25. Ride Along
TWENTY-FIVE
ride along
Brianna places her smooth caramel boots in my open palms as I give her a boost into the saddle. She looks every bit the cowgirl today, with her braided hair and red flannel top, paired with dark washed jeans and a black, quilted down jacket with a fur-trimmed hood ... but one thing’s missing.
“You forgot something,” I say, dropping a cowboy hat onto her head. “Perfect fit. And it matches your boots.”
Brianna flicks the brim of my hat—one I haven’t worn since I was in high school. “We match.” She smiles. Fucking gorgeous.
Yeah, if I look at her too long, we won’t be going on this ride. She’s temptation personified.
“I can’t believe this. It’s been so long since I was on a horse.” Brianna’s light tone expresses all her joy. She squeals—not too loud to bother Bonnie, the horse I prepared for her—before leaning forward to wrap her arms around the mare’s neck. “I think I love this horse,” she whispers. “I love you, Bonnie.”
Now I’m jealous of a horse.
Instead of commenting, I laugh. It’s nervous laughter though. I’m not sure how this day will go, but I’m determined to show her how I feel. If it goes badly, I don’t think I’ll be able to recover .
I mount my own horse, Clyde—because that’s my dad’s sense of humor: Bonnie and Clyde, our outlaw horses—and pull on the reins to turn him toward the gate. I remember to click my tongue, signaling to Clyde it’s time to go.
What used to be second nature now feels foreign. It’s been so long since I’ve been on a horse. I hope my awkwardness doesn’t show too much.
“How long has it been since you last rode?” I ask Brianna to take any focus off me.
“I think I was fourteen. As soon as Logan got his claws on me, all the fun was gone.”
“You don’t find singing fun?”
Brianna contemplates my questions for a moment. Our horses walk side by side as we round the stables, heading out to the pasture.
“It used to be fun. At first, singing was all I wanted to do anyway, so I didn’t notice all the things I was giving up. But once Logan had total control, I was miserable.”
I think I can understand how she felt. Believing I’d be stuck on the ranch my entire life was miserable too. It wasn’t until I had the opportunity to model that I felt like I had options. But little did I know how difficult it would end up being.
At least it led me to Brianna.
“Well, we’re here now. And you’re free again.” I look out at the panoramic view of our pasture as we pass the trees near the stable. “What do you think?” I slow the horses to take it all in.
It’s a breathtaking morning, and as I’d hoped, the slight steam mixed with the glow of the early-morning light is magical. Green and gold blend together in the sunrise like a postcard.
Brianna takes in a deep breath, clearly appreciating the scene before her. “It’s amazing. I wish every morning could be like this.”
She’s so appreciative it makes me feel guilty for taking this view for granted all the years I lived here.
“It is a nice way to wake up now I’m visiting. When ranching was my job, not so much. ”
“Isn’t it funny how the things we love become so despised when we’re forced to do them every day?” Brianna comments as our horses resume their slow gait.
“I wouldn’t say it’s funny. More like depressing.” I laugh a little even as I admit her comment lacks humor.
I watch as she peers all around, absorbing everything in our path. The ranch is tame this close to the house, but the farther away from home we ride, the rockier the terrain and the thicker the growth.
“How far does your property extend?” Brianna seems to scan the horizon.
“It’s a few hours’ ride by horse to make it to the back edge. Same with a jeep because of the terrain.”
“A few hours? Sheesh!” Brianna’s eyes are wide.
It never occurs to me how massive the ranch is anymore.
“Are you ready for a full day on horseback?” I challenge her.
Brianna’s wide eyes turn toward me. “We’re going the entire way?”
I nod.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to walk tomorrow. My bum isn’t used to being abused on a saddle.” Brianna laughs, but I can hear the stress in her voice. That makes my stomach drop, because the last thing I want to do is cause her any stress. This is supposed to be a day for us to enjoy together, away from everyone else. Not for her to worry.
“Listen, if it’s too much, I’ll bring you right back.”
Brianna holds my gaze, her eyes shining with something really close to joy. “Sounds good. Perfect, actually. Let’s go.”
I tip my hat to her then snap the reins to get Clyde moving. Bonnie follows suit, and then the two of us are off in a gallop. I’m relieved at the motion, which is a good outlet for my nerves. Brianna’s beside me—keeping up well, I might add.
“You still have some pretty smooth riding skills,” I call over to her.
“It’s all coming back to me now! But can we go a little faster?”
“Oh, it’s like that, huh?” I snap the reins again and call to Clyde to speed up, which he does. I think I hear Brianna yell, “Yeehaw!” or something like it.
I have a feeling I’m about to see a side of Brianna no one else has seen.
