Not in My Book

Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

“I can’t believe we missed midnight,” my mom said, agonized, when the movie ended. From the sound of her voice, you’d think we just told her Peru lost the World Cup. “We’re supposed to open the gifts at midnight.”

“It’s just thirty minutes after,” Aiden whispered to me. “What’s the big deal?”

“My mom really loves tradition. When she was a kid in Peru, they’d all count down until midnight and then tear open their gifts. We did that too sometimes, and I think that’s what she envisioned.”

“Ah.” Aiden’s tongue clicked in understanding.

“We can just do it now,” Maria said soothingly. “Rosie, do you mind if I set our suitcases in your room? I’ll grab all of them from there.”

“Sure, sure,” I said.

Aiden and I were still sitting on the floor, our legs crossed. We faced each other, our knees touching. I could see how tired Aiden was from the way his eyes were drooping. His normally perfect hair was now mussed up. He must’ve been so uncomfortable in his sweater and jeans. But he didn’t complain and had stayed awake through the movie despite how long it was.

“Maybe I should head back,” he said, tilting his head closer to mine. His voice was low. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“You’re not,” I assured him. “I know it’s been a lot, though, so if you want to go, I would understand—”

“Aiden can’t leave,” my mother interrupted us. We looked at her, startled that she could hear us.

“I really appreciate you all letting me celebrate with you all, but it’s getting late. I really should head back.”

My mom crossed one leg over another and simply shook her head. “I can’t allow it. As a mother, I cannot.”

“Mom, if he wants to leave—”

“It’s snowing out there! I can’t in good conscience send you out in the cold when you can easily stay here.”

I froze, turning toward her wide-eyed. “Mom, you know he wasn’t going to sleep here right?”

She shared an exasperated look with my father. “While we’d rather not hear about it, we know what it’s like to date in your twenties. You don’t have to pretend for our sake that Aiden’s never spent the night here.”

I wanted to sink into the floor. I imagined melting into a puddle just so I wouldn’t have to have this conversation with my parents.

“ Mom. No. That’s … no—”

Aiden’s hand rested on my knee, his thumb rubbing soothing circles. “I think what Rosie is saying is we want to be respectful. Besides, I’m not sure if there’s enough room for—”

“Nonsense,” my mom declared. “If you go out into the snow and slip on ice, I will never live with myself. Maria can sleep on the couch, we’ll sleep in Rosie’s room, and you two can sleep in Alexa’s room? Rosie, do you think she’ll mind?”

“I mean, no, I can text her, but—”

“Perfect! Then it’s settled!”

I couldn’t bear to look at Aiden. I felt bad enough that I’d made him lie to my family, but now he’d have to keep up the ruse overnight and sleep in the same bed as me? It was too much.

“Aiden,” I said, “do you mind helping me take the dishes to the kitchen?”

He nodded, jumping up and helping me collect empty bowls and plates.

As soon as we were out of ear shot, I burst out, “I’m so sorry.”

He moved past me to set the dishes in the sink. “Don’t be.”

“No, it’s too much. I’ll go out there and tell them the truth. You already did every touristy thing in New York with me today, and I know that killed your soul, and now you’re having to pretend that we’re in a relationship. You don’t have—”

“Rosie,” Aiden said, his voice low but stern. “I never have to do anything. But when it comes to you, I find myself wanting to.” His eyes were soft as he stepped toward me. We held each other gazes for a moment before his eyes snagged on my mouth for a brief moment. He cleared his throat and said, “Let’s go back in before your mom yells at us. She’s kinda scary, you know?”

I laughed softly. “Imagine what it was like when I stayed out just five minutes past curfew. She was halfway to killing me and calling the cops.”

I grabbed my phone and quickly texted Alexa.

Rosie: long story but my parents and sister surprised me and came to visit. they’re sleeping in my room and my sister’s on the couch. is it cool if aiden and i sleep in your room? i’ll change the sheets

Alexa: you and AIDEN??? you’ll CHANGE THE SHEETS???

Rosie: not like that!! i just meant that i’ll change them not that we’ll get them dirty

Alexa: proud of u. do whatever u need to do

Maria emerged from my bedroom with a bunch of wrapped boxes and gifts, and something else in a paper bag. Aiden and I apologized again that we hadn’t gotten them anything, but they all waved us off. We watched as my parents exchanged gifts with each other and gave Maria her gifts, too. They gave me a few romance novels I’d been wanting and a couple of sweaters. Aiden sat back and watched the whole thing with a light smile on his face. I couldn’t stand the fact that he was watching us all give each other gifts without receiving anything.

