Chapter Four
E ight hours.
I’ve lost an entire eight hours in the blink of an eye.
I can’t even recall anything I accomplished during that time.
Pacing? I know I did a lot of pacing. Surely that wasn’t all though.
Well, I suppose there was a bit of tripping. Nothing out of the ordinary for me. I don’t like thinking about how clumsy I can be from time to time. It’s a flaw that I try to ignore because of how much it annoys the shit out of me.
I also fell once, but somehow managed not to scream and terrify the village at large with my temper tantrum.
Incoordination is not a very becoming trait for a faction leader. In fact, it’s one of the things that creates the most self-doubt throughout my day. I fight against my thoughts quite frequently when I think about what my clumsiness could cause if I were in a situation that required my battle skills.
My younger brother, Morfran was the one gifted with agility. Granted he also had the punch of a toddler, so I suppose it all evens out in the end?
Distracting myself with weird trains of thought. That was something else I had done a lot of in the last eight hours.
I also contemplated canceling my date tonight altogether, but every excuse I could think of was immediately quashed by my stupid longing heart.
In the end, I determined that I was a coward. A stubborn coward, but a weak coward nonetheless. I couldn’t bring myself to spare Elswyth’s innocence by removing the temptation of tonight’s date, because when it all boiled down to it, she admitted to wanting me. I don’t know if her passion and need for me, matches the fire burning like an ever-growing inferno that I have for her, but I will take any morsel she has and savor it.
Steel determination drives my movements as I groom and prepare for tonight.
I will give Elswyth Grimshaw the best night of her young life.
Staring at my reflection, my eyes travel the curves of my horns and the edges of my wings, thinking of my people and knowing how difficult–or damned near impossible–it would be for them to accept their leader mating outside of our faction. I quickly force myself to swallow the sorrow that this may be our only night together, and promise myself to memorize every single second.
And if in my moment of selfishness, I beg the Gods with my unbidden tears to let her be truly mine.
Well, that is between me and them.
Fuck!
At least this time I manage to keep my cursing internal, but I have been externally screaming at the Gods for hours now.
It just makes no sense. Why would they put a man in my path who already holds my heart, but can’t possibly be my mate?
And no matter how loudly my soul screams it, there is no way he can be my fated. There have never been fated mates outside of factions before. So no matter how strong my feelings for Orobas, they are simply my heart speaking and not my soul.
Then why would the Gods torture me so?
The emotions are so strong I feel as though my every action is punctuated by them.
Why would they punish me this way? Giving me a love to cherish, but also the knowledge that it will only be for a short while, and not the endless romance my soul cries out for.
No, not soul. It can’t be my soul’s desire. Souls only call out to mates. And there is no way Orobas is my soulbond mate. Those are myths. They must be. And he cannot be my fated.
I am a halfling. Something my father was tormented about throughout my entire childhood. The girl who would never carry on his line. Halflings were almost always infertile. The only magickals that always seemed to miss the Gods’ blessings. So I don’t know why I am shocked that they would tease me this way.
Taking a deep breath, I manage to swallow the maniacal sob that threatens to bubble out of me.
Never in my short life had I ever felt so impossibly torn.
I stand up and right my appearance in the mirror. My dress is the color of the moon and the material is deliciously soft. Thankfully it is thick enough to hide the fact that I have chosen to go without anything underneath it.
As I run my hands down my sides and admire my shape, the knowledge that soon my hands will be replaced with Orobas’s has my skin heating instantly.
I will take what I am given with the man my heart has chosen to give itself to, and I will cherish every second. I will memorize every minute detail so that when our time comes to an end together, I will have all of these wonderfully fond memories to hold tightly to.
Even if I already curse the very thought of living without him.
How is it possible for my heart to be in such a faulted state that it has dived into an existence that can never be?
Maybe this time... maybe the Gods made a mistake. Or maybe neither of us has a fated mate and we can simply choose to be together.
My mood lightens at the direction of my thoughts and it puts a pep in my step as I make my way to the front door. I don’t even hesitate to swing it open at the sound of a knock.
Thankfully I do manage to avoid flinging myself into the waiting arms of Neven.
I even stop myself from shoving Neven out of the way when I catch sight of Orobas coming up behind him.
Nearly .
The sight of her almost knocks me on my ass.
She is always stunning in the wildest of ways. She reminds me of the forest that divides our villages. It’s lush and vibrant, teaming with wildlife and yet heavy with brambles. Its beauty and fierceness are reflected in Elswyth’s mischievous gaze.
She surveys me much the same way I do her. Taking in every inch from her dainty feet to her wild mane of hair. She is... perfection .
The desire to wake every morning with this glorious woman next to me is enough to make me–
“Well, are you two planning to go watch the meteor shower or will you just be standing around all evening staring at each other like a couple of loons?”
Olive’s words pull all of our attention. One quick glance between her and Neven has the lust in the area amping up. I move forward and elbow Neven in the side, to which he quickly catches the hint and locks his wandering pheromones down quickly. Thankfully Elswyth doesn’t seem affected. I would hate to have to kick Neven’s ass. I like Neven.
Without a word, I smile brightly and reach out for Elswyth’s hand. She places her soft, tiny palm in mine and we quickly exit the area. Neither of us wants to waste any time we can spend together.
Well, either that or she has suddenly taken an interest in the meteor shower.
Why does part of that thought excite me, and the other part make me infuriatingly jealous?
I chose to ignore it all and just assume she is as excited to spend time with me as I am with her.
Alone.
Naked.
Possibly.
Definitely.
Oh Gods, please.