4. CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER THREE
SASHA
A ll hell broke loose on deck. A fight escalated between two guests who apparently knew one another since they were in diapers. I managed to get all the gossip from Nick during our afternoon break.
“The guy banged the other guy's wife a few nights back when the wife had a fight with her hubby,” Nick explained. “The hubby found out and beat the crap out of him.”
The last few times this sort of shit happened, we’ve had to kick the troublemakers off at the next port. They’ve had to find their own way home rather than making the round trip back to where they initially docked. We’ve even had to put them on a no sail list which meant they’d never be able to cruise with us ever again, and sometimes that even extended to other liners depending on the severity of the issue.
“Are we kicking them out?” I asked.
“Only the guy who slept with the wife,” he responded. “We were a bit more lenient to the husband as any one of us would have done the same.”
Nick was so gentle, I couldn’t imagine him as the type who would start a fight or end up in one. Ever since I’d known him I thought of him as being passive and someone who didn’t like confrontation. I guess I was wrong about him.
“We’ll be reaching Pier Maua soon.” Nick glanced at his watch and smiled. He looked up at me again. “Then we have a few days to sightsee Brazil.”
It was a destination I hadn’t had the privilege of visiting yet, so I was pretty damn thrilled. I smiled with him and my body warmed up at knowing I could cross another country off my list. Another part of my dream was coming true.
Nick had been there a few times before so he was going to act as my tour guide. He knew all the best places to eat and the best attractions to see. I was most excited about Copacabana Beach and getting to visit Christ the Redeemer Statue. Nick also said the club scene was crazy good and, even though I have danced my ass off on this cruise, partying in another country with the locals sounded like a perfect night out.
Once we finally reached the pier, the captain gave a brief speech about safety in Brazil as well as travel tips and departure time. He reminded everyone that we wouldn’t wait for latecomers who didn’t board the ship on time.
Nick and I clocked out and were officially on a three-day break. Our sleeping quarters were on board so we would come back after our nights out.
We couldn’t see the Statue from the pier but it was the first stop during our visit. Nick arranged for bus tickets to take us on tour up the mountain where the monumental statue stood proudly. There were escalators we could travel up for ease, but we opted for walking up the stairs. It was a scorching hot day so we made sure to wear our sunglasses and lathered up sunscreen over any exposed skin. I did sweat a lot of the way and some of the cream burned my eyes as it dripped down my forehead. Thankfully, Nick had some tissues to help me out and I was able to see the breathtaking view from the top with no issues.
“Feels like I’m on top of the world.” I inhaled to steady my breath as I gazed around the uninterrupted 360-degree view of Rio. Tears stung my eyes again but it wasn’t from the sunscreen. No matter what I had done since I left Breckenridge that day, I’d never felt more free than I did standing right there, experiencing this place for the first time ever.
The statue looked so small when we first toured on the bus, but now that I was standing beneath it, looking up at the monument, I felt insignificant in comparison. It was humbling and exhilarating at the same time.
Nick must have noticed my shoulders slightly shake as the tears spilled out of my eyes. Something came over me and I couldn’t hold back.
He had no idea what I had been through. No one at my work did. I kept to myself and omitted the heavy and triggering topics of my past. I couldn’t let them see the real me. Sure that was fucked up or whatever but I had a hard time trusting people. Opening up to them was something I just hadn’t learned to do.
People glanced my way with furrowed brows and I could only imagine they were wondering why some girl was crying beneath the statue. I was overwhelmed. My heart raced, my throat closed in, and I tried to keep breathing.
Nick threw his arm around my shoulder. “You alright?” His voice was infused with concern. “I know it’s beautiful here. Makes us think about life, yeah?”
It was something like that.
I was thinking of my past and how farther I wanted to get away from it. The only people I was still fine with having in my life were Reece, Alice, and of course, their kids. I also couldn’t forget sweet Leo and his husband Hudson. To hell with everyone else I used to know.
“It’s just… it’s just so gorgeous,” I croaked, then wiped the snot away with the back of my hand. Real classy of me. I couldn’t tell him the truth no matter how much I trusted Nick. I just couldn’t.
He kissed my temple, sighed, and then looked out at the view in the same direction I was admiring. “I reacted the same way when I came here for the first time too.”
“You cried?”
“Yes,” he replied. “But I wasn’t sad or overwhelmed or anything. It was just a really windy day.”
My head fell and I laughed causing my tears to dry up. A pink tinge clouded my cheeks from embarrassment. I wanted to give Nick an explanation without delving too much into my past.
