Chapter 28 Insecure
Insecure
Two days passed since that moment, and by that I mean that special moment Nickoi and I shared in his office. I still can’t believe it. I’m still shocked. It’s just so… unlike him? Was it real tears? Or was it just a hallucination?
Mad gyal, it did real… real, real tears run outta Nickoi eye! she snaps in my head.
I chuckle to myself. I can’t stand her. Every time I remember it, I smile.
I think about it occasionally—okay, a lot—because it was so special.
It’s safe to say it’s one of my favorite moments with him.
It means the world to me. I wished we could’ve stayed like that forever.
Just the two of us. I couldn’t even sleep that night—it kept replaying in my head. I smiled like a fool the whole time.
“Weh yuh a smile ‘bout?” I look up at Nickoi. I thought he was working.
“Honestly…” I smile, sliding off the bed. “I’m thinking about you.”
“Eeeh? Wah yah think?” he smirks, walking off like he don’t really want to hear it, though I know he does. “Nuh wah hear it,” he mutters, heading toward the door. I burst out laughing.
“Nickoi!” I run behind him. He’s almost out the room. He turns to me with a small smile and I reach for his hands, putting them gently around my waist. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I can’t lose him.
My smile softens as my eyes find his, those dark brown eyes I love so much, then drift to his lips.
So fine. My eyes linger there, dying to taste them.
The corner of his lips twitch in a small smile like he knows what I’m thinking.
I glance up at him under my lashes. My face heats up beneath his stare. Ouuuu.
“So I was thinking about baby names,” I say, needing to distract myself. If I don’t, I might change my plans for the day. I have to visit Mama later and check in with Doctor Jacobs, just to make sure Juaqína didn’t damage anything. Mi hope everything good still.
“Eeeeh,” he says.
“What we naming her?” I ask, curious to hear what name he has in mind for our baby girl.
“Hmmm,” he looks away, thinking. I keep admiring him. His whole aura is addictive. He glances back before he chuckles. “Mi nuh know… mi affi go think.”
“Okay.” I nod. “You want mi name her after me? Or you?”
“Name har after you,” he says without hesitation.
“Okay… You like Zaniya?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Mi nuh sure, but Zaniya sound cute.”
I grin. “Or Zanicka… that one is our name together.” I’ve been jotting down names ever since I found out the gender. Come thru baby mother!
“Mami, mi still nuh sure enuh. Mi affi go get some time fi think,” he says, sitting on the bed.
“No worry yourself,” I say, stepping between his legs. I rest my hand on his shoulder as he places his hand on my ass. I start blushing under his stare.
“Babe, why yuh a look pan me so?” I laugh. He doesn’t answer right away.
“Eeeh?” I press him.
“Mi cya look pan yuh?” he asks while squeezing my ass. I roll my eyes, cheeks burning.
“No.”
He chuckles and licks his lips. “Mi have a question.” His expression shifts, and now I’m curious.Wah him up to now?
“Go ahead,” I say, smiling.
“You a go give me a son after yuh have the baby girl?” he asks, surprising me. “Like, we try again?” Awww. How could I ever say no? I hold his face, staring into his eyes.
“I’ll give you anything you want… so if you want a son, we’ll try again.”
He smacks his lips. “Mi like the sound a dat.”
I laugh. “Of course you would.” He starts laughing too.
“Mi a go finish do wah mi a do,” he says, getting up.
“Wah you a go do while mi a work?” he asks, lowkey concerned.
“Catch up on True Story,” I tell him.
He chuckles. “Mi convinced seh Kevin Hart a yuh favorite actor.” I laugh and nod. Then I gasp at what he says next.
“Mi a go mek a link and mek yuh get fi meet him.”
GASP.
“Fi real?!” It sounds wild, but with Nickoi? I know better than to doubt him. Based on past promises, he always makes them happen. Yuh betta know!
“Yah,” he nods casually.
***
“Memba mi wah look fi Mama.” I glance over at Nickoi and he nods, his eyes focused on the road. We’re heading to Doctor Jacobs’ office for my check-up.
“We a go link Miss Sandra after the check-up,” he says.
“Okay,” I smile, scanning the place outside the window, until I spot two women fighting at a bar. I look at him to see if he’s catching it, but his eyes are locked on the road. I burst out laughing. “Yuh nuh see that? Yuh miss sup’m.”
“That a the least,” he says flatly. Really? Him not even know wah mi a talk ‘bout and him already chalk it up to ‘the least’.
“Two woman a fight at the bar… one have board and machete, and the other one have knife.”
“Jah Jah,” he mutters. Oh… well that’s better.
Today we’re both matching lowkey. Nickoi’s dressed in a clean white tee, jeans, and his classic desert Clarks.
Me? I’m wearing this soft white dress that hugs my body in all the right places.
