Chapter 5 #2
And there’s Apollo, sitting devotedly next to it. I let my guard down, softening when I see him waiting for me, with an expression like he’s been worrying about this all day too.
“Listen, I didn’t realize,” he says as I sit down in front of my plate, “how selfishly I acted back then. You’re right. I should’ve had your back, and I didn’t.”
I’m not sure what to say to that. I grab my plate from Laolao before she can heat it up in the microwave, determined to do it myself. “It’s okay, Laolao, I got it. You put your feet up.”
“Oh,” she says with a soft, sweet laugh as she smooths back my hair.
Jessica’s mom is literally the sweetest woman alive.
The gentle touch is enough to relax me a little.
“Xìexie, Miya.” She wanders to the couch and picks up a romance book she’s been reading, opening it and letting her glasses fall down her nose.
Meanwhile, I return to the table with a fork and a glass of cold tea.
“I know I can’t change the way I acted when we were younger.” Apollo’s tone is contrite, and his words are slow, deliberately selected. The hothead from earlier is gone. “But I am sorry.”
I pick at my warm food. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” he replies. “It never was. And I realize sorry doesn’t really cut it either. It’s not a magical word we can use to just forget everything. Jess tells me that all the time when I screw up.”
I give him a wry smile. “Smart woman, your wife.”
“Don’t I know it.” Apollo manages to return my smile, hopeful. “But even though I can’t make those things better, I was hoping we could start over? I’m not the same person I was. I don’t think you are either. And you now, today? That’s the Mia I want to know.”
I can see Jessica’s head poking just a little out of the kitchen.
My niece and nephew are not nearly as subtle as she is, whispering to each other, and it’s hard to stay serious when the audience is so cute.
“Okay. Deal,” I say with a slow nod. “I can agree to that. I want to know you too. It really means a lot that you volunteered your home, that you’ve been supporting me here.
I’ll never be able to repay you for that. ”
“You don’t have to. That’s what family is for. Now . . . about Nolan.”
I sigh, and a part of me is suspicious, wondering if this is going to undo everything we just talked about. I do my best not to become defensive. “I know. I should’ve talked to you first. He’s your best friend.”
“He is. But you’re family. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, and now that the dust has settled . . .” Apollo leans forward with his elbows on the table. “Out of all the guys on my team? He’s the one I trust the most.”
I haven’t met the others, but I get that feeling. My gossip sessions with Jessica have taught me there’s definitely shenanigans afoot with some of the firefighters, but it’s like that in any job, with any group of guys. I don’t dwell on it. “So you’re not going to say I can’t see him?”
“I can do that if you want,” Apollo suggests with that playful grin I grew up with. “You can’t date until you’re married! Go to your room!”
I scoff a little. “Now you sound just like Dad.”
“Speaking of.” Apollo clears his throat as I start to eat. “Have you thought about that? I mean, do you know how much Mom and Dad will freak out if they knew you’re dating a bionic?”
“Probably a lot,” I admit. “But it’s not like Nolan and I are eloping tomorrow. It’s one of those things where I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it, you know?”
“It doesn’t scare you?”
“Should it?”
“It’d terrify me,” he admits. “For so long, they were both in the back of my mind, and I was always worried about letting them down, being a failure.”
Sympathetic, I cautiously rest my hand on Apollo’s.
We’ve never been super cuddly siblings. The most physical touch we’d really exchange was when we were driving each other nuts, wrestling or something like that when we were younger.
“I know what that feels like, but honestly, if this goes where I’d like it to go, then it doesn’t matter what they think.
They’ll learn to be happy for me in time.
” Pensive, trying to imagine that conversation down the road, I add, “Would you vouch for me? When it matters?”
Apollo’s gaze meets mine as he gives my hand a squeeze. “Of course I would. You don’t have to worry about that.”
Emotion suddenly rises up in my throat, threatening to choke the words right out of me. I blink back tears, and I really don’t want to cry right now. My voice cracks a bit. “Should we, uh, hug it out or something?”
Apollo pulls me in and wraps his arms around me.
I do the same, hugging him tight. His voice is quiet.
“Mia, I love Nolan. He’s a fantastic guy.
I’d defend him until death. But you gotta know.
