Chapter 26
twenty-six
I stepped into the house in Daly City, ready for a day of rehearsal. As I took in the instruments on stands, mics, power chords, and amps sitting on speaker cabinets, my mind filled with memories of The Fillmore gig. It felt like it wasn’t only two weeks ago, but here we were. I sighed. Micah wouldn’t be home until late tonight again, so I might as well stay here through dinner.
I ambled through the middle of the room and lifted my gaze, catching Jeff, Dilan, Wells, and Justin all watching me from the kitchen table.
I waved at them. “Hey.”
Jeff pursed his lips, and the rest of them dropped their gazes to the table. Wells drew circles on it with his finger.
Something was up. I approached them and stopped, not liking the look on Wells’ face. “Okay, what’s going on?”
Jeff stood from the wooden dining chair. “I have good news and probably bad news.”
My heart pricked. “Tell me the bad news first.”
“I can’t without telling you the good news.” Jeff tried to smile. “The songs on the EP are going crazy, climbing up the charts. The views on YouTube for Not Alone are already at seven hundred thousand.”
A wide smile spread across my face. “That’s great news.” But why wasn’t everyone happy? I focused on Wells.
Wells furrowed his brows and stood, making the chair scratch across the floor. “Ash, we have to leave in a week.”
“We what? Why?” With my pulse jolting, I gaped from Wells to Jeff, then to Justin, and finally to Dilan. Why wouldn’t they look at me?
“The label wants to put you all on the road as soon as possible. They’re moving the release date up and want you guys out promoting as much as you can before the tour dates. They have a few interviews and shows set up, Saturday Night Live, the late shows, that sort of thing. We leave for New York this Saturday.”
I widened my eyes, lifting my hands to fist in my hair. “Are you shitting me? Oh, my God.” I walked in a circle, my stomach fluttering.
Wells jogged to me with a smile on his face. “It’s happening, Ash.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and embraced me.
My vision clouded, and I hugged Wells around the waist, burying my face in his neck. This was almost too good to be true. “I can’t believe it.” I sniffed.
Fuck. I was leaving in six days. “Oh, shit.” An ache threaded through my chest, winding around my heart. As my eyes stung, I tightened my hold on Wells. In a broken voice, I said, “I have to leave Micah.”
“I know.” He placed a hand on the back of my head and shushed me, swaying me in his arms.
My breath hitched. In a soft voice, I said, “Fuck, it hurts.” I sniffled.
“I know.” As he continued the embrace, he said, “It won’t be forever. We’ll be back. Micah still has to find me a place out here.”
I lifted my head, gazing at him through wetness. “You’re still seeing Noah, right?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I really like that cute bastard.” He pressed his forehead on mine. “Maybe Micah can come meet us in New York and bring Noah with him.”
I sniffled again, taking a deep breath. “No, Micah’s got another deadline, and he’s working a lot.” I released him and ambled to Jeff. “How long will we be gone?”
“About six weeks. Then I worked it out, so you’ll be touring for a month, then have two to three weeks off.” Jeff shifted his weight, eyeing me.
“Okay.” Maybe it didn’t sound too bad. I could try to work with that. Maybe I could get Micah to come out on the road sometimes. I stared out the windows in the dining area, at the hills dotted with houses and the clear blue sky, willing the ache in my chest to lessen. “Let’s get to work.” I pulled my phone out of my front pocket and opened the screen.
Ash
Can you be home early tonight? We need to talk.
The phone chimed.
Micah
Sure. How about 6:00?
I texted back.
Ash
That works.
* * *
Later that night, I opened the door to the condominium, stepped inside, and shut it behind me. As I released a long breath, I strolled into the main room and dropped onto the couch. I clutched the t-shirt over my chest. The pain had to stop at some point, right? But, God, I was tired. I slid the phone out of my front pocket and checked the time, 6:10 p.m. Micah was late. I wanted to get this over with.
I stood and stepped toward the large windows overlooking the patio and beyond. The waves rolled to shore below the bluffs in the clear evening light. Now that summer was over, the fog was gone. How cold would it be in New York next week? How many miles was it from Pacifica to New York? Better to not think about it.
The door opened, and Micah came inside, then shut it behind him and approached me. “Hey.” A shy smile, the one I loved so much, swept over his face. As he came to me, he draped his arms around my shoulders. “Missed you.”
I snuggled my face into his neck and hooked my arms around his waist, drawing him close. Tonight, I could still be with him and hold him like this.