“I’ll be right back,” I muttered, running off to get his gift out of my room. I’d made it before we got in our fight and hadn’t wrapped it because I didn’t know if we’d make up.

I held it behind my back and looked at Aiden. “I haven’t had time to wrap this so close your eyes while I place it in your hands.” He gave me a flat look, but when I widened my eyes, he relented, holding his hands out. I gently placed the gift in his palms and whispered, “Okay, open.”

When he opened his eyes, they widened. “Did you … make this?”

I hadn’t been able to get the picture of Aiden burning CDs based on books out of my head after we got burgers. I loved giving Christmas gifts and when he’d told me, the idea flew into my mind.

“It’s based on our book—or at least what we have so far.” I nodded at the CD in his hands. “I tried to put one on for every chapter we’ve written so far. I know people don’t really listen to CDs anymore, but I thought for the nostalgia of it all … and there’s probably way too much Taylor Swift, but—”

“I love it.” He smiled softly, reading each title I had written carefully on the front of the CD. “I can’t believe you made me this.” He shook his head. “Hang on a second. I got you something too.”

I bit down on a pleasantly surprised smile. I hadn’t expected him to get me a gift at all.

He dug around in his peacoat for a second before instructing me to close my eyes. I held my hands out and felt a cool metal touch my hands. My eyes flew open and I gasped in surprise. It was the locket from the Holiday Village. I ran my thumb over the smooth, oval locket before opening it.

There were two empty slots for pictures, one on each side. My lita had had a portrait of her children on one side and her husband on the other. It had felt wrong to take them out, so I’d never really imagined what pictures I would put in a locket of my own.

“Aiden, how did you—”

He shrugged. “When you went to the bathroom, I ran back to get it.”

“Rosie, that looks like the one Lita gave you,” my dad said quietly.

My throat thickened with tears. It was terribly expensive and even though Aiden had the money, he didn’t have to spend it on me. So many memories of my lita and that trip to Peru rushed back to me. Now this locket held memories of Aiden and Lita in it. I knew I’d never take it off.

I looked up at Aiden, trying to blink back the tears. “Help me put it on?”

He nodded and stood behind me as I lifted my hair, carefully chaining it behind my neck. His fingers brushed against the base of my neck. My breath hitched, resisting a shudder. Once he finished, he brushed his thumb on a spot on the back of my neck slowly, his hand sliding down my shoulder. I held the locket close to my chest and turned around smiling.

“Aiden, you don’t know how much this means to me. Thank you.”

“Give him a kiss,” Maria said encouragingly. I shot her a look, and she shrugged innocently. “What? Y’all are dating. You gave each other sentimental gifts. When Peter gives me a gift, I give him a kiss.”

Aiden’s gaze was like steel on me. I wished I could read his mind because obviously I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn’t keep making him do things he didn’t want to do.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Aiden said, determined. “I oughta give you a kiss.” He stepped toward me, his hands cradling my face. He leaned in close to me and whispered, “This okay?”

I responded by pushing up to press my lips against his. His lips were warm and soft, and he tasted like peppermint bark. I stepped back from him, suddenly sheepish that I had done that in front of everyone. It was just a peck, but I felt a rush through my body because this was Aiden. I’d never run out on him after a kiss again.

“Aiden, we actually got you something, too,” my dad said.

Aiden’s soft smile morphed into shock as he turned toward my dad. He shook his head, his eyebrows creased. “Oh, you didn’t need to—”

“It’s not much,” Maria said. “But we didn’t want you to be empty handed on Christmas.”

The paper bag was still sitting there amongst the torn wrapping paper. My mom handed it to Aiden, who took it skeptically. He peeked inside the bag slowly and closed it, laughing.

“What is it?” I asked.

He pulled out an orange and white hat, a T for Tennessee sitting on the bill.

“We knew Rosie was homesick so we brought it for her, but you’re with Rosie now, so you must know how much Tennessee means to her. We thought you might like this.”

Aiden smiled, flipping the cap around in his hands before pulling it on his head. I had never seen Aiden wear anything other than a beanie and he suddenly looked like every guy from my hometown with the bill sitting low on his eyes.

“How do I look?” he asked.

“You look born and raised in Johnson City,” I teased.

“That’s a good thing?”

“That’s a great thing,” my dad said. “I was born in Memphis, raised in Johnson City.”

“Where do you two live now? Rosie mentioned it once I think.”

“Rogersville,” my mom supplied. “You should visit with Rosie sometime.”