It’s a corset-style top that flares into a flowing skirt, giving off luxury picnic vibes.
I decided to wear my black Hermes slides.
My natural hair is slicked back into a neat low ponytail.
I take up his phone and start snapping some pics.
When I glance at him, he’s looking at me, like really looking.
“Love fi see yuh real hair,” he smirks.
“Eeeh? It too hard fi groom,” I say, and he nods but doesn’t say anything else.
I pull out a small Pringles from my bag and start munching. He eyes me again.
“Yuh have no idea fi maternity shoot?” he asks.
I grin, excited. “I’m doing one?”
Yes!
“Yeah, mi wah yuh dweet before the baby shower, so the pictures can be there,” he says. Oh, mi say deh bwoy ya fancy, essi.
“I’m gonna have to get some inspiration,” I beam.
“Do dat man,” he nods. Then he continues, “Mi did a reason wid the event planner… mi a tell har mi nuh 3’ like do wah everybody else a do. She a say pink woulda nice, but mi wish it was a different color.”
I chuckle. “Babe, if a girl, a pink. Even you said it.”
“Mi know, but what if mi wah something different?” he glances at me.
“Then do it. But pink just makes the gender obvious,” I reason.
“Ah,” he mutters.
When we arrive, he parks the car and hops out quickly, coming ‘round to help me out. I smile, putting my arms around him as we walk toward the building.
Then suddenly, bang! Someone shoves the door open and nearly slams it into me.
It’s a girl, around my age, yelling back at someone inside. Her attitude is nasty.
“Yow, suppose yuh did mek dat lick har?” Nickoi snaps, his tone sharp. He’s pissed.
The girl pauses and looks up at him, clearly heated. “Yuh nuh see a acci—” she stops herself instantly. Just like that, she calms down. “Mi sorry… a-a the man inside get mi upset, mek mi fling the door.”
Nickoi stares her down. Silent. Icy. She studies his face and you can see the moment she realizes who he is, her face shifts.
“Mi sorry, yuh hear?” she turns to me quick.
“Yes, that’s okay,” I say calmly.
Nickoi’s jaw flexes. “Fi she lick yuh and possibly mek sup’m go wrong… that okay?” he mutters, eyes still on her. I sigh, but he hisses, steps past her, and pulls the door open. He waits for me to step in before following and closing it. I keep walking.
“Zara?” he calls behind me.
I glance back, brows raised. “Mhm?”
He exhales. “Mi did harsh?”
I smile. He’s asking?
“You were protecting me,” I say.
“Ah… but sorry if mi did harsh out deh,” he murmurs. I smile again. He’s changing for me, and I like it. I know he’s still ruthless Nickoi, sharp edge and all, but with me? He’s sweet. Damn. That thought turn mi on a little. Wrong place, girl. It won’t hurt to tease him though…
Behave yuhself!
I brush my hand against his gently, then let my fingers trail low, passing his crotch just enough. I glance up at him, biting my bottom lip soft, subtle enough that nobody else notices. Just him.
“You deserve a son for that,” I whisper.
Yuh see you… how you a move like yuh drunk so?
His lips curve into that slow, sexy smile.
I smirk back, playing innocent, like mi never just tease him.
A cyaa Zara dis. We step into the room and greet Miss Jacobs.
She’s already there with another young woman, maybe in my age group too.
“Hey guys,” Doctor Jacobs smiles, and we smile back.
After catching up, she introduces us to her assistant, Victoria, who clearly can’t keep her eyes off my man.
Steups. Dutty Juaqína did all that and still never successful. Mi feel better already.
When the checkup is done and we return to the room, I spot Nickoi and Victoria deep in conversation.
Like, full-blown convo. I look away. Mi nuh usually have an issue with him talking with girls enuh but some girls just have that “Sash” vibe.
If yuh know, yuh know. Yuh cyaa trust dem round yuh man.
Right… but Nickoi know better. Mi trust him.
“Everything good?” he asks, looking at me.
I nod and sit in front of Doctor Jacobs.
“She’s good,” she says, answering him before turning to Victoria. “Get the printed pictures for the 18-week anatomy scan, please.”
“Right away,” Victoria says, and I mentally grin. Yess man. Doc send her out.
But still… why mi feel so jealous? Nickoi nah flirt, and here I am about to bawl inside. Zara, what is wrong with you? I just don’t wanna lose him. That’s it. Doctor Jacobs shifts the energy.
“So, Zara, how’s the little girl been doing? Any quickening yet?”
I shake my head. She had explained before that “quickening” is the first time I’d feel the baby move.
“Don’t worry, you’re 20 weeks now and it usually happens between 18 and 25. You’ve still got time,” she reassures me with a smile.
