Chapter 1 Poppy
L ate-July
My breath comes out in sharp exhales as beads of sweat drip down my chest and my hotel door clicks shut behind me. Dropping down to the floor, I stretch my neck out and take a much needed rest. That was the longest I’ve gone in a long time. Must be something about this Toronto air or maybe I just feel lighter after shedding Steven from my life. Get it together. I can’t keep thinking about him.
Unlacing my running shoes I start to stretch my already tightening muscles while turning on the TV in my room. Before I get sucked into the thralls of a rerun of Big Bang Theory , I jump at the sound of my ringing phone and the loud vibrations it makes against the night stand. Andi’s name pops up and I feel a smile stretch across my face. She’s already called three times this week and there’s only so much I can update her on, but it feels good to talk with her just the same. I know she’s been worried about me. Between her and my parents, I’m being “checked in on” every day.
“Hi.” Despite her heavy-handed affections, I miss my best friend. She knows she’s been my best friend since junior high, but I don’t think she knows how much I’ve learned I need her in my life after everything I’ve been through these past months. The support she’s given me over through all this makes her feel more like a sister than anything else.
“Oh honey, how are you? I can’t believe I get to see you in just a couple of weeks,” she croons over the phone. She is getting married in three weeks and I am heading home to Honey Cove just in time for the nuptials. My stomach tightens at the thought of being home, and at a wedding . Any wedding. I am really happy for her. Her husband-to-be, Brandon, is an amazing man and seems to really care about her, which is all I can ask for. And he actually wants to marry her .
Shaking my head, I bring my thoughts back to our present conversation. “I’m doing good, I just finished a fifteen mile run. I can’t believe the big day is coming up so soon either. How is all the planning coming along?”
She has insisted on doing everything herself to help save money. I get it, but some things just seem better left to the professionals in my opinion. Although I lack a bit of the “DIY” sense that she seems to excel at.
“Things are going pretty well. I had my last fitting today for my dress and we placed the final order with the floral shop yesterday. Brandon is still working on the song list for dancing, but it’s coming together I think…” she trails off.
“What is it?” Something is up. It isn’t like her to not share something. Although, I have asked her to keep me out of Honey Cove news. Just seemed better to have a clean break for a while, but this seems different.
“Nothing, well, I’m so sorry, but I just wanted to check about your plus one. I know I’m the worst for asking and I’ll make it up to you when you get here, but I have to put in the order for the food and of course you get a plus one, but I know you probably won’t use it and it’s awkward but I just wanted to ask.” She spits it all out as quickly as possible. Take a breath, you are not your plus one status . You are not your plus one status.
“I’m sorry I didn’t respond about it.” I didn’t even think about it . “No, no plus one for me. Just me.” My inadvertent sigh sounds more pathetic than I’d hoped.
“No, you don’t need to apologize. The timing is horrible and again, I’m the worst. So you can hate me for it, but not for too long because you’ll be home so soon.” I can hear her smiling through the phone and wish we could go out tonight for drinks, catch up and just be us again.
“I could never hate you. I’m so happy for you, truly. I hope you know that.”
“I do sweetie, thank you. Soooo, did you pick out your dress yet?”
“Actually, I bought it yesterday. It’s long, red as requested, and flowy. I think you’ll like it.” She squeals with happiness. Besides all the talk of how I’m doing, our conversations have revolved around my maid of honor dress for her wedding and what asset of mine it will show off. She means well, but I have no intention of showing anything off with intent. I’ve been really happy on my own and am hoping I’ll be at home too.
She’s also respected my “no Honey Cove” talk while I’ve been away. It’s been hard to adhere to with the wedding planning, but she’s been able to stick to it mostly, breaking it only once to tell me a story of how a seagull got stuck in the screened window of Bobbi’s coffee shop on the boardwalk.
“But does it show off your boobs? I requested that too. Send me a picture immediately. Oh, and your plane gets in at 9:00 a.m. the morning of, right?”
“Yes, I’ll be there in the morning and Uber over to the house straight away so I can help with whatever is needed and make my hair slot time with no stress. I’ll be there and have my dancing shoes on for all those songs Brandon is choosing. And, no comment on the boobs part.”
“Oh yes, your epic dance moves. I can’t wait. For the wedding of course, but also to see you. I’ve missed you.” She grows quiet on the other end of the line and things take a more serious tone.
“I’m excited too,” I say slowly and before it’s even left my lips I realize that it’s not the full truth. I’m excited to see her, especially on her wedding day. But, I’m not excited to go home. I think she knows it, too, but we won’t talk about that. Not right now, anyways.
My heart feels heavy thinking about all the questions and everything that comes with going home. I’m a little bit nervous and uneasy about what will come next. Steven won’t be at the wedding and I won’t see him right away, but can’t avoid the inevitable run-in when the town is so small. I also don’t want to deal with all the stares and the questions. After being gone for so long, I totally get it, people are wondering.
We’ve been silent for a minute before she adds. “I’ll call you again in a few days? What are your plans like?”
I talk through the new places I’ll sightsee, the photo-op spots I’ll be driving to. That’s been my focus here in Toronto, getting back into my photography, taking time for myself and leaning into whatever is going on with my future. I will not let this break me.
Eventually the conversation slows and I finish with, “Well I hope you have a good night, say hi to Brandon for me.”
“Will do, his groomsmen are in town right now for their fittings and the bachelor party, so he’s a little busy,” she giggles. All of them were planning on staying at her and Brandon’s house, which means she has a house full of men right now. In any other life I would be jealous, but right now, with that many men under one roof, I wouldn’t stay there if she paid me. A slight pang of guilt washes over me as I remember phoning into Andi’s bachelorette party last week with a promise to take her out once we’re all back together.
Hanging up, I turn the volume back up on my show, but can’t seem to focus on it. I felt so good after my run, but now I just feel spent. I still can’t talk about anything to do with Steven without getting this way. It’s been six months. Six months since he dumped me at his parents’ on Christmas. I was so sure he’d propose. Hell, the whole town was sure he’d propose.
Afterwards I just left. I couldn’t stand to face everyone after it had been built up as this big moment in our relationship and everyone was expecting it. I put in for an extended leave at work, which was surprisingly approved, and got on a plane.
I haven’t talked to him since the breakup and don’t even know what I would say if I did. He and even his family were so uncaring. I would have thought they’d at least respect me enough to do more than let me sit on their front step in the snow while waiting to be picked up, but they didn’t. The reality of the amount of time I wasted on him has sunk in while I’ve been away and I made a promise to myself to not let that happen again.
I love Honey Cove more than I can put into words, and my life there, but I needed space to process through everything that happened and what is next for me. Andi’s wedding will be a good opportunity to see everyone and get it all out in the open. Rip that Band-Aid off.
I try not to think about how Band-Aids can also hurt like hell.