44 — Catarina Rowedder
“I found a love to keep,
More than my secrets
To take love
Carrying our own children”
Perfect — Ed Sheeran
Today marks two weeks of my absolute rest.
Even though I felt better, I was treated like a crystal about to break and I confess that this made me stressed, so much so that Noah avoided me for the last two days, the idiot made me sleep — that's what he believed — and left for the room. Tyler, however, these escapades had a logical explanation, which in this case is my boiling hormones, asking for some affection on my body.
Okay, lie. It wasn't the hormones, it was me wanting to touch my man and be touched. I understand that we couldn't have penetrative sex, now, what's the harm in having a few kisses and a few extra things?
Three days ago, I dared to try to seduce him, but he ran away like the devil runs away from the cross. I was frustrated, however, his expression made me laugh and I automatically started laughing, remembering the episode.
“ — Hey love. — I said, entering the shower, while he was taking a shower. — I miss you. — I hugged him from behind, noticing his skin rise when I felt my breasts touch his back.
“Life,” he purred as I kissed his spine. — We can't, you have to recover, my love — he warned with ragged breaths.
— Just a few kisses, my love, nothing more. And I'm already great — I slid my hand until I reached my amusement park —, my mouth is salivating to feel you.
— Cum! Fucking temptation! — He turned around, placing me against the wall and giving me a kiss full of desire.
I wanted to celebrate for finally lowering their barriers, however, the next action left me astonished.
— Cum! Cum! Damn, woman! —he punched the wall, stopping kissing me. — I'm going to take a shower in Ty's room. And stop tempting me, creature! ”
That same day, we had a session with my therapist, which I found extremely important, because at times my mind tried to bring me down, throwing guilt in my face that I don't have. I remember your words.
“ Only we know the extent of the pain we carry, on the other hand, we are also the only ones capable of transforming it. What I want to say is that you can choose to live in this immensity of grief and give in to your demons, or, however difficult it may be, understand that everything happens in its own time and that life goes on. ”
That same day, after leaving the office, we went to the nearby cathedral to pray for our baby and free him from the pain we were feeling. I understand that the longing will remain, but I repeat insistently that my mother moment came with Tyler, our golden boy.
I can say that, during these days, he has been extremely careful with me, because according to him, Noah gave him the task of not letting me exert myself, which means that the boy doesn't let go of me for a single minute. At night, he even gives a complete report to my excellent boyfriend.
I'm helping Iaiá with breakfast, as Sarah, Lynn and my mother are coming here and, from here, they will go with me to the return appointment with Dr. Harper, to ensure that my body is completely healed after the procedure. .
— Good morning loves of my life! — Lynn storms into the kitchen, accompanied by my mother and Sarah.
— Good morning, friend! What mood is this?
— I had a great night of not sleeping, if you know what I mean. — Wink at me.
— At least he's not climbing the walls, like me — I whisper so the others don't hear. — Good morning mom, Sarah! — I greet them with a hug.
— Everything ready, girls — Iolanda, let us know.
— Then let's go to our cafe. Are you sure you want to accompany me to the appointment? I don't see the need — I comment, as we head to the table.
—Indeed, daughter. Sarah and I have a last minute appointment at Norah's request. We came here to see how you are with everything, we wanted to have a girl's talk.
— Oh, mother. I'm going, sometimes it hurts me, but that's life.
— You know, Nina, I once told you that Beni really wanted a sister, but unfortunately we couldn't give him one. This happened precisely because I suffered a miscarriage, and I also had an infection, which ended up preventing me from getting pregnant again. I spent a long time in a world of my own, full of pain. It took me time to understand that what it is for be, will be. I came here for exactly that, to tell you my experience, what I went through and experienced, and what I don't want to happen to you.
Wow! This takes me completely by surprise. One more reason to admire Beni's mother.
— Even more so now, with this precious boy that is Tyler... I can't wait for you to get permanent custody of him, so I can really put my role as a doting grandmother into practice — Mom emphasizes.
— Wow, Sarah. I don't even know what to tell you. But really, I've been learning day by day with our little one, Ty has such beautiful energy that I fall more in love with him every day. And, regarding custody, I don't know if it will be that easy.
I don't want to go into details with them, especially with my friend around, but from what I understand, the fact that we are not married and live in my father—in—law's house does not demonstrate enough stability.
Absurd! However, if I mention it now, Lynn is capable of organizing a wedding in a few hours. I know this crazy woman.
I've already done my part by taking the initiative about adopting our boy, talking to him about marriage, I won't do it for now, unless I realize it's the exact solution for us to give Ty our name and a home.
— You don't need to say anything, my girl. I just wanted you to know that we are all subject to some setbacks in life. — Sarah gives me a loving smile.
— Friend, have you talked to Travis yet? I heard from the boys that he wanted to explain himself to you. — I arch my eyebrow, as I don't know this information.
— I didn't even know he wanted to talk to me, in fact, something tells me that this is something my dear boyfriend thinks I'm emotionally destroyed and can't listen to anyone. — I'm starting to get angry.
