Chapter 6
Time
I’m five weeks pregnant. After I tell the doctor the date of conception, she leans back slightly, eyebrows raised like she’s calculating.
Then come the questions, awkward, back-to-back until she finally nods, satisfied. Mi still cya believe time a move so fast. My baby’s growing and graduation is creeping up right behind it.
Yuh belly soon start show enuh, Zara! my subconscious squeals, playful but low-key panicked.
God know, mi really want graduate before any bump start show.
Yes, before everybody see seh yuh tun baby mother! The annoying girl in mi head chimes in, loud and judgy as usual.
I sigh. Mi cya bother with the looks and all the damn questions. Honestly. And walking across that stage, doing my speech, with everybody watching, from mi classmates to mi family? Awkward isn’t even the word.
Doh worry yourself, mon
“Are you okay, Ms. Williams?” the doctor asks gently.
I blink, snapping out of it.
“I’m fine,” I lie, forcing a sheepish smile. She sees right through me but smiles back, soft and kind. Her hand wraps around mine, firm but calming.
“I know exactly how you feel,” she says. “As a mother, I’ve been there. The anxiety’s real, but it’s not good for the baby, yuh hear?”
I nod, jaw tight. She chuckles, light and knowing. “Just breathe, man.”
So I breathe. “Tek it easy, man.”
I inhale, then exhale slowly.
The doctor smiles before slipping on her stethoscope. “Come a little closer,” she says, and I scoot forward on the table.
She wraps the cuff around my arm and starts pumping. The stethoscope lands gently on my chest, cool against my skin. But her smile fades when she glances at the monitor. Her mouth presses into a thin line before she exhales and removes the stethoscope.
My heart skips a beat. Wah she see?
Stop worry, Zara! Out the corner of my eye, I can feel Nickoi watching me. Just the weight of his gaze makes my nerves buzz even more. Jesus…
“You’ve been worrying a lot,” she says, tone quiet but firm.
I stay silent. “Your blood pressure is very low..” What!? Lawd have mercy…
Look how mi tell yuh fi stop stress everything.
“Really?” I ask, my voice thin with disbelief.
She nods, eyes still on the monitor. “I can tell you’re an anxious person,” she says gently. “But don’t worry!”
“Okay,” I mumble, trying to keep it together.
Nickoi lets out a long sigh beside me, his eyes still scrolling through his phone. I know him. That’s his way of listening without staring. I tuck both lips into my mouth as the doctor continues.
“When you’re pregnant, low blood pressure isn’t unusual. But I can tell you’ve been worrying a lot, Ms. Williams. Most people assume stress leads to high blood pressure, but stress can also cause low blood pressure, especially if you’re not eating properly or resting.”
She pauses, probably clocking the look on my face. “You just need more nutrients,” she adds, reaching for her clipboard. “I’m going to list a few things for you.”
Mi know what she nuh know though
Yuh never did a eat during the breakup… and yuh nuh stop stress yuhself since.
I sigh. She starts scribbling quickly, then glances back up at me. “Do you feel dizzy sometimes?”
I nod, and her pen moves again across the paper. “That’s normal too… but are you anemic?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No. I fainted once,” I admit. “But I’m not anemic.”
She nods slowly. “Okay… even though low blood pressure is common during pregnancy, you still have to eat right, stress less, and move with care, it can affect the baby, and we definitely nuh wah that,” she says, her voice dipping serious for a moment before she turns her attention to Nickoi.
“Mari,” she says, and I glance up, confused.
Mari? Nickoi looks up from his phone, brows raised slightly. “I’m going to give her a list of things to bring up back her pressure,” the doctor says.
“Like what?” he asks, tone calm but alert now.
“She need more salty foods, red meat, eggs, seafood, yuh know, things rich in iron and sodium,” she explains, then looks back at me. “I’ll write it all down for you.”
I nod.
“Anyways, on to the next. I didn’t plan to stay on your pressure so long,” she chuckles, standing before motioning for me to follow her into a smaller room connected to the office.
Inside, she runs my urine and blood tests then leads me back out where Nickoi is waiting.
He stands the moment we re-enter. “Everything good?”
“Yes,” she answers. “We’ll get to that, but first I want to explain a few things to you both as new parents.”
We sit across from her again, side by side.
She goes over everything, the importance of a balanced diet, daily movement, rest and then she mentions calculating my due date based on my last menstrual cycle. My nerves flutter, and I reach for Nickoi’s hand, lacing my fingers with his. He doesn’t say anything, but I feel him squeeze back.
She then begins asking about my medical and family history. I sit up a little straighter, preparing myself. She smiles gently. “Based on your menstrual history, you can expect your baby in July,” she says. Nickoi starts smiling.