“I had really strict parents who never let me go anywhere,” I confessed. It wasn’t much but I felt like a little weight had shifted from my shoulders. “I never really got a chance to travel like I am now. It’s freeing.”
Nick smiled with me and exhaled, taking in the spectacular view in front of us. His arm was still heavy around my shoulders. “We’ve got three days here, Sash.” Nick planted another kiss but this time on my cheek. “I’ll show you things you’ve never even dreamed about.”
For a split second, I questioned his motives but then when he dropped his arm to his side I breathed out. Nick was a friend and knew that’s all I wanted from him. He was what I needed after living in the cruel world I used to live in for so long.
It took longer to get to the monument and wait in line than we did looking out at the view. We stayed on that summit for half an hour before making our way to the bus. On our return, the bus took us to Tijuca National Park, and from there, it was a half-hour walk to the first waterfall. According to the information leaflet that was handed to us, there were about thirty waterfalls to visit. There was no way we could visit them all so we decided on the first three before we went back to the cruise liner.
We went into our respective quarters and I quickly showered and got dressed for our first night out.
It was supposed to be just Nick and I. At least I thought it was until he decided to invite Zeke Walker, the thorn in my ass. The odor to my spit. The steam to dog poop - Okay, so maybe he’s not that bad, but for the life of me I didn’t know what Nick saw in him.
Sure, he’s tall and handsome. The facial scruff is sexy and his greenish eyes are the things that stand out the most. I guess I’ve never really had the courage to look into them. Well, until now.
“He didn’t tell you I was coming, did he?” Zeke checked as he sauntered toward me. “That fucker.”
Great, so if I didn’t feel uncomfortable before I sure as felt it now. I somehow took a step back and felt a slight shiver. Tiny hairs lifted on the back of my neck and my stomach turned. “Um, no he didn’t mention anything.”
“He never mentioned anything to me either.”
Well, that’s just perfect.
Nick’s voice carried out from afar, “Wait up you two.” His legs ran him right over in a flash as though we were just going to desert him. There’s no way I’d go anywhere alone with Zeke. “The others are gonna meet us there.”
At least with a whole group of us, it would be less awkward. I wouldn’t have to suffer sitting next to that doofus for an entire night.
“Great. Let’s go.”
Nick hailed us a cab right outside the pier. I sat at the front, of course, while Nick and Zeke hung out back together. It was a seven-minute ride to the nightclub and most of the time I spent trying to dodge looks from Zeke. I could see his head in the reflection of the side mirror but whenever he looked at me and smiled, I quickly snapped my head to look away.
I wanted to have a good night. To hang out with my friend while getting to know Brazil and all the beauty it had to offer. Zeke was not on my cards tonight but since he was here, I knew I had to be careful of the game.
Nick paid the driver cash once we arrived and we exited and waited at the end of the club line. Only a few minutes later, our other three colleagues arrived and somehow managed to squeeze through the couple of people who were behind us. They gave us some filthy looks but backed off when they noticed Zeke.
It was January and, of course, the middle of Summer here, so the temperatures had soared to a hundred and four degrees. For this night out, I had settled on a pink tropical print dress with lace cup detail that reached just under my thighs and wore clear heels to match. Since the humidity was at a high I hoped to god that my sweat wouldn’t seep through the material.
Back when my father was around, I wouldn’t be so bold as to wear something so daring that would show what he would say was a disrespectful amount of skin. Since I didn’t have to worry about that, I was comfortable that my breasts were heaving out of their cups like little round mountains. It was flattering when some of the appreciative looks were shot my way.
Nick couldn’t keep his eyes off me though and neither could Zeke. Both were unnerving for different reasons of course.
As the night progressed we managed to get inside the club. The tunes that played were pop with a Brazilian twist. I wasn’t a very good dancer but the dance floor was magnetic to my heels and tried to pull me in. The six of us figured we’d have some shots before letting our bodies groove to the mesmerizing music.
The club was vibrant and colorful. Everything looked new. Green, purple, and pink strobe lights brightened the entire dance floor, swiping across the sea of people whose bodies were writhing in time to the beats. The bar itself was a neon rainbow at the far end of the establishment.
“I’ve booked a private booth,” Nick said. We figured he knew where he was going so the five of us followed him through.
I sat down next to Nick on his left and Zeke plonked his ass right next to me. Jeremy, Olive, and Kate got comfortable on the other couch.
Jeremy was the new head chef at the seafood restaurant on the cruise ship while Olive was his sous chef. Kate worked as a waitress and alternated between a few of the eateries.
“I’m gonna need a few drinks in me before I tackle that dance floor,” Kate said in her British accent. When we first met I thought she was Australian but she’d been quick to correct me.
