Chapter 12
Gradually, as the carriage made its way through London, the initial shock started to wear off.
The sense of upheaval remained, but it was less overwhelming.
At least there was a silver lining to Miss Bennet’s rejection.
Darcy would not have to face the disapproval of his friends and relations.
His life would continue to move along the same direction it had always gone. Nothing had changed.
The thought was reassuring enough for him to ask the coachman to take him home.
Darcy's sense of calm was shattered the moment the carriage arrived at Darcy House. To his dismay, Georgiana emerged and stood just outside the door, wrapped in a shawl, looking towards him expectantly.
He groaned inwardly. Darcy had not told her where he was going, but somehow, she knew. Now his humiliation was complete. It meant he would have to tell his sister as well as his cousin that Miss Bennet had turned him down.
She looked at him inquiringly as he climbed the steps, her expression earnest.
“Cousin Richard came here this morning. He was very concerned when he heard you had gone out. He said—”
“—Never mind what he said,” Darcy interrupted, aware he might be watched. “I wish our cousin would mind his own business for once. Let us go somewhere else to talk.”
Darcy had no intention of discussing his humiliating proposal in the hallway where anyone could overhear him.
Georgiana hooked her arm through his and pulled him impatiently to the parlor, shutting the door behind her.
“Tell me what happened!” she said, impatiently. Darcy had not seen her this insistent for years. “Tell me, Brother! Did you change your mind at the last minute?”
“I did not change my mind. I did what I needed to do. I proposed.”
Her eyes brightened. “Then you are to be married! How wonderful!”
His lack of enthusiasm must have been obvious. Georgiana’s face fell.
“Oh, William, I know this is all very unexpected for you. I suppose you are still not accustomed to the idea. But I really am happy for you, Brother. You will not regret it.”
“As it so happens, we will never know,” Darcy replied, trying not to sound bitter and not quite succeeding. “I am not going to be married. Miss Bennet rejected my offer.”
She stared at him, stunned. “She rejected your offer?” she repeated, in a small voice. At least he was not the only one who took her agreement for granted. “But why? You have to tell me what happened.”
Darcy had the feeling Georgiana would prod and poke at him until he gave her all the details.
Better to have it over and done with. He provided his sister with a summary of his proposal, and of Miss Bennet’s unexpected reaction, though he quickly realized he did not remember all the points she had made.
When Darcy reached the end, his sister put her hand to her mouth, and her body shook with laughter.
“It is no laughing matter, I assure you,” he remarked, wounded by her lack of sympathy.
“I am so sorry, William. I cannot help it. To be honest, I am not surprised Miss Bennet turned you down.”
He was not surprised, either. Having told the story, Darcy could see there was a fine line between being honest and being tactless.
How could he have said all those things, then expected gratitude at the end of it?
He had been so engrossed in his own sense of importance that he was unable to see the young lady who stood in front of him.
Georgiana folded her hands in her lap and looked at him hesitantly. “I probably should not say this,” she said slowly, waiting for permission to continue.
Darcy waved for her to proceed.
“I do commend Miss Bennet for standing her ground and refusing,” she said.
So, he was not the only one feeling this reluctant sense of admiration. That was a relief He leaned back, stretched his legs out, and took a deep breath.
“So do I,” he replied. “It shows strength of character.”
Not only that, but the way she did it revealed her intelligence and lively mind. She had answered him calmly, not with an emotional tirade, but with logic.
It was as if Miss Bennet had offered Darcy a mirror.
When he looked in it, he saw himself as she saw him.
Not the noble, forbearing gentleman he fancied himself to be, but a man so proud, so certain of his own consequence, that he had presumed gratitude would follow insult.
Everything he had said, all the points he had enumerated, were centered on himself.
“You must be relieved that you are not going to be forced to marry her.”
Relieved? The question took him by surprise. He should have been relieved, but instead, here he was, reviewing his mistakes.
“Not yet. She may still change her mind after she gives it more consideration. I do not think she has fully understood why this marriage is necessary.”
“How could she not? Surely every young lady will do what she can to avoid a scandal?” said Georgiana, puzzled.