“That’s when you born too, Mari,” she adds, chuckling.
He nods and my heart drops a little. Mari?
Wait… Nickoi born in July?
I blink, trying not to let it show, but I’m caught off guard. Mi never even know that. He never told me. And this “Mari” thing? I’m just now learning that’s even a part of his name. Mari?
On our trip, I’d asked him so many times, what his middle name was.
He changed the subject both times. Kiss mi up or laugh it off like it wasn’t important.
And mi never push it, cause I didn’t want to seem nosy.
Now here I am, five weeks pregnant, sitting next to him, and his aunt knows more than me.
Mi feel a way.
Not angry. Not bitter. Just… left out.
Why him nuh feel like mi fi know dem things deh? Is like every time mi try know him background, him just… shut it down. Like mi not supposed to ask. I press my lips together and shift in my seat, trying to stay focused as the doctor continues.
“Okay, so Ms. Williams, you are healthy so far. You just need to get that blood pressure up,” she says, voice warm again. “I’m going to prescribe some prenatal vitamins for you.”
I nod, exhaling with relief. Thank God.
She scribbles something on a pad, then tears off two sheets and hands them to me. “This is the food list to help with your pressure, and this one’s your prescription. I’ve added your next follow-up date on top.”
“Thank you,” I say with a smile, trying to sound okay.
Nickoi speaks before I can tuck the papers in my bag. “No other over-the-counter meds she a go need?” he asks.
The doctor shakes her head. “No, sah. She alright.”
Then she looks back at me, eyes soft again. “And Zara, enjoy the journey. Don’t let anxiety steal your joy. I know it sounds cliché, but remember, you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.”
I smile. “Aww… thank you, Doctor Jacobs.”
She takes off her glasses and leans back in her chair, finally relaxing. Nickoi smiles too. “Respect enuh, Aunty.”
Aunty… Mari… July…
All of that playing in mi head while I nod and smile like everything nice.
“Yes, mi bwoy, proud of you,” she says, giving Nickoi’s hand a gentle squeeze before her eyes shift to me. Her smile widens. “And she’s very pretty.”
He chuckles, and I can’t help but smile too. “Usually yuh nuh have dem pretty girl deh, enuh,” she adds, glancing back at him. They both burst out laughing.
Mi always find it weird when professional people dip into patois like that, but somehow, it fits her.
After some more laughing and light talk, she waves us off. “See you soon, Zara.”
“Bye. Tek care,” I say, walking out behind Nickoi.
When we get to the car, I buckle my seatbelt and glance over at him as he pulls out of the parking lot. “Mari?” I try, tone light.
He laughs instantly. “Mi did know yuh a go start pan this,” he says, still grinning.
“Cause I want to know,” I laugh with him.
And she fass, that’s why she stress and har pressure low, mi inner voice mutters, full of attitude.
“Dem thing deh kinda unnecessary still,” he says, and I frown.
“No, they’re not,” I protest. “It’s just that we don’t use them everyday, so sometimes they feel irrelevant… but that nuh mean they are.”
“Dem unnecessary,” he says, pulling up outside the pharmacy. His tone drops final. “Mi nuh see the point s certain things.”
Whatever. I roll my eyes playfully and he leans over, pecking my lips before stepping out the car. “Mi soon fawud,” he murmurs, locking the door as he heads inside.
I lean back, watching him. Mi nah lie… the man’s fine. Calm. Confident. Moving like he’s born in control.
My phone starts ringing, pulling me out of my gaze. It’s Sash. I swipe the screen. “Yes, Sashieka Graham?” I say, full name and all.
She bursts out laughing. “Wah mek yuh a call out mi government so?”
I hear her chewing gum on the other end. I shake my head, laughing too. “Because mi wait pon yuh all day yesterday fi come prep for your interview and all now yuh nuh reach.”
I hear a man’s voice in the background before she lowers hers, whispering something quick. Then she picks back up like nothing happened. “Anyways, mi can come practice today since dem push it to Monday,” she says.
“Okay,” I reply just as Nickoi slides into the driver’s seat and pulls off.
“Yes, so what time mi fi come?” she asks.
“Mi deh pon di road now, so comr ’round five,” I tell her.
“Alright, baby,” she says sweetly before the line cuts.
Sound like Sash have a new man… but she nuh tell me a word. Strange. She usually would.
Nickoi’s hand shifts from the steering wheel, gliding across my thigh like it belongs there. One hand still driving, the other stirring heat beneath my skin. My legs tense and something flutters low in my stomach.
“Mari is your middle name?” I ask, my voice low.
He nods without looking away from the road. “Omari,” he says simply. “Father side run wid dat name.”