He can’t own property. He doesn’t get paid because he doesn’t need money to survive, and he won’t grow old.
He can’t marry you legally, and he’ll never be able to have children.
Politics surrounding androids are pretty heated right now, and in our line of work .
. . a fire can still be dangerous to him. ”
I let those words settle over me. Maybe at one point in my life they would’ve caused me some trepidation, when I was really young and I had certain dreams and ideas of what my life might look like.
Not anymore. The never growing old thing might bother me later, but am I really going to miss my chance with a man like Nolan, just because of something like that?
I know about the line of work, and it might be scary sometimes, and he and I haven’t been seeing each other for very long. But I know he’s worth the risk.
“I don’t need a fancy house or a bunch of kids. I’ve got you guys for family. I’m okay with all of those things.”
“You’re certain?”
“Yes, I am. I promise. I’ve got Jessica to talk me through it, until I get used to it.
” Nolan isn’t a walking wallet or a toy for me to play with.
If he wants to care for me, I’m all for it, but I never even considered treating him like a lottery ticket, a way to get the safe, cushy lifestyle some people only dream about.
I’m touched, though, by the genuine concern in my brother’s eyes when he talks about Nolan. “I can get those things on my own. And I’m not going to hurt him. You have my word.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” Apollo lets me go.
“Can I eat my food now?” I say, feigning an annoyed sigh as I scoop more spicy chicken and noodles in my mouth. “You’re so needy. God.”
He answers that by getting up, ruffling my hair, and pushing my head down lightly toward my plate with a snicker until I bat him away with a giggle before telling on him. “Laolao, Apollo messed up my hair!”
“Snitch!” Apollo retreats to the kitchen as Laolao laughs and scolds him in gentle Mandarin. When I’m full, I go over to sit with her and rest my head on her shoulder. I thank her for dinner as she straightens my shirt for me a little and returns to her reading, appearing quite content.
* * *
Now that Apollo knows about my involvement with Nolan, things have become infinitely better. There’s no weight on my shoulders, no dread thinking about anything at all. My thoughts, my feet—everything is lighter. And for the next week, I’m spending as much time with Nolan as I can.
We both agreed that the night at Cyber Street and the park was sort of a proto-date. An almost-date. I want the real thing, and so does he. But it’s hard to work around his schedule when he’s the only bionic in the fire department and is always on call.
But that’s going to be his life, always, for as long as he’s in service. He’s implied as much, but Apollo tells me outright on the following Saturday as I’m lying on the couch in a hoodie, texting with Nolan as we try to brainstorm our next move.
“It’ll be hard for him, harder than it is for me, to make time for loved ones,” Apollo says.
It’s his weekend off. He doesn’t always get those, and he’s spending it following Jessica around, getting to work on some minor house repairs and taking care of the kids while she puts up her feet.
“Find a way to be okay with it now and always, Mia. I mean it. It wouldn’t be fair to resent him later for it. ”
I like how protective Apollo is over his friend, and even though my little-sister knee-jerk reaction is to argue, I know it’s coming from a place of love.
“I will,” I promise him. The last thing I want to be is a problem.
Quality time with people you care about is important—but so is work.
And if Nolan isn’t allowed a balance the same way Apollo is, then I’ll have to make my peace with it. What other choice is there?
I try to picture myself as the nagging girlfriend, and it’s hard.
I’ve never been that way. I always have plenty of my own things to do.
I’ve never needed to be attached at the hip to someone constantly.
Maybe I’m being overly optimistic right now; we just started talking, but the man has plenty of problems and challenges he has to deal with.
I’m not keen on adding myself to that list.
I think he’s more worried about you than about me now.
I send Nolan a playful message as I stretch out on the couch.
After a long week at work getting acclimated to my new role, it’s nice to be lazy for a little while.
There’s news on the TV, mostly discussing the wildfire on the West Coast. It’s inching closer to my parents’ snowbird home.
I guess it’s a good thing I came to New Carnegie instead.
It’s hard for me to focus on it, safely on the other side of the country.
My phone vibrates. I open Nolan’s reply eagerly.
I find that hard to believe. Tell me when I can see you again.
You’re the one with the busy schedule. You tell me. You’ve been teasing me all week.
I have a few hours. I could take off this afternoon.