“What did you need to talk to me about?” He kissed my head.
The ache pounced on my heart. My breath hitched, and my eyes prickled. With my voice breaking, I said, “I’m leaving on Saturday.”
He took a sharp inhale. “What?”
All the hard work...Why now? I lifted my head and gazed into his wide eyes. “It’s sort of good news, actually.” I blinked, and a hot tear tumbled down my cheek.
“If it’s such good news, why are you crying?” His gaze darted over my face.
“Your song, Not Alone , is taking off, and the label wants us on the road early. We leave for New York on Saturday to start promoting. The album is getting released early, too.” I attempted to smile, but failed.
He blinked, then his eyes widened more. “S-so, that’s good though, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, that’s the good part. The bad part is, touring basically starts on Saturday. I’ll be gone for six weeks this first time out, then a month at a time, then home for two or three weeks, then back at it.” I cocked my head. “You understand what I’m saying?” I sniffled.
“You’re leaving.” His eyes shimmered in the low light of the room. “At least you’ll be home after six weeks.” Clenching his jaw, his hands fisted into my t-shirt.
How will I ever get through it? I’d never had to face this before. I certainly never loved anyone like this. Why did it have to hurt so much? I’m going to be that heartsick guy on tour... I blinked, and another tear fell down my cheek. “It’s going to feel like forever.” I buried my face in his neck. “Come with me, or just meet up with me, please.”
“I can’t, Ash. You know that.” He held me tighter.
“Then take some days off before I leave and let’s go on a date to San Francisco again. Let’s surf and hike. Let’s go to a club together.” A soft sob erupted from my throat. I wasn’t above begging. “Please, Micah.”
He kissed my cheek. “I’m so sorry, Ash. We have to meet this next sprint goal.”
“Call in sick. You can do that, right?” Didn’t people do that all the time? I lifted my head, my gaze searching his face.
With his face scrunching, he said, “I can’t do that.”
Heat flared inside me. “But you can. You won’t.” Didn’t he understand? This was important. For the next year or more, I’d hardly be home. I clenched my teeth, willing the ache in my heart to lessen.
He breathed deeply and freed me. As he turned and stepped away, he placed his fingers on his forehead. “It’s not that easy. I’ve already taken almost three months off. I need to prove to everyone that I’m stable now.” He twisted around, his gaze catching mine. “This is important to me.”
“More important than spending time with me before I leave?” I scowled. “Even Noah is taking a day off, so he can be with Wells.” I grit my teeth. I was heading down a dangerous path, but fuck if I could help it. “Why don’t you want to spend time with me?”
“Ash, that’s not fair.” He strode to me and grabbed my hands. “You know I want to be with you.”
“No, I don’t.” I yanked my hands away and stomped to the other side of the room, past the stone fireplace. I was being childish, but so what? He should take a day off. I looked around the room. He had to give in on this.
“God damn it, Ash.” His raised voice rang out in the room. “I can’t. Don’t make me feel like an asshole!”
Holy shit. I swiveled and stared at him, my mouth hanging open.
He hung his head. “I’m sorry. I’m under a lot of stress right now.” He covered his face with his hands. In a ragged voice, he said, “Believe me, I want to be with you. I want to go with you and watch you play. I want to see it all. But I can’t.”
The last thing I wanted was to hurt him right before I left. I walked to him and wrapped him up in my arms. “I love you. Let’s just see each other as much as we can this week, okay? Maybe try not to work so late. I’m sorry.” What was I thinking, pushing him like that? What an idiot.
He relaxed in my arms. “I love you, too. I’ll do my best. You being on tour might be the hardest time of my life.” He released a ragged exhale. “Besides, well, you know.”
“The guys want to get together for one last bonfire on the beach Friday night. Can you be home early?” I brushed my hand down the back of his dark hair.
He sniffled. “Sure.” Lifting his head, he offered me a faint grin. “What time do you leave on Saturday?”
“Not until the afternoon,” I said.
He nodded against my neck. “I’m going to go to the airport with you, and I’m not leaving your side until the fucking security people drag me away.”
* * *
Friday night, I sat on a towel in the sand and pulled my hooded sweatshirt tightly around me, looking at the sun setting over the waves. I was so tired of fighting off the urge to break down all week. But we were leaving for New York tomorrow, so it would be over soon. I glanced at Wells.
He stared at the wood for the fire with his arm draped around Noah. Noah’s head lay on his shoulder.
