Chapter 38
We reach New Orleans, one of my favorite cities in the world, and somehow... I don’t even care.
From the moment we check into our hotel, I go to my room. I leave it for band meetings, for practice and sound check, but otherwise I’m tapped out. Physically. Emotionally. I want nothing more than to wander the city I love, but I can’t bring myself to do it this time.
This time, I was going to do it with Harvey Moon by my side.
I’ve no one to blame but myself. This is exactly why I don’t date people more ambitious than I am. Sounds selfish, but there’s only so many times a girl can be abandoned before she stops trusting people altogether.
I’ll catch New Orleans next time around.
For now, I’m content to just do my job and move on. I’ll play my guitar. I’ll sing a few notes into a microphone. I’ll smile and wave to the screaming crowd. I’ll sign autographs and take selfies and I’ll do it all without a single glance at Harvey Moon.
“Great show tonight, guys,” Jordan says as we board our bus. “Tomorrow, we?—”
“Get a day off?” Knox hints, his smile stretching from ear-to-ear while the others happily acknowledge it.
Personally, I’d rather have something to focus on, but I won’t take a day of rest away from the others.
I take my seat quietly.
Jordan smirks. “Tomorrow, we head to Nashville. But you can rest on the bus before evening practice.”
They groan, but playfully.
As Mac starts up the bus, I gaze out the window at the parking lot. It’s plenty empty now, save the more hardcore fans who will surely be shooed off by security any moment now. I scan their faces, searching for the one I know isn’t there. He’d be long gone by now, his opening set long finished. He’s probably back at the hotel, hanging out with August at the bar and talking to future groupie number one.
I force myself not to think any further than that.
I rest my head against the window and close my eyes. Eventually, the others’ voices fade to whispers and I drift off a little.
I dream that I’m floating. I’m in a hot air balloon, surrounded by clouds and starlight.
I’m with Harvey.
He’s holding my hand so tightly.
My heart tightens with memories. Memories of?—
“Addison?”
I twitch awake; a rough hand shaking my shoulder. I look up into Bronson’s kind smile. “Shit,” I whisper, quickly wiping the bit of drool off my lower lip. “Thanks, Brony.”
Behind him, Knox and Jonah run toward the front of the bus, their arms loaded up with pillows.
I frown. “Where are they going?”
The bus lurches slightly. I look up, following the sound of feet tapping against the roof.
I glance at Bronson, confused.
He just smiles.
Out the window, I expect to see the bright lights of a Botsford Plaza parking lot, but it’s nothing but darkness. Cheerful voices carry from above as more feet thump along the ceiling.
“Where are we?”
Bronson holds out his hand. “Star bus.”
“At this hour?” I ask, confused.
He shakes his head once and points upward. “Star bus,” he repeats.
“What the hell is a star bus?”
He doesn’t answer. Bronson simply stands there with his hand extended and waits for me to take it.
I drop my hand into his and he yanks me off the seat. Scooping a bundle of blankets off the table beneath his other arm, Bronson leads me off the bus with him.
I step off into a sea of grass. A breeze touches my cheeks, hot and humid in that Cajun country way, but clear and fresh, too. Wherever we are, we’re far outside the city. Far away from lights and sounds.
I look up and smile at a sea of stars.
Bronson walks me around to the back of the bus. He tosses the blankets up toward the roof where Jonah is waiting to catch them, then turns around and cradles his hands together to boost me up.
I chuckle. “Really?”
“Yes, really,” Knox says as he joins Jonah. They lower to their knees and extend their hands. “Now, come on, sleepy. We’re waiting on you.”
Behind them, Katrina and Jordan and Chrissy call my name, urging me to hurry.
I raise my boot, carefully placing it in Bronson’s grip, and he hoists me up as if I were made of paper. Knox and Jonah grab my arms, keeping a solid hold of me until I find my balance on the roof.
I instantly laugh. Somewhere out in the middle of nowhere Louisiana, Criminal Records, the hottest rock band in the country, is sprawled out on top of their tour bus surrounded by pillows and blankets.
“What is this?” I ask.
They all raise their bottles of booze. “Star bus!” they say, their shouts echoing into the beyond.
Jordan stands up carefully. “We noticed that you’ve been kind of... mopey since Harvey left.”
