Chapter 24
Ryan
We’re silent the whole way to her apartment. Scarlett fumbles with the lock on her door. She laughs at herself, but her hands are shaking as she brings the key back to the lock. I set the bags of food on the floor and gently take the keys from her. Those big blue eyes I fell in love with so many years ago lift to watch my face through her thick eyelashes as I put the key into the lock and turn.
The door pops open, but we remain where we are. Scarlett leans back against the doorframe, her eyelids hooded and her mouth parted.
“If I kiss you again, I’m not going to stop.” My voice is low and rasping. My own heartbeat whooshes in my ears.
Scarlett licks her lips, leaving a shiny coating over the pink of them. “Okay,” she breathes.
“The food will get cold,” I warn.
“I have an oven.” She flashes a lazy smile. “I’m pretty sure it even works.”
I huff and rest my forearm above her head, unable to resist leaning into her and smelling her black-tea scent. God, it has been so long since I’ve smelled her, tasted her. I can barely concentrate. “You make a good point.”
Her eyes trail over my skin, leaving warmth in their wake. “I know,” she says. “Now kiss me.”
Heat. Desire. Need. I’m reduced to these three basic elements as she looks up at me expectantly. But there’s something else in her gaze that I hadn’t seen before. I think it’s doubt. As if she’s asking me to make a move again in order to give me an out if I want it.
Doesn’t she know I’ve been dreaming of the taste of her lips and the feel of her body next to mine for five long years?
As her eyebrows crease slightly, I realize that no, she doesn’t. How could she when she said herself that she thinks I’ve been better off without her?
Words tumble around my brain—how beautiful she is, how wonderful it has been to have her in my life again, how I’ve never truly stopped loving her or worrying about her. I may not have thought about her every moment of every day, but she’s been a constant white noise. I could ignore it sometimes, but not all the time, and it was always playing.
But now that she’s here, it’s silent again, as if that part of me has been sated. As if having her near me has turned down the volume on everything but her as she leans against the door, her body beneath mine, a battle between hope and concern playing out on her face.
There are no words for how I feel about her. There never have been. I’ll just have to show her.
My gaze drops to her lips, and she lets out a little relieved exhale. I capture it as my mouth meets hers. I’m greedy for it. I want every breath, every sound, every word. They’re mine now, and as she arches her back so her hips meet mine, I know she’ll give them freely.
The tips of my fingers touch the waistband of her jeans, and I groan softly at the smooth skin above them as my hands work her blouse up higher. Somehow, in a way that is both messy and sexy and so us , we make it into the apartment with the food in tow and without losing contact with each other. But as soon as the door shuts behind us, I’m on her again with more searing kisses, devouring her whimpers and moans and fumbling with the buttons on her shirt.
She takes a step back, dragging her bottom lip through her teeth. Her fingers trail a seductive line from her collarbone down the V of her neckline before she starts undoing the buttons of her shirt one by one.
“Are you sure about this?” she asks as her fingers work another button free.
“I have never been more sure about anything in my entire life,” I whisper as I track her movements. The fly of my pants presses uncomfortably against my cock as more and more of her silky skin is exposed. “Are you?”
She laughs a little, and if I could swallow that sound, too, I would. I’d keep it in a bottle close to my heart.
“Yeah. It’s…um…it’s been a while, though.” Her fingers finally free the last button, and her shirt slides to the floor, exposing a simple black bra.
I step closer to her, unable to keep my hands to myself any longer. My palms meet the skin at her waist, and I grip lightly.
“I can be gentle if that’s what you want.” I’d do anything for her, but when I kiss her neck and taste the salt of her skin, I know that’s going to be a difficult promise to keep.
“Maybe.” She tilts her head to give me better access to her neck. “Right now, I want your shirt off.”
“Hmm,” I hum into her skin. “Seems fair.” I tug my shirt over my head and let her drink her fill of my exposed torso.
Scarlett comes back to me, running her hands up my chest and tangling her fingers in my hair. “I missed you.”
I clutch her close. “You have no idea how much I missed you.”
