Chapter Eighteen
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Annabelle
T he antiseptic smell of the hospital has become almost comforting after three days. I've memorized the patterns of the ceiling tiles, counted the flowers on the wallpaper border, and learned every squeak in the vinyl chair beside Ashlynn's bed. As I watch her small chest rise and fall in sleep, I can hardly believe we're finally going home today.
"Her fever's been normal for twenty-four hours now," the pediatrician says, flipping through her chart. "The influenza is resolving nicely. Just make sure she stays hydrated and gets plenty of rest."
Nolan nods beside me, his hand unconsciously finding mine between our chairs. We've been doing that a lot these past few days, reaching for each other in moments of fear, relief, exhaustion. It feels natural now, this physical connection.
"Thank you, Dr. Chen," he says, voice rough from lack of sleep. The shadows under his eyes match my own, I'm sure.
When the doctor leaves, Nolan squeezes my hand. "You should go home, get some real sleep. I can handle the discharge process."
I shake my head immediately. "I'm staying until we all leave together."
His eyes soften, and something passes between us that makes my heart stutter. "Thank you," he whispers. "For everything."
Ashlynn stirs then, her eyelids fluttering open. "Daddy? Anna?" Her voice is small but stronger than it's been since this ordeal began.
"We're here, sweet pea," I say, moving to perch on the edge of her bed. "Guess what? We're going home today."
Her smile, though tired, lights up her whole face. "Can I have mac and cheese at home?"
Nolan laughs, the sound breaking through days of tension. "Whatever you want, princess."
Two hours later, I'm carrying Ashlynn's favorite stuffed unicorn while Nolan carries her, wrapped in a blanket despite the mild spring day. The way he holds her, so careful and precious, makes something shift in my chest.
At home, we settle into a quiet routine. Nolan makes the promised mac and cheese while I help Ashlynn change into fresh pajamas. As I brush her tangled hair, she leans back against me with complete trust.
"Anna" she says, her voice still raspy, "are you going to stay forever?"
The question catches me off guard, and I meet her solemn blue eyes in the mirror. Eyes just like her father's. "What do you mean, sweetie?"
"Sometimes nannies go away. Like on TV." She fiddles with the hem of her unicorn pajama top. "I don't want you to go away."
My throat tightens painfully. "I'm not planning on going anywhere," I tell her, careful not to make promises I can't keep. But the truth is, I can't imagine being anywhere else.
After dinner, which Ashlynn barely touches despite her earlier request, we tuck her into bed. She falls asleep almost immediately, her small body still fighting to recover.
Nolan and I stand side by side at her doorway, watching her sleep.
"I thought," his voice breaks, and he clears his throat. "When her fever hit 104, I thought..."
"I know," I whisper, reaching for his hand again. I've never seen him so vulnerable, not even after that kiss we've both been pretending never happened.
We move to the living room, collapsing onto the couch. The past few days catch up with me at once, and I feel tears pressing behind my eyes.
"She's going to be fine," Nolan says, as if reassuring himself.
"Yes." I nod. "But God, Nolan, when they admitted her, I've never been so scared."
His arm comes around my shoulders, pulling me against him. "Me too."
We sit like that for a long moment, his heartbeat steady against my cheek. The comfort of his closeness, the safety I feel in his arms, it's suddenly so clear to me.
"I realized something," I say softly, pulling back to look at him. "These past few days, watching you with her, being here with both of you... I realized this is where I belong."
His eyes search mine, a question forming.
"I know what I want now," I continue, gathering my courage. "I want this. Us. I want to be a family, you, me, and Ashlynn."
He stills, his breath catching.
"I know she's not mine, not biologically," I say quickly. "But I couldn't love her more if she were. And I couldn't," I falter, then press on. "I couldn't love you more than I do right now."
There it is, laid bare between us. All the feelings I've been hiding, all the longing I've suppressed since that kiss.
"Belle," he whispers, his voice reverent.
"I'm ready to try, if you are," I say. "Ready to see what we could be together. All of us."
The silence stretches between us, and for a terrible moment, I think I've misread everything. But then his hand comes up to cup my cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear I didn't know had fallen.
"I've been afraid," he admits. "Afraid of ruining what we have, afraid of hurting Ashlynn if things didn't work out. Afraid of how much I need you."
My heart pounds as he leans closer.
"But I'm tired of being afraid," he whispers against my lips. "Especially when what I want most in the world is right here in front of me."
When his lips meet mine, it's nothing like our first kiss. There's no hesitation, no pulling away. This time, it feels like coming home.