His gaze slid to mine. “I’d love to. Now that I’ve got the cap to go with it.”

My parents laughed, delighted. My whole body eased at the sight of them talking back and forth, like this could be real. He kept asking them questions about Tennessee, and they asked him a few about New York.

It was nearly three when we all decided to go to bed. It wasn’t as rowdy as our Christmases back home, but it felt just as perfect. As the night wore down, we all began to yawn. Nerves ran through me at the thought of having to share a bed with Aiden.

Alexa’s room was the same size as mine with a full bed. It wasn’t as small as a dorm, but it’d be a tight fit.

My dad lent Aiden an extra pair of sweatpants he’d brought and I gave him an oversized t-shirt. I changed into flannel bottoms and a sweatshirt. After we both were ready, we stood on opposite sides of the small bed, staring down at it.

“You know, I’ll be fine on the floor with just a blanket and a pillow. We don’t have to …” He gestured toward the bed.

“No, no, you’re the guest. I’ll take the floor.”

“There’s no way I’m letting you sleep on the floor, Rosie.” He puffed out a breath, setting his hands on his hips. “We can share the bed, can’t we? We’re adults.”

“Graduate students.”

“Taxpayers.”

“A bed is nothing,” he said, seemingly convincing himself more than me.

“Nothing.”

Still, neither of us made a move toward the bed. I rubbed my arm anxiously. God, this whole situation was stupid. I was acting like a fifteen-year-old girl again, refusing to look Aiden in the eye.

“Well, good night.” Aiden bit the bullet, pulling Alexa’s comforter and sheets back, settling in.

“Right. Good night.” I flipped the light off and slid in next to him.

The last time I’d slept in a bed with someone was Simon over a year ago. I could feel Aiden’s body heat radiating next to mine. If I moved even the slightest bit, my leg would be pressed against his.

“Aiden,” I whispered after a little while. He didn’t respond, his hands folded over his stomach as he slept. I poked him in the shoulder, hoping to wake him, but he still didn’t move. “Aiden.”

Still no response. Even though this had been one of the longest days of my life, I couldn’t sleep. I was too aware of Aiden next to me. I shifted, the sheets rustling, but still nothing woke him.

I moved to my side to face his shoulder and said, “Are you asleep?” With no response, I pushed his shoulder slightly. Okay, maybe a little harder than I should’ve, but his eyes snapped open.

“I was asleep, Rosalinda.”

“Uh-oh.” I smiled into the dark. “I must be in trouble if you’re not calling me Rosie.”

“Would you prefer Rosie Posie?” The corner of his mouth quirked up and I groaned.

“I knew you’d use that against me.”

“I love it,” he said honestly. “I wish I came up with it.” He turned to his side to face me, too, his arm curled under his head.

I could barely see him. Alexa had thin curtains covering her windows, but they weren’t closed all the way and the light from a nearby apartment building seeped through. Some of the light landed above his face, but the room was still clouded in darkness.

He clicked his tongue, grinning. “You know, ever since your family arrived, you’ve developed a southern accent.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“No, I haven’t,” he repeated in an exaggerated southern accent. “You’ve said ‘y’all’ at least a million times.”

“It’s a common term.”

“It’s cute.” He hesitantly reached forward and brushed my hair away from my face, then pushed it behind my shoulder. His hand trailed down the length of my arm softly, goosebumps rising in its wake. “I can see why you like romance so much,” he whispered. “If I had parents that in love, I probably would too.”

I smiled. “They’ve always been my proof that true love exists. They’re not perfect, trust me, but they really do love each other. They found each other despite growing up in completely different cultures and countries.”

“I like them.”

“They like you, too. I can tell.” I was quiet for a moment. “This has been the best Christmas of my life,” I said honestly.

“Me too, Rosie,” he said into the darkness. “The absolute best.”

The next morning, my pillow was stiff. I frowned and, with my eyes still closed, started to slap it to fluff it up.

“Ow.”

I froze. Slowly, I pried my eyes open to discover my pillow was not a pillow, but Aiden’s chest. His arm was slung around my body, with his hand dangerously close to my ass. My arm wrapped around his waist, snuggling into him.

“Oh my God,” I said when I saw the drool that had gotten on Aiden’s shirt.

“What?” he murmured. His eyes opened to meet mine, then widened. “Oh.”

I disentangled our legs and pushed myself out of the bed. “Jesus,” I said. “Oh my God. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I don’t know—”

“It’s okay, Rosie.”

