Chapter 16 Owen
W here the hell did she go?
I gave her the “everything is going to be okay” nod. It was so clear that Beth asked me how I knew Poppy. Who knows what phrase I mumbled in reply, but I’m pretty sure it was about my cousin.
And then she just…disappeared. I can’t even find Noah.
This is not how I wanted the school year to start out. Now I’m trying to not look desperate as I search for her and simultaneously field questions about why I’m back.
Which is worse: having the only girl you’ve connected with in a year duck out the first chance she gets when you see her again, or being reminded, again and again, that you aren’t the rockstar English teacher with fifteen years of experience? God, between all of this and the shitty coffee, my stomach is in knots. Bobbi’s was my go-to this summer and it spoiled me.
Beth lightly touches my elbow to get my attention while leaning in. “You look panicked.”
It’s a statement, not a question. Once again, she skips any chit-chat and gets right to the point.
“Sorry, I’ll fix my face,” I say, flashing her a smile.
“Don’t apologize,” she says gently. “Do you need anything?”
I scan the crowd, hoping to see one particular pair of brown eyes looking back at me. But, again, they’re not here. Thinking about Beth’s question, I realize that getting out of the library might calm me down.
“I’m going to get some fresh air before we start our next session, but thank you.”
She gives me a smile and nods to the door. “Hop to it.”
Knowing that she’d tell me if there was a reason I shouldn’t leave the library, I take the most direct route through the crowd and am already breathing easier when I reach the quiet hallway, tossing my empty coffee cup in the compost bin. I push open a side door for the building, and when a light breeze hits my face, I can feel myself begin to calm down.
No one else is here, so I lean against the stucco wall and tip my head up towards the sun. Rough bumps press into my back as I try to make sense of what just happened. It was as if a dozen emotions flitted across her face in less than a second, then they settled on something that looked like betrayal, which was gutting. Still is.
It’ll be okay though. I’ll simply explain everything to her. We weren’t coworkers at the wedding. Hell, I was literally packing up my apartment just days ago.
It’s almost time to get back inside, but I look around to make sure no one else is around and pull my wallet out of my pocket, tugging out a small piece of paper, the one thing I was going to take with me to remember those perfect hours we spent in her room. I’ve read it dozens of times already. But that night was memorable for me too.
Maybe that’s all it will be.
What matters now is that we can work together, do our jobs, and put this behind us.
***
Okay, back-to-school faculty meetings in Honey Cove are officially just as bad as they were in New York. This next session seems to be taking ten hours even though it’s not even lunch time, yet. At least it feels that way when Poppy’s back is all I’ve seen of her since the last break. A back that I traced my fingers up and down as she fell asleep in my arms. Something that I should absolutely not be thinking about right now.
Beth is making an intricate pattern in her notebook, slowly creating a border around a page with only the date at the top. My notes are a bit scattered, but I feel a strong need to prove myself to everyone in this room, even after learning why I was originally passed over for the position.
Quietly, I pull my water bottle out of my bag. There’s no way that awful coffee is worth another caffeine boost. I take a swig and place the bottle under my chair and make a note on the bottom half of the page reminding me to bring something from Bobbi’s tomorrow. I briefly consider running over there during our lunch break today, but leaving partway through the first day of meetings might be counter-productive to my plan of proving I’m more than qualified to be here.
Finally, the presentation wraps up and Erin thanks him for his insights, switching over to a new set of slides. Teachers shift in their seats, trying to settle in for more time sitting in these uncomfortable chairs. At least we’re not at the elementary school where most of the furniture is for small children.
We’ll have some prep time coming up this afternoon, thankfully. I feel so frazzled by this last-minute change that it’s like I’m being asked to coach cross-country versus teaching junior and senior English courses.
These are my favorite grades to teach and I’ll recognize some of the students who were sophomores last year. I know the staff here, already. Well, most of them.
So why do I feel like I’m student teaching all over again? It’s not like I haven’t been on-track to get tenure before, I know what the probationary period feels like.
But this isn’t New York. This is Honey Cove. It’s a small town next to another small town next to another. There aren’t fifteen English jobs posted within a thirty-minute commute. There’s one.
If this is going to be my home, where I settle and finally really connect with my extended family, then this needs to work.
The stakes are higher here. My gamble on the sub-position getting my foot in the door for a long-term position paid off. Maybe not in the most ideal way, but it still ended with me here. That’s what I need to remember. The shock of my hire, or more accurately the seasoned pro’s change-of-mind, is going to be old news by this afternoon. I just need to stop reading into every look because they’re not looks of sympathy. I hope.
“See you at lunch?” I ask Beth when we’re excused.
“For sure,” she says. “I’ll meet you in the lunchroom in ten minutes.”
“That sounds perfect,” I say as she heads out. I was thinking of going to my classroom but I don’t want to look like I’m being anti-social. God, I hate these little transition periods with everyone in groups.
I look up to find Poppy standing next to Noah who is talking to her, but her gaze is fixed on me. Even from here, I can see the strain she’s trying to hide, just like at the wedding.