He didn’t seem to be his normal, happy self, either. Maybe he could fall in love. I let a faint grin curl my lips.
“Why did Justin and Dilan go to LA?” Micah lit a fire starter under a teepee of logs, then crept back to snuggle into my side.
“Turns out, they had a place to look at down there and Jeff has them doing some promotional stuff and finalizing things with the label. Too bad they couldn’t make it for our last bonfire.” I took a sip of beer from a can, then dropped it down. I was tired again. None of this seemed real. I sighed.
“There will be others.” Micah opened a pizza box. “Anyone ready for a slice of pizza?”
Noah lifted his head. “Yeah, hand one over here.”
After grabbing a slice and a napkin, he handed it to Noah.
Wells watched Noah’s every move, then took a big swallow of beer.
“Hey Wells, what’s up with you?” I hooked an arm around Micah, drawing him close.
Wells pinched his lips and nodded his head at Noah. “What do you think?”
I had a chance to tease Wells, and I’d take it. A smirk crept over my face. “Hey, Noah, I think you got my friend Wells here all lovesick.”
“Shut up, Ash.” Wells scoffed.
A wide smile erupted on Noah’s face. “You think?” He snuggled into Wells’ side and took a bite of pizza, then kissed Wells on the cheek.
He beamed at Noah. “Maybe I will have a slice of pizza now.”
Scooting the box at him, Micah said, “Here.” He took a bite of his own slice, then focused on me. “Aren’t you hungry yet?”
“No.” I winced. I’d barely eaten all week. I rested my hand on my stomach. In a soft voice, I said, “I just want you close tonight.”
Micah kissed my cheek. “I know. I want the same.” He ate more pizza, then washed it down with beer. “But you should really eat.”
He was right, as usual. “Fine. Just for you, I’ll have a slice of pizza.” I stretched an arm toward the box. “Can you send that over here?”
Wells scooted the pizza box at me.
After opening it, I took out a slice, and ate it. “You happy now?” I raised my brows at Micah.
He shook his head of dark hair. “What are you going to do when I’m not there to take care of you?” He sipped his beer.
“Don’t worry, Micah. I’ll take care of him.” Wells chuckled.
Noah bumped Wells’ side. “Then who’s going to take care of you?”
“I can take care of myself.” He gave Noah a wide grin, then placed a quick kiss on his lips.
“It’s only for a week, anyway.” Noah grinned back at Wells.
“A week?” What the hell was Noah talking about? As I ate more pizza, my attention drew to him.
“Yeah, I’m flying out next week to meet up with you guys.” Noah cocked his head. “Jeff said it was okay. My boss is letting me work from there.”
My focus drew to Micah. “Really.” And why had no one mentioned this to me before? Could Micah work from wherever, too? I ate the last of the pizza slice and poked at Micah. “So?—”
“Don’t, Ash.” Micah stared at the fire.
I huffed. Under my breath, I said, “Fuck.” I should leave before I said something I shouldn’t. Drinking the rest of my beer, I set the can on the sand and stood. “I’m going to take a piss.” I strode through the dry sand toward the bluff. Why couldn’t Micah do what Noah was doing? Had he even tried to talk to his boss about it? Plus, he could do TeleHealth calls with his therapist now, too. My eyes pricked at the corners. As I came to the edge of the bluff, I swallowed the lump climbing up my throat. Maybe Micah was a workaholic. Maybe our whole life together was going to revolve around his damn job.
I stopped, unfastened my jeans, and did my business. This would now be my life, always alone on the road, missing Micah, watching Wells have what I couldn’t. And when I came home, how much would I see Micah? Would there always be a sprint goal, a bug in the damn software? Would I always be fighting to have time with him before I had to leave again?
As I fastened my jeans, the ache in my chest became unbearable. My breath hitched, and I ambled a few steps, then dropped to the sand, sitting on my legs. I buried my face in my hands and breathed through the pain, gritting my teeth.
Warm arms wrapped around my shoulders. Micah’s soft voice shushed me. “Please don’t be upset, Ash.” He held me tight. “I’m sorry.”
I sank into his embrace, letting a few pent-up tears escape. In a ragged voice, I said, “You don’t understand. I need you with me.”
He skimmed his hand down the back of my head. “I want to be with you. I really do.”
“Then why...” It was no use. There was nothing I could say. I hid my face in his neck. “This hurts so much.”
“I know.” He rested his cheek against my head. “I’m doing my best. Believe me.”