“I drooled on you,” I said, wincing. “I’m so sorry. I’ll wash your shirt.” My face flamed with mortification. Typical me to drool on someone I had a crush on. Even worse, it was me who’d been snuggling with Aiden, not the other way around. He was on his side of the bed, but I was all over him.

“It’s not a big deal, Rosie, I promise.” He rolled onto his back, his forearm resting on his forehead. His lips were pressed together, trying to suppress a laugh. A new wave of embarrassment washed over me.

Panic began to set in my chest, so I moved toward the bedroom door, falling over myself.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I said abruptly, grabbing my clothes.

“Rosie, c’mon, it’s okay,” he called after me, but I was already halfway out the door.

Once I had taken the world’s longest and coldest shower, I pressed my ear against my bathroom door to hear if anyone was up. I reached for the doorknob but paused at the sound of Aiden’s laughter.

I opened the door just a crack and heard my mom and Aiden chattering away. I couldn’t see them, but I could clearly make out each word.

“This was Rosie’s first ballet recital,” my mom said.

“I didn’t know she danced.”

“She doesn’t.” My mom laughed. “When she was a little, I tried to teach her the marinera, but she couldn’t ever do it. And you know Rosie, she’s stubborn, so now she flat out refuses to dance.”

I could hear the smile in Aiden’s voice. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

She must’ve been showing him old pictures of me on her phone. I leaned next to the door, my head resting on the wall. It was calming to hear Aiden talking like this, like he wasn’t on guard.

“Can I ask you something?” he said.

“Por supuesto.”

“Why’d you name her Rosalinda? I’ve always loved her name.”

I smiled to myself. I must’ve heard this story a million times growing up.

“Oh, she loves this story.” I could hear the smile in my mom’s voice. “She used to make me tell it to her every night before bed,” she said wistfully. “It’s because of her father. I used to work at the flower shop downtown during college. Eric came in one day looking to buy roses for his mother. He bought a bouquet, then pulled a single rose out and handed it to me. He came in nearly every day after that. He always bought one rose, handed it to me after he paid, then walked out.

“Soon after we started dating, roses became our thing. When we got married, he had a rose in his lapel. When I found out I was pregnant, I called him at work and left a worried voicemail. I came home to dozens of roses scattered across our kitchen and living room.” She laughed softly at the memory. “There seemed to be no option but to name our first child Rose if she was a girl.

“I pushed for Rosalinda, though,” she whispered. “I don’t know if you picked up on it, but our Rosie is a little bit of a romantic.”

“Really? She’s never brought it up,” Aiden said.

Mom laughed. I could picture her leaning forward, the light shining in her eye. “She’s named after my mother, her lita. My dad loved her name, he always called her Rosalindita. She adored telenovelas. She and my dad used to sit on the couch watching them so intensely. When Rosie discovered my romance novels, I thought it was destiny—that a love of romance was in all our DNA. I had learned English from a lot of those romance novels going back and forth between Peru and Tennessee during the holidays. I must’ve read all the ones at the airport. I used to find copies of the books in Spanish and compare the pages until I understood the ones in English just as well. My mother passed away when Rosie was a kid, but they had a cosmic connection. Like they were an extension of each other. Even from the first time my mom laid eyes on her.”

“Why Rosie and not Rose?”

The pure curiosity in Aiden’s voice formed a knot in the back of my throat. I was so touched that he was taking an interest in me like this, that he was being so kind to my mom.

“Rosie was born with a faint blush on her cheeks and a smile. One look at her and it was obvious she was a Rosie.” A comfortable silence fell between them, but it didn’t last long. “I’ve been worried about her ever since she left. But you’re good for her. I can see she’s okay now that she’s got you.”

“She was great before she had me. She has everything under control all the time, it seems. I’m always in awe of her.”

My heart warmed hearing that. For as much as Aiden had insulted me throughout the year, it was nice to know he thought so highly of me. That he thought I was way more put together than I felt.

I opened the bathroom door. “Good morning,” I said shyly. Aiden and my mom were sitting on the couch, still in their pajamas. “Merry Christmas. Where are Maria and Dad?”

“They’re getting bagels for everyone,” my mom said. “Do you mind if I slip in there to shower?”

“It’s all yours.”

Once Aiden and I were alone, silence fell between us. He had an extreme case of bed head that made him look so young and casual. I took my mom’s place on the couch next to Aiden, tucking one leg under me.

“Aiden, look, I want to apologize—”

“Rosie.” He shook his head. “You don’t need to apologize. Best sleep I’ve had in years.”

