Chapter 11 #3
A foolish part of me still hopes, remembering what he told me about gratification drives and how androids always gravitate to one person in particular without fail. It doesn’t matter to me. Whatever happens, I want to be there for him. I want to support him.
But what if he doesn’t want me now that he can’t remember me?
It doesn’t matter. He’s awake. That’s all that counts.
When we get there, I use my guest pass, but my brother has to sign in. They don’t allow him entry until Dr. Taylor clears him, and then we’re in the elevator, watching the number of floors rise.
For the first time since we were kids, Apollo clasps my hand tight. I think he’s as excited as I am. “We’re getting him back, Mia,” he mutters under his breath. “That’s what matters.”
“I know.” I squeeze his hand right back.
Then the elevator doors open, and Victor’s there to greet us cheerily. “Good morning! Follow me, please.”
He leads us to the big doors of Laboratory 317 and turns to us with a smile. “Wait here.” He enters. The doors stay open.
I hold my breath. Nolan is here. He looks exactly the same, except he’s been given a well-groomed beard. That’s new. Dr. Taylor, what are you doing to me? Are you just trying to make this harder? I can’t think, and I’ve forgotten how to breathe. My pulse pounds in my ears.
Nolan walks toward us with that familiar, confident stride. He grins and walks a little faster, and for a brief moment, my heart practically flies out of my chest to go to him.
But he’s not looking at me. His eyes are on my brother.
“Apollo!” he greets with a boisterous laugh. “I hear those wildfires kicked my ass, huh?”
Apollo lets my hand go as he and Nolan collide in a tight embrace. Nolan lifts my brother, who grunts as the breath is squeezed out of him. “Easy. Easy. I got bones, need ‘em not broken.”
All the hope I carried for weeks, despite all my own attempts to quash them, flutter right out of me. Two brothers, reunited. Nolan looks exactly the same. All his synthetics, the dimples on the corner of his mouth. His hair.
That’s my Nolan.
But he hasn’t even looked at me.
Apollo sees the expression on my face, and his own smile dampens. He claps Nolan’s shoulder, nodding. “This is my sister, Mia.”
Nolan turns to me, his white irises on me. He pauses. His pupils shutter, and he cocks his head, almost in confusion, with a faint pinch of his brow. Then he smiles politely. “Mia.” He offers a hand to me. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Nolan.”
My heart shatters as I grip his hand firmly. “We’ve met,” I manage quietly.
“Have we?” Nolan’s brow furrows. “Sorry, I don’t—”
I can’t hold it together. I thought I could.
I didn’t realize how hard I fell, just how much I’ve felt for this man, until now.
Until it really sank in that yes, he could forget me.
Not because he wanted to, but because he’s a machine.
Is there any part of him that remembers? Anything that signals to him it’s me?
But there’s nothing.
I need a moment. “Sorry, I—excuse me.”
I walk to the stairwell at the end of the hall, gripping the guest pass hanging around my neck. I flee down three flights of stairs and push the exit door open, gulping air and choking down a sob. Alone, I allow myself a minute to let it all out, to mourn what I’ve lost.
I take out my phone after composing myself to the best of my ability, scrolling through the text messages between Nolan and me. If nothing else, I have these. The talks, the memories. I can remind myself that it happened, that it was wonderful, and there’s nothing I would trade them for.
I’m about to put my phone away when a new text from Nolan suddenly comes through.
I love you, Mia.
I stare at it in shock, trying to process it. The timestamp is from just now. But that can’t be. It’s not possible. Was it delayed? He didn’t recognize me. He wouldn’t remember.
He loves me?
Warmth floods me. My tears are renewed but fall for different reasons.
He loved me.
If he did before, then I can do this now. I can be strong.
“Hey.”
I turn.
Nolan stands near the BioNex entrance with a slight smile. Concern shimmers in those familiar eyes. “Apollo said I should come check on you. Are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying.”
Embarrassed, I rub my eyes and turn away from him. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit of a drama queen. Apollo will tell you all about it, I’m sure. I just needed a few minutes.”
I can sense him closing the distance between us, and I don’t want to explain myself. I don’t even know where to start.
He takes my hand in his. “Mia.”
I look up into his eyes, seeing the curiosity, the compassion there.
“Apollo said you visited me every day. While I was being repaired. Is that true?” I nod silently, looking away, but he tilts my chin back up. “And that we went on a date or two?”
More than that. But I give him another nod.
He grins at me. “Well, then, it sounds like I was a damn lucky droid.”
I’m helpless against that smile. “Opposite, actually,” I admit with a weak chuckle. “I was the lucky one.”
He caresses my face before pulling his hand away, all confidence and ease. “Also sounds like I lost out on a hell of a lot.”
“You didn’t,” I say. “I did. I was scared of losing you, and I almost pushed you away once. But we promised we’d make it work, and . . .” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “It’s weird talking about it, I guess, because you don’t remember.”
We stand there quietly together. When I glance at him, he’s admiring me unapologetically. “You stayed by me every day. And I don’t even know you.” He looks around the half-vacated parking lot for BioNex employees. “That’s enough for me to know that this must be worth chasing.”
He’s still as sweet as he ever was. I wish I could tell him everything. How I feel. How amazing he was and still is. But I err on the side of caution, not wanting to scare him away or turn him off. Our romance was a whirlwind of a lot of things.
“Want to know something funny?” Nolan asks.
I look up at him. “What’s that?”
