Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
T he café was airy and sun-drenched, all whitewashed brick walls, potted olive trees, and low-hanging glass pendant lights. Outside the tall windows, the afternoon had softened into that gentle, golden haze that made everything look half-forgiven, half-forgotten.
Kash shifted her mojito glass between her palms, condensation slick against her fingers. She was still wondering why Kaif had insisted on dragging her and their mother out to an early Thursday lunch when the wedding was practically roaring toward them like a freight train.
She'd almost said no. Almost claimed errands, fittings, last-minute disasters.
But the look Kaif had given her—quiet, steady—had hooked something in her chest. So, she'd come. For a few moments as they were seated, she wondered if she should bring up stuff with her mother but decided against it.
There was a part of her that just wanted to float on the easy joy she felt when she saw Diego instead of opening two decades worth of emotional trauma. While the lunch had been mostly awkward smiles and stilted words, Kaif was trying. He had tried several topics which had ended up being non-starters with their mother and Kash around.
At least, it was a start to the three of them hanging out without Tia as the glue.
Across from her, her mother set down her fork and gave Kash a mild frown. "You shouldn't drink during the day, Kashmira," she said, voice pitched in that soft, familiar disapproval. "It's going to turn you into a middle-aged lush.”
The reflex to defend herself rose instantly. But faster than that, Kaif’s voice cut across the table, firm and low. "Enough, Mama."
Neena blinked, color leaching from her cheeks. “I’m just telling her?—”
“Kaif—” Kash said at the same time, casting a wary glance around. Luckily, the café was mostly empty.
Kaif’s fork fell to the plate with a clatter. “You need to stop.” He didn’t quite look at their mother, but it was painfully clear that he was addressing her. “Stop these nasty comments toward her. Stop acting as if she hasn’t been the perfect, responsible eldest daughter for years.” Kaif’s tone broke at the last and that, more than anything, made her mother stare at Kash.
“It’s just harmless suggestions—” Neena started.
“And yet they hurt me,” Kash bit out in a cracked voice, playing with the saltshaker.
“Exactly,” Kaif said, turning slightly in the seat to face their mother. “It’s an ugly habit and I won’t stand for it anymore.”
Neena’s lips trembled, her fingers playing with the edges of the napkin. “You invited me to lunch to attack me, Kaif?” She wouldn’t meet Kash’s eyes. “Did she put you up to this? Like she did Diego?”
Kash sat back in her chair with a sigh. “No. I didn’t, Mama.”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” A pained sound escaped Kaif’s pursed lips that made Kash and her mother stiffen. “And no, to my eternal shame, Kash has never asked me for anything. Not even a word of support.”
His swallow was audible as he fully turned toward their mother. “Dad leaving us nearly three decades ago, when Kash was barely a teen, isn’t hers or your fault. But treating her as if she was already an adult is the worst thing you could have ever done.”
“What are you talking about?” Neena said, her eyes darting back and forth between her children. “Why would I blame her?”
“Then what the hell have you been doing for years? Why such lenience toward me and Kat when we made terrible mistakes and all she…” he nearly pounded the table in front of Kash, “did was clean up after us. Every. Single. Time. My God, she was more mother to Tia even when Kat was alive.”
Neena sputtered beside him, half-rising from her seat, but Kaif shook his head with such vehemence that she stilled. “I’ve had a long time to think of this, Mama. I came prepared today to say my bit. And you’re going to listen.”
Kaif’s voice dropped lower, rough with emotion. "You needed her to be strong," he said, looking directly at Neena now. "So you kept pushing her.”
Neena’s fingers shredded the napkin in her lap. "I only ever wanted her to be prepared for the world," she whispered, but the words sounded thin.
Kaif shook his head, his mouth twisting. "No, Mama. Somewhere along the way, you started leaning on her more and more. Then you resented her for doing it well."
Neena blinked rapidly, eyes filling up.
"You keep finding new reasons to poke at her. To criticize. Because it’s easier than admitting how much you leaned on her," Kaif said, his voice unflinching. “Easier than admitting that you were terrified that she might leave you too.”
A small, broken sound escaped Neena. She pressed the napkin to her mouth, trying to contain it, but her shoulders trembled.
“She was also a kid, Mama. And she took on more and more, hoping one day you would approve of her, that you would remember she’s your kid too. That she too deserves your care and concern. Your love. And not that it excuses it, but Kat and I followed your lead. We started treating her as if she’s some inexhaustible reservoir instead of as a person.”
Kash stared at the table, her mojito glass forgotten, her fingers clenched so tight around the saltshaker that it left tiny imprints in her skin. Even at that moment, she wanted to reassure her mother that she would never abandon her. But the words couldn’t form past the needles in her throat.
For all his quiet, even distant manner, her brother had surmised the situation perfectly.
"I didn’t see it," Neena said finally. "I didn’t want to see it.” Even then, she barely made eye contact with Kash as she muttered, “But Kaif is right. I stopped being your mother a long time ago. I don’t even know what I became.”
