Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Five
Derek
I’m still not sold about Xander and Manny’s plan. We’re going up there next week to check the place out, but I think this is one of those times where Xander is being impulsive. As much as it would be a dream to build a house there and to move into that house with Xander, I’m also not going to get too excited about the idea.
It’s soon. I know that. For me, these feelings aren’t new though; Xander’s been it for me for at least a year now.
Even though I’m confident that he’s in a similar place to me, I can’t ignore the way the light left his eyes when I reminded him that moving in with me would mean moving away from his brothers. It should have been a given, but I knew he wasn’t thinking that far ahead.
Buying a place with someone is also a huge commitment, and no matter how set I am on being with Xander, I need to be careful there too. I haven’t asked him about his finances, but I’m starting to get the feeling that his getting “lucky” with his art is maybe more than he’s let on. Taking advantage of him and his money isn’t something I’m okay with, so the last thing I want is for him to make this offer for me only to wind up regretting it and then be stuck with his money tied up in a house he never wanted.
Who knew that relationships were so fucking complicated?
“She’s going to kill me,” Xander says as we walk up the path toward his place.
“Who?”
“Aggy.” He sighs. “You’re being ambushed. Seven gave me the heads-up a few minutes ago, but they’re all waiting inside to meet you. Well, officially. You’ve already met them all except Aggy, and considering I promised her that I’d leave you alone and then did the complete opposite, as I said, she’s going to kill me.”
“You don’t seem like the type to be scared of an old lady,” I tease.
Xander throws me a look, all wide eyes and serious. “You haven’t met her yet.”
And now, I’m insanely curious. I remember catching a glimpse of her at the nursing home over a year ago, but since then, every time she’s been there, Xander has done his best to make sure that we avoid her. I’ve played along because we weren’t dating then, but now that I’m back, I made it clear that wouldn’t be happening anymore.
He didn’t believe me.
I guess Aggy felt the same.
We walk into the familiar, homey space, and when we walk down the hall and into the front living room … Xander was right. I think almost everyone is here.
Most of the guys I recognize either from the times I’ve visited or from them bringing Xander into the pharmacy. Madden and his boyfriend. Gabe, who used to live with them and I haven’t seen in a long time. Seven and Molly. Christian, émile, and a woman who looks like the female version of émile.
And Aggy.
Sitting on a lone armchair, cane resting between her feet with her hands planted on top.
“So you’re the nurse.”
Well, fuck.
I point at Xander. “Shouldn’t you be questioning him?”
“My angel boy? Never .”
And when Xander smiles sweetly over at her and Aggy smiles indulgently back, it’s impossible to worry about being yelled at by an old lady.
Everything makes sense. Xander and his brothers. The safety of a home. Then, the one overindulgent adoptive parent figure who lives next door.
Xander has believed he’s not lovable for most of his life.
Yet all these people loved him anyway.
“Before you get started interrogating me, I just want to say that I’ll answer whatever questions you have because”—I gesture to all the guys in the room—“this is your family. You’ve watched over them when no one else would, and that’s fucking incredible to me.”
I’m not sure what she was expecting, but I’ve thrown her. Aggy looks around at the others, then turns her nose up. “Well, it’s not like they gave me much choice.”
“Aww, do you love us, Aggy?” Gabe teases.
“I’m with her,” Female émile says in a light British accent. “You’re a bunch of idiots, but you’re impossible not to love.”
“Except for me,” Madden says. “I’m lovable, but I’m not an idiot. ”
Penn laughs and pats his shoulder. “Sure, Madeline. And it didn’t take us basically our whole lives to get our shit together.”
“At least I get to see all of my boys happy before I die,” Aggy says, rapidly bringing down the mood.
Or that’s what I’m assuming will happen, but I should have given Xander more credit.
“I told you,” he says. “You’re not allowed to die first.”
“You also told me you weren’t going to go after that nurse of yours, and here he is. So I think I’ll be forgiven if I keel over.”
“Gabe knows first aid,” Xander says. “He’ll just revive you.”
“If he does, he’s out of the will.”
Gabe snorts. “I can do resuscitation, not magic. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try though.”
“Why can’t you all let me die in peace?”
“Because you’re not even eighty,” Seven adds. “I’ve still got a good twenty years of annoying you yet.”
“Suddenly, a hole in the ground is sounding a whole lot more appealing.”
“Sorry,” I cut in. “Are you all joking about someone’s actual death?”
“Technically, it’s Aggy joking,” Molly points out. “We’re all joking about her not being allowed to die.”
“Speak for yourself,” Xander huffs. “I wasn’t joking at all.”
They break out into bickering, and I do my best to fade into the background. I’ve seen Xander with his family, but I’ve never seen him like this. There’s a lightness to him that he hasn’t had before, and I really want to hope that I’m at least part of the reason why it’s there.