A few hours later, with the sun warming everything around us, our horses have slowed considerably. The galloping race only lasted a few minutes, until neither Brianna nor I could take the impact on our asses any longer. We laughed and pulled back on the horses, slowing to a trot.
Our conversation has been sparse. We’ve mostly just spent our time commenting on the view, the trees, and some of the animals we’ve come across. Deer are most common out back. The cattle are currently on the front edge of the ranch, where the grass is a little sweeter—or so my dad says. But hey, he’s the expert, so I’ve got no argument with that.
We come to our stop: a stream on the western edge of the property. Although this section of the stream is closer to a babbling brook, I’ve always loved it. The mossy edge along the water reaches little clusters of rocks here and there, and a hollowed-out log lies to one side. There are just enough flat patches of grass near the stream to sit and watch the water rush by. In the spring, the stream will swell to nearly overflowing, but right now, it’s flowing enough to create a restful song of splashes as it moves over rocks and navigates the turns.
“Wow.” Brianna dismounts Bonnie and stands next to me, looking over my shoulder.
“Right? I think this is my favorite spot on the ranch. ”
“I wish I’d brought my phone. I need pictures of this place. It could really inspire my music.”
There’s zero reception out on the back edge of our property, so both of us chose to leave our phones at the house. I personally didn’t want any distractions anyway, so it’s a bonus that we’re totally off-grid.
“I can bring you back out here tomorrow. Or I’m sure my mom or Mandy have tons of pictures they can send you.”
Brianna shakes her head. “No, I think I need pictures I’ve taken myself.” She turns to me, grabbing my hand. “Let’s come back tomorrow.” Her eyes sparkle.
“Absolutely.” Another day alone with her? I could never say no to that.
“So, I know you have something planned. That backpack is stuffed, so there must be some secrets inside.” She smirks at me.
“Do you object to surprises?” I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close. Then I lean down, nuzzling her neck, and bury my nose in her hair. I love how it smells, always like strawberries and mangos.
“No,” she answers breathlessly.
“Have I taken your breath away?” When I pull back to look into her eyes, I see the fear in them once again.“You’re scared,” I say, completely shocked to see the look I thought I’d chased away.
Brianna looks up at me, wide-eyed, and shakes her head, clearly surprised that I know how she’s feeling. Then she closes her eyes, cutting me off from view.
“I can see it in your eyes, Bree.” I cup her face in my palm. “From the moment I met you—before that, actually—I’ve always known when you’re afraid.”
Brianna’s eyes open, the fear so strong it feels like a punch to the stomach. Then she looks away, over at the stream. “I am.”
“But we’re completely safe here, Bree. I’m here. We’re fine.” I want to reassure her, not understanding how she could feel so afraid when we’re totally alone .
Maybe she’s afraid of some wild animal attacking us out here, with no way to signal for help. I told her and Char all about needing to protect myself from animals that don’t care about my dreams of the future. Crap. I don’t need her worried about that.
“Hey, nothing’s going to hurt us out here.”
She shakes her head, still not meeting my eye. “I know I’m safe with you. It’s the only time I’m not scared for my life.” Brianna pauses, taking a deep breath. She’s still so nervous I can feel her shaking. Then her eyes lift to mine.“But that’s not why I’m scared now,” she whispers.
The sound of the rushing stream is overpowering, but I still hear her words. My breath catches as I wonder ...
“Why, Bree?” I can hardly form the words. My breath comes shallow as my heart thunders. I think I’m as scared as she is.
With a shaky voice, Brianna locks eyes with me and answers. “Because of how you make me feel.” She takes another breath before continuing. “It scares me, but I don’t know how to stop.”
My fingers tip her chin up to meet mine. The looks we’re giving each other, the way we can hardly speak—everything is being laid out on the table. Our feelings. Our hearts, open to each other. I can’t let her down. I can’t walk away. I can’t stop this.
And I don’t want to.
“I’m scared, too, Bree. But I’ve never been so happy to be afraid.” I lower my lips to touch hers. It’s simple at first. Tender. Just a touch of lips, as our very first kiss was so many weeks ago, before we unleashed the tether. My mind plays over all our kisses since then. Some were deep and longing. Some were light and sweet. Some were heated and needy.
But this one. This kiss. Our souls are connecting with this kiss. Our hearts are wound around each other as our lips speak all the words we haven’t yet said out loud.
This kiss is the answer. This kiss is the truth. This kiss is the beginning.
The words will come later. My heart is pouring itself out with this kiss, and I want Brianna to have every last drop. It’s all for her. And as her hands find their way into my hair, as her body presses up against mine, I know she’s doing the same for me.