Chapter 23
NOEL
My stomach twisted as I read Griff’s message and realized what Hopper must think.
That I’d tried to sell the farm behind his back. Without a care for how it might affect him. Maybe even without my parents’ blessing.
It couldn’t be further from the truth. I loved that hotheaded, stubborn, utterly perfect man.
Loved being here on the farm.
And last night, my eyes had truly been opened. I loved being a chef, but I didn’t love working in kitchens where tempers ran hot, stress was my constant companion, and there was no time left for anything else in my life.
No time for family. No time for love.
But here, it could be different.
I rushed for the door. I had to stop Hopper. Had to explain. My pulse rushed in my ears, fear whispering terrible thoughts in my head.
What if he doesn’t believe you?
What if he thinks you’re a duplicitous snake who’d sleep with him one night only to backstab him the next?
Mom and Dad were in the hall, staring down the stairs.
“What the hell is going on?” Dad asked.
“Honey, did you and Hopper have a fight?” Mom said. “He looked really upset.”
I drew up short, thrown by the casual way she said it. “Uh, we’ve been…”
“I know, dear. The walls aren’t that thick, and you two aren’t very subtle.”
Dad snorted. “Couple of lovesick fools. You really think we didn’t notice?”
I didn’t have time for this. Every second I delayed, Hopper got farther from me. I held up a finger. “I promise I’ll explain everything. But first, I need to go get Hopper.”
“Oh, he just needs to cool down,” Maggie said. “Arguments happen.”
I shook my head. “No, this is different. He thinks—”
“What, hon?”
I shook my head. “He thinks the worst of me.”
“Oh, sweetie,” she said. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
But I knew it was. Hopper must feel so betrayed right now. If I were really going to sell the farm without telling him, without any concern for his job or his future, then he had every right to hate me.
I rushed down the stairs. I was barefoot, dressed only in a pair of pajama pants and a T-shirt, but I couldn’t slow down for shoes or a coat. Not when Hopper had a lead on me.
Not when he might get into his truck and drive away.
I could call him. I could drive around town looking for him. He’d eventually come back because he lived here. I knew all these things, rationally. But the lovestruck fool in me thought that if I let him go, I’d never get the chance to make it right.
I rushed out the back door, the outdoor temperature a cold smack in the face. It only served to heighten my awareness of this moment. Ice-cold wood under my feet as I took the steps. Wind brushing my hair into my eyes. Cinnamon’s sharp yip of happiness that I was coming out to play.
Hopper’s face as he stood frozen at the bottom of the steps, eyes full of pain.
I flew down the stairs, right into snowy slush so cold it burned. “It’s not what it looks like, Hopper!”
His jaw tightened, and yeah, that wasn’t the best opening. Isn’t it what everyone said when it was usually exactly what it looked like?
“I tried to leave,” he said numbly. “I wanted to, but I just…couldn’t.”
“I’d never sell the farm behind your back. You have to believe me, Hop. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“I get it, Noel. Your parents can’t keep up the farm. You were being a good son. Looking out for their future. I just…” He shook his head. “It’s not what I wanted. For any of us.”
I took a couple of steps forward, feet numb, body shivering with cold. “M-me either. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
He gave me a once-over. “Jesus, you’re going to get frostbite. Why would you come out here without shoes? Get back in the house.”
“N-not un-unless you c-c-c-come,” I got out between my chattering teeth.
“I just need some time to think. Go inside, and I’ll—”
“Not w-without y-you!”
Hopper swept me off my feet in a bridal hold. I wouldn’t usually appreciate the show of strength. I was small, and I didn’t love being reminded of it. I preferred a big man to kneel before me, to give over his strength and let me take charge.
But I could make an exception when my feet were about to fall off from the cold.
Hopper carried me up the steps, muttering about stubborn, sexy men with more passion than sense.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my cold nose into the hollow of his throat.
“Let’s go inside,” he said quietly.
“No!” I tightened my grip on him as he tried to set me down. “Not y-yet. N-not until…”
He looked down, meeting my eyes, his ablaze with exasperation. “Until what?”
“Until you forgive me!”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” he said softly. “You want what’s best for your family. I overreacted.”
I shook my head. “No. You’re wrong.”
His forehead creased. “What do you mean?”
“I love you, s-stupid!” I rushed out before a big shiver racked me once again.
