Chapter 21
Don’t look at her.
Don’t look at her.
No matter what, do not look around this bus.
If I do, I’ll see her. And I’ll remember the bullshit I said to her.
Why did I say any of that, anyway?
Because I was frustrated, sure, but where the hell did it even come from? I have no interest in Tesla Kyle, romantic or otherwise. She’s an incredible musician, but my admiration begins and ends there. I’m well aware that her heavy flirtations may have been just a part of another one of Logan Shock’s inane ploys to bring down Criminal Records. So why did I react so strongly to Addison’s warnings? Because she called me a weak link?
Am I really that… well, weak?
Either way, I have to be strong now. I have to leave her alone and keep my eyes on the road ahead — on my music and my career and my future.
“Yo, Moondog,” Knox says later as we walk through the hotel entrance after the show. “You hanging out? Drinks at the bar. Jonah’s treat.”
I chuckle at Jonah’s rolling eyes, but shake my head. “Actually, I think I’ll pass tonight,” I say. “Need to catch up on some sleep.”
With my guitar case in hand, I give Criminal Records a wave and walk toward the golden elevators across the lobby, trying not to peek back over my shoulder.
If I do, I’ll see her.
Can I kiss you right now?
No.
Never in my life has one two-letter word hurt me so much.
But I’ll get over it. I have to.
Eyes on the road ahead, Harvey.
“Hold the elevator!”
I thrust a hand forward, stopping the doors before they close.
“Ah — thanks, Harvey,” Jordan says, slightly out of breath as she boards.
I tap our floor. “You’re welcome.”
“Not staying for drinks?” she asks as she pushes her glasses up her nose.
“Nah, not tonight,” I say. “What about you? Come to think, I don’t think you’ve partied with the band after a show this whole tour.”
“I wake up at five,” she says. “So… yeah.”
“It’s one-thirty.”
“Yes, it is.”
I blink, not sure if I should be impressed or terrified. “Jordan, you’re the hardest working person I’ve ever met,” I say.
She laughs. “Yeah.”
The elevator opens and we step off, saying goodnight before entering our rooms across the hall from each other. Once inside, I grab a bottle of water from the mini-fridge and stand at the window, enjoying yet another view of another city I’ve never set foot in before.
This is, by far, the greatest job in the world.
It’s just the little details now and then that suck.
I take a seat on the edge of my bed, balancing my guitar over my knee. With my pick in hand, I give the strings a light strum.
I play Blue Eyes from memory — which is now a working title because it reminds me a little too much of her. I pluck the notes until I can’t remember what comes next. Then, I check my notebook and I start again. A work-in-progress in every sense of the phrase, but I can already hear the finished product in my mind. And it’s good.
But good isn’t good enough.
It’s gotta be great.
Austin is only a week away.
I’m one week away from being at the BNB Fest with Dade Connery, a man I’ve dreamed about meeting since I was ten years old and I discovered my love of music. My whole life has potentially led to this moment; a moment that’s only one fucking week away.
In one week, all of my dreams could come?—
A knock taps my door, breaking my concentration. Jordan must have forgotten to tell me something, no doubt. Setting my guitar down on the bed, I walk over to answer it.
I open the door on Addison Abbey’s blue eyes. She’s standing in the hall, still clad in her concert outfit; this one a pair of black and red striped leggings and an old white T-shirt. And boots. Always boots.
Always so fucking pretty.
“Hey,” she says.
Normally, her smile would send me spiraling.
But right now, I just hear no.
“Hi,” I say.
“You’re not hanging out tonight?” she asks. “We’re all downstairs at the bar.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Addison pauses, her smile fading somewhat. “I get it, though,” she says. “I usually feel sluggish through the southwestern route, too.”
I politely nod once.
She peeks over my shoulder. “I thought I heard your guitar,” she says. “Working on something new?”
“Yeah.”
“Can I hear it?”
“Actually, Addison. I kinda just want to be alone right now.”
She pauses again, then nods. “Okay.”
I shift back, moving to close the door; to shield myself from those blue eyes. “Goodnight.”
“I squirted so much, I almost drowned a guy.”
I slowly turn back. “What?” I ask.
Addison sighs. “It was, like… four years ago,” she begins. “We were on tour down in New Orleans and there was a really hot security guard at the concert. He started talking to me backstage and… yeah, anyway, we wound up back in my hotel room after the show. We got to it right away. I was going down on him when he suddenly pulled me over him, and we ended up in a sixty-nine.”