“My impression is that she was raised in the countryside and does not know how ruthless society in London can be. Falling into a lake in the countryside is an entirely different matter from walking in soaking clothes in the middle of Hyde Park.”
Georgiana hesitated. “Do you mind if I say something you may not like, William?”
His little sister intended to give him advice. Again. This day was full of the unexpected. “Please use this opportunity to point out the error of my ways.”
She looked stricken. “No, William. I would never do that.”
He knew his sister meant well. It was not fair to make her feel guilty. “I know you would not, Georgiana. You are the gentlest, kindest sister anyone could hope for.”
She blushed. “Now you are making it even more difficult for me to say anything.”
“If you must say it, do it quickly and spare me the pain.”
“I think you underestimate Miss Bennet when you say she is not aware of the scandal. It must have been very embarrassing to have everyone standing there gaping at her in the park. I am sure she noticed, even if her attention was mostly on her cousin rather than on herself.”
“True, but Miss Bennet struck me as someone who does not always adhere to the conventions. I do not know her well enough to be certain, of course, but that is my impression.”
“Well, then, you must try to understand her better.”
He shook his head. It was the devil of a dilemma. He would have liked to walk away feeling freed of any obligation, but he could not. Yet at the same time, he had to respect Miss Bennet’s wishes. She had turned him down, and her reasons were valid. He could not fault anything she said.
“It is unlikely Miss Bennet would be open to that possibility.” Too much had been said on both sides for it to be feasible.
Though it could all change, naturally, if he received a message from her. Darcy had given Miss Bennet until midnight to decide. The Gardiners might convince her it was the only course of action. Or she might come to that conclusion herself. It was not over yet.
Georgiana put her hand on his arm. “I am sorry, Brother. This is all very complicated, is it not?”
Perhaps it would all be resolved, and then he would not have to think about it again. “It is indeed very complicated. But for now, let us pay tribute to Moreau’s wonderful pastries, shall we?”
A few minutes later, Colonel Fitzwilliam was announced. Darcy had hoped to be spared his cousin’s questions until the next day, but it was not to be.
Darcy was forced to recount yet again the circumstances of his proposal, and the second telling brought home even more forcefully his clumsy ineptitude and conceit. By now his opinion of himself had taken such a blow, he could scarcely finish the story.
“I never imagined you could shoot yourself in the foot so completely, Darcy. It is almost as if you wanted her to turn down the proposal. If that is the case, why bother to propose in the first place? Was it merely to ease your conscience?”
“Of course not!” protested Darcy, quickly. “I would never do such a thing.”
But even as he spoke, he wondered how much of it was true. Had he wanted to push her away?
“I thought she would leap at the opportunity…” His voice trailed off as he recognized how much such a statement revealed about his attitude towards her.
“She should have. It sounds like she is not very intelligent,” remarked Colonel Fitzwilliam.
How dare his cousin dismiss her like that!
“If you had been there, Fitzwilliam,” Darcy objected hotly, addressing his cousin the way he always did when he was angry, “you would not have said this. If only you had heard how calmly and rationally she responded. She came up with ten points. Ten! And she rattled them off as if she had pondered them for months, when we know she was not even expecting me to offer for her at all. She is one of the most brilliant young ladies I have met.”
The colonel’s brow quirked. “That is quite a defense from someone who was at the receiving end of those objections. I would have expected you to be ranting and raving at the slight.”
He contemplated Darcy silently for a few minutes.
“What?” said Darcy. “Why are looking at me that way?”
“Darcy, do not tell me you have gone and fallen in love with her?”
“Of course not. I can admire the logical mind of a young lady without being smitten.”
“You admire her logical mind!” The colonel let out a loud laugh. “Did you hear that, Georgiana? How many times have you heard a man sing the praises of a lady’s logical mind? Does she have any other good qualities?”
“Of course she has good qualities.” Darcy thought of her wit, her directness, her sensible approach to rescuing her cousin, her warmth, the laughter in her eyes, the sheen of her hair, the delicate elegance of her neck, the allure of her pleasing form when he carried her.
He could think of many other qualities he admired.
“Name them,” said his cousin.