Her gaze meets mine, the haze of her desire clearing a bit. “I didn’t want to leave you, Ryan. I need you to know that. So much had happened, and I thought—”
I dip my head to capture her words with another kiss. There’s more to say; I’m not fool enough to think that we’ve resolved everything that happened in the five years between us, but I’m also not fool enough to stop kissing her when my body and mind are screaming at me to make sure she knows I’ll never let her go again.
“I know, beautiful. It’s okay.” I soothe her between kisses. “I promise. It’s okay.”
Whatever we need to figure out, it can be tomorrow’s problem. Or next week’s problem, for all I care. If we can find our way back to each other after five years apart, there’s nothing between us that can’t be fixed. I’m sure of it.
Kissing a line down my neck, her fingers find my belt buckle, but they pause before it comes undone. I’ve closed my eyes to enjoy the sensation of having her hands on me again, but she’s gone so still. When open them, she’s studying my forearm.
“That tattoo.” She almost chokes on the word. “Is that…”
I raise my arm so she can see. The tips of her fingers lightly graze over the ink, following the words underneath the torn-paper design. Her lips move as she silently reads, and when she drags her eyes to meet mine again, they’re lined with tears.
“Those are my words,” she whispers.
“ This was one of those moments when there was a clear before and after ,” I quote. The passage is inked in my memory as much as it is on my skin. “ She was never going to be the same again. Those minutes and hours in the time before seemed to stretch out of reach now. She was never going to get them back. There was only forward. Only what was ahead of her. And she had to face it. ”
Twin tears fall silently down her cheeks. “Ryan…” She trails off, shaking her head.
I kiss one tear away, then another. “There has never been another woman for me, Scarlett.” I cup her face in my hands and swipe my thumbs over the wetness on her cheeks. “If I couldn’t have you with me, I wanted your words.”
As if a dam has finally broken, she throws her arms around my neck and kisses me passionately, our teeth clicking together with the force of it.
Maybe this is one of those moments she wrote about, where there’s a clear before and after. I knew it was when she left, and now that she’s back again, I can feel it the same way. There’s only what’s ahead of us. We can face it together.
In a moment of strength I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to replicate again, I grab her ass and lift her off the ground. Her legs squeeze around my midsection, and she rolls her hips against me. The moan that falls her lips when my hardness meets her soft center is decadent. And it’s all for me.
I carry her like this to the bedroom, then with all the self-control I can muster, I lay her gently on the bed. The more primal part of me wants to toss her around and show her who she belongs to, but she asked for tenderness, so I’ll try.
Her dark hair splays out on the comforter, making her look like a mermaid or a siren or some other temptress, luring men to their watery deaths. Fitting, because I would gladly follow her under. I’m practically drowning in her as it is—those gorgeous blue eyes, her lips that are swollen from my kisses, her legs still wrapped around my waist, the velvety, black-tea scent of her—and I don’t want to come up for air.
I lean close for a kiss, but she stops me, taking the corners of my glasses between her fingers. “You want to take these off?”
I shake my head, swallowing hard. “I’ve spent five years without being able to see your body. I’m leaving them on.”
She drags her bottom lip through her teeth, suddenly shy. Her blue eyes skim over my face, then my shoulders. Her cheeks grow rosy, and I kiss them lightly. I can’t help myself.
“What is it, beautiful?” I run my thumb over her lips where her teeth just were.
Her eyelids flutter closed. “I’m nervous,” she whispers, as if saying it any louder will make it somehow more true. “Sometimes…” She trails of and swallows hard, still not looking at me. “I want this. I don’t even think I let myself admit how much I wanted it until now. But my meds…sometimes they make it hard to…you know.” A little, embarrassed laugh escapes her.
“Scarlett,” I say, my voice low and rumbling. “Look at me.”
She does, but her eyebrows pinch together with concern as she undoes the button on my pants. “I can just—”
Grabbing her chin with my thumb and forefinger, I draw her eyes back to mine. “Scarlett,” I repeat, more forceful this time. Those blue eyes settle on me, and now that I have her full attention, I say more gently, “Is it difficult for you every time?”
“Um…” Her gaze skates away from me again, but I grip her chin harder to remind her to keep it trained on me.
