Phoebe
L ying low meant the most exciting part of the day was deciding what colour sweatpants to wear. Today was an old grey pair with some paint stains, which only increased ’s desire to start painting again.
Wandering out into the garden for some fresh air, she found Axel playing fetch with Bart, the ever-energetic Shepherd, who brought her the tennis ball as soon as he saw her. He had only stopped whining outside Cillian’s bedroom door since they had put one of Cillian’s T-shirts in his bed to help cheer him up. He had started eating again and wanted to play. ’s heart warmed to see him getting back to his happy self.
“Lena sent over everything from the studio the other day. I was wondering where my paints are,” said, taking the slobber-covered ball and tossing it across the gardens.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Axel asked as Bart brought the ball back to .
“Good boy!” She rubbed Bart’s ears and threw it for him again. He took off, tail wagging happily. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, but I was wondering if there is a room I can set up my easel in. I was going to ask Nick but he’s out in the studio and I didn’t want to disturb him.”
“You don’t need one,” Axel said, as Bart dropped the ball at his feet. She frowned, wondering why he was acting so dismissive.
“I can use my bedroom, but you’ve got so many free rooms, I didn’t think it’d be a big deal.”
“I didn’t mean you can’t have a room. I meant you already have a space.” Axel grinned as he tossed the ball for Bart, who disappeared into the house with it, not wanting to give the ball up anymore.
“Okay, I’m not following?” crossed her arms over her chest. It was far colder than expected, even for the early spring.
“We were going to save this, but since you’re asking.” Axel started walking down the path to the guest house. There was plenty of space inside, so it made sense they’d store her stuff in there. Then again, the last time she’d been there, she’d pushed him in the freezing pool.
She hesitated at the door. “You’re not going to toss me in the pool, right?”
He chuckled, which didn’t inspire much confidence.
“Tempting, but not this time.” He winked, and she followed him inside.
They had transformed the living space into an art studio. Of course, it still smelt like chlorine, with the pool being in the other room, but she beamed like a child of Christmas morning.
“This is…” She didn’t know what to say. Her easel was set up in the corner by the glass wall overlooking the gardens on one side and the sea on the other. Shelves with her brushes and paints had been installed on the wall behind. They must have done this while she was playing Sleeping Beauty, she realised.
“If you want to change anything around, feel free,” Axel said. “I can help or ask the others, so you don’t hurt your hand.”
“This is perfect.” She couldn’t stop smiling.
Blank canvases of every size sat against a blue suede couch. Her smile slipped when she noticed, above the double sinks with her stained glass jars on the washboard, two paintings hanging on the white-bricked walls.
“That’s two of the paintings from my show.” She struggled to find the words as she stared at the illustrations.
“Since we couldn’t be at your show, we wanted to support you.” Axel shrugged like it was nothing.
To see the walls decorated with her work made her feel like she was back in her studio. They reminded her of what she had achieved and what she could do again in time.
Before she could stop herself, she wrapped her arms around Axel. He stilled, only to relax into her embrace.
“Thank you,” she said, all teary-eyed. His chin settled into her shoulder, and she didn’t want to let him go. “This is the best present I’ve ever received.”
She couldn’t wait to get started; having such a sunlit beautiful spot to work in would make it worth the pain. She would just have to ice her wrist a little longer tomorrow.
“I know you didn’t want to be here, and lying low sounds a bit like house arrest, but I hope having your own space out here, you can feel at home,” Axel said, when she finally released him.
“Thank you again,” stammered as he headed for the door. “It’s perfect.”
“It was a team effort, and with all you’ve done for us—the songs…” He paused. “We wanted to give you a slice of home.”
“Like the pancakes?” she asked, seeing that he had a habit of doing something nice for her and then framing it as a ‘team effort’.
“Have fun,” Axel said, and she swore she saw him blushing as he left.
After hours of sketching out ideas, the sound of ’s pencil hitting the floor was beginning to drive her crazy. She kept on dropping it, her grip strength limited. She gave up on sketching for the day and curled up on the couch and scrolled through her phone to find some inspiration, only to drift off. A hand on her shoulder startled her from her dream.
“Let me go!” hit out before she realised it was Axel, but he pulled her against his chest to prevent her from injuring either of them. The heat of his body radiated into hers as she pushed against his hard chest.
“Are you sure you want me to let you go?” he asked, loosening his grip. She didn’t pull away. Her heartbeat quickened, and she hated how her body betrayed her. She wanted him to touch her, to stay close. Her desire outweighed her guilt, and it felt so good to be wanted, even if she shouldn’t be wanted by him.
As though he could read her mind, his eyes drifted to her lips, as she leaned against him until his lips crashed into hers. All thoughts of resistance evaporated as she tasted his lips. She arched her back, getting closer. His lips broke away from hers, and she sighed as his kisses travelled down her neck. Wrapping her arms around him, she clawed at his muscular shoulders.As he returned to her lips, she met his passionate kisses with her own. Out of breath, their chests rising and falling, his hands settled on her hips, and he pulled her onto his lap. She could feel his desire for her. His hard body tested the last shred of her willpower.
“We need to stop,” she panted, and he rested his forehead against hers.
Both tried to catch their breath. thanked him silently for his momentary restraint. Finding the will to resist, she slipped off him. His eyebrows creased, confused by her sudden withdrawal. She couldn’t face those eyes that transfixed her.
He smiled as her stomach grumbled. She had been so distracted by her sketching, she had forgotten to eat.
“We ordered food, there’s a pizza waiting for you,” he said. “I just came to get you.”
She smiled anxiously, sensing the discomfort the sudden halt in their steamy activities had caused in him. “Pizza sounds perfect.”