“Good move,” I say, nodding along.
“It was really hot. So hot, I came almost instantly. Then, he started doing something with his fingers and I came again. And…” She damn near blushes. “Again. Then, the next thing I knew, there was this gurgling sound. He pushed me off and turned over and… that’s when I noticed how moist the bed was.”
“Oh, my god.”
“And then…”
“There’s more?”
She rolls her eyes. “The idiot had gum in his mouth and inhaled it by accident, so he started choking and I had to give him the Heimlich Maneuver.”
I say nothing.
How the fuck do I possibly respond to this?
“So…” Addison nods. “That’s my most embarrassing sex story. So far, anyway.”
She turns up her hands and shrugs, falling silent as she stares at me.
I stare right back.
And slowly, I laugh.
I laugh harder. Addison does, too. Her laugh blends with mine, spurring me to laugh even harder and even longer. I laugh until I’m out of breath and my face hurts and my sides burn. Then, I laugh again.
“That…” I say, catching my breath, “is quite the story.”
“And it’s one-hundred percent true,” Addison says, the red in her cheeks telling no lies.
“Did he stick around?”
“Uh, no,” she answers. “He rightfully took his leave afterward. I took a shower and vowed to forget the whole thing ever happened.”
“Then why did you tell me?” I ask, genuinely curious.
Addison shrugs, her pretty eyes glistening with unfallen tears of laughter. “Friends tell friends shit like this all the time,” she says. “Right?”
“Yeah.” I nod, my chest filling with familiar warmth. “Right.”
“And…” She sighs. “I wanted you to keep the door open long enough for me to say I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Addison.”
“No, I think I do,” she says. “Because you were right. I reacted a little strongly to seeing Tesla all over you. I have zero right to tell you who you can talk to. So… I’m sorry. I’ve been a really shitty friend to you. And I hope we can get past this because I really like having you as a friend.”
I look down, unsure of how to reply. There’s an urge to accept her apology; to let all of this blow over so we can go back to the way things were before.
But there’s an even stronger urge to… not.
“You know I’m in love with you, right?” I say instead.
Addison’s tense shoulders tighten even further. “Harvey, I?—”
“You do,” I say. “You have to know. Everyone knows.” I step forward into the doorway. “Since the moment we met, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
“You’re the one who said you wanted to be friends, Harvey.”
“I know. That was a mistake. I can’t be friends with you, Addison. I can work with you, but I can’t…” I pause, taking a breath I desperately need. “I can’t even look up into the sky anymore without thinking about you smiling at the stars.”
Her voice comes out in a whisper. “Harvey?—”
“I’ll get over it,” I say. “If you let me.”
She looks down.
“I’m sorry I was an asshole the other night,” I say. “As for the rest?” I shake my head. “It’s probably best that we just… acknowledge it so I can move on.”
Addison looks up, those damned pretty eyes somehow even prettier in the dimly lit hallway.
I step back, needing to put as much distance between us as possible. “Goodnight, Addison.”
“Harvey, wait.”
I don’t want to, but I can’t deny her, either.
I stop and wait.
Addison swallows hard. “Ask me again.”
“Ask you what?” I say.
“What you asked me the other night,” she says, her eyes on mine. “Ask me again.”
My pulse stills as I wonder again what she means. There’s only one question I remember asking her recently, and doing so led to nothing but grief.
If I’m wrong, nothing changes.
But if I’m right, everything does.
“Can I kiss you right now?” I ask.
Addison nods. “Yes.”
I don’t ask again. I don’t wait to make sure she’s sure.
I cup her face and kiss her. Her hands come to my sides to hold herself steady. I cling to her, too, the rush of it nearly enough to knock me completely off my feet.
Holy shit.
I’m kissing Addison Abbey.
And she’s kissing me back.
I break the kiss slowly and open my eyes as she does. For a moment, I’m not sure if this is real. I’m confident that I came back to my room after the show, kicked off my shoes, toppled into bed, and fell right to sleep.
This is all just a dream.
But Addison smiles. She leans in, her head still perfectly tilted to kiss me again.
The door across the hallway opens.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake.”
Addison spins around, coming face-to-face with Jordan in the doorway of her suite.
“Addison,” she says as she adjusts her glasses. “May I speak with you for a minute?”