“I won’t stress,” I say softly. Victoria returns, and of course, Nickoi turns his attention to her. Why does he always give these girls his full attention? Zara, stop. You’re being insecure.
‘She’s really beautiful,’ I catch myself thinking, and then instantly feel guilty for comparing. You’re stunning too. Don’t ever forget that. Still… I can’t help but wonder if I’m enough.
“Let me see it,” Nickoi says, looking at the scan Victoria hands him.
She giggles a little and my chest tightens.
I look away, biting my lip hard. ‘Zara,’ I scold myself silently.
‘You need to stop this.’ Remember, this man cried for you.
You saw it with your own eyes. My heart softens, and a smile tugs at my lips.
“Babe?” Nickoi’s voice brings me back. I look up, and he’s watching me closely.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Nothing,” I lie.
“Don’t lie,” he says again, studying my face. I laugh nervously.
“I swear,” I say then Doctor Jacobs holds up the ultrasound picture.
“So this is from your 18-weeks scan, when we first confirmed the gender.” I look at it and immediately feel tears prick my eyes. I’m not going to cry again… I’m not.
“Awww,” I whisper, smiling.
“This is for you,” she says. “You should frame it.”
“Already did,” I admit, and everyone laughs, including Victoria.
“Love that energy,” Doctor Jacobs grins. “Any questions before you go?”
I nod. “Actually, yes.”
She puts on her glasses. “What is it?”
“My grandmother was a bit concerned about the size of my belly. She said it seems really big for five months. Should I be worried?”
“It looks fine to me,” Victoria says quickly. Um… did I ask you? Zara… breathe.
“Let’s take a look,” Doctor Jacobs says, stepping closer. She studies my stomach carefully, then straightens up with a thoughtful look.
“What do you think?” I ask nervously.
She frowns slightly. “Hmm… it does seem large. I don’t know how I didn’t notice this before.” Wait, what does that mean?
“Should I be concerned?” I ask again, my voice shaky.
“No, don’t panic. I’m going to do another ultrasound to double-check something.
” Too late. My mind starts spiraling. My hands begin to tremble, my chest tightens, and sweat pours down my face even with the AC blowing.
What if something’s wrong with the baby?
Zara, don’t even think it. I can’t breathe.
Everything around me feels like it’s closing in.
“Wah’m to her?” I hear Nickoi’s voice, but it sounds so far away. I feel him pull me into his arms, his face in my neck.
“Calm down, baby,” he whispers.
“Zara, look at me,” Doctor Jacobs says gently, taking my hand.
“You’re having an anxiety attack,” she explains. “I want you to take a deep breath in through your nose and count to five… then exhale for five. You got that?”
I nod through the tears and try to follow her instructions. “Close your eyes. Focus on your breathing.” Nickoi’s hand rubs slow circles on mine, grounding me. Bit by bit, I start to feel okay again. I don’t ever want to feel that again.
“Why did that happen?” Nickoi asks, watching me closely.
“She’s just anxious,” the doctor replies. “But we’re going to figure it out. Come with me, Zara, we’ll do another scan.”
Nickoi helps me up. “You alright now?” Victoria asks. In the ultrasound room, I lie back on the table. Nickoi sits beside me, his jaw tight with worry.
“I’m okay,” I whisper. He doesn’t say anything. He just watches. Doctor Jacobs applies the cold gel and moves the wand over my belly. She scans the screen, moving slowly, then suddenly gasps.
Victoria leans in. “I didn’t see that one.” Wait… that one?
“There’s another one?” I ask, sitting up a little. The doctor gently presses my shoulder.
“Just relax.”
Then she looks at me, beaming. “You’re having twins.”
Nickoi jumps up from his chair, eyes wide.
“Twins?!” I echo, tears falling all over again.
“Yes,” she laughs. “It seems one baby was hiding during your last scan. That’s why your bump’s measuring big. It’s rare, but it happens.”
“Is it two girls?” Nickoi asks, breathless.
“Let me check,” she says. I grab his hand tightly as she scans again.
“The boy must’ve been hiding,” Victoria says. “I didn’t see him.”
Doctor Jacobs smiles wide.
“It’s a mixed gender twin, you’re having a boy and a girl.”
“Oh my God!” I scream, bursting into tears again. “A boy and a girl?!”
“How you feel now?” Doctor Jacobs asks Nickoi. Nickoi grins so wide it melts my heart.
“Words can’t explain,” he says.
The doctor looks at me. “How do you feel?”
“Blessed,” I say, wiping my face.
“Awww,” they both say in unison.
“I didn’t even know babies could hide behind each other like that,” I murmur in awe.
“It’s rare, but it happens,” Doctor Jacobs says. “The last time I saw this was five years ago.”
Nickoi turns to me, smirking. “The little G already give trouble.”