Chapter 4 #2
I walk into the room and instantly smell us. It’s faint, but it’s there. I glance toward the bed. The crumpled sheets. The twisted pillows. The silk ones I had on the bed, now half on the floor. The flashbacks, still fresh. Still echoing.
We made love on these.
I pull the sheets off the bed slowly, feeling a shiver run through me. His scent is all over them. Mine too. It makes me pause. I bring a corner of the sheet up to my face, inhaling. My stomach flips, and a blush creeps into my cheeks.
I shake my head and chuckle softly. Girl, focus.
I scoop them into the laundry basket along with the clothes and head toward the laundry room.
When I open the door, I blink. Wow. Even the laundry room lavish.
Marble countertop, neat rows of labeled jars, the scent of eucalyptus and warm cotton in the air.
I place the basket down, soak in the space for a beat, then start loading the machine.
I add the detergent and set the cycle. A soft hum starts.
I get back in the room and glance around. I start tidying up. This man really love a dark space. Everything just… gloomy. Black sheets, grey pillows, like he’s mourning something.
Not under my watch.
Today, I want it to feel a little softer. A little more… me.
I rummage through the linen closet, pushing past every shade of black and charcoal until I find something different.
Silk. Light. A soft beige set with blush undertones.
Perfect. It takes me forever to find pillowcases to match.
Well, thirty minutes. But in cleaning time?
That’s basically a year. I take my time spreading the silk sheets over the bed, smoothing them with my palm.
The sun hits them just right, like satin under honey.
The music from the TV plays behind me. SZA, maybe Summer Walker.
One of those moody, pretty songs that make you feel everything.
I hum along, fluffing pillows and smoothing out the fresh sheets, the soft scent of detergent filling the room.
With each touch, it starts to feel warmer.
Less his room. More ours. After a while, my phone starts ringing.
Mama. I smile and answer, watching her settle into the sofa on the other end.
“Hey,” I greet her, still smoothing my hand across the bedspread.
“How yuh do?” she asks, eyes scanning my background like she already knows I’ve been up to something.
I let out a soft laugh. “Mi good… mi just give Nickoi’s room a makeover. Him have the place looking too manly and mi couldn’t work with that.”
Mama bursts out laughing. “Lawd Gad,” she chuckles. “Mek mi see!”
I prop the phone on the bed and glance at the final touches. “Gimme a sec, Mama… mi a go fix the cushions quick quick.”
I fluff and angle them with extra care, then step back with a satisfied grin before picking up the phone again and turning the camera around.
“Whew! This look real good, man,” Mama claps excitedly and I beam, proud of my little transformation. Then I hear another voice getting closer. Gavin.
“A cuz gyal do this?” he asks, squinting at the screen.
I can’t help but laugh. “Yes, a me same one.”
“No man… da bed deh look big and comfy eech, like mi coulda come spread out and get a good night rest,” Sash jumps in, dramatic as ever.
I laugh harder. “Hi, Ms. Extra.”
She forces her head into the frame, flipping her curls for full effect. She’s wearing a sleek, wavy black lace wig that’s actually laid to perfection.
A it she a show yuh enuh. Yuh think Sash easy?
“That nice, eeeh!” I compliment, smiling.
She fans herself like she’s on TV. “Mi seh, Clova angle triangle it! Mi tell yuh already a she a mi hairdresser now. Yuh did feel a joke?”
“Mi believe yuh now,” I say through my laugh. “Mi a go get a short style soon.”
Because yuh pregnant, yuh hot all the time and this long hair just a bother yuh.
“Ohhh, short hair always fit yuh enuh,” Gavin chimes in. He’s not wrong.
“Zara… yuh know seh mi get a job?” Sash says, and my head shoots up.
Wait. What? Mi nah lie… that lick mi inna mi face. Like, what?
“Fi real?” I blink, and she nods, proud like a child showing off a gold star.
“Yeah man! Even Aunty dem couldn’t believe it, but mi get a call center job,” she beams.
Gavin starts hyping her up from the background, and I can’t help but smile. Mi proud. This a big step for Sash. Nineteen, first job, this is gonna shift her whole mindset.
“Mi have mi interview Thursday, still,” she adds, twirling a strand of her wig. “You probably affi help me prep.”
“Of course. Just tell me when,” I say with a nod, warmth spreading through my chest.
“Mi a go call yuh,” she says, full of new energy. Growth looks good on her.
“So where is mommy?” I ask, noticing the sudden silence on mama’s end. “Mi nuh see or hear her.”
“Michelle gone look fi a fren,” mama says, and I swear I can hear the smirk in her voice.
A what? Since when mommy have friends here? Mama chuckles. “Yes Masah.”
I just shake my head with a laugh. Then Sash comes again, louder this time: “So where is your baby father?”
I pause, but the laugh still slips out.
That tone. The way she asks. The way she always trying to slide Nickoi name in di convo. Mi nuh like it.