Jeremy nodded in agreement. “I’m gonna need a lot more than a few.”
I wasn’t a heavy drinker, so I probably only needed one or two before I lost control of my bodily functions. My parents didn’t like me drinking, especially my father. I would sneak some of my mom’s wine when I was younger but then I got sick one night and got turned off. It wasn’t fun.
Nick ordered shots I’d never heard of before, called the Pickleback shot. It’s done in two stages and the first shot you drink is the Jameson Irish Whiskey and then you follow it through with pickle juice. Now I was a huge fan of salty stuff and pickles were one of my favorites, but I was still a little apprehensive to try this combination.
Jeremy handed me two of the shot glasses. One looked quite auburn while the other was a shade lighter like lemon juice. I took the drink to my nose and inhaled a floral scent which was sprinkled with spicy and sweet notes. I’d had whiskey before but not this brand.
“Cheers.” Nick raised the first glass. The six of us tossed our necks back, then chased it with the pickle juice which was sharp due to garlic and dill. The combination of the two was surprisingly satisfying even though my face contorted uncomfortably.
Twelve glasses were slammed on the table at the same time. I sat back and laughed as I watched the others mirror my sour facial expressions.
“That’s fucking amazing.” Zeke sat back and I had to agree.
“Are you guys having a break after this run?” Kate questioned the team.
“I’ve put in leave for one month,” I answered. I had actually planned to take some time off, so I could visit my friends and their new bubba. I couldn’t wait to see Reece and Alice. After we escaped, Reece changed his name to Miles Lucky but reverted to his old self once he felt it was safe. “Gonna do a bit of traveling and visit my friends back home.”
However, I didn’t have a permanent home just yet. After I moved from my safe house, I went straight on the cruise ship and have been here ever since.
Zeke adjusted himself into a better position. He leaned forward and rested his arms across his thighs. “For a whole month?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “It’s going to be incredible.”
It had been a while since I set foot back in America. Even though the memories of certain places were tarnished, it was a big enough country that I didn’t have to go anywhere near Breckenridge.
Nick slumped his shoulders and pressed his brows together. “What am I going to do without you for an entire month?”
Probably meet a nice girl, go on some dates, have fun... Nick and I have been hanging out so much that I feel like he was missing out on the opportunity to have a proper relationship with someone.
“You’ll survive,” I replied then tapped him on his knee. “You’ve got Zeke to keep you warm.”
Blush crept up my neck and over my cheeks. I didn’t mean for it to come out as dirty as it sounded.
Kill me now.
Nick playfully puckered his lips at Zeke and made a few kissing sounds. “Did you hear that, bro? You’re going to keep me warm.”
Zeke’s dimples appeared when he mimicked kissing him back and I covered my mouth when I tried to hide my amusement.
The waiter came by and took our second order returning with another lot of shots; this time it was straight-up tequila.
I didn’t want to overdo it so I decided to only kick one back. The music seemed to have gotten louder because I couldn’t hear what anyone was saying. It was either that or the two drinks had already affected me.
“So, you’re single, right, Sasha?” Kate asked just as she slammed her third shot down. “I haven’t noticed you with anyone on the cruise.”
I hated that question. Not because I was single. I had no issues being alone, but every time someone asked me if I was on the dating scene, and they have asked multiple times, I was reminded of the love I used to have. The one I tragically lost.
“Nope.” I shook my head slowly. “Not seeing anyone at the moment.”
“Are you gay?” Olive asked. She’d always been pretty blunt in asking personal questions. She seemed nice enough so I didn’t mind answering this time.
“No, I’m completely straight.”
Air blew past Olive’s lips. “Damn. Was kinda hoping you swung my way.” She winked and grabbed another shot before downing it in one go.
I smiled. “Sorry to disappoint.”
“Nick and Zeke are single,” Kate pointed out. “You should hang out with one of them. Or both. If you’re into that sort of stuff.”
The redness that had disappeared before returned with a vengeance. Fire exploded across my neck, the flames bright as they scorched the path to my face. Perspiration dripped down my hairline toward my cheeks and I had the sudden urge to cringe and hide my face.
“Ha! Yeah, right.” Zeke let out a bellow that I was sure the entire club heard. “Never gonna happen.”
And the fire just got worse. I felt the heat all through my body like I was being incinerated and turned into dust.
Nick just shook his head. “Sasha is a lone wolf.” He sighed out of disappointment. “Maybe one day she’ll entertain the thought.”
“When was the last time you went out on a date?” Olive questioned. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees.
