22. Indie
I wish I could say the following week was filled with more nights like our first, but that was sadly not the case.
After the sex that may or may not have redefined my understanding of pleasure, I’d purposefully taken our banter back to a playful place. The connection I’d felt with Theo in those moments had hit me too strongly to stay cuddled up with him a moment longer. If I wanted to keep this liaison with Theo compartmentalized as strictly a hookup, I couldn’t afford to sink back into the ill-advised crush from my teenage years.
His version of help to clean up had been more making out and touching every inch of each other’s skin we could reach. Eventually, I’d kicked him out to actually get clean.
By the time I’d returned to my room, Theo had passed out smack-dab in the middle of the bed. An uninvited warmth invaded my chest as I stood and watched him.
He looked so content, not to mention unreasonably sexy, that I couldn’t bring myself to wake him .
I’d allowed myself one night where I didn’t look too deeply at my reasons for crawling onto the sliver of mattress he wasn’t occupying and covered us both with my comforter. The warmth of his body was soothing, even though my mind raced.
I’d spent the hours before dawn reminding myself why it couldn’t work between us.
We were just enjoying each other while I was in Toronto. I was leaving again in a matter of months, and Theo had a contract here. It was just sex, albeit incredible sex, and that’s all it could ever be.
I had plans to do some good for the people of the city I’d come to love. And even the gorgeous Theo Yao-Miller wasn’t going to get in the way of that.
So by the time he woke beside me the next morning, I’d steeled myself enough to keep him at a distance. I’d sent him off to his usual morning workout with a bright smile.
That had been five days ago. The Tempests had been away for a couple of games, and we’d only exchanged a couple of texts between us in my continued effort to keep this thing out of relationship territory.
If we had a repeat of our night together, great. If it was a one-night thing, then that was fine too. I’d tell Theo the same. I was only after some simple and string-free fun.
Right, sure. Okay. Do you think you can lie to yourself so well that you might believe it?
Today was the sixth day of not seeing Theo and saw me waking up with a monster of a cold. I could admit, privately, that I hadn’t been taking the best care of myself.
Breakfast was often slept through or neglected because mornings were the only time I got any decent sleep. When not desperate for an extra couple hours of sleep after rushing around behind the scenes at the Tempests games, I used the time while Giz would contentedly sleep on the couch for her routine lazy morning nap to research the endless forms and documentation I would need to start up a nonprofit. Just when I thought I’d gotten a handle on one part of the process, I’d read an article or blog about another start-up that revealed a set of regulations that I’d never considered.
Now, I was paying the price for letting stress reign supreme over my decisions.
My eyes felt gritty and glued together as I threw on whatever hoodie I’d haphazardly chucked on the couch in one of my fits of feeling overheated through the evening last night.
I was firmly in the can’t-put-on-enough-blankets-to-get-warm stage phase this morning.
All the same, Giz needed a quick walk around the block. Potty time waited for no virus.
I made it down in the elevator, feeling light-headed from either the cold or sinus medicine I was using to combat some of my symptoms.
The brisk late autumn air made me cough as I followed Gizmo out the front door of the building.
I was leaning on the skinny tree in front of our building, grateful that Giz was a girl and I wouldn’t be risking a potty splash zone while I let her sniff the small patch of scrubby dirt next to me.
“We have to stop meeting like this.”
The rough timbre of Theo’s voice floated over from somewhere behind me. I was too goddamn miserable to even be taken by surprise.
I admit that I wasn’t the best patient when sick. I was used to handling this kind of stuff on my own by just staying away from everyone until I was better.
“Indie?” Theo tried again.
“Hey,” I croaked. My voice was rough from disuse. I hated the sore throat portion of a cold .
I turned and saw Theo looking at me with an expression full of concern.
A glance down at Giz had her giving me some solid side-eye for not paying attention to the fact that she was done outside.
I waved my hand again in dismissal of my plight.
“It’s just a cold. No big deal.” I aimed for a reassuring tone.
The last thing I wanted Theo to do was feel obligated to help me. God, just the idea of being a burden to him made me nauseous.
Distracted by that mortifying thought, I stumbled on an uneven part of the sidewalk.
“Whoa, there. You are not fine. Jesus. Let me help you. Here.” He put his arm around my waist to steady me.
A small, hairless bundle was placed into my hands before Theo caught me off guard by scooping me up in his arms.
I jolted with the intent to tell him to put me down, but he cut me off before I could get the words out.