“I don’t remember shit.” He glances at me slyly, touching his temple. “But my gratification drive? That’s another matter.”
“What do you mean?”
“One look at you, and it’s going absolutely insane,” he replies with a playful little shrug.
“I may not have all those memories, but . . . it knows. All I can think about right now is how to serve you. Make you happy. Take care of you. It’s like a little conscience. Mia this, Mia that. Maddening, really.”
All my shattered hopes start piecing themselves together. “Really?”
“Really.” He tilts his head down, gazing intently into my eyes. “So . . . think I could take you out sometime, and you could refresh my memory?”
My cheeks heat, and I can’t help myself. I throw myself at him, and he catches me. I’m kissing him before he can say anything else. He’s caught off guard, but he swiftly kisses me back, and his arms encircle me the way they were always meant to.
He’s back. He’s alive. He’s curious. A part of him recalls me. Enough to draw him to me, after all of this.
I love you, Mia.
I’ll refresh his memory. I won’t squander this chance. I break away, breathless. He stares at me intensely. “Sorry, I—I couldn’t stop myself.”
“Don’t be sorry.” He grins. “Do it again.”
Several slow, tender kisses later, I tell myself to take it easy.
He rubs my back. “About that date. How about Friday night?”
“I’d love that.”
His entire face lights up. “Then I’ll get your number.”
I give it happily. He doesn’t remember, and he doesn’t know it yet.
But he’s already mine.
And this time, I’ll make sure he stays that way. This time, I’ll be ready for anything and everything.
This time, we’re backing up the goddamn drive.
* * *
Family photos are something sacred to my sister-in-law. They’re something she uses to send out for Christmas cards, so an autumn photo shoot in a New Carnegie park when the leaves are changing are something she really can’t pass up.
“You both have your shirts ready?” Jessica asks both Nolan and me slyly while Apollo is distracted by the photographer, who’s showing him some of the photos we’ve taken already.
The kids are dying to play on the playground, running around Laolao like they were just given candy and steroids at the same time.
We promised them some playtime, but we have one more change of clothes and a few more shots to take.
Nolan pulls off his hoodie to reveal the red long-sleeved T-shirt underneath. In stylized letters, the graphics on his chest read: Fun Uncle.
Mine is similar. Fun Auntie. Little Hera has Big Sister, while Laolao and her husband, recently returned from Taiwan and happy to take part in family traditions, helps my nephew change into a shirt that says Big Brother.
Apollo complained about how his shirt says Dad instead of Daddy while wiggling his eyebrows at Jess.
Jessica pulls out a sonogram photo framed with a pumpkin onesie that says I’m a Surprise. She hands it to Nolan discreetly. “Okay, everyone, let’s get together now. Last photos. Apollo, you have to hold the picture.”
“What for?” he calls in confusion as Nolan shoves it into his hands and claps his shoulder. Apollo grins at his shirt. “This is the cheesiest thing we’ve ever done. ‘Fun Uncle’? Are you Funcle Nolan now?”
“You’re damn right I’m Funcle Nolan,” Nolan replies. “I’m Funcle all over the place. Basically raised AJ and Travis myself.”
“That’s true. Those two are practically feral.”
We all huddle together in front of the photographer’s tripod. I help Laolao herd the kids to where they need to be. She and her husband are proudly sporting their Grandpa and Grandma shirts.
Jessica has a devilish smile on her face as she turns to Apollo. “What do you think, babe?”
“Of what?”
“The picture you’re holding.”
“It’s a pumpkin, right?” He blinks and looks down. Then he frowns in confusion and turns it around. I count the seconds that tick by. It takes him about seven before his eyes widen and he looks at Jessica in shock, all while the photographer and I giggle. I hear the snap-snap-snap of her camera.
“Jessica, are you serious?” His jaw is on the ground, and then I grab the picture before he drops it.
Nolan steps back and laughs as Apollo kisses Jessica hard and swings her around in his arms, his voice jumping an octave.
“We’re having another baby? We’re having another baby!
” It’s like he’s shouting it to the world.
After the photo shoot is done, we pack up the car and say our farewells to the photographer.
“I can’t wait to see them developed. Apollo’s face is going to be priceless,” I tell Nolan with a grin.
“He’s the type to pass out cigars.” Nolan chuckles. “At least, that’s what I’m told.” He gently pulls me into a hug. “Apollo mentioned something about you getting your own place?”
Embarrassed, I look away. “Oh, geez. He wasn’t supposed to say anything, but—yeah, I signed a lease and everything.
I move in next month. I figured it’s the right time, what with another baby on the way.
They’ll need all the space they can get and as much as I love my parents, I really don’t want to move back in with them once the renovations on their place are done. ”
“Where is your apartment?”
My cheeks flush. “A couple blocks away from the fire station.”
Nolan’s face brightens in a grin, ear to ear. “Is that right?”
“Well, you know. It just seemed convenient.”
“Very convenient,” he agrees. “Think you could show it to me?” He steals a kiss.
“Show you? You’re going to help me christen the place.”
Nolan’s bright white eyes are aglow, filled with an affection only for me as he helps me into the car. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
He’s headed to the station for the weekend, but I’m not worried. He told me he spoke to the chief. He’s allowed his own privacy, his own private server, hosted by the company, that allows him to keep everything to do with his family life and me safely backed up.
Nothing and no one can take him away from me again.
Nolan is mine. I’m his. And I’ll make sure he never forgets that.