All their watchful eyes were on me. I didn’t know what to say except, “It’s been a while. I’ve just been focusing on my work.”
“What about you, Jeremy?” Kate checked.
“I can’t be tied down.” He nodded with pouted lips and a weak grin. “Except for last night. One of the guests tied me down.”
Fraternizing with the cruise guests was frowned upon and forbidden but that didn’t stop Jeremy one bit. I had a feeling what he was like from the first time I met him. My mouth stays quiet and I just let him be. Sooner or later it’ll bite him on the ass. Or maybe that lady already did.
“What about Zeke and Nick?” Olive raised the question. “Haven’t heard anything about the two of you.”
“Just waiting for the right girl,” Nick laid back and placed his hands behind his head, tucking his fingers together.
“I don’t date.” Zeke took another shot and slammed it back down on the table causing a few other glasses to knock over. “If I want a one-nighter I’ll have it, but like Jeremy, I refuse to be tied down. Unless it’s to a bed.”
Why did I just imagine him naked with cuffs chained to bedposts? Jesus.
“When was your last kiss, Kate?” Jeremy asked.
“With you, two weeks ago,” she replied.
I had no fucking clue the two of them had hooked up. My brows lifted and I smiled when Jeremy’s face turned bright red.
“When was the last time you kissed someone?” Nick turned to me and the group fell silent.
I wasn’t embarrassed that it had been a while, it's just that my heart was still closed off since Baris was killed. The last real kiss I had was with him and I still remembered the way he tasted. The way his fingers felt as they threaded through the curls of my hair and the way he grabbed my hips and drew me to him. I still recall how his breath fanned against my lips right before he consumed me.
I missed him so much.
Even though I was going to marry Reece out of obligation, the two of us never got physical.
I figured I could tell some truth to them whilst omitting other things. “The last guy I was with was three years ago.”
A collective gasp between them echoed in my ears, despite the music behind us. The only one who didn’t open his mouth was Zeke.
“You haven’t had sex in three years?” Kate groaned and sunk further into her seat. “Oh god, that’s a long time.”
I hadn’t had sex or kissed anyone in three years. Sure, it was a long time, but I wasn’t just about to jump into another relationship if I wasn’t ready.
“Yep,” I replied, showing some confidence. I pushed my shoulders and chest out with my head held high. “Three years, and I’m not itching to have sex any time soon.”
Whelp, that was another lie.
“Holy shit.” Nick looked dumbfounded. His eyes dulled through his flat gaze and his body stilled. “I had no clue.”
“Because I never told you.”
“Why so long?” Jeremy asked.
“You’re seriously asking her why she hasn’t had sex in three years?” Zeke shook his head as it lowered to his chest. “You’re disgusting, bro.”
“What?” Jeremy’s shoulders shrugged. “I’m just curious.”
“I did have a boyfriend back then but he was killed.” The words just came out before I could stop them, like a runaway bride trying to flee from her narcissistic groom. “He died in a plane crash so I haven’t dated anyone since.”
Flashback
My father dragged me outside of our home at the crack of dawn and into the back of the dark gray SUV. He got in beside me while one of his guards sat at the front with the driver.
He had spent almost the entire night telling me that Baris and I would be torn apart, that we weren’t supposed to be together. He drilled it in me that I was going to marry Edric, a guy I hardly knew but had remembered meeting before when we were younger. Edric was Reece’s real name before he ran away from his family, and now our parents were forcing us to get married. But I didn’t love him. I didn’t want to be with him at all.
I was exhausted from spending the night awake, crying.
I’d kept my relationship with Baris hidden from my father. My mom knew but agreed to keep it quiet. It wasn’t until he had someone follow me one day that he found out the truth.
Mom paid for it with a broken nose and bruised cheek. I hated that he abused her. As much as I wanted to run away from him, from this life, I couldn’t imagine leaving her with him. She would get the blame for it and he’d kill her just to prove a point.
“Where are you taking me?” I sputtered. The nerve endings in my entire body lit up and caused me to shake uncontrollably.
He didn’t respond. Just sat in the back seat with me while his head faced outside the window.
I could never trust my father. Even as a kid, I found him distant and cold. He wasn’t affectionate to me and I couldn’t remember the last time he hugged or kissed me. Or made me feel safe.
His hate for me had me blaming myself for years. Like I’d done something wrong to piss him off. My father never loved me. That was clear by the way he treated me all this time. Any affection he showed me, which was rare, was only in the company of guests when he wanted to appear like a loving father. Behind closed doors he was anything but.