“Relax, Rocky. I don’t want to cop an elbow in the face this time,” he said and chuckled.
He was referring to the time he caught me falling out of the tree in their backyard. Excuse me for being a child and moving my limbs while I freaked out.
“Oh, trust me, I have photographic evidence in the form of a rep division hockey card of the black eye you gave me before you calmed down. I had to lie to the team to save face. I told them I’d got it in a game of street hockey.” His voice was warm with affection at the memory.
Shit . I’d spoken out loud. Defeated either by the cold or embarrassment, I let my head fall to the side so it rested against the thick fabric of his jacket. It would take too much energy to resist.
His amusement quickly turned to surprise. “It’s too fucking cold to be out here in a hoodie and, Jesus, your pajamas.”
“Had to take Giz out,” I muttered.
“You could have let me know. I could have done that. You should be resting. When you said we couldn’t see each other last night, I thought you were blowing me off.” His tone held both relief and a hint of disgruntlement.
I’d told him I had a virus and didn’t want to get him sick so he couldn’t play. The coaches and medical team took the players’ health very seriously. He could get pulled.
That thought had me stiffening. “Theo,” I choked on another cough. “You shouldn’t be touching me. I can’t make you sick.”
I’d seen how seriously all the guys took their practices, routines, and rituals. There was no room for error, let alone putting themselves in a position to be off the ice sick with a virus.
He just hummed in reply.
“Where are your keys?” Theo shifted the majority of my body weight into one of his arms, trying to find keys that weren’t there, bringing his hand around my knees. He dug around into the front pocket of my hoodie until he found the small key chain I carried.
Once he got us inside, he moved straight for my bedroom. He deposited me on the bed with Giz still in my arms. Theo pulled the covers up to my waist and left the room.
“Okay, baby.” He let out a breath, not mentioning anything more about my lack of proper cold-weather attire. “You two get cozy here. I’m going to get these dishes out of your way and see if you have anything to eat. We need to get you better.”
Theo swept Gizmo from my arms, kissed her head gently, and popped her onto my bed with a gentleness that had a pressure growing in my chest at the sight. I couldn’t blame the feeling on my cough.
“Theo, seriously. I’ll be fine. You need to get out of here. You can’t afford to get sick.” I was torn between truly not wanting him to get sick but totally relieved at the thought of someone taking care of me for once.
He waved away my weak protest as if we weren’t talking about playing professional hockey for millions of dollars a year.
Theo channeled his inner Mary Poppins as he began to pick up the random shit I’d left around my room and bedside tables. He’d started gathering up my dirty water glasses and took the bag full of tissues out of my waste bin. Turning around to look over at where I sat in my bed, still in shock that this was happening, and gave me a mischievous grin.
“Don’t worry. If I get sick, I’ll just blame it on Andrews.” He sniggered at his own joke.
“Theo!” I tried to muster another glare. It must have been a feeble attempt, as Theo just laughed it off.
“I’m kidding.” He gave me a wink.
I concluded that it wouldn’t hurt to let him clean up the dishes and throw out the garbage.
I let my body lean back into my pillows, careful not to jostle the bed too much and disturb a sleeping Gizmo.
I’d just close my eyes for a minute. Then I’d remind Theo he should go.
I must have dozed off because I woke to Theo gently shaking my shoulder. He held a bowl of soup in his hand. A steaming cup of something sat on my bedside table. It was probably tea, but I’d drink anything hot at this point.
“You need to eat, baby. But first, take these.” He gave me a sweet smile.
He set the soup down on the table and opened his palm to reveal some painkillers. After depositing them into my hand, he went out of the room and came back with a glass of water.
I moved my hand out from under the blanket to reach for them. I was afraid if I didn’t, he’d try to feed them to me, and even worse, I’d let him.
I popped the pills in my mouth, took the glass from him as well, and swallowed them with a few sips of water.
He put his palm to my forehead, letting it rest there while he peered into my eyes.
“Hopefully, they will help bring your fever down. When was the last time you ate anything?” He took my hand in both of his, giving it a gentle squeeze as he waited for my reply.
Instinct had me about to tell him not to worry about me, but the earnestness of his expression had me holding back the words.
Of all the ways he had taken care of me today, this moment felt the most intimate. I couldn’t stop the rush of emotion inside me that wanted to get used to having him care for me this way.
I couldn’t afford to let him slip through the permanent crack in my heart.