“When I said I wanted to see you, I didn’t just mean your body. I want to see your brain, too. All of it. The good, the bad, and the in-between. So, tell me, beautiful. Is there anything that works?”
Scarlett eyebrows raise and her eyes widen, then she nods.
“Show me, then,” I command, letting go of her chin.
She blinks rapidly. “You want me to…”
“I want to watch,” I say, leaning back on my heels. “I want to learn so I can memorize the way you touch yourself, so I can touch you the way you like.”
There’s a slight pause—just a small one—before a look of determination crosses her gorgeous features. “Okay,” she agrees as she undoes the zipper of her jeans and slides them off. Next, her panties hit the ground. Reaching around her back, she makes quick work of the hook of bra, and that joins the rest of her clothes.
And then, she reclines back onto the pillows at the head of her bed, her skin glowing in the dull light of the room. Her dark nipples are peaked, and she bites her lip as she takes one between her fingers and rolls it. The fingers of her other hand glide between her legs, dipping inside of her. They come out glistening, and she uses the longest one to rub against her clit. Her eyes lock on mine, and she flashes me a coy smile.
Returning her grin, I palm my erection through my pants. The pressure isn’t nearly enough for any relief, but I can’t help it. I have to do something. “You like it when I watch you, don’t you?”
“Looks like you like it just as much,” she quips before pinching her nipple harder. She moans deliciously as she inserts one finger, then another inside of herself again. Her chest heaves as she works, increasing her pace. Little beads of sweat glistening above her breasts.
“Fuck, Scarlett,” I grind out, rubbing myself uselessly as I watch her. “You are so gorgeous like this, working yourself into a needy mess for me.”
Her eyes roll back in my direction, but they’re hooded now. “I am a mess.” She removes her fingers from inside herself to circle her clit again.
“A beautiful mess,” I say on a moan.
She licks her lips and drags her gaze all over me, little bumps rising in its wake. “It might help if I could see you. If you…” As if she’s lost the ability to talk, she trails off and tips her head back, her breaths coming even faster now. “Clothes off,” she demands.
I practically leap off the bed and shimmy out of my pants and boxers. My cock springs free, and I groan as I circle it with my palm, pumping in time with the work of her fingers.
“Can I taste you?” she whimpers. “Please?”
I grow impossibly harder at the thought of her tongue on me, but I shake my head. “I’m supposed to be watching you and learning.”
Raising an eyebrow in challenge, she smiles, then gasps as she pinches her peaked nipple again. “You can still watch.”
How could I ever say no to this woman? I don’t want to, that’s for sure, so I step closer to the bed as she turns her head toward me.
“Open,” I tell her, and she does. Gripping the base, I feed her the tip. Her hot, wet tongue works over me, and my knees almost give way.
“Fuck.” I breathe out. “Is this what you like? Your mouth around me while you fuck your fingers?”
She nods, moaning around me. Her hips start to move, writhing erratically as her fingers go deeper. The hand that was playing with her breasts snakes down to circle her clit now, and it doesn’t take long before her little sounds of pleasure grow louder. I step back, and she releases me with a pop as her skin flushes a stunning pink and her body shakes with the force of her orgasm.
I missed this—watching her come apart for me.
“Do you want to come on me?” she asks as she comes down from her high, those blue eyes lazily making their way up to meet mine again.
“No,” I say. “I’d rather be inside you, Scarlett.”
She bites her lip and nods, a fire behind her blue eyes. “Do you have a condom?”
I lean over to take my wallet out of my back pocket. Sending a little gratitude up that I took the lesson about always having a condom just in case, I pull it out and toss it onto the bed. It lands next to her head, and the doubt vanishes as she lets out a little giggle.
The foil wrapping of the condom crinkles as I tear it open and cast it aside. Scarlett takes it and scrambles to her knees so she can roll it over me. Unable to keep my hands off of her while she strokes me sensually, I tangle my fingers into her hair and pull.
“Oh god,” she moans, her hand working me between us.
“See? I’m a fast learner.” I cup one of her breasts, gently at first, then pinch just like she did. “You like this.”
