Chapter Sixteen
Freya
I wasn’t wearing my usual hat and gloves combination, although I did have on my black waterproof boots because they helped with the pebbles, but it was warmer now, and as I walked into the sea I definitely felt a change. I didn’t feel as cold as I had in previous weeks, but I was still exhilarated by it, excited at being in the sea with friends at seven o’clock in the morning once again. There was something about starting a new routine with new people that made me feel so alive.
‘How are you doing?’ said Lucy. We had waded out, and despite it being so much warmer, the initial cold of the water was still jarring – it wasn’t the Caribbean yet!
‘Good. Dolly got into Durham, so we’re over the moon.’
‘Oh, that’s brilliant. She’s a smart one.’
‘She is.’
‘What about things between you and Joe?’
‘Umm, they’re fine, I suppose. We had dinner at Wagamama to celebrate Dolly getting into Durham, and it was actually quite nice. We spoke, and it wasn’t weird or tense, and it was the most normal we’ve been for a while. We even shared a moment when we talked about the past, and it was sort of, I don’t know, it made me wonder.’
‘Wonder what?’ said Lucy, as we stopped walking, the water reached above our waists.
‘Whether there’s still a chance for us.’
‘That’s good, right?’
I hadn’t had the time or perhaps the inclination to really think about it. I suppose the thing was, I didn’t trust myself at that moment to make any sort of decision about Joe. We had separated after months of heartbreaking arguments and discussions, and just because we were now in a better place, it didn’t mean we were close to or even thinking about some sort of reconciliation. Maybe being friends was exactly where we were supposed to be.
‘Maybe. I don’t know,’ I replied.
‘Whatever happens, at least it’s amicable. It will make everything so much easier,’ said Lucy, and then she looked across at the other members of Cold Water Club. ‘Okay, ready?’
They all nodded, and Caroline said ‘Aye’ in her Edinburgh brogue, and then we all ducked down until the water covered our shoulders, and then we started doing our own thing. The water was warmer, and as I swam around I felt myself adjusting quicker. It was glorious being out in the sea so early in the morning. I looked back towards the beach, and saw a few runners, and the same dog walkers we saw each morning.
Eventually, we all came together again and started walking slowly back in towards the beach, and Helen was talking about a date she had gone on with a man named Simon. Despite being divorced for a number of years, Helen had only just jumped back into the dating pool, and it seemed, finally, she had made a splash.
‘It was really nice, actually,’ said Helen. ‘Simon was charming, funny, and runs his own business setting up wedding marquees. Does very well, by the sound of it.’
‘Are you seeing him again?’ asked Caroline.
‘I am,’ said Helen with a smile, and even in the cold water it looked like she was blushing.
‘I think it’s wonderful,’ said Amy. ‘I wouldn’t have survived chemo without Steve, so I know what having a great partner can do for you.’
‘Agreed,’ said Debs. ‘And you’ve been single for long enough, Helen. We all have needs!’
‘It has been a long time! I think I might technically be a virgin again,’ said Helen, and we all laughed, and I was happy out there with Cold Water Club. We were bonding, sharing stories about our lives, and I felt connected with these women. It made me want to share my life with them, too.
‘I know what you mean,’ I replied. ‘Before the separation, Joe and I hadn’t had sex in at least six months, so it’s been a while. Not that I’m a rampaging sex beast, but like you said, we all have needs. Although to be honest, I’d take a nice hug at this point.’
‘I can give you a hug once we get out,’ replied Lucy.
‘Deal,’ I said as we finally reached the shore, and we were soon back on the beach, drying ourselves, and getting into our warm clothes. I had brought along my flask of hot tea again, and we all sat on the pebbly beach for a few minutes, chatting about our plans for the rest of the day.
Lucy had cricket with the boys at a village near Haywards Heath, and because Stuart had to work, she would be busy with them all day. Debs and her husband Steve were taking their daughter into London to see the Harry Potter play, while Helen was getting ready for her second date with Simon. Amy and her husband Ferguson were doing a big shop at Tesco, and she was cooking roast chicken with all the trimmings, before a night on the sofa watching a film. I was the only one with nothing planned, and it made me realise that I had a whole day ahead of me, and I needed something to do. I knew Dolly was going to the library to study, and then she was going to hang out with Maya. I couldn’t exactly ask Joe what he was doing because that would be weird, and so once I had said goodbye to everyone I sat in my car and decided that I needed a plan, and that plan would probably involve Mum.