— Daughter, he was trying to spare you, you went through great emotional stress. In fact, all of us.
— Mom, I understand, I swear I understand. But as my therapist said, our life goes on, and if he needs to talk to me, I will listen. Every story has two sides, Miss Vic, the lady who taught me this. — I turn to Iolanda. — Can you ask him to meet me at the office? — I request, standing up. — I'll be right back. — I head to the home office.
Noah had already let me know why our security guard had, in a way, collaborated with my stepfather and contributed to what happened, however, he didn't go into details and I know there is more to it. Even though he didn't make it explicit, I assume it's something serious. Travis was always helpful to me, and I know that something or someone depended on him, at the limit of suffering, we cling to any glimmer of hope we can have.
I hear knocking on the door and visualize my security guard, signaling for me to come in.
— Good morning, Travis.
— Excuse me, good morning, miss — he replies, embarrassed.
— I heard you wanted to talk to me, I apologize for not having this conversation earlier, but as you may know, Noah is in a protective mode, to the point of suffocating. — I see him with a shy smile.
— No problem, I don't want to cause any discomfort, however, I am indebted to the Foster family, but especially to you, and I would like you to know the reason that led me to pass on information to them.
I signal for him to begin and, with every word that comes out of his mouth, I imagine his suffering, apparently, it wasn't just our lives that Otávio contributed to making endless suffering.
— I believe they must have suspected something, because I would have immediately prevented the kidnapping by sending a communication to our base, asking for backup, but I was caught by surprise and arrived late. I understand if you don't want me to be part of your team anymore, Mr. Foster had told me that the decision would be yours. I am already grateful that they understood my situation and are helping me.
— Travis, I really feel sorry for your sister and I want you to know that you can count on us whenever you need us. I thought there must be some plausible explanation, but I confess I didn't expect it. The team will remain the same, I just ask that, from today onwards, you trust us, know that we are simple people and that we help our own.
— Right, miss. If you allow me, I'll prepare the team, we should leave in ten minutes.
— Okay, I'll get my things and meet you. — As I didn't finish my coffee, I decided to grab some fruit to eat on the way.
— And again, thank you and forgive me for everything. — He lowers his head.
— Everything was as it should be, everything is fine — I reassure him.
After the enlightening conversation I had with my security guard, I found the girls waiting for me and talking in the living room. Mom and Sarah went on to their, let's say, secret activity, my curiosity was at a stratospheric level, however, I couldn't discover anything. Lynn accompanied me to the clinic, where we are now, waiting for Dr. Harper to call me.
— I won't deny it, I think I'm a little traumatized about coming with you for a consultation — my friend says.
— Lynn, don't scare me! The worst has gone.
— Yes, you say that because it wasn't you who went into absurd despair over that mess and even had to scream at your friend's boyfriend, who was paralyzed like a statue.
I laugh, because Lynn made a point of telling me about the outrageous scream she made in the office so that Noah would react. As tragic as the moment was, I kept imagining the scene, nothing normal for the situation.
— Miss Rowedder. You can come through, the doctor is already waiting for you — the receptionist informs us.
— Friend, just a minute — Lynn asks and motions for Adam to come closer. — My friend, no emotions today, okay? My heart can't take another one of those! — This woman is crazier than me.
— Don't worry, miss, the team is doubled.
— Adam, it's okay. Don't pay attention to this crazy woman.
— I swear I wanted to understand how you manage to be so calm — he comments.
— Because I repeat every day that everything happens as it should and in its own time. Regretting what happened will only cause us pain, and we need to look forward and live.
— Dear Lord! We reversed roles, at what point did you become my therapist?
— It's coexistence, now enough nonsense, let's go, the doctor is waiting.
— How is my patient? — greets me as I enter the office.
— Very well, but I feel treated like a crystal. These Fosters don't give me peace, in fact, they give me too much peace.
— Oh, girl. Apparently, Noah picked up on Jack's overprotective quirks.
— For sure.
— Let's examine you and, if you want, I'll write a report, saying that you can now return to your normal activities, so that you can give it to him. — He blinks, with a knowing smile.
— Does that include sex? Because there are people running away, just like the devil runs away from the cross!
In addition to the doctor, Lynn also starts laughing and then I realize that it wasn't a simple thought, I just talked about sex with a doctor, a family friend who will probably give me a certificate of insanity.
Welcome back to your other people's shame, Catarina! — I reproach myself, hiding my face with my hands.
— Girl, you are incredible and, yes, if everything is fine, you can have sex normally. Don't worry, I've had patients with inappropriate thoughts, yours wasn't anything close to them,” he tries to reassure me, but my cheeks must be as red as a tomato, and I just nod.
I decide to avoid opening my mouth throughout the consultation, only doing so when I say goodbye and thank you for all the care you took with me from the beginning.
Now, Noah doesn't lose out by waiting, because the doctor actually gave me a report stating that I am more than cleared to have sexual relations. I can't deny that, inside, I laughed a lot, but this gave me the idea to surprise my handsome, hot and stubborn man tonight.
Next destination: sex shop.