Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I woke up and stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours but what was probably twenty minutes. I pulled the blankets up to my chin and squeezed my eyes shut, replaying last night in my head a million times. I told him to kiss me, he gave me the best kiss of my life, and then I ran away. But I was right to stop it all. I mean who knows what would’ve happened if we kept going? Maybe a shirt would’ve come off and we would’ve made our way to his bed, and he would’ve—
I sat up, stopping the thoughts. Aiden and I were friends. Finally . There was too much to lose in the uncertainty of us.
I sent a quick text to Jess.
Rosie: sos.
She replied almost instantly.
Jess: what’s up?
Rosie: you cant tell anyone
Jess: i won’t is everything ok?
Rosie: aiden and i kissed last night.
Jess: YOU’RE JOKING. YOU’RE ACTUALLY JOKING.
Rosie: im not
Rosie: we like kinda made out
Jess: call me now
When I called, I told her every single detail. The way we wrote the kiss scene until we kissed. The way his lips felt against mine, his fingers sinking into my hips. The way I ran out.
“Wait, so was this a good kiss?”
I sat back against my headboard, groaning. “That’s the worst part. It was hands down the best kiss of my life.”
“No way. So why’d you run out? I don’t get it.”
“Because it’s Aiden. ”
“Right.”
“Like, it’s Aiden .”
Jess laughed softly. “It’s Aiden who you haven’t been able to stop talking about all year. Aiden who you allowed to become your friend without so much as an apology for how he treated you.”
“I was mean to him, too,” I said defensively.
“Aiden who you protect without a second thought.”
“It’s too complicated. Right?”
Jess sighed heavily. “I don’t know, honestly. If he was just in the workshop, you know I’d say go for it the way you would tell me to with Tyler.”
“But?” I prompted.
“But you two are writing a book together. It could get messy and complicated and put you in bad graces with Ida if this doesn’t work out. You’re already walking a thin line. What happens if you hook up, break up, and go back to fighting? She’ll dismiss you both from class if you cross the line again.”
I groaned again, smacking my head lightly against the headboard. “You’re right. He’s just so hot. I couldn’t help it.”
“It’ll be okay. Just spend as little time with him as possible going forward.”
“I can’t do that,” I moaned. “We’re writing the romantic parts of our novel now. We have to write these mushy romantic scenes together—” I cut off when I realized the other end of the line had gone silent. “Jess?”
“I’m trying not to laugh.” Her voice was wobbly. “You’re fucked Rosie, good luck.”
Later that afternoon as I approached the Writer’s House, Aiden was leaning against the gate, holding two coffees. One iced, the other hot. His head was bent, chin pressed to his chest, and he was wearing his eternal scowl.
“Hey,” I said once I got near him. His head snapped up and his face transformed from one of deep thought to deep concern.
“Hey.” He straightened, looking down at me. He looked like he was afraid to say anything. Instead, he shoved the iced coffee toward me. “Vanilla latte with almond milk.”
I nearly melted at the fact that he’d gotten my coffee order right, but I had to set the record straight with him. I took the cup from him, giving him a small grateful smile. “Thank you.”
We went quiet again, looking anywhere but at each other.
Before we were friends, the hatred looming between us was a dark cloud that made every word we said venomous. But now there was something else. It wasn’t dark, but it wasn’t clear either. It hung in the air, daring one of us to speak and blow it away.
“Rosie, look, I’m really sorry about last night. I know it was late and you were tired, and I didn’t mean to take advantage—”
“You didn’t take advantage of me.” I blanched, semimortified.
“Then I didn’t mean to take it too far too fast, if you’re not—”
“Let’s just forget about it.” The words left my mouth before I could think better of them.
His eyebrows drew together, confusion the clearest emotion on his face. “Forget?”
“It was for the book, right? I mean we just got caught up in the moment.”
Aiden’s green eyes searched my face, and I tried to remain impassive. I tried not to let it show how much I wanted to return to his apartment—the place that had quickly become a safe haven for us to want each other.
“Are you serious?” he asked quietly.
“Let’s just forget about it,” I repeated. We were still at a point of return, but if we had gone further? I would’ve confessed I’d started to have feelings for him, and he’d tell me he “wasn’t looking for anything serious.” It was better to salvage what little of our friendship I could before we got to that point.