“Somewhere around the house,” I answer casually, trying not to roll my eyes.
Gavin looks over at Sash. “Why yuh so nuff, gyal?” he snaps, then glances back at me. “You shouldn’t even answer her.”
True. Mi just didn’t want to embarrass her.
Tell yuh seh mi too nice fi dis world sometimes.
“Gavin, why yuh so disgusting?” Sash hisses, her face all screwed up.
Before it could escalate, Mama steps in. “Nuh bother with it now,” she scolds, cutting the tension.
I end the call a few minutes later and toss the phone beside me, stretching out on the bed.
Then it hits me. That nauseous feeling crawls up my chest, making my stomach twist. “Ugh…” I groan, pushing myself up and rushing to the bathroom.
Not this again. I barely make it to the toilet before everything comes up. I throw up until my body trembles. I grip the edge of the sink, flush, then rinse my mouth. The taste still lingers, bitter and sharp.
Ugh. Brush yuh teeth, Zara.
I grab my toothbrush, but the room feels like it’s spinning. I lean against the wall, brushing slowly, trying not to black out. My knees feel weak, and by the time I rinse and spit, my body is begging me to lie down.
I stumble back to the room and grab my phone with shaky fingers. “Babe,” I whisper when he answers.
“Mami, wah gwaan?” his voice is alert now.
“Mi feel dizzy,” I say, curling onto the bed, trying to find a position that feels less horrible.
“Mi a fawud,” he says instantly, no hesitation.
Five minutes pass before I hear the door open. I lift my head just a little.
“Mi did inna mi office,” he says gently, walking in with concern written all over his face.
And just like that, mi feel a little better already. “How yuh feel now?” he asks.
“A little better. Mi did dizzy and mi throw up,” I tell him, sitting up. Strangely, I do feel better now, and it’s wild how the moment he stepped in, my body just calmed.
“So as mi fawud, yuh good?”
I nod. Weird, but yes.
He stays with me for a while, running his hand gently through my hair while I rest on his chest. He’s so loving. Honestly? I could stay in his arms forever. Jeez.
I breathe in, and he looks down at me. “Good?”
“Mi good, baby. Thank you,” I smile.
“Alright, raise up, mi a go bathe,” he says, and I get up slowly as he grabs his towel.
I crawl up on the bed, unlock my phone, and open WhatsApp.
Why Nickoi a leave mi though?
I glance at him as he heads to the door. “Babe?” I call out. He looks back. “Yuh a go leave mi?”
He shakes his head immediately. “Nosah. Mi a stay home wid yuh, Mami,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
I smile. “Okay.” I blush, eyes dropping back to my phone.
Then he turns and asks, the sweetest smile on his face: “Yuh want lobster?”
I look up, surprised. “Yes… We a go buy it?” Truthfully, I don’t really want to go anywhere.
“Mi just tell yuh mi a stay home wid yuh. A order mi a go order it,” he says with that tone like, come on now, you should know this.
“Alright,” I reply softly. And just like that, I feel safe again.
He moves toward the bathroom door, then stops, eyes locked on me, dark and heavy. “Zara?” His voice dips low, smooth like warm honey. If I wasn’t watching, I’d miss it.
“Nickoi?” I say, soft, but steady, heart skipping, cheeks burning.
“Yah come?” His gaze holds me, steady and sure. I shake my head, but my breath catches.
“Bill an’ come, nuh,” he says, voice thick, pulling at something inside me I’m not ready to give.
I bite my lip, heat rising like fire beneath my skin. A quiet hiss slips out, part protest, part invitation. Chro. “For what?” I whisper, eyes on him, chest tight, pulse racing.
Zara, yuh know wah Nickoi want.
And that’s exactly why I’m caught, torn between what we had and what he’s asking for now. He’s silent for a moment, his presence close, almost a touch. I swallow hard, look up at him.
“Gwan go bathe, nuh,” I say, voice soft but trying to steady.
“Yuh really nah come hear wah mi have fi tell yuh?” His voice drops lower, deep.
Him nav a thing fi tell me.
“We did that earlier,” I remind him, cheeks hotter, voice trembling.
“Weh yuh mind gone?” he murmurs, eyes soft but full of fire, and it twists something deep inside me.
This man… he burns under my skin.
“Stay deh,” I whisper, looking away, heart pounding loud enough. I’m sure he can hear it.
“Mami?” His voice is low again, pulling me back like gravity, smooth and urgent.
I try to ignore him, but he keeps calling, steady, patient, like he’s waiting for me to give in. Finally, I meet his eyes. His smile is goofy, disarming, familiar and I laugh, breathless.
“Gwan, nuh man,” I say, shaking my head, cheeks aflame, caught somewhere between resistance and wanting all of him.
He steps inside the bathroom. The door clicks shut behind him, but the air still hums, thick with everything left unsaid. I suck in a breath, thighs pressed tight together.