“I do. I need—” She gasps as I pull her hair again. “I need to feel things everywhere.”
Cupping my hand between her legs, I slide a finger inside her wet heat. “Like here?”
“Mm-hmm.” Her eyes close as she rests her head on my shoulder.
“Here?” I drag my finger closer to me until it touches her clit. Still sensitive, she cries out.
Teasing her with small, little circles, I kiss down her jaw and over her breasts. When I pull her nipple into my mouth, she makes a sound that could only be described as pure desire.
“I’m yours,” she promises. “I always have been.”
You always will be , I want to remind her, but I stop myself before I say it aloud.
She lies back on the bed again, and I hover over her. We both take a moment to drink in the sight of each other, naked with our desire visibly written on our bodies. Mine, an aching and pulsing hardness. Hers, a slick wetness that coats me as I drag my cock through her heat. Her hand skates up and over my chest. It lands on top of my still-pounding heart.
I’m going to combust if I’m not inside her for one second longer. I rest my forearm next to her head, my hand nestled in the silky strands of her hair, as I guide myself to her entrance. In one desperate thrust, I’m inside her. She lets out a sound that’s somewhere between a whimper and a sigh of relief.
I stop, trying to read her expression. “Are you okay, beautiful?” I ask, stroking her hair and kissing her jaw.
“Yes.” She nods emphatically. “Yes. I forgot, is all. It’s you.”
“It’s me,” I reassure her as I press inside another inch. “This okay?”
“Mm-hmm.” Her blue eyes meet mine, clear desire burning in them. “More.” Her legs fall open even further, giving me the access I need. Unable to resist, I shift again so I’m fully seated inside her. The moan that falls from my lips is positively indecent.
Leaning back, I shift so I’m sitting on my knees. I cup under Scarlett’s legs and bring her closer to me. She arches her back, giving me a perfect view of her breasts.
“Open your legs wider, beautiful,” I coax her. “That’s it. Perfect.”
I touch her where we’re joined, coating my finger in her wetness, then use that finger to circle her exactly the way she did.
“Yes. Oh my god, yes,” she says as she rocks her hips back and forth.
“You’re taking me so well, Scarlett.” I tell her as I thrust inside her. “You are so beautiful like this.” Another thrust. “So perfect.” Another. With each movement, she writhes beneath me, and her walls start to clench around my cock.
“I need more,” she says. “Harder.”
Before she knows what’s happening, I pull out, stand at the edge of the bed, and grab her ankles to drag her toward me. In one movement, I’m back inside her, deeper this time, using the added leverage to go harder like she asked.
“You can give me one more, Scarlett,” I encourage her as I put more pressure on her clit. “I know you can.”
“Mm-hmm,” she moans again, biting her lip. “Almost.”
“Come apart for me,” I demand as I pump myself in and out of her. After a few more thrusts, she does, her powerful orgasm pulling me right over the edge with her.
We hold each other, sweaty and intertwined, until our breathing returns to normal. I pull out of her and go to dispose of the condom. When I get back to the bedroom, her lips stretch into a brilliant smile.
“Should we see if my oven works?” she teases. “I’m starving.”
“We worked up quite an appetite,” I agree.
She giggles as she scrambles off the bed to put on her underwear and an oversized shirt. She rummages around in a drawer and tosses me a rumpled T-shirt. When I unroll it, I realize it’s one of mine.
“You kept this?” I ask, my voice strangled with sudden emotion.
Scarlett bites her lip. “You got a tattoo. I kept a shirt.” She shrugs, but I can tell from the jerkiness of the movement that her emotion matches mine underneath her words.
“Mine’s more permanent, I guess.” I mimic her lighthearted tone as best I can.
Laughing softly, she nods. “You win.”
She passes by me and into the kitchen to rummage through cabinets for baking sheets and plates. We warm the food and spread out a blanket on the ground, enjoying a tapas picnic in her living room in our underwear.
In between kisses and shared bites of food, I can’t help but think she’s right. I’ve been able to work on a book that has woken me all the way up, and Scarlett is back in my life in the way I’ve always wanted her to be.
I have won.