Disappointment flashed over his face before he quickly rearranged his expression into a neutral one. He straightened and gave me a curt nod. “Fine. Forgotten.” Then he turned on his heel and walked into the building without me.
“Oh, I’m sure this’ll be fun,” I muttered, following him in.
As the class settled in, I tried to catch his eye, but he wouldn’t meet my gaze. He laid his notebook out on the table very carefully. He folded his hands over it, and it looked like he was zoning out, staring at the wall.
Jess caught my eye and tilted her head. She widened her eyes at Aiden and mouthed, What’s up?
I made sure Aiden wasn’t looking before I mouthed back, I’m an idiot.
I still wanted the truce. I wanted to be friends with him. But I also wanted … him . I was petrified of the way my heart hadn’t calmed down until I finally fell asleep last night. I hadn’t felt this way with anyone before, and I figured if I didn’t allow myself to claim it, I wouldn’t have to have it snatched it away from me.
And Jess was right. There was so much riding on our successful coauthorship. I was too scared to throw it all away.
It was our last workshop before the end of the week, when our midterm was due. After that, we had a month break. Hopefully by the time we returned in January, I could sit across Aiden without hearing “ You feel so good, Rosie” on repeat in my head.
“Let’s start with my favorite writing duo,” Ida said from the front of the class. “Aiden and Rosie, who’s first today?”
“I am,” Aiden spoke up. He read his chapter aloud. In the lead up to the kiss, the tension between Max and Hunter was impenetrable. They were longing for each other but didn’t know how to move forward.
When he finished, Ida turned to me. I read our kiss scene out loud. I’d finished it when I got home from Aiden’s. It was the easiest kiss scene I’d ever written because Aiden was a really good kisser. I didn’t have to think about the mechanics of hand placements or try to conjure words to describe how good the kiss felt. It was sweeter than any fiction I had read.
As it started to heat up, I couldn’t stop the blush that rose to my cheeks. I had to remind myself that only Jess knew the truth even though it felt like the entire workshop had read my diary.
If only I had put in my chapter that Max was desperate to hold onto little pieces of Hunter, but she was scared that they’d be sharp and leave an unmendable wound.
When I finished, Ida was smiling. “Let’s start with what’s working.”
Logan’s hand went up first. I shot Jess a nervous glance because Logan loved to tease me about Aiden and no doubt he would take this opportunity.
“That kiss scene was hot,” he started. Jess jabbed him with her elbow. “Ow. It was. Rosie, I think you did a great job of really conveying the urgency both of them felt in that moment, and I think that’s due to how Aiden sets you up for it. It felt so realistic, like it really happened and—Jess, knock it off.”
“Oops my bad,” she muttered.
We went around the workshop table; the consensus was that these were our best chapters yet.
“It breaks my heart knowing they won’t get the Happily Ever After,” Ida said. “But I’m excited to see what you do with it. Let’s move on to what’s not working.”
We had a few comments about sensory details and amplifying the setting, but mostly our classmates didn’t have much to say. Aiden’s expression remained impenetrable—he didn’t smile once at the nice comments and apparently couldn’t care less about the bad ones, like this was all beneath him. Anger rose in my chest and, just like it had throughout the rest of the year, it spread through my body.
“Alright, great work you two. I think we’re ready to move on to Tyler’s piece?”
Aiden raised his hand. “I actually didn’t have a chance to share my critiques with Rosie.”
“Oh.” Ida was pleased, obviously thinking he was going to say nice things like he had earlier. But, I was too familiar with that look in his eye and what it meant for me. “Sure, by all means.”
He picked up my chapter and started flipping through it. “This kiss scene was okay in my opinion. I thought Max and Hunter were lacking a chemistry that we’ve been building up to this whole time—”
“Is that so?” I muttered.
“Sorry, what was that?” I looked up and he was staring me dead in the eye for the first time.
“Just keep going,” I snapped.
“It’s frankly unrealistic that the two of them would be so okay with all of this after years of hating each other. They’re willing to put that all away?”
Ida hummed, her gaze shifting between the two of us.
