Chapter Nine
CHAPTER NINE
Nolan
I watch her car disappear down the driveway, the dust settling in its wake like the last of my fucking hope. I'm not even sure who brought her car here this morning, but right now I hate them. It gave her a way to leave. Annabelle is gone, taking with her the possibility of what could have been, what I thought, for a short amount of time, might actually be.
When she signals at the end of the driveway, I pull out my phone and send a group text to the guys.
N: Need some company tonight. Beers on the deck after Ash is in bed?
The responses come quickly.
Vaughn: Count me in.
Boone: I'll be there, we haven't had family dinner in a while.
Weston: Got a case of that IPA you like. Be there at 8.
Relief washes over me. My friends, always there when I need them. The family I chose when my own proved too distant, too caught up in their own lives to care about mine.
Ash wakes up, and I do my best to be her dad for the rest of the day. Saturday's usually don't drag this much, but I find myself looking forward to getting her ready for bed and doing the bedtime story. Leaning over to give her a kiss, and letting her feel the safety in our home. By the time I get Ashlynn in bed, I'm ready for that beer, maybe several.
"Night, Daddy," Ashlynn murmurs sleepily as I tuck her in.
My heart squeezes painfully. She won't be this little long, and I'm already dreading it. "Sweet dreams."
Boone is waiting in the hallway when I close her door. "You look like hell," he says bluntly.
"Feel like it too," I admit, leading the way to the back deck where Vaughn and Weston are already setting up, the golden glow of the setting sun casting long shadows across the lawn. The moon will be up before we know it, and I'm looking forward to the cover of dark so I don't have to face what's happened in the light of day.
"So," Vaughn says as he hands me a beer, "what happened with Annabelle?"
I take a long pull from the bottle before answering. "We crossed a line. Then decided to uncross it."
"Meaning?" Vaughn presses, settling into one of the Adirondack chairs.
"Meaning we kissed, almost slept together, and then this morning agreed it was a mistake." The words sound hollow, even to my own ears.
"Bullshit," Boone says, surprising me with his vehemence. "I've seen the way you look at her, man. And the way she looks at you. That's not a mistake."
"It is when there's a three-year-old involved," I counter, my voice sharper than intended. "Ashlynn loves her. What happens if things go south? I'm not putting my daughter through losing another mother figure."
Silence falls over the group, each of us nursing our beers, the only sound the distant chirping of crickets and the soft hum of the night.
"You know," Weston says eventually, "when Melanie left me, I thought that was it. Game over. But she came back. What's meant to be will find its way back."
I shake my head, unconvinced. "Melanie left because y'all were so fucking young. Lisa left because she didn't want to be a mother. Big difference."
"I'm not talking about Lisa," Vaughn says gently. "I'm talking about Annabelle. If you two are meant to be together, you'll find a way to make it work."
"And if we're not?" I challenge. "If we try and it falls apart? Ashlynn's the one who pays the price."
"Or maybe you're using Ashlynn as an excuse because you're scared," Boone suggests, earning himself a glare.
"I'm not scared of anything except hurting my daughter."
"Bullshit again," Boone says, leaning forward. "You're scared of getting hurt yourself. After what Lisa did, walking out on you and Ash, how could you not be? But Annabelle isn't Lisa."
I drain my beer, feeling the alcohol warm my veins but do nothing to fill the emptiness in my chest. "Doesn't matter now anyway. We agreed to take a step back."
"So un-agree," Weston says, as if it's the simplest thing in the world. He throws the bottle cap of his beer into the fire. "Talk to her."
"It's not that simple."
"Nothing worth having ever is," Vaughn says, his voice carrying the wisdom of someone who's fought for his own happiness and won.
I look around at my friends, these men who've become my family when my own parents were too wrapped up in their new lives with their new spouses to care about their son and granddaughter. Weston, who found his way back to his wife after nearly losing her. Vaughn, who took a chance, much like I want to. Boone, who unabashedly loves his wife, and who did the single dad thing way before I even thought about it.
Without them, I'd be lost. Without Annabelle, I'm beginning to realize, I might be too.
"I'm going to be alone the rest of my life, aren't I?" The question slips out, more vulnerable than I'd like, but the beer and the weight of the day have loosened my tongue.
"Not a chance," Boone says confidently. "You've got us. Always will."
"And you've got a woman who cares about you and your daughter," Vaughn adds. "Don't let fear make this decision for you, Nolan."
I stare out at the darkening yard, thinking of Annabelle, the way she smiles, the gentle way she handles Ashlynn, the fire in her eyes when we argued this morning. Taking a step back was the sensible choice, the responsible choice.
But as the night deepens and my friends' words sink in, I can't help but wonder if it was the right one.
"Maybe," I concede finally, reaching for another beer. "But for tonight, I'm just glad I have you guys."
"Always," Weston promises, raising his bottle in a toast. "Family doesn't end with blood."
We clink bottles, the sound ringing out into the night like a promise. Whatever happens with Annabelle, I'm not facing it alone. And maybe, just maybe, that's enough courage to fight for what I really want.