“You’re just saying that.” I covered my face with my hands, mortified.

He gently took my hands into his own, pulling them away from my face. “I’m not. Except for when you started talking in your sleep.”

“Liar.” I narrowed my eyes.

“Every so often you’d say, ‘That’s so romantic,’ then start snoring.”

I pushed his shoulder, laughing. I didn’t want to have my heart ripped out of my chest again. I couldn’t give my everything to someone who didn’t want it and would throw away the spare parts. I just wouldn’t survive it. But I wanted whatever I could get with Aiden. I was willing to let him stomp over my fragile little heart if that meant I got just a glimpse of his.

“I’m gonna head home, I think.”

“You don’t have to. I’m not sure what we’re going to do today, but you’re welcome to join us.”

He shook his head. “You’re on borrowed time with your family. I’ll see you next semester, okay?”

I sighed, knowing he was right. I’d regret it if I didn’t spend some quality time with my family before they left.

“Okay,” I relented. “I’ll walk you out.”

We were silent in the elevator ride down. It had snowed all night, the streets blanketed in white.

“You don’t even have snow boots on,” I said. “Your feet are going to freeze.”

He laughed. “I’ll be okay.” He had his new Tennessee cap on instead of his beanie. “Thank you for letting me stay and for letting me spend Christmas with you.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I said honestly. I hesitated before reaching up to kiss him on the cheek. “Get home safe, okay?”

He nodded. “Merry Christmas, Rosie.”

“Merry Christmas, Aiden.”

My family and I spent Christmas Day lounging around, catching up on everything. We watched a few movies on my laptop, talking over all of them. It was how Christmas typically went at home, too. We’d sleep late and spend the day in our cozy clothes, messing around with our gifts.

Their flight wasn’t until late at night the day after Christmas, so I thought it’d be nice if I showed them a popular Peruvian restaurant in midtown, Pio Pio, the next afternoon.

Whenever we went out to eat at a Peruvian restaurant, we let my mom order food for the table and shared it family style. Inca Kola and a pitcher of Chicha Morada sat in the middle of the table, and the best food I’ve had in a year was piled on my plate—and I couldn’t get enough of it.

“Aiden is very handsome,” my mom said casually, picking at her Lomo Saltado. “Why didn’t you tell us you were together?”

I could feel Maria’s gaze on me as I shrugged. “I didn’t know when to bring it up. It’s still new.”

“It doesn’t look new,” my dad said. “He likes you.”

“I should hope. He’s her boyfriend ,” my mom replied

“How long have you two been together?” Dad pressed. “The way he looks at you, Rosie, it’s like—”

“Rosie!” Maria interrupted them. “Tell Mom and Dad about that fellowship thing you mentioned on the phone.”

I was grateful for Maria changing the subject, but I was also afraid to tell my parents how important the fellowship opportunity was for me. I didn’t want to get their hopes up in case it didn’t work out.

“It’s a really cool opportunity,” I said, downplaying it. The fellowship submission deadline was soon, and I was growing increasingly nervous. The more I worked on my piece, the more I wanted to win. Of course the money was important, but more than that, I wanted to prove that a romance writer could be as good as the other litfic writers. If I won, they’d publish my piece in the literary magazine. I wanted to be able to proudly send a copy of the magazine to everyone I knew and say, Look! I am a good writer. Someone else thinks so! “I’m submitting a short story I wrote last year and hopefully I get selected.”

“How wonderful.” My mom smiled at me. “Look at you, making a name for yourself in New York.”

“Oh, I don’t know about I that,” I said, bashful. “I hope so. I think this will help. And Ida and Aiden are looking over it—”

“Aiden’s looking over your piece?” My mom lit up.

“I like Aiden,” my dad declared.

Maria and I shared a panicked glance. My dad rarely liked the guys we brought home. He really hadn’t loved Simon—he’d claimed Simon was egotistical and self-centered, but I didn’t really care. The only guy I dated that my dad had ever liked was Josh when I was in eighth grade. Maria and Peter dated their senior year of high school and all through college, and that was fine, but Dad hated all of Maria’s boyfriends before him. He had this intuition about people and now that he’d declared fondness for Aiden, it meant he’d probably be asking about Aiden frequently.

“He’s not that great,” I said casually, shoveling food into my mouth.

“He bought you that necklace.” My dad gestured toward the locket. “And you haven’t taken it off since he gave it to you.”

Instinctively, my hand reached up to clasp the necklace closer to me.

