Chapter Seventeen
Connor couldn’t shake Taylor’s words. They circled through his head on endless repeat - available, unclaimed, the casual assumption that Leyden’s bond meant nothing without the traditional sex acts to seal it.
He sat at his desk three days later, staring at the security reports without actually reading them. Leyden had laughed it off. Dismissed it like it didn’t matter. But it gnawed at Connor, the way Taylor had looked at his mate, the proposition delivered with such confidence.
As if Leyden was still on the market.
His laptop sat open, cursor blinking in the search bar. Connor’s fingers hovered over the keys.
He’d spent years researching his own sexuality, trying to understand why he couldn’t just fuck someone and move on like every other wolf he knew.
The word demisexual had been a revelation when he’d found it at twenty-three, a framework that finally made sense of the disconnect between his body and his brain.
But that was seven years ago. Maybe things had changed. Maybe there were resources now that hadn’t existed before – it’s not like Connor had ever tried to find any information relating to shifters with his way of thinking. He’d always assumed he was the only one.
Connor typed: demisexual shifters.
To his surprise results flooded his screen. Articles, blog posts, forum threads. A lot more than he remembered from his previous searches, and a few of them were shifter specific. He clicked on a forum called Ace Shifters United, and scanned the home page. He’d never seen that site before.
There were hundreds of members and thousands of posts.
His chest loosened slightly.
The pinned thread at the top read: You’re Not Broken - Read This First. Connor clicked it, skimmed the welcome message written by a moderator named GrayWolf.
Welcome to ASU. If you’ve found this forum, you’re probably feeling isolated, confused, maybe you have an idea that you’re some sort of broken.
You’re not. Asexuality and demisexuality exist on a spectrum, and contrary to popular shifter belief, we’re not rare.
We’re just quiet. This is your space to be loud.
Connor scrolled through the replies. Dozens of shifters sharing their stories. Wolves, cats, bears. Alphas, betas, omegas. Every age, every background.
It’s not just me!
He clicked on another thread: Successful Matings - Ace/Demi with Allo Partners.
The first post came from someone called MoonRunner: My mate is allo (allosexual - experiences sexual attraction regularly).
I’m demi. Been mated five years. Here’s what works for us: communication, zero assumptions, respecting boundaries even when they change day to day.
My mate never pressures me. I never feel guilty for my limits. We’re happy.
Connor read reply after reply. Similar themes threaded through every story.
Patience.
Honesty.
Respect.
Things Leyden already gave him.
He found a post from someone called NightHowl: Real talk - my allo mate still experiences desire for other people sometimes.
Not like he’s gonna act on it, but the attraction exists.
I used to feel guilty that I couldn’t be everything he needed sexually.
Therapy helped. So did accepting that desire doesn’t equal action, and my mate CHOSE me knowing exactly who I am.
Connor’s throat tightened. Leyden had chosen him. Turned down Taylor without hesitation, defended their bond even when it meant banishing his own enforcers.
Another thread caught his attention: Understanding Different Types of Attraction.
He clicked it, found a detailed post breaking down attraction into categories: aesthetic, romantic, sensual, sexual.
Aesthetic attraction: appreciating someone’s physical appearance without sexual desire. You think they’re hot, beautiful, handsome, etc.
Rubbing his chin, Connor pictured Leyden’s face - the way morning light caught in his black hair, the sharp line of his jaw. He instantly felt a visceral punch of want when he looked at his mate – Connor had discarded it because it wasn’t sexual, but the feeling was equally powerful.
Okay. Aesthetic attraction fit.
The next item was romantic attraction which was described as someone wanting emotional intimacy, partnership and commitment. The desire to build a life with someone.
Connor thought about falling asleep holding Leyden’s hand, the way they worked together in the office, their easy conversations over breakfast. The bone-deep certainty that Leyden was his person, his partner.
All right then, I’m romantically attracted to Leyden as well.
The third aspect had Connor thinking even harder. Sensual attraction: desire for physical touch and closeness without sexual intent. Cuddling, kissing, handholding, etc.
Connor paused and then read it again.
Physical touch had always been his enemy. Something he tolerated at best, actively avoided at worst. But with Leyden...
We already hold hands in bed. We’re pressed together on the couch.