Kaif exhaled shakily. His voice gentled, but the pain was still there in his eyes, raw and fraying. "I didn’t behave any better than you or Kat toward her," he said quietly. He looked at Kash fully for the first time since he'd started speaking. "For years, I was ashamed of how much I added to your burden by messing around with the wrong people, running from everything. And once I straightened out my life, I didn’t know how to build a bridge back to you.”
His throat bobbed in a hard swallow.
"Then Kat died," Kaif said, voice cracking, "and you were raising Tia like it was the most natural thing in the world. I was so angry with myself. So ashamed. It took Muriel nagging me—constantly—to realize I was hurting you worse by staying distant.”
Kash cried silently, tears sliding unchecked down her cheeks as she pressed the heel of her palms into her eyes. "That woman is worth her weight in gold," she choked out, trying to find some anchor through the storm of emotion swelling inside her.
Kaif gave a watery laugh through his own tears. "Yeah," he said hoarsely. "She is."
He reached across the table again, covering Kash’s trembling hand with both of his. "I’m so sorry, di," he said. "It shouldn’t have taken me this long to tell you how this. None of us bothered to ask how you were doing all these years and that’s on me too. Not just Mama."
They sat in the thick, humming silence of the café, surrounded by the clink of plates and low murmur of other patrons, the world blurring at the edges.
Kaif turned back to Neena, his voice steady despite the tears. “I'm not asking you to fix everything right this moment, Mama," he said. "But you need to accept what you did. You need to stop hurting her. Even if di forgives, I can’t.”
Neena dabbed at her eyes, her fingers fumbling with the napkin. "I’ll try," she whispered. Nothing more.
Kash closed her eyes for a beat, breathing in slow through her nose, letting the words settle over her cautiously like a fragile, untested bridge.
Her mother and she were a long way off from forgiveness or healing, but it was a start.
* * *
The late afternoon sun cast long shadows across the nearly empty parking lot.
The air was thick with the scent of asphalt warming under the day's last heat, mixed with the faint sweetness of jasmine from a nearby planter.
A gentle breeze stirred Kash’s hair against her neck, but she barely felt it. Her body was a tight coil of exhaustion and nerves, as if the confrontation with her mother had scraped her hollow from the inside.
Kaif leaned against the car, watching their mother's vehicle disappear around the corner. Kash stood beside him, arms crossed, her gaze fixed on the horizon.
"Do you think she'll be okay?"
Kaif shrugged. "She might hate me for a while, but she needed to hear it."
Kash turned to him, a faint smile tugging at her lips. "Thank you. I know you're not exactly one for words, especially big ones like these.”
He sighed. "I should've used them a long time ago."
She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace. "It's never too late."
Kaif hugged her back, then pulled away slightly, his expression turning serious. "I know this was a lot," he began, hesitating. "But I'd hate myself if I didn't say one more thing."
Kash stared at him, her stomach knotting again. "What is it?"
He looked away, then back at her. "I loved Kat too, you know. It was easier to be close with her than you because we both were good at messing up. Doesn’t mean I was blind to her personality, like Mama was.”
“Damn it, Kaif. Just say it, please.”
“Kat wasn't always loyal to him,” Kaif blurted out after a long pause. “Especially in those years when Diego was spending every free minute trying to make it into the leagues. She got back with him later when he made it, but even then…” He looked away, a vein pulsing in his jaw.
Kash stared at her brother’s profile, the words slowly sinking in. The last piece of why Diego had been so upset with her that day after the Josh incident slotted into place. "What are you saying?" she whispered, her throat full of regrets.
"I had my doubts,” Kaif said, looking at his hands, “but I didn't have a leg to stand on. She brought him back for Tia’s sake and then the accident...it was better to leave it alone.”
"Kaif, just say it," she urged, her voice barely above a whisper.
He met her gaze, eyes filled with regret. "I confirmed this with Muriel. Kat cheated on him. Worse, apparently, he caught her at it with one of his teammates and felt betrayed. Which is why he didn’t believe her when she told him she was pregnant with his child. Why he abandoned her.”
Kash's breath caught, the world tilting slightly as the weight of his words settled over her.
“But when his mother saw Tia as a months-old baby and tore a strip off his hide for abandoning a child, he begged Kat to let him be a part of Tia’s life. We both know that Kat wanted an easy life,” Kaif continued in the same monotone. As if he wasn’t shredding one sister’s character to help the other one heal. "I didn't want to bring this up in front of Mama, but you should know."
Kash looked down, processing the revelation. "He didn’t tell me. He was angry that I judged him, he pointedly said I should know him better. Even after we got—” Kash shook her head and looked away.
"He wouldn't,” Kaif said, not sounding surprised at all. “Not if it meant tarnishing Kat's memory for you."
She glanced back up at him, a mixture of emotions swirling in her eyes. "Why tell me now, Kaif?”
"Come on, di," Kaif said, a hint of lightness entering his tone. "You're clearly in love with each other. There are enough hurdles between you two without this too, no?”
Kash's lips trembled. "You really think he loves me?"
Kaif smiled gently. "Of course he does."
She stepped forward again, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm scared, Kaif."
He held her close, resting his chin atop her head. "Have faith in who you are, and in him.” His laughter jostled her and Kash let her tears soak his shirt. “Muriel will kill me if she hears this, but you two are made for each other. Anyone can see it.”