“We’ve just started dating,” I explained. “I don’t even know him that well—”

My mom gasped. “You don’t know him? Ay, Ros—”

“I have to pee,” Maria announced. She turned toward me. “Come with me to the bathroom?”

“Of course,” I said, jumping up from my seat. The minute the door closed behind us I told her, “I love you.”

She laughed. “They’re being a lot. They’re happy you found someone after, you know, everything with Simon.”

“I’ll tell them when they go back to Tennessee that Aiden and I broke up or something. Otherwise, Mom’ll hound me with questions every time I answer the phone.”

Maria pulled her lipstick out of her purse, reapplying slowly in the mirror. Her gaze flickered to me. “They are a little right about Aiden.”

I knew that. But they didn’t know that Aiden didn’t do romance. Even if Aiden did have feelings for me, it didn’t mean he was looking for a relationship.

“How so?”

“Aiden looks at you like he wishes you’re really together … he was hanging on your every word. When we opened gifts, I felt so horrible that we only had one thing to give him, and it wasn’t even a good gift. But he looked genuinely happy to see you happy.”

“Aiden and I are friends,” I said more to myself. That’s what we had decided, even if I wanted more.

“Peter and I were friends,” she sang. She set her lipstick down and turned to face me. When we were little, people used to think we were twins. We had the same dark eyes and hair, though hers had soft waves and mine was a mess of curls, and Maria was slightly taller. But otherwise we looked nearly identical. “I have to tell you something.”

“Is everything okay with you and Peter?” I straightened, concerned.

She glanced away from me, nervously. Guilt washed over me. I wasn’t being a good big sister, calling her and checking up on her. I’d been so focused on my life, I didn’t know much about hers.

“Of course.” She waved me off. “But you can’t tell Mom and Dad.”

My brows furrowed. “I won’t.”

A beat passed before she said, “I’m pregnant.”

My gasp echoed in the bathroom, and I clutched her hands. “Maria, oh my God!”

Her eyes were wide as she squeezed my hand tightly. Her voice was strained as she said, “I’ve only known a month. I can’t stop freaking out. It’s why I wanted you to come home so badly for the holidays and when you couldn’t, I practically begged Mom and Dad to take a trip to New York to see you.”

“Why are you freaking out?” I asked softly. “This is great news. The best news. What is Peter thinking?”

Tears were brimming her eyes. “Peter sobbed for like an hour when I told him. He ordered a bunch of parenting books online and has already decided that they’re twins, for some reason.”

I laughed. “That sounds like Peter.”

“But Rosie … I’m too young.” Her voice cracked and she blinked rapidly. “I’m only twenty-five! I can’t be a mother .”

“Yes, you can,” I said softly. “You’ll be great.”

“No, Peter will be great. He’s Mr. Domesticity. Whenever I grocery shop, we’re eating like shit for a week. And I somehow always mess up the laundry—”

“That’s not what makes a good mother,” I interrupted her. “Your baby is going to grow up so loved and with an amazing support system. They’ll have us and all the tías and all of Peter’s family, too.”

She wiped the tears under her eyes. “I’m just scared.”

“Everyone’s scared of growing up and moving on.” I handed her a paper towel and rubbed her arms soothingly as she wiped tears away.

“You aren’t.”

I snorted. “I’m terrified. I walk out on the street, and I’m scared half to death that I’ll fall in a pothole or something. And all this stuff with Aiden …”

She nodded for a moment, quiet. “You shouldn’t be scared about Aiden, though.”

“Maria …”

“No, I’m serious. I know Simon hurt you and left you bruised and bent, but he didn’t break you.”

“I don’t know if I can survive getting hurt that bad again.”

I used to think that, anyway. That I wouldn’t ever be able to fall in love, and I’d be stuck in a pit, always trying to climb out of it. But with Aiden … it didn’t feel so scary. I wasn’t there yet, but maybe, with him, I could open myself up again.

She pulled me into a tight hug and whispered, “Love wouldn’t seem worth it without the risk of losing it.”

I’d lived in this city for my whole life. Every milestone and moment of my history was written into the streets here.

But all of them had been easily replaced with memories of her. I’d turn a corner and swear I smelled her perfume. I’d sit in the car of a subway and my head would snap up, certain I heard the peal of her laughter. I couldn’t walk a block with being reminded of her. I loved hearing her name in everything around me and seeing her on every street.

Even if it amounted to nothing, and she left me only with memories, I’d take them all. I’d hoard them to turn over in my head and examine from every angle, just to relive the magic of her.

— Excerpt from Untitled by Rosie Maxwell and Aiden Huntington