“This never stops,” a feminine voice says. I turn to the girl with the short blond hair. “I’m Elle. Basically their sister and easily the coolest person in their lives.”
“Derek. ”
“Oh, I know.” Her tone makes it clear I’ve been talked about. A lot. “The handsome nurse. Much swooning over you has been had.”
“Xander’s a dramatic one.”
“Not just Xander, silly. Everyone. Handsome and a softie for our Z?” She presses both hands to her heart. “Perfection. Though I’m happy to have one other vaguely sane person in the house. Between Molly and I, we couldn’t carry it all.”
“Sane, huh?”
“What makes it worse is that my girlfriend’s side is no better. Her brother is a wild one. Perry is staying with me for a while but won’t say why, because he wants me to have plausible deniability, and I don’t think that came out the reassuring way he intended. Love him to death, absolute sweetheart, but a class A disaster.” She nods at the room. “Just like these muppets.” Her voice is full of pride when she says that.
“I’m ready for it all.”
“You say that, and then next minute, you’re on a roof, pants around your ankles, with no clue how you got there. Christian sure has kept my life interesting.”
“You were … what?”
Elle pats my shoulder gently, like what she said is perfectly normal. “Garden parties are the worst, darling. Never let me invite you to one.”
“Noted.”
She hums lightly. “It’s sort of strange to think this is it.”
“What is?”
“Well … Chris and my brother. Seven and Mols. Rush and the Hunter. Gabe moved out before I really knew him. Madden’s just moved in with Penn. Things are changing, and I get the feeling nothing will be quite like this again.”
She’s echoing the thoughts I had about Xander moving out.
“Not all change is bad,” I point out .
“Of course not. Change is growth, which I think is beautiful. But life tends to be segmented up into a whole list of befores and afters. Before you can remember, before you were a teenager, after you became an adult. High school and college. Before you had your license. Before you lost someone you loved. Right now, it feels like one of those dividing moments. Like we had before Bertha, and now after. Soon, there’ll only be Kismet left. Ready to hiss at whoever comes next.”
“You think the others will leave?”
“I think it’s only a matter of time, love. Chris and my brother are hanging in there.”
“Do … you think Xander, Seven, and Molly will move?”
She’s quiet for a moment as she watches them. “Yes. But it hurts my heart to think about it.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re not supposed to be apart.”
I know exactly what she means. I’m hoping things are easier for Seven now that he knows I’ve got Xander’s back too. Now that Seven doesn’t have to support him alone.
But how do you separate two people who have been through so much together?
I know what Xander went through the one time they tried, and while it will be different now, I never want him to have to choose. Xander’s doing so well, and the last thing I want is for him to struggle more than he needs to.
How do I let him leave?
How do I let him walk away from the only family he’s ever had?
A year, two years, ten. It will always be too soon for him.
A headache builds behind one eye as I realize I’m going to have to be the one making the hard choices here.
The squashed-face orange tabby trots into the room and plonks himself right on my feet .
“Hey, boy,” I say, reaching down to scratch him behind the ears.
The whole room goes silent.
“You’re … touching him,” Seven says.
I glance up and find everyone watching me. “Am I not supposed to?”
Kismet lets out a rawr sound and wraps himself through my legs in a figure eight.
Elle reaches down. “Come here, you little demon kitty.”
Kismet’s back fur stands on end, and he hisses, darting behind my legs.
Elle grins at me. “I guess you’re not as sane as I thought you were.”
“What do you mean?”
“Kismet only reluctantly lets Christian touch him when Christian’s in full worrywart mode. He just … showed you affection.” Elle shudders. “Creepy cat.”
“Creepy or misunderstood?” He rubs his head up against my calves.
“Oh, he’s understood all right,” Xander says, crossing his arms. “And he’s about to get his tail chopped off.”
I step away from Kismet before Xander gets stabby. “You’re turning into a little sociopath again.”
“You said you like when I’m jealous.”
“It’s cute, I guess.”
émile and Elle disappear to make everyone coffee, and I finally face up to Aggy’s interrogation. Gladly.
“These things are so odd,” Elle says, walking in, carrying a tray. “There are little eyes on everything. I think your house is possessed.”
“Not possessed,” Xander says. “I did it. They’re my friends.”
“Your … friends?”
He laughs as he takes a mug. It stares at him. And he stares back. Then he plucks one of the eyes off and flicks it at Elle. “It was a game. I’m over it now.”
“I had no idea it was you,” Seven says, not able to keep the worry out of his voice.
“I know. But like I said, I don’t need them anymore.”
I don’t know why he ever did, but the way he says it makes me glad he’s moved on.
With this, at least. I’m scared to change too much.