“You’ve been bumming us out, to tell the truth,” Knox says, prompting Jonah to smack the back of his head. “Ow.”
Jordan issues him a scolding eye as she takes my hand. “And since you said that stargazing relaxes you, we thought we’d all give it a try.”
“But, you know, Criminal Records style.” Knox offers me a beer. “Star bus!”
Everyone raises their drinks again and shouts, “Star bus!”
I stare at the ice cold beer in my hand. “You guys came all the way out here for this?”
“Oh, don’t be dramatic,” Knox says. “We’re like ten minutes from the city. Also, Jonah’s been Mr. Sad Pants lately, too, so we figured it was a good time for it.”
“No, I haven’t,” Jonah says as he plops down next to Katrina, who simply pats his shoulder.
“With the tension around here, we all decided that a night of quiet reflection was necessary. Also…” Knox takes a step closer and lowers his voice. “I know I’m not our leader or whatever, but… I do still feel some responsibility in keeping this group together. I understand why you would keep secrets, but I want you to remember that Katrina and I come from real shitty people, too. So… if you ever wanna talk about it… I’m sure Kat would be happy to do that with you.”
I punch him in the arm, but not hard enough to knock off his balance. “Thanks, Knox.”
He smiles and, for a split second, I think there might be a leader in there somewhere after all. “Circle of strife?” he asks.
“Yeah.” I nod. “Circle of strife.”
Knox gestures down the roof. “Pick a spot and pop a squat, Abbey. And relax.”
I smile, more than a little overwhelmed, as I shuffle forward and sit down next to Jonah. I glance down the line, every smiling face lighting up another piece of my heart. Jonah and Katrina. Knox and Harmony. Jordan and Chrissy. Bronson, my oldest friend. And Mac, of course.
My family. My real family.
Bronson lowers to sit on my other side. He silently raises his drink and I tap mine against it.
“Thanks, guys,” I say, opening my drink. “Sorry, I’ve been such a downer lately.”
“No apology necessary,” Katrina says.
“Yeah,” Harmony adds. “Seems like we’re all going through some bad shit nowadays.”
Knox throws an arm around her and pulls her close enough to kiss her forehead while the others agree.
“Yeah, well, at least your shit didn’t accidentally fuck up our reputation,” I say.
“Uh… yes, it did,” Knox says. “But it blew over. Always does.”
Jordan makes a humorous noise.
“Still,” I say. “Jordan, I’m really sorry about the festival.”
To that, she smiles. “It’ll be okay. Besides, I don’t blame you.”
Chrissy releases a grunt. “Bitch,” she whispers as she chugs her drink, the slur obviously directed at her evil twin.
“And who cares about our reputation, anyway?” Knox says.
“I do!” Jordan says before gulping her beer. “Usually.”
“We’re Criminal Records,” he says. “We’ll bounce back better than before.”
“I hope so,” I say with a sigh.
“With or without Harvey.”
I look down, going quiet.
Bronson nudges my arm. He urges me to look up instead. I briefly smile, appreciative of the gesture, of his friendship.
“If you ask me,” Knox adds. “To hell with him.”
“Knox,” Katrina scolds.
“No, I mean it,” he says, sitting forward to look down the line at me. “Anyone who would choose some old boomer over Addison doesn’t deserve our time.”
“Yeah!” Chrissy says.
“Harvey who?” Jonah asks.
The rest of them grunt in agreement.
But I shake my head. “He’s just following his dreams,” I say. “Can any of us say differently?”
They go quiet.
“And...” I almost choke on the words. “He’s not just some old boomer. He’s Dade Connery.”
“Yeah, about that,” Knox says. “Can we please talk about that? Because we’re all fucking dying not talking about it.”
I chuckle as the others shift excitedly. “He’s my dad,” I confirm.
“And I think I speak for everybody, Addy, when I say…” Jonah pauses for effect. “What the fuck?”
“I know,” I mutter.
What the fuck?
Bronson rubs my shoulder, giving me a look that speaks louder than he ever has, asking if I want him to shut them up as their murmuring questions grow louder.
I shake my head, forever grateful for all he’s done for me, but I’m ready to talk it out.
I take a deep breath, and we do just that.