Cello Suite No. 3
When Alex had found “Xander,” it was like a new world had opened up to him. Where Alex had been concerned with everyone and everything, Xander was not.
Alex had been prepared, on time, conscientious. Xander knew that the world would wait for him. Because it did.
Alex focused on mistakes. Alex talked too much about topics no one cared about. Alex’s eyes sought out Nathan Andrews’s approval after every take. Alex’s fingers tightened into claws at night, needing the stress of playing all day to be professionally massaged from his body.
Xander Thorne finally believed every single person who’d told him he was the best. He played like he was the best. He moved like he was the best.
Xander was more than a name to Alex. It was more than a persona. Xander was the partner Alex hadn’t known he needed all along. Xander reminded Alex that he didn’t need to impress anyone—that he was impressive. And Alex’s performances had soared after that.
Alex felt Xander slipping away from him at specific moments—any physical contact with his mother, an embarrassing memory Sonya and Hazel recalled to a group on a night out, receiving an email in his inbox from Nathan. He would feel the confidence leach from him, like water swirling down a drain. It always took him a few moments to remember where he was, who he was.
And nothing unsettled him in this way like Gwen Jackson. She was exactly the type of girl Alex would have been head over heels for in school, and that made it even harder for him to maintain control of his body and his mind where she was concerned.
She was helping him by turning him down, truly. It was easier to slip back to Xander when Gwen had told him no thank you. He had been drowning in that singular need to be impressive to her, and she’d shoved him right back to the person who didn’t need her validation.
Xander was the only partner Alex needed. He didn’t need Gwen, he just wanted her. And he reminded himself that that was the difference.