I said nothing more to him in the car until we turned into a backstreet with a bunch of abandoned warehouses. The places were partly torn down with bricks scattered on the ground. Paint scraped from their walls outside and fences were hanging off their hinges. There was trash scattered everywhere and it looked like a scene from an apocalyptic movie.
The car slowly rolled into one of the buildings that still looked intact. As the sun disappeared when we entered inside, a slither of light filtered through only a few of the stained glass windows. It was dark inside though and I wondered what the hell we were doing here.
When I craned my neck, I noticed another car pull in and park not far from ours. The door opened up slightly until it was pushed the entire way. One of my dad’s guards stepped out and then dragged the staggering body of another man, finally allowing him to rest on his knees. He had a blindfold across his eyes that was tied up at the back. His face was bloodied and bruised and he could barely keep himself up.
My chest felt heavy and sweat lined on my forehead. A blood curdling chill ran up my spine at the thought that this person could be someone I loved, someone like Baris. I felt nauseated and bile threatened to escape from my throat.
My father was a horrible man and I knew he’d done things to people before, but I’d never witnessed it firsthand. I didn’t want to either.
“Why are we here?” I asked, still looking at the man whose hands were tied up behind him as well. My eyes squinted and teared at the same time when I recognized who that person was. “Baris,” I whispered under my breath. The bright tattoo of an angel across his arm was visible. One he said he got because he believed they existed. He had a strong faith that I admired and was one of the things I loved about him. I whipped my head around to my father. “What did you do to him?”
I reached for the car handle to escape but my father’s fingers grasped around my wrist stopping me from moving. He jerked me back. “You will learn to do as I ask. You will not see that boy again and you will marry Edric.”
“Never.” I snapped my hand away and was free from his hold. It gave me an opportunity to open the door and run out of the car. I almost tripped over my feet but was able to reach Baris in time to collapse on the floor in front of him. “Oh, god. You’re hurt! What did they do to you?”
I untied the wrap around his mouth and his lips trembled. “Lunara?” his voice strained. The next thing I removed was the blindfold before I tossed it next to us. “It is you,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
He had nothing to apologize for. “Why are you saying sorry? I’m the one who’s sorry.” My body shook the moment I took his hand in mine. “What the hell happened?”
“Your father,” Baris muttered. “He doesn’t want us seeing each other anymore.”
My dad knew that the reason I’d stop seeing Baris was to protect Baris from him. I knew he was capable of bad things but I never thought he’d be spiteful like this to me. That he would break my entire world just to get what he wanted.
“We can’t see each other anymore,” Baris whispered. “I love you, Lunara, but we just can’t.”
I shook my head but knew he was right. “I love you, Baris.”
Strong hands pulled me up from the ground and dragged me back ten feet from Baris. “No!”
My father appeared in front of me with a knife in his grasp. “This is the only way forward.”
He wouldn’t dare kill him. “Please, dad. Don’t do this.” I begged. I went to lunge forward but two men held me back. It was a defeat trying to escape from their holds.
My father was callous. He walked up to Baris and placed the knife under his neck. Blood dripped down his collarbone when my dad pressed down. Baris winced.
“Please, Dad. I swear I won’t go near Baris, but please don’t do this. I promise. I’ll marry who you want. Just please don’t hurt him.”
I yelled out in vain. My father was focused with precision on Baris. His wicked smile was in place before he turned to me. “You will learn, Lunara. This will teach you a lesson not to defy me.”
Tears blinded me but I could still see through the murkiness. Baris’ eyes watched me. His head tilted up, neck bleeding, but I could see his irises were drawn to me. He mouthed the words I love you.
I screamed the moment my dad’s blade sunk into Baris’ neck. He swept the knife across and a gush of blood came pouring out. “Nooooooooooooooooooo!” My heart felt like it would stop any moment from beating too quickly. My body sagged and I cried, the screams echoing in the large warehouse. We were so far away from anything no one would be able to hear me.
Baris’ body fell forward and a pool of blood surrounded him. Across the warehouse stood Edric and his father, who had a smile similar to my dad’s, right across his lips.
Edric froze, the sudden realization that this could happen to someone he loved too was overwhelming. He had tears in his eyes and trembling lips. Edric bowled over and heaved but our fathers were too focused on Baris to notice.
This time when I attempted to escape and free myself from their hold, the men let me go and I ran straight to Baris. I fell to my knees and cried over his lifeless body before I tried to turn him over. Tears burned into my soul. I flung my hand over his wound to try and stop the bleeding but it was no use. There was no light left in his eyes. Any dreams of us being together, the vacations we spoke about, the family we wanted, all disappeared the moment he took his last breath. The moment my father killed him. The moment I wanted to die too.