He stared at me, shuddering in his arms, probably turning blue, and finally smiled.
“Noel, you fool, I love you, too. Now, can I please take you inside before you freeze to death?”
His words were a shot of warmth, but somehow, that made me more aware of how damn cold I was.
“Okay.”
“Okay,” Hopper muttered as he set me down to open the door and pushed me through it.
I hissed, my feet thawing enough to really fucking burn as the warmth of the house hit. My entire body tingled as numbness fled.
Hopper swept me up again as soon as he was through the door. Cinnamon had followed and was dancing around us.
My mother appeared in the doorway. “Is everything okay?”
“Fine,” I said quickly.
Hopper huffed with exertion as he carried me to the living room. I chose to believe he was breathless from that declaration of love and not from carrying my heavy ass across the room.
He settled me onto the sofa, covering me with blankets, using his coat sleeve to dry my feet before cupping them in his hands.
He’d just been out in the cold, too, yet his hands—which had been encased in gloves—were burning hot against my icy skin.
I winced. “Fuck. Love hurts.”
My mother laughed. “Oh, dear. You are dramatic, aren’t you? You must get it from Ed.”
My father snorted. “You’re not fooling anyone, Maggie. He gets it from you.”
“You’re the one who serenaded me in the middle of the night! My father had to run you off.”
“It worked, didn’t it?” he grumbled. “Besides, you made heart eyes at me at church. Everyone saw it.”
Heart eyes, huh? Pretty sure Hopper and I could give Mom a run for her money.
He gazed down at me as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
“You meant what you said out there?” he asked.
“Of course I did. I don’t want to sell the farm. This farm is you. This farm is my family. This farm is…”
“What?”
“My home,” I whispered. “One I don’t want to leave.”
Hopper bent down, pressing lips against mine. We were both chilled from the outdoors, but it didn’t take long for our mouths to heat up.
My father coughed. My mother said something about giving us a minute alone.
I wrapped my arms around Hopper and held him to me, unwilling to let go.
“You really want to stay?” Hopper asked in a voice that trembled.
“I do. Would that… I mean, would you—”
“I want you here, if that’s what you’re trying to ask. Of course I do.” He kissed me again. “I was going to ask you to stay. I was going to tell you I loved you and beg you not to leave me, but then I saw the message, and I thought it was too late.”
“It could never be too late,” I said. “And I didn’t try to sell the farm. I need you to know that.”
“It’s okay—”
“No, I mean it,” I said more forcefully.
“It means a lot that you’d understand if I had, and I won’t lie and say the thought never entered my mind.
I was worried when I got here. Worried about my parents’ being able to manage.
Worried about your intentions. But then I fell in love with you, Hopper.
I knew you’d take care of the farm, if you could, but it was so much work.
What if you couldn’t? So I…I just mentioned to Griff when we talked about event planning that I didn’t know if my parents could keep the farm much longer.
I wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d had more faith from the start. ”
“What about now?” Hopper asked. “Do you have faith now?”
“In you? Absolutely.”
“And in us?” he asked hesitantly.
“So much faith I ran into the snow barefoot and shivering,” I said, eyes fixed on his. “I believe in us, Hop. I believe in this farm. I want to stay. With you.”
He buried his head in my neck, holding me tight. “Then stay, Noel. Stay with me. Stay forever.”
“I will,” I murmured as I stroked his hair, my heart swelling.
He lifted his head suddenly. “But what about your career? It’s not fair to ask you to stay. Should I—” He drew a breath. “I should go to Chicago with you so you can do what you love.”
“No, Hopper. My parents need you here. The farm needs you.”
“But you’re so talented. You can’t just give all your dreams up.”
“I’m not,” I said. “My dreams are just changing a little. If anything, they’re getting bigger. I want to create menus, prepare amazing meals for special farm events, and still have time for my family—for you—in my life.”
“That’s what you really want? You’re not just settling for my sake?”
“It’s what I really want,” I said. “This is my home. I just forgot for a while. But there is one thing I’m unhappy about.”
“What’s that?”
“You haven’t asked me yet to be your boyfriend. Where’s my letter jacket? I want to go steady.”
Hopper laughed. “You can have anything you want from me, Noel Grisold. I’m yours. I’ve always been yours.”
I sighed happily. “Best Christmas present ever.”