Leyden doesn’t make my body itch… In fact, if Connor was being honest with himself – which he always tried to be – he realized he wanted those touches to the point of craving them.
Which would suggest he definitely felt a sensual attraction to his mate.
The last one slapped him in the face. Sexual attraction: desire for sexual contact with a specific person.
Connor waited for the familiar emptiness, the disconnect between what he should feel and what he actually experienced. But as he slowly breathed, something else stirred instead – curiosity.
He’d never wanted sex before. Never felt that pull toward another person’s body. But the claiming bite had felt good. Better than good. And touching Leyden didn’t trigger his usual aversion.
What if…
Connor clicked on another thread: Demi Experiences - When Did You Know?
Something Leyden has asked him on their very first date together and Connor hadn’t known what to say.
The responses in the thread varied wildly.
Some shifters knew immediately after meeting their mate.
Others took months or years to develop sexual attraction.
A few never did, and their partnerships worked anyway.
One comment from StarGazer snagged his attention: For me, sensual attraction came first. I wanted to touch my mate, be close to them.
After about six months of regular physical contact - cuddling, kissing, sleeping in the same bed - sexual attraction followed.
It wasn’t instant. More like waking up one day and realizing I wanted MORE, you know?
Your timeline might be different. Or sexual attraction might never show up. Both outcomes are valid.
Six months?
Connor had been mated to Leyden for barely three weeks.
He leaned back in his chair, mind racing, trying to fit other people’s experiences in with his own truth.
What if developing sexual attraction wasn’t about forcing himself to want something his body couldn’t provide?
What if, like StarGazer had said, it was about building comfort with touch, letting sensual attraction grow naturally?
What if he could get there, given time and patience?
It wasn’t a guarantee. The forum made that clear. Some people just never wanted to have sex even with a fated mate. But it was a possibility.
He thought about Leyden’s loneliness, the hollow ache Connor sometimes felt through their bond. His mate never complained, never pushed, but Connor knew the sacrifice Leyden was making. Giving up casual sex, restructuring his entire relationship with physical intimacy.
Is it possible to meet him halfway?
Connor knew he wasn’t ready to have sex. He didn’t know if he ever would be ready. But he could accept touch – perhaps initiate some touching of his own. A form of deliberate contact, not just passive acceptance of the touches Leyden gives me.
Closing his laptop, Connor headed downstairs. Leyden sat in the living room reviewing pack finances, squinting in the way he did when he was picking out tiny print. Connor’s heart did that weird flip it always did when he looked at his mate.
Aesthetic attraction. Romantic attraction.
Possibly sensual attraction, if he let himself explore it.
“Hey.” Leyden glanced up, smile immediate and warm. “Did you finish those reports?”
“Not yet.” Connor crossed to the couch, although he didn’t sit in his usual spot at the opposite end. Instead, he settled next to Leyden, their thighs touching.
Leyden’s eyebrows rose slightly, but he didn’t comment. Just shifted his papers to give Connor more room.
“You okay?” Leyden asked.
Connor considered the question. His skin didn’t crawl at the contact. He hadn’t felt those sensations around Leyden from day one. There was none of the familiar urge to pull away. Just warmth spreading through his body, pleasant and grounding.
“Yeah.” He leaned into Leyden’s side. “I’m good.”
Surprise flickered through the bond, followed by cautious pleasure. Leyden’s arm came up slowly, telegraphing the movement, giving Connor time to protest.
Connor tucked himself against his mate’s chest instead.
Leyden’s heartbeat thrummed steady beneath Connor’s ear. His mate’s scent wrapped around him – pine, spice, and something uniquely Leyden. The arm around Connor’s shoulders tightened carefully.
“This okay?” Leyden’s voice rumbled through his chest.
“Yep.” Connor closed his eyes, let himself sink into the contact. “This is really okay.”
They sat like that for a couple of hours, Leyden reading his reports while Connor simply existed in his mate’s arms. No expectations. No pressure. Just two people learning how to be close.
I can do this. The research had given Connor hope, but Leyden’s patience, his acceptance and how he never demanded more than Connor might give, helped him to believe they could actually work long term.
Turning his head, he brushed a quick kiss under Leyden’s chin, feeling the warmth that simple act had caused through their bond, along with Leyden’s gentle smile.