“It seems more likely that one of them would shy away from all of this. Or even run away.”
“I agree,” I said, looking him in the eye. “I think Max wouldn’t want to ruin what she has with Hunter. You know, the newfound friendship.”
He tilted his head. “She may even want to ‘forget it,’ right? I wouldn’t be surprised if she was playing with his emotions.”
I scoffed. “As if she could do that. For that to happen, Hunter would have to have emotions.”
“Really?”
“And you know, I bet his ego may be a little bruised after this, so maybe he’s the one that runs away. Save him some humiliation.”
“Perfect.” Aiden threw the papers down. “So we’re agreed, in the next few chapters Hunter and Maxine will no longer be friends.”
“Or anything that resembles lovers. You can have your sad ending.”
“I’m not sure I’m the only one who wants it.”
The class was watching us go back and forth. Plenty of people were whispering between each other, their brows furrowed in confusion. But Aiden and I glowered at each other from across the table.
He always had to do this. He had to win, and he had to do it by embarrassing me in the process.
“Alright,” Ida said carefully. “Why don’t we move on? Aiden and Rosie, you can discuss this outside of class.”
I glared at Aiden, but he looked away from me. For as much as I wanted him, I couldn’t stand him. He was so determined to not let anyone in, he didn’t understand that some people wanted to go past his walls. For the first time in his life, he hadn’t gotten what he wanted and now he was throwing a temper tantrum.
I tried to pay attention to the rest of class and give critiques to my classmates, but every so often my eyes would flicker back to him. Once, I caught his gaze before he quickly looked away. My chest grew tighter at the thought of all I’d ruined.
Once we were dismissed for winter break, Aiden quickly left our classroom, but I followed him onto the street. The harsh chill hit me extra hard since I hadn’t taken my time wrapping myself in my scarf and gloves like usual.
“Aiden,” I called after him once we were on the street, but he kept walking. I repeated his name louder, but the jerk pretended not to hear me. “You are such a jackass !” I shouted. People turned to look at me, especially our classmates who were lingering outside of the building. With his back still turned to me, he paused. Then he carefully and slowly turned around.
“I know you weren’t speaking to me.” His words were impatient, like he didn’t even want to waste a breath on me.
“What the hell was that in there?” I demanded. “You did that to embarrass me.”
“No, I didn’t.” His face was hard, his eyes stormy. He clenched his jaw, ticking it back and forth.
“Yes, you did!”
“Rosalinda, I’m not going to do this with you. Stop.”
“Or what? You’re gonna write about it in the next chapter? Then critique my response in class?” I taunted.
His eyes narrowed a fraction. “This is about Max and Hunter. What they do has nothing to do with us—”
“ Bullshit . You’re just mad about last night.”
His head tilted to the side. “Now what happened last night?”
My chest was rising up and down, anger boiling inside of me threatening to spill over. He wanted a reaction, like always. I wanted to call him a child and scream at him until his ears bled. But he just stood there, perfectly still, unbothered. The cold look in his eye worse than any wind of the city. This person was so different from my Aiden from last night. I didn’t know what to do to bring him back to me.
“Aiden, I like being your friend so much more than this,” I said angrily. I wanted to avoid getting hurt, but it seemed as if that was my only option with Aiden. “I don’t want to fight with you again. That wasn’t what I meant.”
His head turned away from me toward the traffic. It was rush hour, and we were being the type of assholes that stood in the middle of the sidewalk. New Yorkers shoved past us, uncaring about our drama.
He spoke in a low voice, his eyes deadly. “I’m not looking for friendship from someone who’d rather live in a world inside her head. You can’t write me into one of your heroes like you tried to with Simon. Grow up and stop thinking life is a romance novel. It isn’t .”
I wasn’t sure if it was the sound of the traffic or the heartbeat pulsing in my ears that brought on the headache, making tears spring at the back of my eyes. But I wouldn’t ever give Aiden the satisfaction of seeing them fall.
“That was a low fucking blow,” I said, my voice wobbling. “I guess I was right about you in the first place.”
When the tears began to pool, something washed over Aiden’s face. He stepped toward me, but I had already turned around for the train station, glad I wouldn’t have to see him for a month.