I nodded against his neck. The thing is, I didn’t quite believe him. I breathed in a jagged breath. As I sniffled, I raised my head and rubbed my eyes. “I’m okay now.”
Kissing my cheek, he said, “Let’s go back.” He took my hands and helped me stand. “We’ll get through this.” He shook our hands. “When you get home, things will be better. I’ll have more time.”
I stared at the waves crashing to shore. The wind blew the hair from my face. “But will you?”
With a wince, he hung his head. “I’m sorry.” He sucked in a staggered breath. “This isn’t easy for me, either. I hurt just as bad.”
I locked my gaze on his. “Then come with me. Quit your job. We don’t need the money.”
Lifting his head, his dark hair swirled in the wind, his eyes glimmering in the last bits of sunlight. “Don’t ask me to do that.”
It was useless. I released a sharp exhale and clenched my jaw. “Fine. I’m sorry.”
“Let’s not fight on our last night. Please?” He squeezed my hands. “I love you, Ash.”
I threw my arms around him and held him close. “I love you, too. Maybe too much. That’s the problem.” How was I going to get by without this? I buried my face in his shoulder. “Just hold me.”
He tightened his arms around my waist and sniffled.
Staying in his arms for a few minutes, I soothed myself. I had to make our last night better. I released him. “Let’s go back and give Wells some shit.”
A faint smile rested on his face. “Why do you want to do that?”
“Because it always makes me feel better to give him some shit.” I offered a soft chuckle. “There are so many things I can tease him about in front of Noah.” I faked a smile.
“Okay, then let’s go give Wells some shit.” He laughed.
* * *
Later that night, I shut the door to our condo with a kick of my foot, the cooler from the beach in my hands, and set it down on the dark, granite counter in the kitchen, then glanced at Micah, who was flicking on the hallway light, placing the towels into the washing machine tucked into the closet in the hallway.
Stepping from the hallway, he walked toward me. “Just leave it. I’ll clean everything up tomorrow.”
“You sure?” I asked. He would probably take a week to clean it up and wouldn’t keep the place all that clean while I was gone. I shook my head with a faint grin.
He snuck his arms around me from behind, nuzzled his face under my hair, and kissed my neck.
I closed my eyes, setting my hands over his forearms. Tonight was our last night. Stop thinking about it that way. He was here now, and we had tonight.
Twisting me around, he rested a palm on my cheek and gazed into my eyes. “Let’s get undressed and go to bed.”
“Don’t have to ask twice.” I nodded and walked into our bedroom, now filled with his queen-sized bed, gray quilt and sheets, the black dresser and nightstands, the retro chrome lamps. How much was I going to miss this place? My home . As I undressed, the light from the hallway shut off, leaving only the faint glow from the grounds outside the window.
He entered the room, sighed, and undressed, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor.
I glanced at the pile. This place was definitely going to be a mess when I left. I slid the closet doors open, threw my discarded clothes into the laundry bin on the floor, and came back to the bed.
Holding the covers open for me, he said, “Get in here.” A gentle smile played on his lips.
I slid in next to him, turned on my side, and rested my head on his shoulder, my mind replaying the evening. “Wells seems thrilled with Noah.”
He tightened his arm around my shoulders. “I didn’t know Noah was going out there. He said nothing to me about it.”
“Yeah, it’s okay.” I caressed his chest and nuzzled into his neck. I didn’t want to talk about that again. “No more talking.” I shifted to lie over him, placing soft kisses on his neck, then down to his chest, flicking at his nipple with my tongue.
He let out a moan and squirmed under me. “Lower.”
With a coy grin, I licked my way down his stomach, placing soft bites and harsh kisses on his hip and groin. His hard cock brushed against my cheek, and I licked up the shaft, then dove into the space between it and his inner thigh, kissing and sucking the sensitive skin.
He whimpered and rocked his hips. “Quit teasing me.” He fisted my long hair, urging me toward his dick.
Licking his balls, I swirled my tongue over it. Tonight, I’d make it last because tonight was the last time... Fuck. Tonight, he was mine.
His breath quickened as he released low groans.
I brought my mouth over his solid cock, licking, then swirling around the head, tasting him little by little.
With closed eyes, another whimper escaped him. He ran his tongue in a circle around his lips.
I watched his reaction. Lust shivered through my body. I needed him now. I climbed up to lie over him and placed long, passionate kisses on his mouth, parting his lips and penetrating him with my tongue. My hard cock glided over his groin, rubbing against his shaft. As pleasure shuddered through me, I released a low moan.