She hadn’t realised how late it was until she saw the dark sky. Axel led the way to the house, and she was careful to keep her distance so the others didn’t notice the tension between them. The clock in the kitchen told her it was almost midnight as she chugged a glass of water. August was asleep on the couch in the sitting room with a few empty beers and old episodes of The Simpsons on the TV. Axel grabbed two pizza boxes from the marble island.
“I can carry this up to your room for you,” he offered kindly.
She hesitated. “I’m not tired. Think I’ll stay down here for a while.”
“Nightmares?” he asked, and she wondered how he knew. “When I came in to check on you, you were crying.”
“I can’t even remember what I was dreaming about, thanks to your sudden interruption.” rubbed her eyes, sure she looked like a red-eyed panda.
“If you insist on staying up, come with me.” He stopped at the door to the basement when he noticed she wasn’t following. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to chain you up in the basement.” He smirked. “Unless you ask me to.”
“I’m only following because you have my pizza held hostage.”
She reluctantly followed him down the steps. Curiosity got the better of her; she hadn’t been in his room before. His man cave smelt like him, and it was surprisingly tidy. His drums were in the corner by the bed, and his collection of CDs was impressive. She especially liked the Britney Spears album sitting by ACDC. She wondered if it was organised by preference.
“You can’t have a collection without the Queen of Pop,” he said, taking the album from her hand and placing it back on the shelf.
“You’ve got me here. Now what?” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Now we eat. Sorry it’s cold. We didn’t want to interrupt you out there, but I was worried you’d overdo it the later it got.” He sat on the bed and put down the pizza boxes. “Pepperoni for you, extra cheese and pineapple. Though I strongly believe pineapple has no place on a pizza.”
“More for me then,” she said, picking up a large slice.
Bart brushed against her legs at the side of the bed, staring up at her as he begged for a taste. She peeled off a slice of pepperoni and he happily lapped it up.
“How’d you get on out there?” Axel asked, and she wiped her lips with a napkin.
“Better than expected, but I sketched a little too long and started to lose grip strength. I’ll start again tomorrow,” she said, loving the tangy sweetness of the pineapple.
“It’ll take time to heal.” Axel moved to his desk. His sweats hung low on his hips, and she could just make out the tattoo under his torn band shirt.
watched, amused, as Bart rested his paws on the bed and took the slice Axel left too close to the edge.
“Bart!” Axel grumbled, and the Shepherd happily scurried away up the basement steps. Axel shook his head and sat down beside her.
“Hopefully this helps.” He distracted her with a single-use ice pack. “I use them for my carpal tunnel. Drumming has its own side effects.”
“The things we do for the things we love,” she said, accepting it. “You know, if you keep doing such nice things for me, you’re going to spoil your image.”
“If it means you’ll keep letting me do nice things for you, then fuck the image,” he said, and she forced herself to turn from his gaze. He wasn’t even trying to hide the way he felt about her.
“Where’s Nick?” hoped the ice pack would cool her emotions along with her aching hand.
“Still in the studio. You don’t have to worry, I brought him his food.” Axel fidgeted with his crust, clearly annoyed by her deflection.
“Thank you for looking out for them,” she said. He seemed to be the glue in the group.
“I need them as much as they need me,” he confessed, pulling at her heartstrings.
He put aside the boxes once they finished eating, and she considered going back to her room.
“You can stay, if you want,” he said. “The bathroom is just through there, and there’s water in the drawers beside you.”
She considered it, but she didn’t know if he was expecting more from her than she was ready for.
“Nothing will happen, except you might get a goodnight sleep,” he said, as though reading her mind.
She didn’t want to be alone, but… “And if the others find me sleeping in your bed?” She glanced at the stairs.
“The door has a lock, and you can leave whenever you like,” he said, giving her an extra pillow.
“Just for a little while,” she conceded, and the bed dipped a little as she climbed beneath his blue sheets. He snuggled down beside her, and she burrowed under his arm before she even thought about it. He turned off the light beside him, and she felt his chest rising and falling with ease as she rested a hand on him.
“Can you tell me something?” she asked.
“Like what?” He rested his arm behind his head, and she glanced up to see his eyes closed as though already used to having her in his bed.
“How’d you get into drumming?” She picked at the logo on his T-shirt as she rested her head on his chest.
“Making me the main character of a bedtime story? You’ll inflate my ego.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
He squeezed her tightly, and she squealed.
“Where should I begin?” He sighed. “Once upon a time, there was a boy called Axel, who hated school. He struggled to pay attention in class, and his test scores sucked. He loved art and music and skipped class to smoke in the bathrooms. He had a hard time making friends, and this led the boy to get into some fights. His single mum couldn’t afford therapy, and no other school would take him because of the bad grades and fighting. So, his sisters all chipped in what they could and bought him a drum set for Christmas. Having a place to put all his anger, he stopped fighting. However, his grades still sucked, and he left school at seventeen, before doing his final exams, to work in some dodgy bars and play for whoever would let him.”
The steady sound of his heartbeat and the hum of his voice allowed her to drift. The thought of sleep no longer stirred her anxiety, and she tucked his duvet beneath her chin.
“He moved from gig to gig and lived out of a suitcase with his drumsticks in his back pocket. Then one day, he got to join Brothers of Anarchy, and he found his home. What he didn’t know was that this new home came with a woman who he couldn’t escape. She was everywhere he turned, her smile, her eyes and lavender hair. He always wanted to be around her, but she wouldn’t give him the time of day because her heart belonged to another. He kept his distance, because having her in his life, even if she never knew how much she meant to him, was enough.”
“I like your sisters.” Her words got caught up in a yawn. Half asleep, she struggled to stay awake as he stroked her hair.
“Me too,” was the last she heard of his story before sleep took her.