whether my projects for it will work out.
I walk in without knocking and find him in badass CEO mode, handing out orders on the phone. This excites me so much. He motions for me to wait a moment and I come closer, standing next to him and wrapping my arms around his waist.
When he ends the call, Noah hugs me, pressing our bodies together and attacking my mouth.
— I miss my wife. — He growls between our lips. — Me too darling. But I needed to go out, so I agreed to meet Lynn. What do you think about having dinner with just the two of us tonight? — I caress his face, wanting to immortalize that passionate look.
— Something to celebrate?
— Not really, but I want to tell you... — I'm interrupted by his cell phone, which rings.
— I need to answer, life. Wait a minute? — His face becomes worried. Strange.
— I'll see you at home, pick up and sort everything out, okay?
— I love you, life. Take care and anything, call me and I'll run to you. OK? — Tears insist on forming, along with a strong tightness in my chest, making me feel like I'm in a farewell scene.
— I love you. — I kiss your lips softly, I say goodbye, leaving your room.
I meet Adam in the parking lot and we head with another team to the clinic, where I will meet Dr. Rebeca to find out about the results.
My friend sent a message letting me know that she is already there, waiting for me. I smile, because Lynn is so anxious that I believe her biological clock must have beeped.
As soon as I get off at the clinic's private parking lot, I feel that shiver down my spine again, as if I were being watched, but as my security guard doesn't alert me to anything, I think it must just be something stupid in my head, as I'm in a state of disarray. high anxiety.
When I arrive in the waiting room, I see that crazy woman sitting, leafing through a magazine, but not concentrating at all.
— Anything interesting there?
— I believe, Nina! Do you want to kill me from the heart, woman? — Gargalho, hugging her.
— No way. Are we getting ahead of ourselves?
— She should call us now — I nod and we sit down. — Tell me, what happened, because I noticed that you have a worried expression, something related to the exams?
— I don't know, friend. It could be too — I decide to open up to her and tell her about the last message I received and the strange feeling.
— I understand that you didn't want to worry anyone, but you need to tell Noah about this as soon as possible.
— I know, but he's so worried about business that he didn't really want to bother him. At first, I thought it was a bad joke, but today I admit that I felt scared.
— Calm down, nothing will happen. Tonight, you talk and everything will be resolved.
We remained silent for a while until we heard Dr. Rebeca call us, we greeted her and sat down in her room.
— Well, your exams are great, Catarina. There is nothing to worry about regarding STIs, and I must admit that I was happy to see a patient concerned about it. I see many people who only worry about the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy, but completely forget that there are serious diseases and infections that can be transmitted through sexual intercourse — he explains.
I sigh in relief, even trusting my boyfriend's word, after the conversation with the doctor, I felt safe about this.
— Now, about your possible pregnancy. — We are interrupted by knocks on the door.
She then heads there and then informs us that Adam left one of the team's security guards waiting for us in the hallway and that he would wait for us in the parking lot. I don't understand very well, however, I hope nothing serious happened to cause this change of plans.
— Thank you, Rebeca. Now tell us, will I be a godmother? — Lynn is really ecstatic.
— Congratulations, Catarina! You will be a mother. — Tears fill my eyes and flow down my face at the same moment, while my hand touches my belly. — So far everything is perfect and within normal limits. If possible, I would like you to return tomorrow more calmly so we can do the ultrasound.
— Can't we do this now? — the “godmother” asks, since I am speechless, I am so happy.
— We can, of course. — Points in my direction. — If she wants, however, I left the option for tomorrow, in case she wanted her boyfriend to be present to listen to her heart for the first time.
— Yes, it could be tomorrow. I want him with me. I can't leave him out of this, sorry Lynn...
— My friend, there’s no need to apologize, I’m coming somewhere else and everything is fine! This is your moment and his. — She caresses my back.
— So, it's agreed — the doctor says gently.
We talked for a few more moments, where she gave me some instructions, making it clear that tomorrow, after the exam, she would give me a complete list so that I can have a healthy pregnancy and all the necessary monitoring. We hugged goodbye, and then Lynn asked me to accompany her to the bathroom. Luckily, the two private ones are unoccupied.
— Friend, I'm so happy for you — I hear her say after flushing the toilet.
— Don't even tell me. Help me plan a surprise? — I flush the toilet and go out, only to see the horror in front of me.
She's lying on the floor.
I look around and don't see anyone, I bend down to check on her, her breathing is shallow.
Damn, I need to call help!
When I get up, I feel an arm wrap around me tightly and before I can scream, a cloth covers my face, making me weak before being swallowed by the dark.
? My only thought is for Noah to find us and whatever it is, I will fight, not for myself, but for our love, which grows in my womb...