He kneaded my back and grabbed at my ass, pressing our hips closer together and driving the rhythm faster. “I want you inside me.” He licked his lips, writhing under me.
While continuing my sensual, long kisses on his mouth and down his neck, I snuck a hand between us to fondle his sac and tease his hole, then slipped my fingers inside to stretch him. Another shudder rolled over my body. It wouldn’t be long.
He let out a sharp groan. “I’m getting close.”
Lifting off him, I reached into the nightstand and pulled out a condom and lube. We’d never had time for the testing we’d talking about… After sitting up over him, I rolled the condom on my dick. As I squeezed the lube on my fingers, he stopped me. Meeting his gaze, I said, “What?”
With one side of his mouth lifted, he said, “Let me do that.”
Having him do it would be so much better. I squirted the lube on his fingers.
His hand wrapped around my hard cock and pumped slowly, squeezing at the tip.
Pleasure pulsed through my body, and I released a sharp groan. “Damn, Micah.”
“Get down here.” He bit the side of his lower lip.
I came down over his legs, parted and drawn up, pressing my solid dick against his hole, propping my elbows on either side of his head. I gazed deeply into his large, brown eyes, the porcelain skin of his face surrounded by dark hair. “You’re so gorgeous.” I brushed the back of my hand against his cheek.
He moved toward my caress. “You’re my sexy rock star.” A faint grin ghosted over his lips. “Make love to me, Ash.”
I rocked his hips, sliding my slick cock slowly into his hole.
He shut his eyes and sunk his teeth into his lower lip, rocking his hips in time with mine.
As heat and friction shivered through me, I moaned. I dropped over him and held him, pulling out and driving back in, each time sending pulses of sensation tingling through my body.
He clung to my shoulders and found the hoop earring in my earlobe, toying with it with his tongue, moaning with each thrust of my hips.
My peak threatened more with each flick of his tongue. “You know how to drive me crazy.”
He let a chuckle rumble from his throat. “Good.” He continued flicking my earring.
As my swollen cock grew more sensitive, I thrust in and out of him. My breath hitched and my body trembled. I skimmed a hand down between us and grasped his stiff shaft, pumping in time with his driving hips.
He cried out, his body shuddering and hot cum spurting over my fingers and painting our stomachs.
My climax fell over the edge and I moaned against his shoulder with each pulse of pleasure. As it calmed, I lay panting on his chest, then licked his cum from my fingers. The taste of bitter and sweet matched the feeling in my heart. This was it. The last time. My eyes tingled. Fuck. I clenched my jaw and pulled out of him. Rolling over, I jumped out of bed, then discarded the condom, wet a washcloth, and came back to clean him.
He gazed at me and sniffled, then laid his forearm across his eyes.
I peeked at his face. What was he doing? “Micah? Are you okay?”
He shook his head under his arm. “I’m going to fucking miss the shit out of you.” A sob erupted from his throat. “Damn it.” He held his breath.
“Fuck.” I threw the washcloth on the floor and lay down next to him, wrapping myself around him. As my heart squeezed, I shushed him.
He entwined himself in me and held me tightly. “I’ve been trying not to do this all night.”
The ache in my chest became stronger. As wetness freed from my eyes, I nodded. “Me, too.” I held him for a few minutes until we both quieted.
He sniffled and released me. “There’s something we need to talk about.” He wiped his eyes.
Laying my head over his chest, I asked, “What?” I drew circles around his nipple with my finger.
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but how are you going to handle the after parties and people flirting with you backstage?” He sniffled again.
I let a sly smile spread over my lips. “If I remember right, someone told me I couldn’t be a slut anymore.” I lifted my head to peer into his dark eyes. Did that help?
“Okay, but what if some really hot guy hits on you?” He glared at the wall.
“I have a really hot guy. What do I need another one for?” The last thing I wanted was for him to worry about this. I pressed a tender kiss on his lips and tapped the end of his nose. “I’m going to talk about you so much. Everyone will know I’m taken.” I rolled onto my back. “Besides, without you there, I’ll be so mopey no one will want anything to do with me.”
He shifted to his side and laid his head on my chest. “You better be.”
I held him tightly. “I love you, Micah. You don’t have to worry about me. Ever.”
“You know I love you.” He snuggled his face against my chest. “We better try to get some sleep.”
“I’ll try. I might have to wake you up for more sex, though.” With a grin, I closed my eyes. We would definitely have more sex.