Chapter Nineteen
I hadn’t been asleep.
Not really.
While I’m sure my mates think that the emotion I feel most right now is pain, that’s not the case.
The feeling clouding my heart since the moment I gave into my exhaustion, has been fear.
I have lost my mother, my familiar, my friends, my– well, the woman I will always consider as my grandmother, and now my father.
My mates are literally all I have left.
I’m not a child. I’m not oblivious to mortality and I truly do thank the Gods for the life we are given. But my fear of when the time for my mates will truly end is a suffocating force.
I follow Lucian’s gaze to my father’s body.
I feel the sharp pain in my heart, but this time no tears fall. Perhaps I’ve finally run out? That would be lovely.
I really do hate crying. It kind of pisses me off. Which I’m sure is not the ‘normal’ way you are supposed to feel about crying, but ask me if I give fuck-all about ‘normal’.
Studying the face of the man I might have grown to love more, I realize how incredibly odd my view of death must be.
So many people have told me that a person’s body looks as though they have gone into a ‘peaceful sleep’ when they pass.
What absolute bullshit.
They look like a twig after it’s dried out.
Stiff.
Hollow.
Devoid of everything that made them– well… them .
And yet, a gut-punching reminder of what they once were. What they could have been. Had their light not been snuffed out.
No. A dead body doesn’t look like a ‘peaceful sleep’.
It looks like a disgusting husk, shed by the ones we love, and left to serve as a knife to our hearts when we look at them.
Some people hold ceremonies with the corpse of a loved one. Hell, the humans practice this thing called ‘awake’ or something? Anyways, it’s rather disturbing practice.
They dress the body in fanciful clothes, jewels, and makeup. Then they place it in this luxurious box, filled with cushions.
Oh, and it comes with a lid. Probably to ease their silly fears of zombies.
Once all of that is done, they gather around this box and cry. Sometimes there are speeches or shared memories, but mostly they all just join together and weep.
Humans are weird.
I would much rather move on and carry them in my heart, after sending their body back to the earth, than to waste my sorrows on a corpse that gives no fucks about how I mourn.
Sighing at myself, I let Lucian help me stand. I’m still incredibly weak, but I want to see this done. Then, I want to find a comfy bed and sleep. Maybe after a nice hot bath.
I reach out my hand, but before I can summon any of my magicks, Lucian places his hand on mine. When I look at his face, I expect to see pity. Instead, he offers me a small smile that reflects his unwavering love and support.
Ok, maybe I felt a little of that from the bond.
That reminds me…
I whip my head around to quickly survey our location, and find it lacking.
Thankfully, my mate can read my distress and answer my question before I have the chance to ask it.
“Blake went to the human village close by to secure us a room for the night.” He grimaces a little and when he catches me noticing his reaction, he continues on. “Fae tend to have more obvious non-human characteristics which makes them curious. Curious humans can cause problems. However, the village ahead is close and we need the rest.”
I nod at him, grateful that they are thinking two steps ahead of me right now. Mostly because my brain feels like mushy potatoes.
I reach out my hand again, and Lucian covers it instantly.
The irritation on the tip of my tongue is caught off with his tender plea.
“Let me help you, Animus Meus .”
I lower my hand. Surrendering to the fact that I know my magick is depleted, and that I am exhausted. I promise myself that this does not make me weak. It makes me strong. I’m just doing what my mates have asked me to. I’m leaning on them for strength.
Lucian makes a sharp sound and the little bits of dried wood around Orobas’s corpse ignite. When he starts a low hum, the flames begin to dance and cover the body.
Content on not having to observe this process and trusting Lucian to handle it fully, I turn my body towards his, resting my head against his chest and taking comfort in the vibrations of his chest as he works his unique fae magicks.
After what feels like seconds, Lucian lifts me into his arms and begins to carry me away from the clearing, most likely heading to the hotel Blake secured for us.
I steal a quick glance behind us, and even though the sun is beginning to set and the forest is getting dark, I can see the spot where my father’s body once lay, now covered in a beautiful moss.
Leave it to my gentle fae giant to make something nice from something so tragic.
When I look further to the opposite side, I see the small patch of dead earth.
That small blight is all that remains of the destructive force that plagued this world for far too long.
And even that little patch of rot feels like too much.