‘There she is! Hello, darling,’ said Mum waving, as I walked into the pub. The Preston Park Tavern was one of those lovely big pubs that had been decorated beautifully, and had a wonderful menu of delicious food, and was also where Mum and I were going to spend the afternoon. I had called her earlier and, as it turned out, Marmalade had a car show in Cheltenham, so she had the afternoon free. I had suggested a pub lunch, and the afternoon was supposed to be lovely, so we were going to spend a few hours in the pub garden eating and chatting about our lives. It was just what I needed.
‘Hello, Mum,’ I said, giving her a quick hug before I sat down opposite her.
The garden was buzzing with people and families enjoying the bright, sunny day. A couple of small children ran about giggling, and a dog sat obediently with its owner, hoping for some leftover scraps to come his way.
‘Right, I’ll get the drinks, and then I want to know everything that’s happening with you,’ said Mum excitedly, before she disappeared inside towards the bar, and I got myself settled.
It felt good to be out in the world and doing something different. After a few minutes, Mum returned with a glass of wine in each hand, and two menus tucked under one arm. I was actually quite hungry after my morning ‘dook’, and I quickly scanned the menu for something delicious to eat.
‘So, how are you?’ asked Mum.
‘I’m good. I’m loving Cold Water Club.’
‘Oh, yes, you mentioned that before. Something about getting in the sea every morning, right? I’ve seen it on television. Looks painful.’
‘You should come along, Mum. We’re always looking for new members.’
‘Oh, I don’t know if that sort of thing is for me. I’m too old.’
‘Nonsense. Honestly, it will change your life,’ I said, and Mum laughed.
‘Maybe I’ll come along one day.’
‘That’s all I wanted to hear. How are things with you, and Martin’s bottom?’
‘The bottom is haemorrhoid-free, which is good news for Martin and me, obviously. He’s at a car show today. I can’t stand the bloody things, talk about boring. I went once, never again, but he likes it and it keeps him out of my hair.’
‘Out of your hair? Do I detect unrest?’ I asked, browsing the menu.
‘No, darling. Martin and I are fine, but we both need our own things. He has his old cars, and I have…’
‘Yes, Mum, what do you have?’
‘Plenty. I have the tennis club for a start, Pilates on Tuesday, the book club on Thursday, and Veronica, you know Veronica, she has the little Jack Russell with only three legs, we meet up at least twice a week. I’m very busy, darling.’
‘It sounds like it. Now, what are we going to order? I’m starving.’
I ended up going with the burger and Mum got the fish and chips, plus another two glasses of wine, and eventually the conversation circled back towards marriage.
‘How or when did you know your marriage was over?’ I asked Mum, as I ate the last few chips on my plate, dunking them in small puddles of blood-red ketchup. I looked across at Mum expectantly because we had never really spoken in depth about her and Dad. I knew they hadn’t been happy for a long time before they eventually separated, but I wasn’t sure how long it had been. Mum put her knife and fork down and looked across at me.
‘It was a different time then, darling. Do you know why I married your father?’
‘No.’
‘Because he asked. I was nineteen, living at home, desperate to leave, but with the pittance I earnt working, and how things were, the only way I was going to leave home was if I got married. You couldn’t just live with a man then, darling. My parents were very traditional and living in sin would have been a bloody scandal! I met your father, he had some money, a decent job, and he seemed nice enough, so I did what I had to do.’
‘Are you saying you and Dad were a marriage of convenience?’
‘You could say that, but honestly, darling, it wasn’t that uncommon back then. I loved your father, and I think he loved me in his own way, but I wouldn’t say we were ever in love,’ said Mum, doing actual air quotes around ‘in love’.
‘Wow, that’s, just… I’m not sure what to say, Mum.’
‘Look, it all worked out. We had you, the single greatest thing in both our lives. I’m happy with Martin, and I think your father is happy, too. Some people are lucky enough to marry their soulmate the first time around, darling, and for others, it takes time or doesn’t happen at all.’
‘What about me and Joe? Do you think he’s my soulmate?’
Mum looked at me and she smiled. ‘I can’t answer that, I’m afraid.’
‘Bugger. I was hoping for some sage advice.’
‘I will say this though. I always liked Joe, and the fact you’re still under the same roof and not killing each other says something. If your father and I had done what you’re doing, I suspect that one of us would be serving life for murder!’
‘You think that means something?’
‘I don’t know what it means, but it’s all the sage advice I have. Unless you need something on haemorrhoids because I’m quite the expert these days!’
We finished our lunch in the sunshine, and all I could think about was that my parents had only got married because it served a purpose. They had never experienced true love together, and that was definitely something that Joe and I had. When it had been good, it had been great, and surely that was something worth hanging on to. I didn’t know what that meant exactly, but one thing was certain, we were definitely a lot luckier than my parents.